loving art, science and creative kids
10/16/2026 3:49:11 PM
FAMILY OUTING
Family: The More, the Merrier?
I grew up in a traditional family: a mother, a father, three siblings, and lots of relatives. My grandparents played an important role in my upbringing. Grandpa, an amateur photographer, taught me to process film in his basement darkroom. Grandma took me to the Philadelphia Symphony Orchestra’s children’s concerts. Afterward, we would stop for lunch—waffles smothered with ice cream. I can almost taste them now.
As a young woman, I dreamed of marrying early and raising at least six children in what I considered a medium-sized family. I made it to five, never imagining that in my late thirties I would launch a career as demanding as helping my children grow into the caring, competent adults they are today.
Last weekend, I attended a granddaughter’s wedding. Counting my children, their spouses, my grandchildren, and their partners and children, we numbered nearly thirty. Add the children and grandchildren I've adopted, along with their challenges and successes, and life is never boring!
Finding My Own Way. It would have been easy to get swallowed up in family responsibilities and lose my identity. But I came of age during the women's movement and wanted to discover who I was beyond my role as a wife and mother. I also wanted to prove that I could make my own way in the world.
It wasn't easy. When I started my museum, all the board members were men. Most ran companies whose boards were also dominated by men. Business and university clubs often excluded women. Business trips to the Caribbean and Baja Peninsula could involve heavy drinking and prostitution, while women were left outside these circles of professional influence. It was a man's world, and women had a long way to go to gain equal footing.
As I built my career, my children became part of the generation known as latchkey kids. The older ones were in high school and the younger ones in middle school. They sometimes came to the museum, helping in the gift shop or serving as guides. The younger children enrolled in museum-sponsored classes.
Still, I wasn't home when school let out, which was often when trouble started. I created a family problem box where the children could put their complaints. After dinner, we'd pull them out and discuss solutions together. It worked—at least some of the time!
Like many working parents, I was learning to balance a career with family responsibilities. There were competing demands, occasional guilt, and plenty of improvisation. Somehow, we made it through.
Families Change. The women's movement of the 1960s and 1970s challenged traditional expectations about marriage, employment, and child-rearing. Greater access to birth control and changes in the law gave women more choices about their lives.
Family structures have continued to evolve. Today, families include married couples with children, couples without children, single parents, unmarried partners, multigenerational households, and same-sex couples. There are also those who create families through adoption and close personal bonds.
According to Pew Research Center, in 1970, about 67 percent of Americans ages 25 to 49 lived with a spouse and at least one child under 18. By 2023, that figure had fallen to 37 percent. Americans are marrying less often, having children later, and having fewer children overall.
Economic pressures, housing costs, career goals, changing expectations, and the difficulty of finding a stable partner all play a role. These choices have consequences. Fewer children may mean fewer workers supporting a growing older population, while adult children increasingly find themselves caring for aging parents as they raise their own families and manage demanding jobs.
Affordable child care, paid family leave, and tax credits could ease some of the pressure on parents. But family decisions are personal, and there is no single arrangement that works for everyone.
What Matters Most? For me, one of the greatest rewards of a large family is the way people reconnect. At the wedding last weekend, the room reverberated with happy chatter. Parents, children, cousins, and relatives caught up, shared stories, and celebrated a new beginning. With Zoom and FaceTime now available, I know many will stay connected long after the party ends.
I'm grateful that I had my large family when I did. I love watching the generations grow and seeing relationships develop in ways I could never have imagined when I was a young mother.
Of course, having a big family doesn't mean there aren't problems. But when someone hits a stumbling block, there are usually people ready to help. We celebrate one another's successes and try to show up when life gets difficult.
But a large family isn't the only way to find connection. Some people are only children, live far from relatives, or have family relationships that aren't close or supportive. In those circumstances, building a community may take extra effort. Friends, neighbors, and chosen family can also provide love and encouragement. The people who show up for us are the ones who matter most, whether or not we're related by blood. A strong community helps us weather life's unexpected turns and reminds us that we don't have to face everything alone.
I left the wedding feeling fortunate—not simply because my family is relatively large, but because it is close. For a few hours, surrounded by people who cared about one another, I felt at peace. I had followed the right path for me, and I was content.
What I hope everyone can find is a circle of people who make life richer, funnier, and a little easier to navigate. If you're lucky enough to have a large family, enjoy it. If your circle is smaller, nurture the people in it. And if you need to build your circle from scratch, it's never too late to start. After all, the best part of family isn't how many people are in the room. It's how glad you are to see them when they walk through the door.
References
Pew Research Center. The Modern American Family.
https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/09/14/the-modern-american-family/
Pew Research Center. Family and Relationships.
https://www.pewresearch.org/topic/family-relationships/
I look forward to hearing about your family, whether biological or created.
Art is always for sale through my website. FAMILY OUTING can be fond at https://www.eichingerfineart.com/workszoom/3044972/family-outing#/
The Rightfully Mine Series speaks this genration, urging our youth and young adults not to give up the right to clean water, air, and safe foo. They are inalienable righta. Once they understand what is at stake, hopefully they will be moved to do something about it. To purchase books for your children and grandchildren, go to AMAZON
5/23/2026 4:04:24 PM
Replanting The Garden
Planting a garden and watching things grow over the summer is a wonderful way to stay connected to nature.
Summertime: Will the Living Be Easy?
For most children, summer vacation is supposed to be a season of freedom—a time to relax with friends and family and enjoy the long, carefree days away from school. In one of the world’s richest nations, you might expect endless opportunities for young people to thrive during those months. Yet for many families, summer has become a stressful and lonely season, one that can negatively affect children’s emotional well-being and development.
Research consistently shows that children from lower-income families report poorer mental health and lower overall well-being than their wealthier peers. Food insecurity, lack of supervision, social isolation, and limited access to enriching activities all contribute to the problem. According to a report by the National Summer Learning Association, many low-income students also experience “summer learning loss,” falling behind academically during vacation months while wealthier children often move ahead through camps, travel, tutoring, and educational activities.
The statistics are troubling. The Afterschool Alliance reports that more than 24 million children in the United States are unsupervised during parts of the summer because their parents work and cannot afford childcare or structured programs. Meanwhile, the average cost of a summer day camp places it far beyond the reach of struggling families.
When I was a child, my grandparents helped care for me whenever my parents were busy. That kind of family support was a tremendous blessing to working parents. Today, however, families are often scattered across the country. Adult children move away for employment, and grandparents remain behind. Of my five children, only one lives nearby, and he has no children. My grandchildren live far away, beyond daily reach.
Because I missed the companionship and energy of young people, eight years ago I became an informal grandmother to two girls in an immigrant family. I visit them weekly, taking them to cultural events, museums, and nature trails. Over time, I have grown to worry about their futures as deeply as if they were biologically my own.
This summer, both parents will continue working long hours. The younger daughter, now eleven, will spend much of her time at home under the supervision of her fifteen-year-old sister, who naturally would rather be with her friends. Their community offers few free summer programs like the ones I enjoyed growing up. My elementary school once provided half-day programs filled with crafts, games, and sports. Those opportunities seem increasingly rare today.
Childcare has also become extraordinarily expensive. In Portland, Oregon, babysitters commonly charge fifteen dollars an hour or more. Day camps often cost upwards of $350 to $400 a week, while overnight camps can exceed $900 for only five days. For families already struggling with housing and food costs, these programs are simply impossible luxuries.
Out of concern for safety, the girls’ parents do not like them playing outdoors unsupervised. With few toys or organized activities available, screens become the default entertainment. Like millions of children, they spend hours online playing games, scrolling social media, and chatting with strangers. Excessive screen time among adolescents has been linked in multiple studies to increased anxiety, depression, sleep problems, and loneliness. As I discovered when the older girl became emotionally involved with an unsuitable man living in Los Angeles, the internet can expose vulnerable children to relationships and influences they are not mature enough to navigate.
Before the internet transformed childhood, I once read a study examining women who rose to the top of their professions. Surprisingly, many shared one common experience: during childhood they had spent long stretches of time away from traditional schooling. Some suffered serious illnesses. Others lived abroad because of their parents’ work. A few stayed home to care for siblings or ill family members. What mattered most was how they used that time.
High achievers read books, solved puzzles, learned to cook, built things, experimented with crafts, and explored hobbies independently. Their parents supplied them with educational toys, books, and encouragement. Though they talked with friends on the telephone, conversations did not consume entire days. They had time to think, reflect, and discover who they were. Solitude became a source of creativity rather than boredom. In learning how to occupy themselves meaningfully, they developed self-discipline and self-motivation—qualities that later helped them achieve extraordinary success. Perhaps there is still a lesson in that for parents today.
Summer can become a gift if approached thoughtfully. Children do not need expensive vacations or elite camps to grow intellectually and emotionally. What they need most is structure, encouragement, curiosity, and human connection.
Set schedules that include reading, exercise, household responsibilities, and creative projects. Visit libraries. Explore nature trails. Share childcare with trusted neighbors or friends. Keep puzzles, games, art supplies, and books within easy reach. When possible, spend time together riding bicycles, cooking meals, gardening, or simply talking.
The goal is not merely to keep children occupied. The goal is to raise curious, capable young people filled with wonder about the world around them. Summer should teach children not how to avoid boredom, but how to transform free time into imagination, self-sufficiency, and growth.
And yes, there is one additional blessing every parent can appreciate: no early-morning rush to catch the school bus—and no lunches to pack before sunrise.
References:
Website (2026) Gallup Summer Data National Summer Learning Alliance. Retrieved from https://www.summerlearning.org/gallup-summer-data/
Hones, S. (2018) How Children’s Socioeconomic Differences Play Out Over Summer Break Education Week. Retrieved from https://www.edweek.org/teaching-learning/how-childrens-socioeconomic-differences-play-out-over-summer-break/2018/05
Morgan, K. (2019) Poorer children’s summer holiday linked with worse mental wellbeing. The Conversation. Retrieved from https://theconversation.com/poorer-childrens-summer-holiday-experiences-linked-with-worse-mental-well-being-114533
Lenhart,A. (2018) The Summer Care Gap. New America. Retrieved from https://www.newamerica.org/insights/summer-care-gap/
Website ( 2026) The Summer Struggle for Everyday Families. Summer Afterschool Alliance. Retrieved from https://afterschoolalliance.org/AA3PM/landing/
Please share your thoughts on how to blend work with childcare during the summer. . You can comment on my blog site at https://www.eichingerfineart.com/blog.
Art is always for sale, The garden is a 20” x 16” framed acrylic painting. To purchase go to https://www.eichingerfineart.com/workszoom/3536926/replanting-the-garden#/ Shipping free in continental U. S.
Need to know more contact me at [email protected].
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Eichinger books make good summer reading. Give yourself a gift. Available on AMAZON.
10/25/2025 11:41:37 AM
PARENTING: Rope them in and keep them tight
When Parents Go Spouse Hunting
The Wall Street Journal recently featured an article that made me laugh. Every Friday and Saturday morning, hundreds of parents gather in a hilltop park in Chongqing, in southwestern China. In English, it’s called a marriage market—a matchmaking fair where mostly retirees hunt for spouses for their adult children.
The parents carry paper “resumés” that double as dating profiles. Alongside standard details like gender, height, and occupation, they list what their children want in a partner—and what they don’t. They even include information that would be taboo in the U.S., such as weight, income, and whether the parents receive pensions. Photos are optional. Some attendees are professional matchmakers who flip through notebooks filled with dozens of proposals.
The consensus among them? Today’s young adults simply aren’t interested in settling down. Many women, in particular, refuse to give up careers to become full-time “education moms” with soccer vans. They want independence—not domestic servitude or financial dependence on unfaithful husbands.
When mothers try to help, the advice can be unintentionally comical. At a workshop for single women, attendees were told that when asked about hobbies, they should reply with three things: cooking, flower arranging, and traveling with their mothers. I can’t imagine any American woman saying that with a straight face.
Marriage in China is changing—just as it has in the U.S. In 2024, a nation of 1.4 billion people registered only 6.1 million marriages, about 4.35 per 1,000 people. By comparison, the U.S. saw 2.36 million marriages in 2023, a temporary rebound to 6.2 per 1,000 after the pandemic backlog—but still far below the 2011 rate of 16.3 per 1,000.
For traditional Asian parents, marriage remains essential for many reasons:
- It honors parents by continuing the family line.
- It ensures children won’t grow old alone or unsupported.
- It maintains social harmony through stable households.
- It protects against gossip and social stigma.
- It secures future grandchildren to carry on the name.
Even the Chinese government worries about the nation’s declining birthrate and aging population. But changing values have created a widening generation gap. Younger adults prioritize career, independence, and emotional compatibility over early marriage. Their reluctance has fueled the very rise of these marriage markets, which their parents now frequent.
The U.S. went through this transition decades earlier. A recent Pew Research Center survey found that among unmarried adults ages 18–24, 73% feel little or no pressure to marry, and 67% aren’t pressured to have children. American parents now emphasize financial independence, education, and career success over marriage and family. From what I’ve read, China’s next generation of parents may soon adopt a similar outlook.
The trend toward fewer marriages and smaller families spans nearly all economically developed nations. My own theory about why this is occurring is unconventional: perhaps this is nature’s way of healing itself. With the global population straining resources, and pollution and climate change worsening, the Earth may be quietly encouraging balance—fewer people, fewer demands, a chance to recover.
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I look forward to your comments.
I started an inexpensive series of abstract paintings about life. Did your parents push you into marriage or having children? Do you push your own adult children to do the same? See what it looks like in a room and purchase online delivered https://www.eichingerfineart.com/workszoom/6292511/parenting#/
10/18/2025 6:21:02 PM
The Power of Hobbies to Keep You Sane and Why Schools Should Teach More Than Career Skills
During COVID, I took out my frustrations on canvas. Replanting the Garden was painted in May, when people were using their gardens as an escape from isolation with hopes that the pandemic would be short-lived. Flying High was painted in June, when kites were flying, as was the disease. We knew then that an ending wasn't in sight. Painting is one of the activities I use to relieve stress.
Most public schools today focus on preparing students for college, while a few trade schools prepare their students for careers.
While those goals are important, they overlook something equally vital to lifelong well-being: the development of hobbies. When I was a child, hobbies weren’t an afterthought — they were part of daily life. My parents and grandparents set the example. My mother and grandmother taught me sewing, knitting, crocheting, and art. My father took me fishing, played catch during baseball season, and spent weekends golfing. My grandfather, an accomplished photographer, had a darkroom in his basement where magic seemed to happen under the red glow of the safelight.
Throughout my childhood, I took ballet and piano lessons, attended art and craft classes, and went to children’s symphony concerts and plays. I ice skated, played tennis, skied, and rode horses. Some activities stuck; others didn’t. But each experience helped me discover what truly brought me joy.
Today, in retirement, I still write, paint, and stay physically active every day — habits rooted in those early experiences.
Schools also played a role back then. Home economics, shop, and music were required courses, teaching practical skills like cooking, sewing, woodworking, and metalworking. Summer programs kept us busy with crafts and sports. These opportunities weren’t expensive — many were free — and every child I knew participated in something. We weren’t glued to screens or gaming with strangers; we were building skills, confidence, and lifelong passions.
Research backs up what many of us intuitively know. A 2023 study in Nature Medicine found that among 93,000 adults over age 65, those with hobbies reported better health, greater happiness, fewer symptoms of depression, and higher life satisfaction. Another study from Drexel University revealed that just 45 minutes of art-making significantly reduced cortisol levels, a key stress hormone.
Hobbies aren’t mere pastimes — they’re lifelines. Physical pursuits like hiking or dancing improve lung capacity, reduce inflammation, and lift mood. Creative hobbies like painting or woodworking enhance focus, dexterity, and emotional well-being. Above all, they give us purpose — a reason to look forward to each day.
Professionally, hobbies connect us with like-minded people, often easing loneliness and sometimes even leading to career opportunities. They make us more interesting, more balanced, and better equipped to handle stress.
So, how can you find time for hobbies in an already packed life?
- Start small. You don’t need to commit daily — even a few hours a week can make a difference.
- Take mindful breaks. Replace mindless scrolling or TV time with something creative or active.
- Explore. Try something new every few months — a class, a sport, or a craft — and see what resonates.
As the modern workweek continues to shrink and more people work remotely, the need for meaningful engagement outside of work will only grow. Schools, governments, parents, and grandparents can all help by modeling balanced living and ensuring that hobby programs remain affordable and accessible. A society that values both productivity and personal fulfillment is a happier, healthier one. And it begins by teaching children ,not just how to make a living, but how to make a life.
References
Venkat, S.R.(2025) Health Benefits of Hobbies. WebMD.Retrieved from https://www.webmd.com/balance/health-benefits-of-hobbies
Wogan, H. (2024) Why having a hobby is good for your brain and body. National Geographic. Retrieved from https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/article/hobby-health-benefits-exercise-art-outdoors
Mak, H. and associates (2023). Hobby engagement and mental well-being among people aged 65 years and older in 16 countries.Nature Medicine. Retrieved from https://www.nature.com/articles/s41591-023-02506-1
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Please start a discussion and share your hobbies below. Have you passed your passion on to the next generation?
Art is always for sale. To purchase Replanting the garden, go to https://www.eichingerfineart.com/workszoom/3536926/replanting-the-garden#/
To purchase Flying High, go to https://www.eichingerfineart.com/workszoom/3589866/flying-high#/
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Enjoy my writing. Read the Water Factor available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Powells Books and aat Annie Blooms Books.
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10/5/2025 12:41:03 AM
Static intermission is about finding order in chaos. It’s what many of us crave during turbulent times.
Family in a Time of Upheaval
According to the Pew Research Center, Americans today are split on the meaning of family. People are more pessimistic than optimistic about the future of families, and fewer see marriage or parenthood as essential to a fulfilling life. What most people do agree on is that “family” now comes in many forms—single parents, blended households, child-free couples, multiracial families, and same-sex partnerships.
That flexibility is healthy. I can’t help but think that part of the disarray in our society stems from something basic: how well we parent and how well we show up for one another in the most basic ways.
Family is no longer just about blood. It’s about the bonds we choose to nurture. And those bonds aren’t built through titles, careers, political loyalties, or even shared hobbies. They grow through small, everyday actions, such as eating together, celebrating victories, and offering a safe place to land when the world feels brutal. That’s where trust takes root.
I grew up in what I now view as a storybook childhood after World War II. My extended family shielded me from hardship. I lived in a neighborhood that believed in the Constitution, the rule of law, and basked in the moral victory of defeating dictators like Hitler and Mussolini. What I didn’t see and what my community didn’t want to see was that not everyone shared in that safety or equality. Women, minorities, and the poor were often left out of the American dream I took for granted. I never imagined that one day, our own democracy could feel fragile, or that authoritarian voices might rise inside our own borders.
That illusion cracked when I worked at a community mental health hospital. Suddenly, I was face-to-face with pain: teens with unwanted pregnancies, veterans with PTSD, people broken by abuse or random violence. The fairy tale was gone. Life wasn’t fields of flowers and cotton-candy skies. Instead, it was complicated, messy, and often cruel.
But even in the darkest places, I saw something powerful: people who had grown up with love and trust had more resilience. They weren’t immune to tragedy, but they could still see beauty, still find meaning in life, still push through its evil. Family bonds that were strong became lifelines.
So what does a healthy family look like? It’s not about perfection, or having money, or getting every rule right. It’s about raising kids who, by adulthood, can stand on their own,. They are adults who:
- Model empathy, self-control, and healthy boundaries.
- Respect each child as an individual with a voice worth hearing.
- Set fair, consistent expectations that grow with the child.
- Provide safety, not fear. Forgiveness, not grudges.
- Make mistakes—but own them, and keep love unconditional.
Parenting doesn’t end when kids turn eighteen. In many ways, that’s when the hardest work begins. We want to raise independent adults, but we also want to stay connected. That balance, respecting boundaries while maintaining closeness, is where many families stumble.
It’s especially challenging now. Many adult children live states away, pulled by jobs or partners. Technology can help, but Zoom calls and texts aren’t the same as being in the same kitchen. And the political divide has strained even the strongest bonds. Too many family gatherings end with people walking on eggshells or not showing up at all.
But a healthy adult relationship between parent and child is possible. It grows out of the same principles that shape childhood: respect, listening, forgiveness, and unconditional love. That means:
- Respecting privacy and decisions, even when they differ from your own.
- Being financially independent.
- Enjoying each other’s company without turning every visit into a political debate.
- Allowing the relationship to shift from one of authority to one of partnership.
The goal isn’t to preserve childhood forever. It’s to create a bond that can survive distance, disagreement, and change. Because in a world where so much is pulling us apart, family can either fracture or become the thread that holds us together. That’s why family still matters in this political moment. Authoritarian movements thrive when people feel isolated, powerless, or unloved. Strong families, whether by blood or by choice, are our first defense against fear and manipulation. If we can learn to practice empathy, forgiveness, and resilience at home, we’ll be better prepared to face a divided world with strength and hope.
We can’t predict what the next decade will bring: economic shocks, climate disasters, and political upheavals. What we can do is raise the next generation with the resilience to face it. That resilience doesn’t come from TikTok or political slogans. It comes from family.”____________________________________________________________________________
I look forward to your comments .Did your family raise you to be an independent thinker, a person able to meet difficult challenges and remain resilient? Comment on my blog site.
Static intermission is a 20” by 15” acrylic painting on deep canvas. To purchase. go to https://www.eichingerfineart.com/workszoom/5679353/static-intermission#/
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References;
Parker, K. & Minkin,R. (2023) Public Has Mixed Views not he Modern American Family. Pew Research Center. retrieved from https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/09/14/public-has-mixed-views-on-the-modern-american-family/
Schrader, J. (2023 )6 Characteristics of Healthy Families.Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/invisible-bruises/202304/6-characteristics-of-a-healthy-family
Sibder, ( 2019)Parenting Adult Children: Five Signs of Healthy Relationships. Sonder Wellness. Retrieved from https://www.sonderwellness.com/blog/2019/04/adult-children/
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Hokama, the hero of The Water Factor, grew up with empathetic parents who valued community over personal wealth. His physician mother assists low-income and indigenous families, and his father, an attorney, provides free services to a Native American Reservation. Their views helped shape the activist Hokama became, and gave him the courage to fight an egregious corporate crime.
A Firebird International Award winner for Best Dystopian Novel and a Literary Titan recipient for Best Thriller, available in ebook, paperback, and audio formats. Available for purchase on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Powell's Books, and Annie Bloom's Books, and on audiobook platforms such as Amazon, Audible, and iTunes.
7/26/2025 6:32:14 PM
A Masked View
Letting Go
There were times during my years of raising children when letting go felt impossible. When my babies were born, I vowed to protect and care for them. I survived the terrible twos—those chaotic years when they wanted to explore everything and screamed when I wouldn’t let them cross the street alone. As they grew older and began walking, climbing jungle gyms, and learning to ride bikes, I made sure the ground was soft if they fell and insisted on helmets for safety. I did my best to ensure they weren’t bullied and that their teachers paid attention.
I may have been a hovering mom, and for a while, that served us well. But then came the teen years, and they developed minds of their own.
Guiding teens is always a challenge, but today it feels more complicated than ever. Parents now face an array of new concerns, including cell phones, social media, overstimulation, sleep deprivation, safety concerns, and financial uncertainty. Yet the heart of the challenge remains the same—parents must eventually let go, often sooner than they expect. High school flies by, and suddenly, our children are stepping into a complex, competitive world.
Strangely, though, our culture sends mixed messages. Teens are told to be responsible, avoid drugs, alcohol, and sex, while popular media normalizes the very behaviors we warn against. It’s no wonder they feel confused.
Helping our kids navigate this minefield starts with trust. Support their growing independence by helping them identify what they like and don’t like. Let them make choices that aren’t harmful, even when they aren’t the ones you would make. For me, that began with small decisions, like clothing and hairstyles. I loved dressing them when they were young, but as teens, they chose baggy pants and dyed hair, styles that made me cringe.
Still, I let it go. They had good friends, were actively involved in positive school activities, and earned decent grades. I came to see those style choices as harmless forms of self-expression. I talked with them about their decisions—not to override them, but to understand their reasoning. I wanted them to feel heard, not corrected.
Their independence also meant discovering purpose. I wanted them to feel that what they did mattered. That’s something I tried to nurture through daily life. The experts I consulted agreed it’s important. Here are some research-based ways parents can support their teens in developing autonomy and identity:
- Help them understand they matter. Show them that their ideas, actions, and presence make a difference.
- Celebrate unevenness. Not every teen excels at everything. Help them discover and lean into what they love.
- Have small, frequent conversations. Ask open-ended questions like, “What do you think your best qualities are?”
- Model a purposeful life. Show your own love of learning, joy, and fulfillment.
- Encourage exploration. Invite them to step outside their comfort zone now and then.
- Support volunteer work. Helping others fosters purpose and identity, especially when it aligns with their interests.
- Be patient. Let them move at their own pace. Provide stimulation and space for reflection—both are necessary.
My own parents followed similar principles. By the time I left home at eighteen, independence had become a natural part of me. I didn’t experience the giddy relief some of my college classmates felt at escaping home. I also noticed something: the students whose parents maintained the tightest control often rebelled the hardest, engaging in parties, drinking, and risky behavior.
Letting go of my own children was still emotionally hard. The ache of the empty nest hit me each time one of them entered eleventh grade, when the end of our daily life together came into view. I feared our relationship would change. I’d miss their presence, their energy, the sound of their footsteps. And yes, I did. But their departure also gave me the space to rediscover who I was without them at the center of everything.
Today, I remain close with my children, even though distance makes it harder to form the kind of relationship I’d hoped for with their own children. Still, it’s rewarding to see them doing well, and they are resourceful, thoughtful, and adaptable in a rapidly changing world. They are problem solvers, grounded and resilient. And I like to think that my letting go helped them get there.
Remember the words of Hodding Carter Jr., civil rights activist and former Assistant Secretary of State for Public Affairs under Jimmy Carter. “There are two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots, the other is wings.”
Please share your thoughts on parenting and grandparenting, an how you helped the youngsters in your life prepare for adulthood. Share your thoughts below.
References:
Website: Guiding Teens into Adulthood in the Modern World. Focus Family. Retrieved from https://www.focusonthefamily.com/family-qa/guiding-teens-into-adulthood-in-the-modern-world/
Website Guiding Teens Towards Finding Purpose. CHC Resource Library. Retrieved from https://www.chconline.org/resourcelibrary/guiding-teens-towards-finding-purpose-in-life/
website. Guiding Teens on Life’s Highway. Parenting today’s teens. Retrieved from https://parentingtodaysteens.org/articles/guiding-teens-on-lifes-highway//
Art is always for sale. A Masked View is a 30” by 24” acrylic painting on deep canvas. Purchase through my website at: https://www.eichingerfineart.com/workszoom/4504055/a-masked-view#/ Questions? Contact me at [email protected]
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Parenting is an art. Unfortunately, some parents don't realize this and fail to fulfill their obligations to their children and society. Too many of these children end up homeless, surviving on the streets of our cities.
Over the Fence describes what it is like for those young adults and the people who try to help them find their purpose. It can be purchased on Amazon, Barnes & Noble. If your bookstore doesn't carry it, ask them to purchase a copy from Ingram Sparks.
3/14/2025 6:45:48 PM
The photo is of me drumming during the installation of one of Ray Losey’s Totem Poles. The beat was slow and steady, reverberating throughout the neighborhood.
Entitled Youth? Another Way
I often hear elders say that parents are raising entitled children. They speak of the “me” generation with youth who don’t feel obligated to family, friends, or community. In The Water Factor, I write of a North West Coast Native ceremony that inspires gratitude, generosity, and a sense of community. Though it is an excerpt from my novel, and the setting and names are fictitious, it is a fair representation of how some families integrate children into their tribes. I believe we can learn something from how their children are taught.
NINTH BIRTHDAY
"James was given a tribal name on his ninth birthday. The ceremony became burned in his soul, though its significance changed over the years.
“Why do I need a new name?” he asked his mother. “I already have one.”
“To know your destiny and be connected with your ancestors,” she replied. James had no idea what she meant but was excited when the day came. He hardly touched his oatmeal. He watched his family put towels, bowls, pots, and Hot Wheel cars on green tarps covering the floor of the adjoining room. Sixty white paper bags with food gifts for
their guests were in a row behind the tarps.
“Grab your coat; it’s time to go,” his mother said.
When she called, James was in the middle of the tarp, inspecting toys. He crawled to the other side, shouting, “I don’t want to. You go without me. I promise not to break anything.”
“The gifts are for you to give away.” Without hesitation, his mother picked him up and helped him with his coat.
The longhouse served as a ceremonial gathering place for special events. The cedar logs framed the walls, making the room warm and inviting. The chairs were arranged in a semicircle facing a podium. A man in his thirties sat off to the side behind a large drum.
After their guests had settled, Tahoma-Kiche nodded to the drumbeater, who struck the drum nine times, one beat for each year of James’s life. By the time the shaman joined in, it was quiet. To the cadence of the drum, he uttered chants to purify the proceedings and drive away unclean thoughts. He was followed by elders praying in Sahaprin, their people’s language. Mary Townsend, a teacher at the high school, translated them into English.
The three-hour ceremony was challenging to endure without wiggling. James sat on a high stool up front, draped over his shoulders with an azure blue, hand-made ceremonial blanket. He wondered when his grandfather, Chief Tahoma-Kiche White Bird, would give him his name.
After fidgeting for over an hour, he sat straighter when his grandfather finally said, “Your name shall be the Hokama—the guide. You are a son of the Chekesuwand, a people who will look to you as you grow older. A good name is better to have than anything else in the world. It will let you get into heaven to reunite with your family. When that
happens, Hokama is the name the Creator will ask for.”
James was then escorted around the circle as his Indian name was announced to
the twelve levels of creation and the Creator. From that day on, he was called Hokama when visiting his grandparents.
They returned to his grandparents’ house, where James greeted their guests flanked by his parents. They introduced themselves using their traditional names before giving him their presents.
“Thank you,” he said, accepting the offering. He then scampered to an open spot on the tarp, making sure not to drop it as he set the gift down. Some families gave cash that he turned over to his father, but most carried household items like microwaves, fancy dishes, glasses, beads, fishing rods, and blankets. A few adults brought gifts for the children. Legos, science kits, building blocks, slingshots, and dolls filled half a tarp beside him. His eyes grew wider as the pile continued to grow. It wasn’t long before they ran out of space. The special homemade items included a child-size ribbon shirt, moccasins, and chaps for ceremonial dances.
“It’s time to thank the women who helped organize your birthday celebration, Hokama,” Nani said. She placed a large wa’paas—a traditional cylindrical basket—and a kopek—a long root-digging tool—in his hands to give to the first of four elders.
After they had thanked him, he gave gifts to the five women who cooked for the feast.
“I, too, thank these lmamatúma for their help,” Nani said to those gathered. “Please honor them by eating the fine food they prepared.”
After the meal, Hokama walked gingerly to the middle of the gift pile, careful not to damage anything.
“It’s time to show what a generous boy you are by giving everything away,” his mother whispered. Her eyes twinkled as she spoke to him.
“Everything? Can’t I keep a few?”
“It all has to go—the toys, fishing poles, even the tarps. When you’re older, you’ll understand that you get more back than you give away.”
James had a hard time watching children rush in to grab the money his father scattered. Some of it was fun, however. He laughed at seeing his best friend Freddie’s disappointment as he gave him the ribbon shirt and thanked him for coming. For years, Hokama remembered being upset at giving away the drone he coveted.
The one gift he was allowed to keep was a quarter horse, given to him by his grandparents. It stayed in their barn for him to ride whenever he visited.
His mother tucked him into bed after the guests were gone. “This day is a new time in your life,” she said. “You have a long road to travel before you are a man, but it is important to remember that you are not alone. Many people will help you walk the right road. The people who came to the house today are friends you can depend on.”
From The Water Factor: A Rightfully Mine Novel,
Copyright © 2024 by Marilynne Eichinger
All Rights Reserved.
Access to clean water cuts to the core of democracy. Access to clean water cuts to the core of democracy. It is being weaponized, pilfered, polluted, traded, and sold at astronomical prices. We need to return water to being a human right and not a commodity.
The Water Factor is a Firebird International Award winner for best dystopian novel and a Literary Titan recipient for best thriller. Though fun to read, it carries a severe message about water scarcity. It is available in ebook, paperback, and audio formats. It can be purchased on AMAZON, Barnes and Noble, and as an audiobook on Amazon, Audible, and iTunes. Ask your bookstore to order a copy from Ingram. Please leave a review on Amazon after reading.
12/14/2024 12:25:36 PM
STATIC INTERMISSION
MOTOROLA' S DYNATAC IBM's SIMON
MOBILE ADDICTION
Seeing how my nine and thirteen-year-old grandchildren are attached to their cell phones has me concerned. The sophisticated miniature computers they text with have taken over their lives. They spend hours playing games and communicating with friends they've never met. The phone keeps them up until the early morning hours and affects their school work and my interaction with them since they sleep till one or two in the afternoon. I wish Vancouver schools would ban their use during classes like districts are doing nationwide.
Mobile phones were invented in the early 1940s by AT&T engineers as two-way radios that allowed taxi drivers and emergency services to communicate. William Rae Young at Bell Labs was the first to suggest the concept behind the cellular mobile phone system through cell towers. By 1947, there was cell phone service between New York and Boston, but it was a failure due to interference. The first mass-produced handheld phone was sold in 1973, but it wasn't until the Motorola DynaTac in 1985, known as "the brick," ushered in a new era of handheld communication devices. Their invention was exciting.
Nine years later, engineers and administrators from eleven European countries gathered to consider whether a digital cellular phone system was technically and politically possible. Their conference laid the foundation for an international standard. IBM's Simon Personal Communicator hit the market in 1994 with a touchscreen that allowed consumers to call and receive faxes and emails. With a price tag of $1,099, it sold 50,000 units in its first six months. But it wasn't until 1997 that the term smartphone was coined, and mobile gaming was introduced with a game called Snake. Today's gaming industry is worth over $152 billion.
The ringtone, launched in 1998 in Finland, was the first downloadable content sold to mobile phone users. Emojis were invented in Japan a year later, the same year the Blackberry was unveiled. Blackberry was famous for its easy-to-use e-mail service. That's when I got into the market, feeling a need to have it for my business. It kept me connected to the office and my employees like never before. The Blackberry may have instigated the addiction to mobile phones today.
Technological changes evolved rapidly. By 2000, the Nokia 3310 had sold 126 million units. In 1999, the first commercially available camera phone was launched in Japan, with restrictions that it was only used in the country. Sharp introduced one in 2000, but the images could have been clearer. The phone and camera were two separate devices in the same housing. When the first 3G network appeared in 2001, mobile phones connected to the internet, it might surprise you to hea Nepal was one of the early Asian countries to launch 3G services in 2003.
When Apple's iPhone debuted 2007 for $499, Nokia executives said it wouldn't dent its market share. But it was revolutionary with its touch screen, ability to download apps, GPS, camera, iPod, and internet access and became a turning point for the smartphone industry. T-Mobile, the first Android phone with Google's operating system, hit the market the following year. Android systems were cheaper than iPhones, opening the market to more customers. These innovations were followed by WhatsApp in 2009, which allowed customers to send and receive calls and messages over the internet. Today's WhatsApp messaging system has 1.2 billion users sending over 10 billion messages daily.
Progress continued. 4G was introduced in 2009, and a year later, Samsung's Galaxy S smartphone usurped former Android giants. Though text messages arrived in 2012, using them took a while. Then, the Pokemon Go app launched worldwide, a game that used a smartphone camera to show Pokemon characters in the real world. The totem pole beside my house became a site for frequent visitors.
In 2017, the Nokia 331 was equipped with basic web browsing, a colorful screen, and a camera. Its super-long battery life made it one of the year's biggest hits. That same year, Apple eliminated the physical home button. The first 5G phones and fifth-generation network debuted in 2019, allowing smartphones to have 198MP cameras.
Nowadays, people are glued to their phones wherever they go. They put them on the table while dining in restaurants. They surf the web researching products and services, read the news, and purchase gifts with their phone. To exist in the world requires you to be mobile savvy. The question in my mind is, at what price? Over three billion people worldwide use cell phones. What do they give up by becoming addicted, and how do you know if you are one of them?
When a person uses their cell phone most of the time and cannot cut back on its use, it's a problem. The cause is often an indication of boredom, anxiety, or depression. National Institute of Health studies show that when the phones of addicted people are out of reach, their behavior becomes stressful. This is especially true with adolescents, where it is associated with sleep deprivation and has many of the same results as alcohol addiction. The Surgeon General says teens who spend more than three hours a day on social media double the risk to their mental health. Dysfunctional usage of cell phones is associated with low emotional stability, chronic stress, anger, and depression. Communication suffers. Texting short replies doesn't promote deep discussions or tell you the emotional condition of the messenger.
Mobile phones emit low radiation levels, though whether it causes cancer or promote accelerated growth of existing tumors remains questionable. When held against your ear, it heats a localized area of your face and brain, though not by much of a problem if its use isn't extensive. If you are concerned about radiation, keep mobile phone calls short, use a hands-free kit, don't carry the phone close to your body when switched on, use a landline when possible, and choose a model with a low absorption rate. Driving while using a mobile device, however, significantly increases the risk of a traffic accident.
More research is needed on cell phone use and its effect on society. Since it's known that obsessive use can cause physical and psychological damage, be cautious, especially with children. Cell phones should never be used as a substitute for a babysitter, physical activity, or face-to-face communication.
Are cell phones a problem in your home? Are they allowed at the dining room table? Share your experience on my blog site.
Art is always for sale. For information about Static Interference contact me at [email protected].
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Murder, deceit, kidnappings, robberies. Read what happens when corporate greed sets bad things in motion, and it takes a hero to set things right. Available online at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Powells Books, and locally at Annie Blooms Bookstore in Multnomah Village.
7/19/2024 3:54:16 PM
IT'S HARD TO BE A TEEN
Social Media provides A MASKED VIEW of society. Anything goes, lies, bullying, deceits, and meaningless friendships. It is hard to navigate safely, especially for teens.
A Masked View of Society
A few days ago, a teen I’m close to shared a troublesome text from an internet boyfriend. The fifteen-year-old high school sophomore said he was depressed because people were suddenly de-friending him, and he had no idea why. I didn’t know how to advise her other than to be cautious of the people she communicates with online. I am sworn to secrecy with no option to tell her parents about her high-speed wireless love life. And, knowing their reaction, it really isn’t a good option, for they don’t know how to talk to their children about important matters. They respond to problems by screaming, and they might take away the phone for a few days, but afterward, it is life as usual.
The daughter stays up until the early morning hours, playing games and texting friends. She is trapped at home with few opportunities to interact with them in person. She is bored yet addicted to computer games that are mindless. As a friend from afar, I take her on weekly excursions and try to get her to read, but beyond that, there is little I can do.
Her story isn’t unique. In June, the Surgeon General, Dr. VIvek Murthy, sounded the alarm, calling the lack of social connection an American epidemic affecting half the country. He says it is as dangerous as smoking 15 cigarettes a day and asked Congress to take action on labels, reminding parents and adolescents that social media has not been proven safe. Though loneliness is a problem among all ages, it is especially problematic for seniors and teens. He offers four suggestions:
- speak on the phone or in person with friends, don’t rely on texting.
- invite people over to share a meal.
- listen and be present during conversations.
- look for ways to serve others.
Feeling disempowered is a symptom of disconnection from meaningful work, the natural world, good childhood nurturing, status, respect, and hope for a secure future. It results, in part, from economic displacement in the pursuit of profit. I spoke to a business acquaintance this week who was prohibited from taking a sick day despite having the flu. The person is a dedicated employee, working overtime most days. He was understandably angry, and I hope he speaks out. Not only is it unhealthy for the rest of the staff, but it shows disrespect and is an affront to his dignity as a human being.
Adolescence and childhood are critical times in brain development that make youth more vulnerable to harm from Social Media. When used in moderation, social media can be a good thing, yet according to the Surgeon General, there is growing evidence that social media is unhealthy for young people’s mental health. He says, “Children are exposed to harmful content on social media, ranging from violent and sexual content to bullying and harassment. For too many children, social media use compromises their sleep and valuable in-person time with family and friends. We are in the middle of a national youth mental health crisis, and I am concerned that social media is an important driver of that crisis – one that we must urgently address.”
Teens who spend more than three hours per day face double the risk of experiencing depression and anxiety. They’re also more prone to eating disorders, social comparison, and low self-esteem. It compromises sleep and in-person time with family and friends.
He advises parents and caregivers to be open and honest when communicating with youth, suggesting they establish tech-free zones in the house, promote in-person relationships, and teach kids responsible online behavior, asking them to report problematic content and bullying. It is also important to limit time on platforms, block unwanted content, and make sure the young person is careful about sharing personal information.
Listen, don’t lecture, and talk calmly so you gain the child’s trust so they will come to you if there is a problem
like being “defriended.” Teens take rejection so seriously it can lead to anxiety disorders. You can help by acknowledging their feelings. Comfort comes before addressing the issue. Show that you understand and explain that they are not the only ones experiencing such things. When the youth feels secure and less anxious, the next step is reflecting on the situation. The youth may have inadvertently done something wrong or written a text that was taken the wrong way. A communication thought to be private may have been shared with others. The individuals who “unfriended” them may not have been close friends to begin with. Disappointments are a part of life that must be dealt with, and having good communication with the teen will lessen the blow.
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Have you or a loved one experienced a hard time on social media? Share your thoughts on my BLOG SITE
Art is always for sale. A Masked View is an acrylic painting on a deep 30" x 24" canvas. Available on special this week. Reduced from $885 to $599. Shipped free in the continental U.S. Contact me at [email protected]
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References:
Website U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, (2023) Surgeon General Issues New Advisory About Effects Social Media Use Has on Youth Mental Health, Retrieved from https://www.hhs.gov/about/news/2023/05/23/surgeon-general-issues-new-advisory-about-effects-social-media-use-has-youth-mental-health.html
Website. (2024)What To do When Your Child Is Upset That They Were “Unfriended.” Moms. Retrieved from https://www.moms.com/help-child-sad-unfriended-social-media/
Corbin, S. & Waters,J. (2023) What the Surgeon General Missed About America’s Loneliness Epidemic. Newsweek. Retrieved from https://www.capita.org/capita-ideas/2023/05/16/what-the-surgeon-general-missed-about-americas-loneliness-epidemic1?
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WRITE A REVIEW ON AMAZON!
THE WATER FACTOR, A RIGHTFULLY MINE NOVEL, is a gripping tale of water scarcity and corporate wrongdoing. It is a Firebird internationa award winner for best dystopian novel and a Liteary Titan recipiant for best thriller.
The Water Factor is available in ebook, paperback, and audio formats. It can be purchased on AMAZON, Barnes and Noble, and as an audiobook on Amazon, Audible, and ITunes. Ask your bookstore to order a copy from Ingram.
5/25/2024 10:39:59 AM
FOR LOVE AND FAMILY
It is Memorial Day weekend, a time to remember the relatives and friends who influenced my life. The most important people were my parents, who helped me achieve my goals, even after they died. When I see the chaos and trauma many families endure, I am forever grateful to have had a safe, loving, and secure childhood. I try to use my good fortune to good ends.
Both parents were second-generation children of European immigrants. My mother's family arrived at the turn of the century from Austria and England, and my father's side immigrated around the same time from Latvia to escape poverty and Russian pogroms.
I find their stories to be heroic and inspiring. My maternal Grandfather left Austria after his family farm burned to the ground. I suspect it was because of arson, but I'm not sure. Knowing little English, he and a friend migrated together when they were sixteen. The Jewish community in New York took them in. Grandfather worked while completing high school and learned to fly a U.S. Postal Service biplane upon graduating. Years later, he switched careers to become a financial manager, eventually achieving a seat on Wall Street, serving clients that included Nelson Rockefeller.
Because of his success, Mom was born into a wealthy family. Her fancy New York home was luxurious with leather-lined books in the library and a governess to care for her and her sister. All was well until Grandpa took in a partner who stole from the company's accounts and caused his bankruptcy. I have the wanted posters telling how the man escaped to Mexico. Though life was never the same, Grandpa was resilient. He moved the family to a Philadelphia row house, joined a health club, and became an insurance broker, leaving Grandma to knit sweaters and blankets and care for the household, which included grandchildren who gathered at her home on Saturdays. My mother and aunt followed Grandma's example as at-home moms caring for children and supporting their physician-husbands.
Mom was jealous when I left for college. She had always wanted to attend, but Dad wouldn't let her. He was old fashioned, believing women belonged at home and that men were designed to, as he said, "bring home the bacon." She read voraciously and was active in charity organizations to compensate for her lack of formal education. After learning braille, she became a teacher's aide at the school for blind students, and she and my aunt opened a Holiday gift store in our basement, selling monogrammed specialty items. Proceeds went to charitable causes. It wasn't until she was in her forties that Dad allowed her to become a radiology technician.
Mom was a beacon of light, always there for me. Believing in the power of education, she was determined to learn as I learned. She helped me with homework, joined my dance classes, and was active in charity organizations. Mom listened without lecturing and exposed me to cultural activities and events. Unfortunately, her life was cut short at 48 by a drunken sailor who crashed into her rental while vacationing in Florida. Father was in the hospital for weeks and barely survived. I was inconsolable.
Though my father showered me with love, taught me to play baseball, and took me to Philly games, he considered boys the most important species. Girls were attractive playthings, amusing to have around and care for his needs. He didn't care that I had good grades and might want a career since I didn't have to work. He expected me to marry young and attend to my family. Though I married at eighteen and craved having children, I did graduate from college. Dad's lack of interest in developing my mind made me competitive. I strove to prove that I was more than pretty wallpaper and could excel as a student and mother with a career.
Dad's parents supported their children by running a hardware store in North Philly. His mother ran the business while his father studied Torah at the temple. They died years before I was born. As the eighth of nine siblings, he benefited from the success of his older brothers, who handed down the corner where they sold newspapers. In later years, they paid his tuition to college and medical school. When he graduated, he opened an office in a lower-class neighborhood and charged low fees. Patients lined up outside his office hours before opening. It wasn't until Medicare and Medicaid were passed that he received an income, allowing us to move to the suburbs. Years later, he watched the neighborhood his office was in become a ghetto wracked with drugs and crime. He installed metal gates and endured the graffiti that covered his small building.
One day, an armed man came into the office seeking drugs and terrorizing several patients, his nurse, and himself. The incident triggered Dad to purchase Fritz the dog, a security animal delivered mornings and removed after office hours at eight. Thankfully, the dog was on a leash attached to Dad's desk when a patient was asked to raise his arms during an examination, and Fritz lunged within several inches of the patient's jugular. Though Dad got rid of Fritz, he installed buzzers in dozens of locations in the office, enabling him to continue caring for his patients. Dad was considered a saint by the many patients who attended his funeral.
In remembering the people who influenced me most, I also think of those who had a less fortunate upbringing than I did. My parents instilled a work ethic that enabled me to find the most menial task worthwhile. And though my mother was a Republican and Dad a Democrat, they joked about it without hate. Their differences compelled me to analyze the pros and cons of their positions. They taught me to be adaptable, maintain good manners, and care for my family, and they instilled in me the responsibility to leave the world a better place than it was when I was born.
As I wait for the birth of my first great-grandchild, I am confident the baby will develop a love for learning, have a strong work ethic, and deep family values. The child will care for the environment and realize that no one can be safe and happy unless everyone in their community is well-fed and secure. In the waning years, I plan to continue a life of service and writing books about the environment to inspire younger generations to take action.
Please share a memory on my BLOG SITE of a significant person no longer with you.
Mixed Media Painting of Marilynne and Richard is 24” by 28” framed. Available for
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3/11/2023 11:51:17 AM
Though there are stories of rape in Lives of Museum Junkies and Over the Peanut Fence explains what happens when LGBTQ youth are sent from their homes, these books aren't yet banned. You can find them in bookstores and on Amazon in paperback and ebook formats. You might want to purchase them before it's too late.
"Who kills a man kills a reasonable creature…but he who destroys a good book, kills reason itself-" John Milton, author of Paradise Lost wrote in his 1644 book, Areopagitica.
Oh, no--not again!
Banning books has a long dark history, spanning every continent. Still, it is surprising to see it happening again. Unfortunately, Florida, Texas, and other conservative states are doing just that. Totalitarian regimes throughout history are the ones that target culture. I fear the United States is headed in that direction. White and Christian nationalism has spurred action that belies the founding documents that assure us freedom of speech, the press, and worship.
In Germany, the Nazi German Student Association declared war on the Un-German Spirit, and in 1933 initiated public purges by fire. Under a symbol of intolerance and censorship, works of Jewish, liberal, and leftist writers went up in flames. Joseph Goebbels gave a speech shouting! No to decadence and moral corruption! Yes to decency and morality in a family state!" Among those on their blacklist were Ernest Hemingway, Karl Marx, Bertolt Brecht, Thomas Mann, Jack London, Helen Keller, and Theodore Dreiser.
Hitler Youth members burn books, 1938 - (Smithsonian Magazine)
Over thousands of years, libraries and books have been targeted by all ethnicities. In 1817 students got rid of anti-national and reactionary texts and literature they too thought to be "Un-German." Years later, in 2012, al-Quida Islamists invaded Malii and then Timbuktu, destroying priceless manuscripts. Thankfully Abdel Kader Haidara and others risked their lives smuggling out 350,000 manuscripts.
To gain greater control over his people, the Chinese emperor, Qin She Huang, ordered a bonfire of books. Poetry, philosophy, and history went up in flames so a comparison wouldn't be made between him and other rulers. When Mao Zedong took power, the cultural revolution destroyed books that didn't conform to party propaganda. Australia banned books like Brave New World and Lady Chatterley's Lover.
A long list of emperors and leaders threatened by the ideas of others felt themselves to be victims of malicious writings. In Livy's History of Rome, he writes that Bacchanalia (200-150 BC) outlawed writings to prevent disorder and the spread of foreign customs. The Catholic church burned books and manuscripts along with heretics who attacked church doctrine and practices like indulgences and cosmological readings. More recently (1981), the Jaffna Public Library of Sri Lanka, home to 100,000 rare books of Tamil history and literature, was burned by Sinhalese Buddhists. Though they outnumbered the Tamils, the Buddhists felt their beliefs were under threat by the Hinduism of the Tamils.
Unfortunately, many of today's leaders are too weak to allow divergent viewpoints to circulate. They feel threatened and compelled to wipe writing they disagree with from the historical record. Over the past century, To Kill a Mockingbird, The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin, Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee, and A Separate Peace have all been subject to bans. So have the works of children's authors J.K. Rowling and Judy Blume.
Under President George W. Bush, EPA libraries were threatened with closure. In 2014, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper locked away or destroyed scientific research documents. Scientists working for Fisheries and Oceans were prevented from doing science. Their knowledge was purposefully taken from the public.
Power is scary when it allows someone to negate others' beliefs and put into effect their own logic as though they were a god. Historian, Barbara Tuchman, warned in her 1980 address at the Library of Congress, "Books are the carriers of civilization. Without books, history is silent, literature dumb, science crippled, and thought and speculation at a standstill. Without books, the development of civilization would have been impossible.”
Today's bans are aimed at the LGBTQ community and race. States like Florida are prohibiting teachers to discuss black history before 1965. Gay, lesbian, and transvestite issues are not to be mentioned. Florida is not alone in negating history and biology. There were 2,532 instances of book bans across the nation between July 2021 and June 2022 and over 100 bills were initiated at the state level to censor them.
Book bans are devastating to authors and gay teens who see the community treat them as being abnormal. Banning denies students the right to receive a culturally and biologically relevant education. Youth need to be given a broad spectrum of information and learn how to analyze issues that are raised. They are our future lawmakers and their minds have to be open to change. By 2040, white people will no longer account for the majority of the U.S. population. White supremacy is bound to fail in the end. Whether it will do so without bloodshed remains to be seen.
The first amendment guarantees freedom of thought and expression. If you advocate for this freedom, speak out and fight against censorship tactics. If you hear of censorship, contact the local press to write about it. Show up at meetings where decisions are being made. It may be a PTA meeting, a school board, or a public event. Whatever you do, make your voice heard. People, including students, need a balanced perspective to make objective decisions. Books are a way to unite us in freedom, while censorship is divisive.
Suggestions to combat censorship: Read a banned book. Speak out publicly. Host a banned books party. Volunteer at your local library. Join your library or school board so you'll have a seat at the table. Contact the press and let the public know what is happening.
Isn't this supposed to be the land of the free and the home of the brave? Please share your thoughts below. _________
For those interested in knowing more, the following information was taken from an article in The Daily Beast.
Five Book Ban Trends to Watch in 2023
1. Laws to limit access to information.
Since the summer of 2022, Florida schools have been removing books with LGBTQ+ content under threat of punishment from what critics have dubbed the "Don't Say Gay" law. In Missouri and Utah, new laws concerning the distribution of material deemed "harmful to minors" have led schools and librarians to cull their collections, scuttling away books with any nudity or sexual content
2. Changed policies making book banning easier.
One Pennsylvania district passed vague rules last summer about what kinds of books can be purchased. In the fall, a Texas district passed a prohibition on all books that discuss "gender fluidity." In Florida and South Carolina, districts have suspended access to slates of books when challenged, then rewritten their policies to justify such bans retroactively. And in Tennessee, a politically-appointed commission will soon have the power to ban books across the state's schools, and some commission members do not want to have to read the books before banning them.
3. Activists are equating all sexual content with pornography.
The pressure to root out such content appears to be working, as some schools and librarians have determined that even classic works like The Handmaid's Tale or The Bluest Eye, or books about puberty like It's Perfectly Normal, are somehow indecent materials that lack value for minors because they have sexual content. This dragnet is sweeping up memoirs and works of fiction that might teach young adults about consent, sexual assault, or date rape-and parallel new efforts in some states to censor education about abortion.
4. Censorship efforts are intensifying at public libraries.
Though schools are at the epicenter of a movement it is spreading to public libraries. In numerous states libraries have been facing demands to remove lists of books, and to ban LGBTQ-themed books, displays, and content in children's sections. When one Michigan library refused to ban a handful of LGBTQ+ books, local citizens mounted a campaign and voted to stop funding it.
5. Proposals to regulate books are getting more extreme.
The city council in League City, Texas, for example, recently voted to prohibit purchasing, displaying, or stocking books with certain content from any public library. In doing so, they are empowering local governments to dictate what books all citizens can freely access. Likewise, in Texas and Oklahoma, bills recently introduced would require new age ratings for books, which would be used to strictly police their public availability. Unlike rating systems for movies or music which are industry-driven, the Texas proposal would give the state new authority to set and enforce these ratings. Publishers that don't comply would lose access to the state's public school market entirely.
References:
Oliver, D. (2023) What happens to our culture when books are banned: ‘A chilling effect’. USA Today. retrieved from https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2023/02/22/book-bans-what-happens-culture/11262643002/
Holocaust Museum website. (2-23) Book Burning. Holocaust Encyclopedia. retrieved from https://encyclopedia.ushmm.org/content/en/article/book-burning
Boissoneault, L. (2017) A Brief History of Book Burning, From the Printing Press to Internet Archives. Smithsonian Magazine. retrieved from https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/brief-history-book-burning-printing-press-internet-archives-180964697/
Rogerson, K. ( 2023) The State of Book Bans in the US win 2023. Lit Reactor. retrieved from https://litreactor.com/columns/more-the-state-of-book-bans-in-the-us-in-2023
Friedman, J. (2023) Here are 5 book Ban Trends to Watch in 2023. Daily Beast. retrieved from https://www.thedailybeast.com/here-are-five-book-ban-trends-to-watch-in-2023
7/30/2022 2:02:06 PM
An Overheating Planet
119 Degrees Fahrenheit was painted in 2021 when the temperature in Portland reached record highs. Sweating through July and August changed the way I looked at summer and the many trips I used to take to blistering cities nearer the equator. No longer did I feel superior when hearing how Arizona, New York, and Southern California suffered through heat waves. My northwest home, now bathed in sunlight, seemed worse off with polluted air from wildfires forcing me to stay inside. Since my house wasn't air-conditioned and the air was not purified, all I could do was stay indoors and pray for cooler weather.
This year, I'm better prepared with two room air conditioners and two air purifiers humming in the background. Though the constant sound of their motors is unnerving and I don't like having to keep windows closed, I am reluctantly getting used to the fact that Earth's temperature will continue to go up.
I suffer along with most of the Northern Hemisphere from China to North Africa to the United States and acknowledge the change in temperature and weather patterns as the new norm. Temperatures will rise and storms will become more violent. Long-lasting heatwaves and droughts will dominate my summer months. Rather than look forward to fun days at the beach, I will seek shelter from damage from the sun's rays. Heatwaves are dangerous to health and well-being.
How anyone can still deny global warming is beyond imagination. It is forty years since a small group of scientists met at the world’s first climate conference in Geneva raising the alarm about global warming. Though over 11,000 scientists have now signed on, not much has been done to alter its trajectory.
Last March, at opposite ends of the globe, the Arctic and Antarctic had record high temperatures. Simultaneously, a two-month heat wave covered India and Pakistan. By June the U.S. and Europe were breaking heat records and wildfires were devastating crops in Tunisia. It is difficult to imagine what the world will be like by the end of this century.
Summer temperatures in the Pacific Northwest and Canada are as much as 30 degrees Fahrenheit higher than normal. Their traditionally cool cities don't have the infrastructure to support citizens through heat waves. Until last year, I never considered owning an air conditioner. Today I pay attention to the U.S. National Bureau of Economic Research's prediction that says heat deaths globally could equal those from all infectious diseases combined by the end of the century. Communities are in a catastrophic loop that will make many regions of the Earth uninhabitable.
There is much to do if the human race is to survive. To deal with overheated cities we can look at cities like Athens, Greece, and Ahmedabad, India for advice since they have been dealing with heatwaves for generations. They put public cooling spaces in malls, libraries churches, and community centers where people don't have to walk a half-hour in the heat to get to them. They plant trees to create shady street corridors that allow people to walk safely.
Miami-Dade County, Florida is aggressively dealing with global warming. Despite the fact that many Floridians don't believe climate change is anthropogenic in nature, they hired a new chief heat officer to tackle issues of equity associated with rising temperatures. They are paying attention to scientists who predict devastating impacts on infrastructure, human health, and the economy if they don’t make changes.
But, more to the point, is what you and I can do to stop the warming trend. The message is clear we can't stay complicit, sit back, and do nothing. As states make rules against abortion, legislators must consider the impact of population growth and poverty in their communities. Increased numbers lead to a decrease in tree cover, a rise in fossil fuel use, and a greater demand for water and social services.
Though it may not be to our liking, we need to cut the frequency of car use and air travel that expels carbon dioxide and nitrous oxides into the atmosphere. We can lobby against land clearing and timber companies and developers that chop down forests they repent with monocultural tree farms. Let’s be conscious of food waste, push for ending subsidies for fossil fuels, reduce meat consumption, and move from the notion that ever-increasing economic and resource consumption is good. An ever-increasing GPD is not sustainable for the planet.
We can show our children that we care about their future by leading the way. After a year of research, I completed a novel about the water crisis facing our warming planet. When Rightfully Mine is published, I hope it will inspire people to protect our right clean water rather than let it be traded as a commodity. Not only is bottled water 2000 times more expensive than tap water, but its plastic also harms fish in our oceans.
A recent New York health study found that hot days are associated with more emergency room visits for substance abuse, mood and anxiety disorders, schizophrenia, and dementia. It puts outdoor workers and elderly people at particularly high risk. Heat is also linked to lower performance on standardized tests.
The health effects of global warming are serious, my friends. What each of us does daily affects the planet.
References:
Website for climate.gov (2022) Climate Change: Global Temperature
Website for Council for Foreign Relations (2022) A world Overheating.
Website for The Brink, How Does Heat Exposure Affect the Body and Mind?
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Do comment on my blog site and share how you stay cool and mentally fit during scorching summer days.
Art is always for sale. Contact me at [email protected].
119 Degrees Fahrenheit is a 24” by 24” acrylic painting on deep canvas. Available for $785.
To see my latest publications go to Author's Corner on this website.
5/8/2022 12:14:19 AM
Strength
The ability to love when it doesn’t seem possible.
Mothers are strong. They have to be to manage the challenges that come their way each day. Handling careers, children, house cleaning, and paying attention to their husband or partners isn't for the weak at heart.
Mothers are soft. They hold children in warm embraces wiping tears off their faces when they fall or are hurt by something or someone.
Mothers are funny They make you laugh with their jokes and silly ways. They show you how to enjoy life even when you don't feel like it.
Mothers are patient. For eighteen or more years they see to their offspring's needs before their own. They read to them when young, attend school plays, drive them to play dates, watch soccer games, and see to their health.
Mothers are flexible. They must be if they are to adapt to the unforeseen circumstances life throws in every family's way.
Mothers are creative. They bake, cook, sew and decorate their houses, turning them into welcoming homes. Mothers garden, paint, do scrapbooking, decorate Christmas trees, and light incense candles, adding color and good smells to rooms.
Mothers are loving. Even when they don't approve of their children's actions, their love is unshakable.
My mother was all of the above, and though she is not alive, I think of her fondly, knowing a part of her inside me.
To all who mother children with your love and compassion, have a Happy Mother's Day filled with good thoughts and wishes.
Do share the memories you have of your mother below.
Art is always for sale.
Strenth is a 20" x 16" acrylic painting on deep canvas. $395.
for information contact [email protected]
12/25/2021 12:50:51 PM
Lady With a Cause
It’s no secret that I write my blogs with a cause in mind. I hope to stimulate thought and discussion about issues rarely discussed. I like having my eyes pried open by the research I do. It helps me see the world more clearly.
Last week I wrote about the moment my son discovered jolly St. Nicolas didn't arrive with a bag of gifts on a sleigh led by Rudolf. I received a thoughtful response you might enjoy.
"I want to thank you for your excellent work in maintaining your blog and sharing your wisdom. I always look forward to seeing your art and well-researched essays promoting the wonder of discovery.
"Regarding Santa, I'd like to share my discovery experience. At the time my wiser and more worldly pals began to sow seeds of doubt about Santa, I considered him to be one of a group of magical characters that adults took delight in charming children with. Included in that group were the tooth fairy, easter bunny, Jesus, God, Paul Bunyan, and a host of others. While I thought it was good fun being immersed in the fantasy of these characters.
"I felt a fulfilling sense of coming of age as I discovered the truth behind the secrets adults kept from children. Of the aforementioned group, I thought Santa was the most impressive. He had the best marketing hype, and even when his existence became suspect, I was hesitant to make disparaging comments when the holiday season was upon us. My take away from the well-intentioned, elaborate hoax was that I had to discover my own truth with a questioning curiosity.
"Overall, the experience served me well, as it taught me to rely on self-discovery and not too heavy on the conclusions of others. Thank you for sharing your life of discovery."
Thank you Al, and all of my readers who enrich my life with your comments.
Wishing you a very Merry Christmas!
12/18/2021 12:59:30 PM
Santa Comes to Our House
When my youngest son was in first grade he questioned the existence of Santa Claus. He wanted to believe he lived at the north pole and still liked sitting on his knee at a shopping mall to present his list of gifts. That was the year his friends sowed their seeds of doubt.
My husband and I thought Santa to be a wonderful childhood myth and wanted the fantasy to remain his for another year. Beliefs in Santa and the Tooth Fairy let him know he was taken care of and all was well in his world.
Deciding to fuel our son's beliefs, on Christmas Eve, we devised a plot to prove Santa was real. With our boy's help, we mounted a camera with an attached trip-wire aimed at the fireplace. The idea was that when Santa came down the chimney a picture would catch him bringing presents to our house. Our son suggested we put out cookies and a glass of milk to make sure Santa wasn't hungry as he made his rounds.
With great anticipation, our son went to bed and after several calls for water, fell asleep. My husband and I went to work. We stuffed a pair of red long johns, placed them in black boots, and mounted them in the fireplace with one leg descending lower than the other. We took fireplace ashes and stamped footprints on the carpet. After enjoying a few cookies ourselves we left a half-eaten one and left an empty glass of milk for Santa.
Christmas morning, when our son saw the tell-tale signs of Santa's visit he couldn't wait to develop the film. It was fun to see his face lit with excitement. (Those were pre-cellphone days.) A week later we picked up the photos and gave him the color proof showing Santa was real. Our son gleefully took the picture to school to show his friends.
Several classmates were not impressed. They already knew that Santa was not a resident of the North Pole and never made night trips with reindeer. His friends scoffed at him and told him the truth. I'll never forget his face when he returned from school having lost his innocence. He was deflated about Santa, but more upset about us leading.
Years later he told me he knew all along but didn't want to spoil our fun. I'm not sure what is true.
The fake news my husband and I spread haunts me each Christmas season. The event made me question the wisdom in shielding children from the truth. Should we try to prolong their innocence and protect them from Santas, fairies, and even death? Advice columns say that the way parents respond to their child's questions will determine whether the moment of truth gives rise to tears, anger, or acceptance that myths and magic are there to teach a lesson.
Proponents of Santa say to "lie through your teeth" as long as no one is hurt. Innocence and myths fade away fast enough, so don't burden them with the truth too early. A well-intentioned Santa story provides fun for parent and child and is a gentle way to discover that parents are not always the source of truth.
Other psychologists advise us to tell the truth and teach children about the real St. Nicolas who loved children and was known for being compassionate and generous. Saint Nicolas of Myra was born in the 4th century to Greek Christian parents in Asia Minor. One myth told about him was that he was left a large inheritance that he gave away anonymously. It was said he threw bags of money into homes, sometimes down chimneys under cover of night so as not to be spotted. His good deed added an element of magic to his gift-giving.
My suggestion is to take your cue from your child and wait until he or she questions Santa. Then, share the theme of love and giving and tell the truth. You might as your child to keep the secret so as not to spoil the fun for younger friends and siblings. That will make your girl or boy feel special and grown-up. When children realize that gifts come from people who love them rather than magical beings, they become appreciative of the gift giver.
I wish you a wonderful and cheerful holiday. Whether it is Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa, or potlatch stories, share them for the messages they convey about how we should interact with one another. And, enjoy the magic that comes from joining with friends and family. Acts of giving, showing kindness, and creating joy during December are great ways to transition to the New Year.
11/27/2021 2:21:23 PM
Winter Warmth
A cozy house and happy guests take preparation.
Preparing for the Onslaught
Love it? Hate it? Bah Humbug. Holidays bring out many emotions. This season will usher in a particularly busy one for many of us who’ve been isolated from our families for nearly two years. I always thrived during the holidays and looked forward to large gatherings with children and grandchildren. Chaos, noise, and mounds of dishes never bothered me though my back often creaked by the time they went home.
From Halloween on, I start looking for the perfect gifts to buy. In years, when the family assembled at my house, I wrapped presents in my basement listening to Jazz. Now that most of them won’t be flying in, and because postage is so high, I look for free shipping deals online. Imagining the look on their faces when they open my package is not half as much fun as handing them out. I’ve had to make peace with reality, especially since the pandemic continues.
My partner dreads the holidays. The confusion and noise of my large family make him want to retreat to his man cave. He enjoys having one group visit at a time and cringes when 22 people descend at once. Franny also hides—a smart cat. This year Ray will relax because family visits are spread out over the month. There is an advantage to me as well for it will give me time to converse with each person individually.
Sadness is another emotion that creeps into me during the holidays. Not being able to connect with parents who are dead and distant relatives and friends makes can make me lonely amid our holiday gathering. Watching decorations go up and listening to carols brings nostalgic moments of the past to remind me that life moves on. So, rather than dwell on them, I prefer to look to the future. Yesterday a grandson called to say he got engaged to a young woman whom I adore. A wedding to look forward to keeps me smiling.
As nights lengthen and the solstice approaches, I am reminded that life has cycles, seasons change, the sun will return, and though there is much that is bad in society, there is also a reason for hope. Human beings are communal and festivities draw them together to reinforce shared values and bring out the good.
During the holidays, we pay attention to those who are sick, poor, and lonely. We remember wildlife and the environment need consideration. Donating to them swells our hearts and makes us feel good. Remember that dopamine surge I wrote about? Giving is a happiness pill. There isn’t one way to approach the season, but embracing its spirit means bringing joy to others.
There are lots of ways to show love and affection so if your goal is to have guests leave your house with a warm feeling it will take pre-planning. Visits involve more than a trip to a museum, hiking, hearing a concert, or walking through zoo lights. There have to be at-home activities to keep people from flipping on an electronic device.
One year, our family participated in a creative endeavor organized by a daughter. Everyone was given a randomly assigned name with the challenge to make a special give. I made an annotated photo album for a son, a daughter wrote a short story for her sister. One child painted a piece of pottery, another made a potholder. A granddaughter wrote and sang a song and her younger sister played a melody on the harp. Our young son made a picture for his dad that looked like a two-legged dinosaur. The family oohed and ahhed at such thoughtful gifts that showered us with love.
Reading a play is another thing we often did during holiday gatherings. It took some doing to find a play with enough parts for everyone but it was a great deal of fun to listen to fledgling actors speak their parts. Afterward, we enjoyed discussing what we read over hot cider and cookies. Imagine reading a Shakespeare comedy in plainspoken English so that young children understand. Try it, it’s a blast.
Putting a 3-D puzzle together is another holiday ritual. When the first person arrives, the card table gets cleared for a puzzle that will take days to assemble. The fanatics of the family find 3 D puzzles like one of New York City to be especially challenging. It’s a good way to pull youngsters away from computers and cell phones and have them interact with adults. By involving them in an activity, noise settles down, the TV’s turned off, and bonding occurs. It is from moments like these that happy memories linger.
Pre-planning is important to keep your visitors from getting bored. Do share below some of the activities your family engages in for those looking for ideas to add to their traditions.
Art is always for sale. Winter warmth is 24” by 30 “ acrylic painting/ silver Frame. $450. To purchase contact [email protected].
10/16/2021 1:50:04 PM
SANNA
Is she healthy and safe? Who cars?
Unsung Heroes Nextdoor
We speak compassionately of those who are ill, lose jobs, or become homeless, but there’s another group that deserves our empathy—the caregivers. Though I appreciate professionals who help those in need, it is the untrained army of friends and family keeping society stable that are taken for granted. A inconvenience to themselves, they step forward, sometimes for years, to ensure the health, safety, and security of physically and mentally ill family and friends. Helping hands come from neighbors and relatives rarely acknowledged for their sacrifice. Since they don’t complain, it is easy to forget that they too need emotional support.
Between 1916-1930, the United States and Europe experienced an epidemic of Encephalitis Lethargic affecting at least half a million people. Victims were overwhelmed by lethargy and sleepiness that put them into coma-like states with muscle rigidity. My uncle was one of the disease’s unfortunate casualties. After being called lazy and sleeping for nearly a year, he finally woke up but was left with Parkinson’s, a serious disability. According to my father, his brother was the brightest child in their family of nine. The illness took his sharp intellect away and he needed care for the remainder of his life.
My father contributed to his upkeep, but the real burden was assumed by his younger sister and her husband. They provided a welcoming household for him while raising three children of their own. I view my aunt and uncle as unsung heroes.
There are many good Samaritans among us. Names and locations were changed in the following stories.
For over ten years, Jane Doe, from Michigan has been visiting her ninety-year-old mother in a nursing home several days a week. She takes her on day trips, meets with doctors, and sees that she is well cared for. Jane’s an attorney who has a stressful job helping those on the margins of society. She carries their troubles home and works late into the night to solve difficult problems. But, no matter how busy she is, her mother’s care comes first. Jane's days are so full that she had to give up something, so her social life suffered.
When his father-in-law, George, moved to his home for his final years, Sam Smith became his caretaker while his wife continued to work. Sam took George to medical appointments and hometown baseball games. When he became bedridden, it was Sam who made him laugh, bathed him, and made sure he took his medicine. Five years later, George died at peace knowing he was loved. Sam’s empathy for the man had no bounds. His father-in-law's death left an empty spot in Sam’s heart and vacant days to fill.
Jen Black’s seventeen-year-old daughter, Zoe, had an anxiety attack, later diagnosed as a manic depressive disorder. Jen was aghast to learn that her child had an illness likely to come and go throughout her life. Now, it’s been thirty years since she was first diagnosed. During that time, Jen went through the pain of seeing her daughter suffer. Twice, she sat in hospitals after Zoe tried taking her life. Frequent episodes make it hard for her to keep a job. Though the flare-ups were frightening and she wanted to keep her close, as her daughter aged, Jen acknowledged her need for independence.
Her daughter's freedom and Jen's desire to protect Zoe were at odds. She spent sleepless nights wondering how to help her become independent. Zoe now lives on her own, but routine tasks like opening mail and buying food can be a challenge. Mother and daughter speak daily and periodically spend an afternoon together cleaning Jen’s apartment. Making sure her daughter takes her medicine is a major concern. Jen’s wish to travel and take pottery classes remains on permanent hold. When not physically with her daughter, her mind is.
Children diagnosed with debilitating illnesses that require ongoing attention, force parent’s to put their dreams on hold. The life Jen lives is not one she asked for. After Zoe’s illness led to a divorce, Jen gave up the thought of remarrying. Caring for her daughter is filled with cloudy days intermixed with sunshine. When Zoe tells her mother how much she is loved, Jen feels like her heart will burst with happiness. A few smiles are all it takes to make her years as a caregiver worthwhile. Jen’s love is a testament to how expansive a human heart can be.
Now in her seventies, Jen worries about what will happen when she dies. Who will love and care for her child? And, I wonder how she found the emotional support and courage to continue throughout the years. Without her mother’s care, Zoe could have been one of the thousands of mentally ill people roaming the streets. Jen is a hero worth recognizing.
Caretaking for most people is a short-term job, but for a great many it isn’t. Their lives are tortured by seeing loved ones in pain or incapacitated. These kind custodians happen to be our neighbors and relatives. We see them regularly without considering the burdens they bear. The ill person is usually cared for by a physician or psychiatrist. The caretaker stays in the background and is rarely recognized for being the good person he or she is.
When researching Over the Peanut Fence, I found that youths are being thrown out of their homes due to sexual orientation, mental or physical disabilities, and pregnancy. They take to the streets because they are starving, disagree with parents over religion, and are victims of physical and emotional violence. I applaud relatives and friends who step in to prevent them from becoming homeless. Those who step in are part of the unsung army deserving of appreciation.
I’ve watched many friends, neighbors, and family step forward to help loved ones through rough times. I’m sure you know many kind souls as well. To all, I say thank you. You are appreciated.
If people didn’t care, homelessness would be worse.
1. ) According to Mental Illness Policy Org
45 percent of the 250,000 people living on the streets are seriously mentally ill
2) According to National Health Care for the Homeless Council
Those living on the streets for an extended period of time have a life expectancy of 64 years. About 1 in every 3 senior households experience severe housing problems. Blacks, Native Americans, and Hispanic seniors are disproportionately affected. Due to the current work situation for older people, there is a growing elder population on the streets that is expected to reach 95,000 by 2050. In 2019 in Portland, 23.4 percent of those who were homelessness were 55 or older.
3) According to the National Conference off State Legislatures Youth Homelessness Overview ( 15-25 yrs.)
27 percent of homeless youth had to leave home because of their sexual orientation, primarily because of religion.
69 percent report mental health problems
29 percent have substance misuse problems
4) According to Easter Seal and Disability Scoop
More than 42.8 percent of America’s homeless population are those with disabilities. This includes substance abuse and mental illness and the physically impaired. In Multnomah County, OR, 61 percent report a chronic physical condition, mental illness, and/or addiction.
5. According to Youth Today report on Chapin Hall Study by U. of Chicago
Nearly half of American’s homeless women and girls are parents or about to be parents. 18 percent of homeless young men are fathers. In 2017, homeless 18 to 25-year-olds became parents to some 1.1 million Americans. Many girls had been forced from their homes because of their pregnancies.
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Art is always for sale. Sanna is an acrylic painting on deep canvas/ 24” x 18” / $ 425.
For information contact [email protected]
Do share stories below \ of the good people you know who deserve recognition.
9/18/2021 10:01:08 PM
The Cherry Tree above is part of a series of 28 paintings. Painting them added purpose to my walks in the woods. I study details of how trees grow and feel the texture and strength of the bark that protects and carries nourishment to their leaves. Like fingerprints, trees fill me with awe and wonder at nature's diversity.
Searching for Purpose
Revisiting Purpose
Last week was unusual in that five people spoke of confusion and how they didn't know what to do with their lives. Three were recent retirees, one was in his late thirties, and another was a recent college graduate affected by the pandemic. They all mentioned feeling hollow inside. Deflated by circumstance, their energy was gone, making it hard to test the waters to try something new. They flailed around, thrashing at empty starts, searching for happiness rather than purpose. Afraid of failing, they didn't consider their situation as an opportunity to do something new and exciting. World events weren't helping them feel optimistic.
The thirty-nine-year-old was a savvy programmer who frequented clubs and parties hoping to meet a magical someone who would provide a six-figure salary and a meaningful job. The recent college graduate, employed as a barista, didn't know how to find employment in marketing, the career she had gone to school for. She knew she didn't want to market products that people didn't need, was concerned about global warming, the pandemic, and wondered how she was going to get a life partner wearing a mask.
Two people were recent retirees who had left careers they had been in for forty-plus years. One had been a teacher, the other a social worker. They both had been passionate about their jobs, working long hours to improve the lives of others. In retirement, they wanted a change of pace but craved being needed and the feeling that comes from being wrapped up in what you are doing. Qualified for little beyond their professions, they didn't know how to find a new passion. A third retiree had planned to travel, but the onset of COVID-19 put her plans on hold. Flights were unreliable, state and federal parks crowded, and the fear of getting sick pulled on her mind.
My grandparent's generation would have said, "Suck it up. Life's not about happiness, it's about survival." A modern Russian adage says, "a person who smiles a lot is either a fool or an American."
Eleanor Roosevelt wrote, "Happiness is not a goal, it's a by-product."
Though philosophers like Aristotle and the Dali Lama say it is life's primary motivation, chasing it seldom creates the desired result. The first lady goes on to say, "Paradoxically, the one sure way not to be happy is deliberately to map out a way of life in which one would please oneself completely and exclusively…For what keeps our interest in life and makes us look forward to tomorrow is giving pleasure to other people."
How often do you hear a parent tell their offspring, "All I want is for you to be happy," rather than guide them with, "Search for a purpose in life that is meaningful and you'll find happiness." Though Mrs. Roosevelt's words may ring true, finding purpose is not easy.
The way I proceeded is by never making a change before planning what comes next. It often meant continuing to engage in something I had lost interest in, but I stayed until sure of what I wanted to do and how I was going to get there. Sadly, I've been privy to the grief of many people who quit jobs before thinking through their transition. Without an income, they floundered and eventually depended on the kindness of parents and friends to bail them out. Too often they went back to jobs they were not interested in doing.
According to Harvard Business Review, American expectations about happiness are modern phenomena. Disasters have always existed, but the way people dealt with them in the past differs from the way they do now. In 1973, when Philadelphia experienced a yellow fever epidemic, survivors were told to keep up their spirits and avoid excessive grief. It wasn't until the 1920's that literature stressed the individual's responsibility to gain happiness. It was then that marketers began playing on people's emotions by associating it with purchasing products.
Stressing happiness makes reality more stressful and harder to deal with sadness in yourself and others. Finding purpose, as Ms. Roosevelt suggests, is having goals that positively impact other people. Helping an elderly parent or newborn baby, raising children, teaching struggling kids to read, researching cures for disease, cleaning city streets of trash, organizing for political change are activities that take you outside yourself.
The first step in finding a purposeful pursuit is self-awareness, knowing that it is what you want to do. For instance, before selling my business I set three retirement goals to become an accomplished write who could stimulate discussions, to show emotions through art, and to build deeper friendships. Though I often had false starts, I didn't suffer from a lack of motivation.
A second step is being curious. Start by reading, talking to people, researching options, and trying a few out. Decide what individual or group you want to help and do something to alleviate someone else's pain. Aiding others often leads to purpose.
The third step is cultivating gratitude, awe, and altruism. These positive emotions promote health and well-being that connect you to something larger than yourself. They help build the emotional foundation necessary to gain a sense of purpose.
Listening to what other people appreciate about you is also helpful, for it holds a mirror up to how you are perceived. Ask yourself what energizes you and what you are willing to sacrifice. Do you like the perception others have of you or do you need to find a community that looks more kindly at your interests? Joining a writers group was reinforcing and one of the most rewarding things I did in retirement. Members help each other develop skills by critiquing their work.
Leaving the world better than you found it can't be done in isolation, though that desire can influence who you befriend and how you act on and off the job. Finding a purpose takes energy and courage. Leaving your comfort zone to plunge headlong into something new is rarely easy. Baby steps may be necessary to take you there. It also helps to remember you're never stuck and if you can't find purpose in a dream job, you can outside of work.
Curious people have the ability to travel many paths. They know that the future is about learning something new and blending it with what they know about themselves. Nothing from their past ever goes to waste. Finding purpose is a quest to be cherished, embraced, enjoyed, and never rushed. The tragedies we've all witnessed over the past few years have opened the door to opportunities that need attention. No matter your age, the future is a blank canvas that is yours to paint.
References:
Stearns, P. (2012) The History of Happiness. Harvard Business Review, retrieved from https://hbr.org/2012/01/the-history-of-happiness.
Smith, J, (2018) How to FIndYour Purpose in Live. Greater Good Magazine, Science-Based Insights for a Meaningful Life. retrieved from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_find_your_purpose_in_life
Davis, T.(2017) FIve Steps to Finding Your Life Purpose. Psychology Today. retrieved from
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/201712/five-steps-finding-your-life-purposefrom
5/15/2021 1:43:16 PM
The Garden
Planting a vegetable garden and watching things grow is a wonderful activity to do with children. If you don’t have space in your backyard, join a community garden and enjoy seeing your neighbor’s produce grow alongside your own.
Summertime—Will the Living be Easy?
Summer vacation will be a challenge after spending a year sequestered with children at home. I'm sure children and their parents learned a great deal about themselves, but it must have been tough going. They probably figured out what things are most important, what they enjoy doing, how they think, and how to organize their time. They discovered if they were self-starters or need to follow a leader's direction to complete tasks.
Years ago, I read a study about women who made it to the top of their organization. Sorry, but I no longer remember the source. The only thing the women had in common was that during their childhoods, they didn't attend school for an extended period of time. Some had serious illnesses while others had parents whose jobs took them abroad and disrupted their education. A few faced family crises that forced them to remain home to take care of an ill parent or to babysit siblings.
As young people, they came to understand themselves. They learned to occupy their time, and eventually became self-motivated young adults capable of rising to the top of their professions. So parents, have heart. The pandemic may have a greater silver lining than you think. Even so, as summer approaches you will have to consider how to manage with children underfoot for several more months.
Thoughts of a Young Person
School is almost over, let the fun begin. No more online classes or homework assignments. Lazy days are before me with nothing to do and nowhere to go. I can't wait to take out my bicycle and ride to the park with my buddy. I'm going to sleep late and do nothing, nothing, nothing! Maybe I'll see a few friends. I wonder if I'll have to wear a mask. I will eat a lot of ice cream, though, and go under the sprinkler if it is hot. Two whole months for play. Yea!
Thoughts of Parents
This April, two of my children returned to elementary school part-time and one attended high school a few days each week, but their hybrid classes will only last twelve weeks. I am tired of monitoring schoolwork and crave time alone with no responsibilities. Having the children engaged part-time along with online classes is almost as difficult as having them home full time. My days will remain disrupted making it difficult to work.
During confinement, my husband and I were our children's playmates as well as their parents. Now that the kids will start their summer vacations they will expect more freedom. How will I get them back into a routine so I don't go crazy? They'll be underfoot, tracking in dirt, and lounging around the house bored. They'll want to be entertained, fed continuously, and taken to the playground. Their demands will interrupt whatever I do.
Baby sitters cost $15 an hour and day camps are $200 to $350 per week. My husband and I live comfortably but are not so well off that we can afford to enroll three children in camps. I take them with me wherever I go-the grocery store, the cleaners, the garden shop, you name it. My older daughter will be vaccinated next week. She wants to visit her friends, but until the younger ones are vaccinated, I will have to limit who she sees. One good thing is that I don't have to wake up early and run around like a madwoman to be sure they're ready on time for the bus. And, I won't have to pack a lunch to send with them.
I better stop complaining and get organized, plan fun things like going on bicycle rides or hiking in the arboretum. Do I need to do more? My children lost a lot by not attending school last year. My six-year-old should be reading by now and she's not. A complete break from academics this summer may be foolish. That means that I will have to be the teacher or counselor.
What do I want them to learn? The school suggests they follow a workbook they will send home and complete the math and English exercises. I know the kids will fight me on that. My goal is to raise curious kids and wonder how to go about inspiring them. Perhaps I'll sign them up for swimming or a soccer camp instead. Maybe we'll go to the beach and stock up on vitamin D. Do they still need to practice the piano during vacation?
Parenting places different demands on those working outside of the house from those who are home and unemployed.
Thoughts of an Unemployed At-home Parent
It's much more relaxing when the kids are off from school, but I need to organize myself to ensure they are busy this summer. We managed all right during the school year, but it wasn't easy. Summer, though, is a time for exploration. It's no fun when children hang around bored. I want them to spend most of their time outdoors, but I also want them to keep reading and questioning. This is my chance to round out the gaps in their education. Nature camp or science camp for a few weeks would be a good start, but my budget is tight this year.
Instead of signing them up for a program, I'll arrange for a few excursions into nature on my own. We might start with a tracking expedition in the woods. Later we'll use an underwater scope to check out the creek and collect water samples to analyze. Food is a big issue, so planting and maintaining a garden will be a good challenge. I will get a food dehydrator so we can take fresh fruit and vegetables to make our owns snacks. Fun, fun, fun! I like teaching my kids and am fortunate I can be home to do so.
Thoughts of a Working Parent
My husband and I have been called back to work and the kids will be home from school expecting to have fun. How will I manage? Do I leave them by themselves all day under their older sister's care or pay for a babysitter? I don't trust my daughter to manage so that's not a good option. There are lots of summer programs, but they fill fast because of social distancing and cost a bundle. Perhaps my husband and I can alter our work hours so one or the other can stay home. I wonder if my mother or sister will help? I hate to burden them. This will be a very exhausting summer if I don't think of something soon.
I just had an idea. I have a friend with young children who might be willing to exchange care time with me. Our children can stay in a safety bubble around COVID while I watch them all for half a day and she takes the other half. If I have to work longer hours, then family members can help out or I'll pay for a sitter. It won't be as great a burden if I can offset costs by sharing with my neighbor. In August I'll take a week off and go camping with the kids. Until then, they can assist with housework. That should keep them busy. I'll also look into parks and recreation programs that don't cost too much?
Thoughts of a Grandparent
My grandchildren will be a burden on my daughter and her husband this summer. They've been called back to work full time. The 16-year-old would like a summer job, but no one is hiring teens her age. Now that she is vaccinated all she wants to do is hang with her friends. She needs supervision so she won't get in trouble. My grandkids will all need extra attention. I'll pay for them to go to science camps for at least a week.
My husband and I were vaccinated and feel it is safe to take them to the beach in July. We might even make it to the mountains before school starts. We will do what we can to reduce their parents' stress, and it will be a good way for us to get to know the kids better. When I was a child, my grandparents were always around to care for us. That type of assistance is not common these days, for families often live great distances away. I am glad the city's swimming pool will open. It is promising to be a hot summer.
I do worry about my grandchildren, though. They don't have the advantages I did as a child. My elementary school, for instance, had a free half-day summer program of crafts and sports actives that ran for eight weeks. We not only lived near our grandparents but were within walking distance of aunts and uncles. When people talk about it taking a village to raise a child, I agree. I just wonder how it can be done in modern America.
Please share your thought on spending the summer with children. Though most people look forward to breaking out of confinement, not everyone can take advantage of that freedom. Do comment on my blog site below.
Art is always for sale, The garden is 37” x 32” by 2”\. Acrylic paint on hardboard, wood frame. For sale at $499. Contact me for shipping information at [email protected].
4/10/2021 4:03:58 PM
The way you behave towards others usually reflects the how you were raised as a child. It behooves parents, relatives, and friends to see that children grow up with empathy and know how to act with compassion and good manners.
I Dare You
My husband and I were waiting for the traffic light to change when two young adults crossed in front of our car. As they passed, they banged on the hood, glared through the window, and gave us an insulting hand gesture. Disgusted, we wondered what pleasure they got from aggravating us and why they decided rude behavior was acceptable.
Though this is not the first time I was treated badly on the streets, the encounter made me question where "I owe you nothing" and "I dare you" attitudes come from. No longer do strangers pass by with a friendly nod or say "Nice Day" as they did ten years ago. Courtesy and pride in service have all but disappeared along with helping attitudes learned in scouting clubs, churches, and schools.
I remember a bus driver who went out of his way, idling the city bus he drove while I ran home to get a book I forgot to bring to school. Another time, when I arrived at the Philadelphia airport a few minutes after my plane had left the gate, the pilot stopped on the runway and waited for me to be driven to a staircase hastily put in place so I could board. That was customer service I'll never forget.
When faced with bullies, I can't help but wonder what type of family life they were exposed to as children. Did their caregivers shout and hit them excessively or was bad behavior simply ignored? Were parents too lazy or tired to issue a time-out or to supervise their child's punishment? Did they remind their children to say please when they wanted something and to thank those who helped them or gave them a gift?
Teaching youths to care about others, to aid those who need assistance, and to be considerate is a responsibility many parents ignore. I am especially concerned when adults working away from home are unable to hire caretakers who can manage when their children misbehave. An adult exhausted at the end of a day doesn't want to discuss negative behavior and supervise punishments when returning home. And yet, though it is not fun, an important part of parenting is paying attention to discourteous conduct and not letting it continue.
Children can be self-centered and at times mean, and yes, they do need disciplining from time to time. But parents can't resort to angry responses that serve only to ingrain abusive behaviors they bestow on other people. Good conduct and manners have to be taught without a heavy hand.
At the age of five, my sister was unpleasant to have at the dinner table. Eating with her fingers instead of a fork, she wiped them off on her clothes and created a mess. She resented being told she was dirty and wouldn't comply when asked to use utensils. Rather than punishment, I bought her white gloves to wear during meals and made a game that challenged her not to soil them. The game worked. She got the idea and her table manners improved.
Pets are helpful aids in teaching compassion, an emotion that contributes to developing an empathetic adult. I know of a private high school catering to wealthy, often spoiled children, that assigns freshmen a horse to care for. Through the following four years, it is the teen's responsibility to feed, groom, and exercise the animal and make sure it stays healthy. The teens come to realize that caring for living creatures takes time and effort. The adolescents become attached to their animals as bonds between horse and student blossom.
It is not necessary to go to a private school to get a pet. When my children were young, we had a rotating menagerie of gerbils, fish, dogs, birds, and cats. The kids were required to help with daily care, and though I admit that the animals also required time from me, the effort was worthwhile. A neighbor went a step further when she erected a chicken coop in the yard and asked her children to feed the birds and clean their cages. After a few "why do I have to do it?" complaints, the tasks became routine, and the kids had fun searching for fresh eggs before breakfast. The chickens roamed in the yard while they were outside playing and the children trained them to jump on command. Watching the family chase the hens when they escaped their cage, provided great amusement for the neighborhood.
Small living quarters don't have to stop a youngster from experiencing what it is like to for an animal. One of my granddaughters volunteered for an organization that trained service animals that were taken on visits to seniors in retirement centers. She was responsible for the dog she was assigned. She bonded with her animal and also developed warm feelings for the elders she served. Seeing smiles on the faces of lonely people gave her pleasure and added to feelings of self-worth.
Pets play a role in helping children evolve into responsible, kind adults. They are a stepping stone that guides them to care about humanity. Having good manners evolves from the ability to feel empathy towards other living things. Though children still have to be coached in how to comport themselves in society, the job would be made easier if good behavior was rewarded not only by parents but by family, neighbors, friends, and teachers as well.
An African acquaintance confided that when visiting a school buddy in Ghana, his friend's parents were more strict with him than his own. It was the custom in his country to follow the adage that it takes a village to raise a child. Living in an empathetic society where people show courtesy and have good manners, and enjoying communities where strangers are greeted politely and not bullied, will happen when society recognizes there is a problem we all have to take responsibility for solving.
REFERENCES:
Lipson, G. (2004, 2013) Two Sides to Every Story. Grades 5-9. Teaching & Learning Company a Lorenze Company. ISBN 978-1-57310-439-5. Box 802, Dayton, OH 45401-0802. www.LorenzeducationPress.com.
Black, R (2019) How to Teach Your Children Manners” Essential Lifeskills your child needs to know. Second Edition. Celestial ARC Publishing. ISBN-13: 987-15544679990
I look forward to your comments below.
7/17/2020 7:18:29 PM
Oregon Museum of Science and Industry
Starting a museum in my home inspired me to a career managing science museums. Since Covid-19 makes it difficult for children to explore them at will, it may be time to think about doing something similar for your young ones.
Home with Kids?
Taking care of children is not easy at any time but with school closed and unlikely to reopen full time in September it is a particularly stressful time for parents. Those who work from home balance schedules with frequent interruptions that vary from, “ I’m bored,” to “ I scraped my knee and it’s bleeding,” to “ Gillie stole my green nail polish and won’t give it back. She’s impossible. You’ve got to punish her.”
A system that helped me when four rowdy children were under foot was to turn a part of the house into a children’s museum. I was fortunate to have a basement play room, but a child’s bedroom can work just as well. According to The American Association of Children’s Museums, “A children’s museum is defined as an institution committed to serving the needs and interests of children by providing exhibits and programs that stimulate curiosity and motivate learning.”
That definition fit the way my husband and I arranged furnishings when the children were young. We lived quite a distance from a hands-on museum, which is why we decided to convert our home into one. The main challenge was one of organization, so I applied a hybrid Montessori method to our basement playroom.
Maria Montessori, a 19th century physician turned educator, developed Casa dei Bambini, a school for low-income children in Italy. As she experimented with curriculum and classroom design “she began to see independence as the aim of education and the role of the teacher as an observer and director of children’s innate psychological development.” Dr. Montessori believed young children were sensitive to order, enjoyed repetitive activities and were happiest doing practical things. She developed a kid-sized environment where materials were within a child’s reach and could easily put back when the child finished with then. Over the years many sophisticated materials were designed to be used by teachers specifically trained in Montessori methodology. The well crafted materials are quite expensive and made to withstand use by hundreds of children. Over the last twenty-five years, toy manufacturers duplicated most Montessori materials and made them available to parents at more reasonable prices.
I did not have the training or money to set up a Montessori school, but I was able to organize a child-sized, child-centered environment. I assembled a wall of bookshelves and designated locations to hold subject specific toys. There were shelves for construction toys, a place for math manipulatives, a book nook, and a language and writing area. We had a puppet stage with a place to store puppets and backdrops, an area for many types of puzzles, dress-up stations and a craft center. A carpentry bench placed next to my husband’s workbench held safe tools that let children take apart discarded machines and pound nails into pieces of wood. In the living room we installed a music pole and attached clips to hold percussion instruments.
Part of the secret to a successful home museum is introducing toys (activities) one at a time, challenging the next skill level. It took time to show the children how to use the toys properly. After demonstrating how a product was used, I observed to see how well my directions were followed. Children were encouraged to master the way the toy was designed to be used before exploring other options for using the material. The goal was for the child to master an activity, feel good by being successful, and become motivated to take on the next challenge.
Toys had to be returned to their proper location before a child was allowed to take another toy. Training children to put items away is accomplished effortlessly if taught to do so when young. Keeping areas clear for the next project makes cleaning up manageable and provides space for the child to focus on what he or she is doing.
Planning for a home-museum takes time, but once it’s operational, the time required by the parent to oversee the endeavor decreases because the system put in place promotes independence. Children are free to select what they want to do. When they take their work to a clean location they are able to concentrate on the task at hand, progressing to increasingly complex activities as skills are acquired. Independence is the goal.
A home museum can be arranged for a child as young as two-and-a-half years. It is best to start with a few toys that are within the child’s reach so it can be fetched and returned without an adult assisting. When several children use the same space, each child is taught which items he or she has earned the right to use. The system works well for older children, though they are likely to branch out and use the materials more creatively. Older siblings who’ve mastered activities should be taught to help their younger brothers and sisters.
A hundred years ago, such a Montessori approach would not have been necessary for families taught children in a more structured way. I read of a ten-year-old boy in a pioneer family homesteading in Colorado in the 1800s who assisted his father when he built their house in the prairie. He fed the pigs, helped raise the barn, build fences, and sheds and assisted when a well was dug. His sister worked in the garden and was taught which plants to gather in case of illness. She practiced fractions by sewing, cooking and a cutting pies into enough slices to feed the household and their guests. These children didn’t need blocks, toy sized stoves , or puzzles since the family’s survival was challenging enough. Construction and household skills were passed down from parent to child and experimentation rewarded when something someone figured out a way to make things easier.
To reinforce hands-on play it helps to observe workers engaged in physical activities. My kids and grandchildren loved visiting construction sites, and I still find it fascinating to watch cranes hauling supplies sixty stories in the air. As they aged they enrolled in physics and chemistry classes and went to science camps each summer. Though I am not a physicist, I enjoyed high school physics classes because they gave me a basic understanding of mechanical advantage and how machines operated. They peaked my curiosity. We also visited farms, went into restaurant kitchens, saw how pizzas were flung in the air, and watched hot air balloons lift off from fields. The experiences they had created a lifelong love of learning.
Barry Eichinger, past exhibit director at Charlotte’s Discover Place, raised creative children by encouraging them to look closely at the world around them. While walking in the woods, Barry encouraged his children to explore, wander, and wonder. He talked animatedly to his offspring as pointed things out sow they noticed the impact they had on the environment and took stock of what they saw. On excursions they returned with rocks, insects, and samples of stream water to view under microscopes. Local flora and fauna stimulated hours of discussion after their journey. The trips were informal, intuitive, and without structure and incorporated inquiry-based learning as they went. Though this children did not grow up to be scientists, they use the scientific method at work to problem solve.
When I ran the Museum Tour catalog I organized it like my home playroom. Each page represented a subject specific section of shelves holding a range of materials to educate mind and body and to stimulate the senses. My goal was to make it effortless for parents to set up a museum for children in their homes. It is easy to purchase toys that are downsized versions of exhibits found on the floors of science centers and children’s museums. Designing your own museum is much easier to do than when my children were young.
8/17/2019 3:20:21 PM
Last Night’s Dream
Identifying your dreams and then making them come true develops a power that comes from living with purpose.
Creating Passion in the Next Generation
When my grandson was seven, his main interest centered around Star Wars. That year his parents gave him a Star Wars themed party attended by children ready to fight duels with their laser swards. Every gift he opened had something to do with Star Wars, though no two were alike. By the end of the day there were enough props to set up his own movie studio and enough science kits to turn him into a space scientist.
Observing him become immersed in something he loved to do made me happy, for it indicated he would become an engaged adult. Feeling passion is addictive, similar to being on drugs without negative consequences. My grandson’s commitment provided a focus for learning. It made him want to read, to concentrate, to create, and to communicate.
I believe that an important job of parenting involves helping your child find passion by becoming totally hooked on something that has “legs.” By that I mean inspiring a willingness to tackle an engrossing, challenging activity. I don’t think it makes much difference what the project is as long as it is an absorbing one. In my grandson’s case, interest in Star Wars improved his ability to read. He was too impatient to wait for his parents to read to him so he pushed himself to learn on his own.
Neighborhood children used to meet in his basement conceiving plots that insured the future of planetary peace. Before performing for their parents and siblings, they had to sequence stories memorized parts, and practice speaking to an audience. They made scenery and handed out advertising leaflets. I could not have designed a better learning experience if I had been hired to do so.
Passion is a gift that combines spirit, mind and body enabling life to be experienced in all of its richness. It involves setting goals around something important. Having passion helps overcome obstacles and draws attention to what should be and what can be done. There will always be highs and lows while working towards a goal, but when you are passionate about what you’re doing you look past the dull days and are more likely to conceive creative ways to move on.
Passion is not something to fear, though for a variety of reasons many people do. It’s easy to become overwhelmed and check out before beginning a journey, so it’s important when starting to set small incremental goals, to manage time strategically, and to maintain balance. I’ve known people who never pursued their dreams because they feared the time commitment. I know others who were afraid of failure and some who were fearful of how success might change them.
Embracing passion is engaging in adventure. It’s opening your mind to let sparks fly.
Finding an interest and intensifying your involvement in it is the best way to dissipate fear. Doubts can’t be fed for they will smother fires that glow within. Discuss your doubts with friends, write them down and investigate their origin in order to make them go away.
As parent and educator, I’ve always believed that helping children find and develop passion will aid society in the long run. Finding cures for debilitating diseases, writing a new symphony, fighting global warming and taking political action involves giving time, energy and soul to a cause. Passionate people make things happen. By providing children with engrossing opportunities that engender excitement and give pleasure they will want to arouse similar feelings within themselves when they become adults. And so . . we benefit.
References:
Harmer, S. (2-19) 10 Reasons why Following Your Passion is More Important than Money. Lifehack. retrieved from https://www.lifehack.org/articles/money/10-reasons-why-following-your-passion-more-important-than-money.html
Carver,<. (2019) Why you Need Passion to Reach Your Goals. The Chopra Center. retrieved from https://search.yahoo.com/yhs/search;_ylt=AwrWpywK7FZd3DUAAB8PxQt.;_ylu=X3oDMTEza3NiY3RnBGNvbG8DZ3ExBHBvcwMxBHZ0aWQDBHNlYwNwYWdpbmF0aW9u?p=Achieving+passion&type=cl_appfocus531_cr&fr2=sb-top&hspart=adk&hsimp=yhs-adk_sbnt¶m1=20190624¶m2=fb58e1e6-408c-4546-bdb7-f62c02cea1da¶m3=classifieds_7Eappfocus531¶m4=4847-bb97Ebrian+norris+about+passion+flower%7E7B1F017D4CDFA6D6A9BB35F8264A536C&fr=yhs-adk-adk_sbnt&b=11&pz=10&bct=0&xargs=0
Carter,S (2013) The Power of Passion. Psychology Today. retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/high-octane-women/201304/the-power-passion
Flaxington,B. (2018) Finding Your Passion. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understand-other-people/201806/finding-your-passion
Art is always for sale. Contact me at [email protected]
Last Night’s Dream: Acrylic on Canvas, 26” x 32” /$498
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7/13/2019 3:24:22 PM
First Fight I-thought-I -knew-you
People curse when angry yet use the same curses trying to be funny.
“What’s in a name? that which we call a rose
By Any Other Name would smell as sweet”
By William Shakespeare
Words! Words! Words!
When I was a young child, my mother washed my mouth with soap whenever I uttered a curse word. We lived in a lower-class neighborhood, and according to Mom, only lowlife used obscenities. Therefore, I never used profanities, and when I heard others doing so, I thought poorly of them. Those I associate with don't curse in front of me, though they might in the privacy of their own homes. My grandkids say everyone curses now. It’s the thing to do if you want to be with it.
But, another lesson earned when first married, was that words slung in anger, become imbedded in the target’s memory. Hurts and stings are difficult to erase and forget. I remember having a discussion about fighting with a psychologist friend, who was also newly married. He believed spouses should express anger fully, in every dimension short of hitting. Shouting, cursing and slinging hurtful half-truths was healthy as far as my friend was concerned. I, argued the opposite, believing that words said in anger can’t be taken back. It wasn’t long before he and his wife divorced. It might have been better for them to participate in non-violent communication classes and learn ways to argue productively.
I am currently writing a novel with characters from many walks of life. In my writer’s critique group, members suggest I use expletives in my dialogues to express anger. I find this difficult to do since such words don’t come naturally. I never understood why audiences laugh when comedians say fuck or shit. To me it seems like a cheep excuse for a joke by performers who do not know how to laugh cleverly at life’s foibles.
Children say “naughty” words as a way of showing their friends that they know something they aren’t supposed know. They find it fun to fool their parents, a feeling that stays with them into adulthood. And so, as they age, they continue to react as youngsters who laugh bathroom jokes and forbidden language. Laughter disguises their embarrassment with natural bodily functions.
Thousands of words have been coined over the centuries to disguise body parts and functions considered private.
Following are a few of the hundreds of words that disguise penis, vagina, buttocks, and where babies come from.
Penis —Doodle, Spindle, Fiddle, Pin, Bollocks, Knick-Knack, Child-getter, Bayonet, Cracksman, Cuckoo, Bush-whacker, Majesty, Charmer, Tickle-Faggot, Dingle, Cob, Pencil, Hot member, Nightstick, Joystick, Dingbat, Tiny Tim, Jurassic Pork, Dora the explorer, Tuna torpedo, Cave hunter, Woody Womb Pecker.
Vagina —Cunt, Pussy, Twat, Clit, House, Casse, Pie-corner, Porridge, Coffer, Mrs. Fubbs’ parlor, Thatched cottage, Lady’s low toupee, Nature’s treasury, Nub, Canal, Her essence, Slit, Wet curls, Scabbard, Mons, Sheath, Sperm bottle, Goop chute, Cookie, Penis glove, Muff, Fish Lips, Beaver, Kitty, Pink panther, Banana basket , Coin purse, Hot pocket, Funny Furnace, Golden Palace, Holiest of holies.
Buttocks —Bottom, Behind, Butt, Booty, Fanny keister, Tush, Tail, Buns, Caboose, Posterior, Sit-upon, Steam bum, Arse, Duff, Heinie, Ass, Prat.
Ever wonder where babies come from? They come from places I never thought possible.
a) Babies are made when mommies and daddies have too much love. When it overflows, God gives the family a baby to love.
b) We wanted a baby so mommy grew one in her belly.
c) Babies grows in the mom’s bellybutton and the doctor cuts the baby out.
d) When two people love each other the dad buys a pumpkin seed and gives it to the mom. Then her stomach gets big like a pumpkin.
e) The doctor brings the baby to the front door.
f) Babies come from apple seeds.
g) Babies come when mommies and daddies kiss for a very, very long time.
h) Babies come from eggs that pop out of a mommy’s butt.
It’s difficult not to laugh at some of these answers and think them "cute." Yet, it is not a good idea to continue leading children astray with false answers. A truthful straightforward response, rather than a cute one is the healthier way to go.
Children need to know the correct names of body parts. An abused child should be able to explain accurately what happened to a trusted adult. Children who use pet names have been known to confuse doctors. The are less credible witnesses when justice is pursued through the courts. A child who says, “Stop! Don’t touch my vagina!” signals to the potential abuser that he or she is empowered with body safety knowledge. Pedophiles are wary of children who use names correctly because they know that their parents will not dismiss a touch to private parts as harmless fun.
Speaking openly and accurately about their body, teaches children they have ownership over it. Knowledge provides a positive boost to self image, increases confidence, and demonstrates that parents are trustworthy, easily approachable sources of information about sensitive issues. When a child who knows anatomically correct names , suddenly starts using pet terms, it becomes a red flag causing adults to investigate.
Parenting classes, child development books, and pediatricians encourage parents to teach anatomically correct words to their children. The practice is so wide spread that according to several classroom teachers I know, children no laugh when they’re used. Honest language, along with anti-bullying and non-violent communication programs in schools discourage use of foul language. They promote effective ways of disagreeing that hopefully will impact their generation. I wonder if comedians of the future are going to have to come up with other ways than using bathroom language and body part curses to get a laugh from their audiences.
References:
A Rose by any Other Tame. (43-44, Act-II, Scene-II of Romeo and Juliet). Literary Devices. retrieved from https://literarydevices.net/a-rose-by-any-other-name/
Sanders, J (2017)Eight Reasons Not to Cally Your CHild’s Genitals ‘Pet’ Names. Huffpost.com, retrieved from https://www.huffpost.com/entry/8-reasons-not-to-call-your-childs-genitals-pet-names_b_58743186e4b0eb9e49bfbec3
Body Parts: Find Nicknames : https://www.findnicknames.com/blog/nicknames-for-body-parts/
Do comment below.
Art Work is always for sale. Contact me at [email protected].
The Fight : Acrylic on canvas/ 36” x 25”/ $ 325
I Thought I knew You : Mixed Media on Canvas /18” x 36” $ 399
4/5/2019 4:07:03 PM
" A powerful glimpse into the trauma and abuse that forces young people to run to the streets.Their stories are a call for action to libraries, government, youth agencies, universities, parents, and volunteers to work together to solve this national problem.”” —Pam Sandlian Smith, Public Library Association
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What others say:
". . . The author's account is lucidly written, both intellectually thorough and emotionally affecting. In addition, this isn't a work of ax-grinding political partisanship-Eichinger prefers cool-headed analysis to grandstanding. Further, at the heart of her "part memoir and part storybook" is a profound reflection on the ailing condition of American society, withering from the widespread disintegration of the family and the grim plague of "lovelessness." Kirkus Reviews
". . . Our country has left a trail of suffering in our well intentioned pursuit of "democracy" in foreign lands; our nation pretends not to see the homelessness on our doorstep, save to complain about it. This stunning book requires you to ask what you can do to help turn trauma into something better. Jack Segal, Consul General of the U.S. (ret.), Chief Political Adviser to NATO's Commander in Afghanistan
". . .Eichinger has woven her personal narrative and research together with her experience as a science center director to make recommendations for those of us who wonder about the people we see with all of their belongings closely held in parks and other public spaces. I share her confidence in the importance of kinesthetic (hands-on) learning as an alternative for those for whom reading is a challenge. " Phyllis Katz, Ph.D. Science Education, Associate University of Maryland, Founder Hands on Science ProgramAssociate at University of Maryland
3/23/2019 8:47:06 PM
Seeking Perfection
acrylic on canvas / 20” by 24” / $399
Last week two articles about teens competed for my attention. One discussed lowering the voting age to 16 and the other was a scientific study of the brain saying that maturity is not complete until near thirty. What I read made me wonder about what level of brain development was necessary for 16-year-olds to vote. After reading this newsletter I do hope you will share your opinion.
Nancy Pelosi recently gave her support to lowering the voting age to 16. She, as do many others, says that 16 is the age when when interest in government is strongest. The National Youth Rights Association gives reasons why.
— Millions of youth are employed, volunteer, and assume adult responsibilities as care givers and financial contributors to their households. They pay taxes and have the right to drive a car.
— Adolescents are expected to follow the law but have no say in making it. 16-year-olds brought before the criminal justice system are tried as adults. Over 250,000 youth are incarcerated as adults each year.
— Teens form political action committees, manage campaigns, make donations, and advocate for rights. Greta Thunber, a 16-year-old from Sweden was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize for organizing students in over 112 to tprotest against global warming. Parkland, Florida students challenged lawmakers to tighten gun control laws.
—Young people are good voters. In 2013, when Takoma Park, Maryland lowered its voting age to 16, 16 and 17-year-olds voted in greater numbers than 20 to 50-year-olds.
—16 and 17-year-olds care about issues that affect them and want politicians to pay attention to their concerns. They are hurt by demographic trends which overwhelmingly favor older voters. They see their future jeopardized by inadequate funding for schools, poor gun control and global warming.
— Adolescents shouldn’t be held to a higher standard than those over 18. In a democracy, it’s wrong to disenfranchise people because we disagree with them. Some Republicans worry that teachers are biased towards liberal ideas. Yet, civic classes are likely to teach youth how how to dig for truth and to analyze the pros and cons of issues.
Historically teens were considered adults. In medieval Europe, adolescents participated in apprenticeships and were expected to contribute to their family’s financial well-being. There are many examples of teen warriors. In 1212, children as young as 12 joined the Children’s Crusade. In 1340, Edward, Prince of Wales (The Black Prince) was 16 when he engaged the French army at Crecy. Joan of Arc as a teen inspired civilians and soldiers in Orleans, France to fight the English. More recently, in 2015, Jan Bowman-Davies, a 16 year old British captain helped his three man adult crew abandon ship as it started to sink.
Lowering the voting age has more support than many voters realize. Over 25 countries allow youth under 18 to vote. In the U.S., nearly half the states have tried to lower it. Legislation was recently introduced in Oregon to amend the constitution and lower the voting age from 18 to 16. If the bill passes, voters will decide to approve or disapprove during the 2020 election.
The above arguments favor lowering the voting age. Now, on to the adolescent brain.
According to Stanford Children’s Health, no matter how smart your teen is, good judgment is not something he or she can excel in. Recent studies show full maturity as delayed until thirty. To understand why, let’s look at how the adolescent brain develops.
The central brain along with the central nervous system develop during six major stages. The first four occur during gestation. The last two occur later, with growth continuing into adulthood. Maturity occurs from the back to the front of the brain. The frontal lobe (prefrotal cortex) is where complex decision-making, planning skills, impulse control, emotional reactions, focusing attention, and prioritizing information takes place. Its matures slowly during adolescence which is why many teenagers can’t access certain abilities until older.
During teen years the prefrontal cortex, begins to exert greater control, helping adolescents learn to think before they act. It handles higher-level cognitive abilities such as planning, solving problems, and making decisions. But, before the cortex fully matures, the amygdala, which controls emotions, is in charge. Teens with a large amygdala show aggression, fear and depression more intensely than adults.
Brain development is the root cause of adolescent behaviors that appear to be erratic.Some researches claim that adolescents are hardwired for risk-taking. In ancient times, that helped them deal with dangers in the wild. Today, aggressive behavior is more likely to translate into fighting or bullying, unsafe sexual behavior, alcohol or substance abuse, unsafe driving, and poor self care.
Compassionate, patient parents can guide their children through the teen years and teach healthy coping mechanisms that satisfy the demands of the amygdala. For instance, the desire for emotional experiences can be satisfied with outdoor adventures, playing musical instruments, performing on stage, and even go-cart racing. Parents who jump in with advice or try to fix problems often make their teen less likely to trust them. They benefit when their parents show interest in what they are doing and are helped to overcome impulsive behaviors by being presented with facts and having discussions about possible consequences of their actions.
It is your turn to decide. I've not made up my mind. What do you think? Should the voting age be lowered to16? Please respond on my blog site at below.
References:
Top Ten Reasons to Lower the Voting Age. National Youth Rights Association. retrieved from web site at https://www.youthrights.org/issues/voting-age/top-ten-reasons-to-lower-the-voting-age/
Vote16USA. retrieved from .https://vote16usa.org/5-reasons-for-lowing-voting-age-16/
Hains,T. (2019) Pelosi Supports Lowering Voting Age To 16, Real-ClearPolitics. retrieved from POLITICS
Doclspm.EK. (2019) Teen Climate Activist Greta Thunberg Hs Been Nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. Rolling Stone. retrieved from ACTIVIST
lou,M. (2019) Oregon may lower the voting age to 16.CNN Politics. retrieved from AGE.
Alvarez,S (2014) Teenagers at War During the Middle Ages Society for Medieval Military History. retrieved from http://deremilitari.org/2014/03/teenagers-at-war-during-the-middle-ages/
Jarus,O. (2013) Joan of Arc: facts and Biography. LiveScience. retrieved from https://www.livescience.com/38288-joan-of-arc.html
Spillett,R (2015) The incredible moment Britain's youngest ship's captain, 16, calmly helped his adult crew abandon ship as the vessel started to sink in rough seas. Daily Mail. retrieved from CAPTAIN.
(2018) the Facts about Teen Brain Development. Newport Academy. retrieved from BRAIN.
Understanding the Teen Brain Stanford Children’s Health. (2018) retrieved from web site at STANFORD.
Adamson, A. (2016) Brains May Not Yet Fully Mature Until After Age 30. Tech Times. retrieved from MATURE.
Wnuk, A. (2018) When the Brain Starts Adulting. Brain Facts.org. retrieved from FACTS.
2/13/2019 3:56:12 PM
Flickers Caring For Their Young
To become healthy adults capable of carrying on the species,
nesting birds need the love and care of attentive parents.
Acrylic on Canvas/ 22" x 26"/ framed/ $ 399.00
The following information is taken from my soon to be published book, Over the Peanut Fence.
Power of Love
Observing aimless teens hanging out on street corners makes me wonder which ones will overcome their situation to have a productive, happy life and which ones won’t. If you’re like me, you do not enjoy homeless youths taking over neighborhood parks or begging for handouts while perched on sidewalks. If you’re like me, you cover your nose when descending stairwells in city-center parking garages that smell of urine. And, if you’re like me, you are intimidated when a gang of adolescents walk past making lewd gestures and shouting dirty words.
Street-kids don’t want to be ignored. Hearing their cries for help is important, not only for their sake, but selfishly for mine. Yet, I am not sure how to do so. What if these teens are permanently damaged by having been in abusive situations? What if they're just going through a phase? By my standards, they lack social values and the moral fiber necessary for living in a democratic society. The more I learned about them, however, the more interested I became in finding answers.
I soon discovered that much of their antisocial behavior is directed towards those they fear. This includes most adults, including you and me. Growing up in a dysfunctional, abusive household leads them to distrust the very people who should be protecting them. Antagonism is rarely aimed at their own peer group. Once they they run away from home, they follow a strict set of their rules that embrace street-life values. They care for instantly acquired friends by sharing food, cigarettes, drugs, information and they adopt the strict code against “ratting.” Though divisive behavior may result from a lack of parental love, they act thoughtfully when helping other youth. I see their kindness is a sign of hope, for with good counseling it is possible to transfer compassionate street behavior to the greater society.
I used to assume that love is instinctual and that every newborn will receive the parental attention it deserves. Without it, I reasoned, a helpless infant would be incapable of surviving. I know now that parental feelings of love and responsibility for newborns is not a given. All too many parents neglect their offspring causing physical and psychological damage.
Most of us were fortunate to grow up surrounded by affectionate parents and relatives who held us close. As adults, we transfer the love we received as children to partners with whom we form bonds based on trust and respect. But, what happens to children who are never caressed or told they are special? What are the long-term effects of not being touched or cuddled? What befalls those who are abandoned, left on doorsteps or placed in cribs in overcrowded houses where they’re not attended to when they cry for food or a diaper change?
A cornerstone study about infant neglect began in the 1980s when Dr. Nathan Fox and colleagues from Harvard Medical School walked into an orphanage in Romania. Due to a newly passed ban on abortion, the number of orphaned babies in the country soared. Some 170,000 children were placed in 700 overcrowded facilities staffed with an insufficient number of caretakers. Though the orphanages were clean, the infants were emotionally neglected. They were left day and night in their cribs, to be changed on schedule and fed without being held. The nurseries were eerily quiet. Since crying infants were routinely ignored, it wasn’t long before they stopped making sounds. No attention—no cries—only silence.
Dr. Fox followed the Romanian children for over fourteen years. Autistic-like behaviors such as head-banging and rocking were common during their early years. As the children aged, their head circumferences stayed unusually small. They had difficulty paying attention and understanding what was going on around them. Over time, 50 percent of the children suffered from mental illness. Displaying poor impulse control, they became socially withdrawn, had problems coping and regulating emotions, and were handicapped by low self-esteem. They manifested pathological behaviors such as tics, tantrums, stealing and self- punishment. Intellectually, they functioned poorly, which caused them to have poor academic success. Those youngsters fortunate enough to be placed in a caring foster home before the age of two were able to rebound. But those who entered foster care at a later age were not as lucky. Most were permanently damaged.
Another study of note was conducted between 1962 and 76 by the HighScope Perry Preschool Project, in conjunction with nurse-family practitioners focused on parenting practices in an African-American community in Michigan. The school operated an innovative program that included decision-making and problem-solving activities and allowed for physical movement throughout the day. Researchers were interested to see what would happen if caretakers were taught parenting skills through their involvement in the program. Parents were invited to participate in weekly visits that brought them into the education process. They were shown how to express love and reward good behavior. The study concluded that “without repeated acts of love, a child’s brain doesn’t make the growth hormone needed for proper mental and physical development.” Loveless children become permanently scarred. Their stress levels are high, setting the stage for elevated cholesterol, cardiovascular disease, metabolic syndromes and other conditions that pose serious health risks later in life.
Bullying is a subtle form of abuse that makes victims feel inadequate and humiliated. Most keep silent about the injustice done to them, not only because they fear reprisal but because they think they are no good. A bullied child subconsciously believes that if no one loves me, then how can I love myself? He (or she) sees himself as undeserving and incapable of change. Even after completing a well-executed task, a bullied child has difficulty feeling satisfied or accepting compliments. Parents who say “I can’t believe you would embarrass me like that,” or “You idiot! Who do you think you are?” hurt the child’s self-esteem. Bullying causes some children to act out by being cruel to animals, setting fires, taking drugs or simply withdrawing into themselves. Health can be affected by even small insults of shame and rejection.
A child’s well-being depends of having security and love. Thankfully, most families know that children need to reside in a safe welcoming environment that showers them with affection and kindness. Love helps them develop defense mechanisms that provide a buffer from illness, abuse and trauma. And it is love that sets the stage for healthy adult relationships.
This valentine’s day be thankful you were loved and are able to share that love with others. It is a gift to give that should not to be squandered. Many unhappy events are surmounted when someone reaches out to express their love and concern. And, for those of you who have extra tenderness tucked away in your heart, consider mentoring a youth who is having a tough time. Your love can help this child blossom and it will make the world a better, kinder place for all.
References:
Nelson, C. & Fox, N. & Zeanah, C. (2014) Romania’s Abandoned Children, Deprivation, Brain Development, and the Struggle for Recovery, Harvard University Press.
Parks, G. (2000) The High/Scope Perry Preschool Project. U.S. Department of Justice; Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention. retrieved from www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/ojjdp/181725.pdf also Rand Published Study www.rand.org/pubs/research_briefs/ RB9145.html
Bergland, C. (2013) Parental Warmth is crucial for a Child’s Well-being. Psychology Today. retrieved from www.psychologytoday.com/ blog/the-athletes-way/201310/parental-warmth-is-crucial- child-s-well-being
Weir, Ki. (2014). Lasting Effect of Love Deprivation. American Psychological Association, Vol.45. No.6. retrieved from www.apa.org/monitor/ 2014/06/neglect.aspx
1/26/2019 6:47:01 PM
The following article on resiliency is an adaptation from a chapter in Over the Peanut Fence: scaling barriers for homeless and runaway youth. The book, a work of love and hope, is out for review and in the final stages of production. A focus on resilience is one of several approaches social workers use to help troubled youth. Parents of teens might also take heed.
Resiliency
Runaway teens tend to have strong survival instincts. Most leave home because of abusive situations that make the risks of living on the streets more appealing than remaining in place. Experiencing trauma for much of their childhood leaves them confused, angry and the without the skills needed to earn a living. This was certainly the case when we invited a street kid, a youth I call Zach, to live with us. It took him five years to climb out of the dungeon of his mind to the light. His story sets the setting for Over the Peanut Fence.
For years, social workers tried to help trouble youth like Zach by employing behavior modification techniques. The idea was to get rid of disruptive behaviors by enticing (or forcing) the youth to adapt to societal norms. Their techniques had marginal success with abused youth, for rather than build self-esteem and confidence it reinforced the notion that society considered them to be incorrigible.
In recent years, developmental psychologists started looking at positive approaches that build on intrinsic strengths rather than on hand-slapping. Their goal was to transform adversity into affirmation. They studied why some adolescents function well while others in similar situations, do not. This led to taking a broader approach that integrates life at molecular, individual and family levels. The result was to develop a therapy based on resiliency that uses medical, social service and educational resources to initiate change.
Resilience therapy focuses on the client’s strengths and on identifying a flexible treatment plan to help overcome early trauma. It reinforces healthy behaviors by acknowledging the fortitude and skills that already exists within the adolescent. Therapists use these proficiencies to develop additional competencies that will give the youth feelings of accomplishment.
Before goals are set, the case worker explores family, community and cultural factors that were either disruptive or were helpful to the youth’s development. Mentors may be called in and asked to spend time getting to know the youth. These good samaritans help identify hidden talents and provide encouragement to meet education goals once they are set. As progress is made and praise rightfully given, budding feelings of self-worth begin to blossom. A mentor is often the first person to pay attention to the youth’s needs and desires.
Cultural inhibitors can have a significant impact on resiliency. An adolescent from a minority community who experienced or perceived racism when young has a harder time adapting to white society than one who has not. In fifth grade, Dewey Taylor, a child of color, was bused for the first time to an all-white school. When he got off he was greeted by a girl who rubbed her finger across his face to see if the color came off. Dewey was shocked and pushed her away only to be challenged by the girl’s older brother who proceeded to beat him up. Dewey and his friends decided that white kids were crazy. They lived in a middle class black neighborhood that sheltered their children from racism. The incident messed with Dewey’s confidence. It wasn’t until the Black Panthers emerged and soul singer James Brown shouted, “I’m black and I’m proud!” that Dewey mustered the strength to pull his life together.
Though a youth may eventually acquire job skills, early negative experiences can impinge on work by causing anti-social behavior, depression, anxiety and feelings of inadequacy. Promoting full resiliency requires contextual understanding on the part of counselors. Changing cultural and social environments becomes part of the treatment plan.
Lowering factors that produce negativity, focusing on growth and adaptation, and promoting altruism and harmony, empowers adolescents to think more positively. Success comes from rewarding small steps over and over again while raining down praise for accomplishments.
Leland Leonard, director Tsehootsooi Medical Center in Arizona writes about Navajo adolescents and resiliency;
“Resilience is the natural, human capacity to navigate life well. It is something every human being has—wisdom, common sense. It means coming to know how you think, who you are spiritually, where you come from, and where you are going. The key is learning how to utilize innate resilience, which is the birthright of every human being. It involves understanding our inner spirit and finding a sense of direction.”
It is a challenge to find the right amount of stimulation to propel an adolescent towards self-motivation. Vocational training, rites of passage and challenging sports offer opportunities that address this need. Unfortunately, these pathways are not always available to poor youths. Such programs give troubled youth a place to test their skills and find resilience. I’ve come to realize that overcoming youth homelessness is not a hopeless situation. It just takes the combined wisdom and compassion of people like you and me to want to do it.
References:
Zimmerman, M. (2014) Resiliency Theory: A Strengths-Based Approach to research and Practice for Adolescent Health. US National Library of Medicine, NIH. retrieved from www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/ articles/PMC3966565/
Leonard, L. (2008) The Relationship Between Navajo Adolescents’ Knowledge and Attitude of Navajo Culture and their Self-Esteem and Resiliency. Dissertation at Arizona State University.
. Zimmerman, M. PhD. (2013) Resiliency Theory. National Institution of Healthy Public Access. retrieved from www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/ pmc/articles/PMC3966565/
I look forward to your comment on my blog site below
1/12/2019 6:51:25 PM
On Top of It All
When you’ve worked through life’s pitfalls to achieve most
of your goals, it is time to help someone else do the same.
3 D Mixed media on canvas/ Wood frame/ 23” x 19” / $399
The Mentor
School does not bode well for those who find it difficult to sit still, and, from time-to-time, that’s the case for all students. I’ve listened to kids complain about academic subjects they say are boring and non-essential. They consider homework to be busywork that is irrelevant for their future, yet have no idea what that future might be. Permissive parents go along with their complaints and provide late notes when they sleep in or miss a day of school. According to Patrick Gabriel in an article for school superintendents, this attitude contributes to a poor work ethic. They drop out of school and are lackadaisical in their jobs, wondering why they don’t get the raise they assume they deserve. Many young people are confused and don’t want to put in hours of hard work necessary to meet graduation requirements. For those going for an advanced degree, the six-year graduation rate for full-time undergraduate students at a 4 year degree-granting program is only 60 percent according to the National Center for Education Statistics. Institutions with open admissions policies find that only 32 percent graduate.
For democracy to succeed it’s important for everyone to be educated and hopefully enjoy learning for its own sake. To do so, a variety of teaching approaches are available to address the variety of ways students learn. In the hands of the right teacher, tactile and auditory methods are just as effective as the written word. This method requires individualized education plans which would be extremely expensive if paid instructors were the only resource. There are other ways.
Last week, I received an email from a woman who told me of her mentor, a person extremely important to her professional and personal growth. Her comment reminded me that throughout my student years, I too had advisors to inspire and guide me. In elementary school, Ms. Dorothea, my dancing instructor filled that role. Not only did she show me the benefits to controlling how I moved, but she demonstrated the importance of doing so with purpose and grace. “Pretty fingers” she said to her class of ballerinas as we pranced around the studio acting like we belonged to the New York City Ballet.
Mrs. Lambert, my high school english teacher was the first of many mentors to inspire my love of literature. By letting us read books of our own choosing during class time, we read voraciously tales in every genre. We weren’t pressured to analyze and dissect our readings, but by devouring so many books we absorbed a craving for those that were well written. Classmates and I hovered around her desk after class, occasionally visiting her home, anxious to absorb bits of knowledge flung in our direction.
In college, I enrolled in anthropology classes and fell under the spell a female professor. It was the first time I came into contact with an adventurous woman who traveled fearlessly to out of the way places. My, how I wanted to be like her! She was accepted in primitive villages despite differences in customs and values, and she never imposed personal biases. This professor helped me understand that each person views the world from his or her own center. The way a society operates is complex and should not always be judged by western values.
When starting Impression 5 Science Museum in Lansing, Michigan, I sat next to a successful real estate developer at a luncheon for non-profit organizations. He advised me to not wait for everything to fall into place if I wanted to achieve my goal of starting a museum. He told me to look for cracks in walls and move through them without hesitation. “Grab the moment when it presents itself,” he said, “for it may never occur again. It’s not likely that everyone will be in agreement as you forge a new field. There are times when you have to take action to demonstrate the way forward.”
My mentors were generous with their time. They listened to my concerns and helped me achieve my goals. Now that I’m older, I make myself available to others who might benefit by my experience. I’ve assisted several women with their businesses, helped a boy overcome homelessness and assisted an immigrant adapt to life in the states. It’s challenging to listen to others without letting my biases take over. But, helping people achieve goals they set for themselves is what a good coach does. Mentors help them think through ways to solve their problems. They provide contacts, may open a new line of reasoning but above all help their mentee build self-esteem.
Considering how many youth struggle in traditional classrooms, I suggest a mentor be assigned to every student. All children, but especially those from dysfunctional families, will benefit from individualized attention. No parent can be all things to each of their offspring. There are times when an aunt, uncle or caring tutor is well suited to step in.
If I was the potentate of schools and could wave a magic wand, I’d call on patriotism to establish an army of mentors.
I’d ask retirees and young adults to entice, tantalize and inspire a youth to work hard and take pleasure in learning. Carpenters, plumbers, bakers, electricians, auto mechanics, health professionals, artists, business men and women as well as those with an academic bent can play a role. Let’s rid ourselves of the notion that everyone learns in the same way and discover how each mentee thinks.
Lastly, mentors can not be thrown into the lion’s den and expected to survive. They deserve to receive training. The purpose of mentoring is to build basic life skills, self-confidence, academic success and resiliency and they will need help when there are bumps in the road. Please don’t imagine mentoring a student to be an entirely altruistic activity, for mentors usually receive as much as they give. They make lifetime friends with their students who in turn help them “think young” and stay tuned to the world as it is evolving for the next generation.
References:
Gewertz.K 2019. There are Now More High Schools with Low Graduation Rates. Why? Education Week. retrieved from http://blogs.edweek.org/edweek/high_school_and_beyond/2018/06/there_are_now_more_high_schools_with_low_graduation_rates_why.html?
Education News (2018) Crisis Point: The State of Literacy in America. Concordia University. retrieved from https://education.cu-portland.edu/blog/education-news-roundup/illiteracy-in-america/
Wexler, N. (2018) Why American Students Haven’t gotten Better at Reading in 20 Years. The Atlantic. retrieved from https://www.theatlantic.com/education/archive/2018/04/-american-students-reading/557915/
Gabriel Jr. P. ( 2018) Has the Student Work Ethic Lost Its Way? The School Superintendents Association (AASA). retrieved from http://www.aasa.org/SchoolAdministratorArticle.aspx?id=17494
Selling,J. (2018) Why do So many students drop out of college and what can be done about it? Washington Post. retrieved from https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/grade-point/wp/2018/06/08/why-do-so-many-students-drop-out-of-college-and-what-can-be-done-about-it/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.e4abb6903db0
National Center for Education Statistics (2018) Fast Facts. retrieved from https://nces.ed.gov/fastfacts/display.asp?id=40
Art is always for sale. Contact me at [email protected]
10/4/2018 4:18:32 PM
Searching for Truth
Truth will eventually emerge. Lies will be uncovered. There are always consequences.
24” x 18”x1.5”/ acrylic on Canvas/ $350
Me too? You Too? Not My Kids
The number of women seeking counseling for sex abuse increased 400 percent last week. I was reminded of the clients I assisted when I worked as a mental health professional. But, they also made me think of the women I had to help later in my l\career. A great many woman suffer from abuse. It was hard to their stories, but also difficult to advise them in how stop unwanted advances before they became a monumental problem. The world of work carries its own challenges.
For instance, One thirty-seven-year old woman recently opened a consulting firm that was making headway in a national market. She had a few contracts with major conglomerates and was on call 24 hours a day to help them handle difficult personnel issues. She gave speeches at conventions, wrote a book and made all of the right moves to be recognized as an expert. Standing in her way, however, was a competitor, an well established older man who threatened to blackball her if she did not sleep with him. The woman was happily married with two children and had no desire to attend to the mans sexual needs, yet, she needed his support to further her business goals. She wasn’t sure how to maintain a working relationship without giving in to his demands. What would you do?
I advised her to confront him head on— to tell him how much she enjoyed his attention but that she was happily married and not interested in an affair. She was told to then flatter him for his knowledge of the field and ask if he would be willing to provide advice from time to time. They went on to have an collegial relationship built on mutual business interests..
Another woman was a department head in a small business funded primarily by men who formed the company’s board of directors. The woman was tall and blond, and attracted the attention of the director of a fortune 500 company who had invested $ 200,000 in the start up. At the end of a late meeting, the man offered to walk the woman to her car. As she opened the door, he grabber her and planted a wet french kiss on her lips. He asked he to meet for dinner the following week. The woman, was disgusted and did not want to go near the man again. However, her position required them to occasionally interact. She decided the best thing to do was be direct. She explained she was married and not interested in an affair but flattered by his attention. The president of the start up was made aware of what happened and she was assured that they would never seated near him again.
I had several personal experiences as well. At a meeting with a newly elected board chairman, I was asked to define our future relationship. He wanted to know if the right to join me in bed went along with the job as chair. At the time, I thought he was joking. He wasn’t. He was serious, but at least he asked. I told him no, that especially since he was in a leadership position we could not have an affair. My goal was to keep him actively involved with the organization without damaging his ego or my privacy. I am still amazed that he thought his position entitled him to my body.
All of the women mentioned were shocked at being considered a sex toy. In similar situation, many women freeze and get in trouble because they are unable to respond quickly. They fear that they will lose their livelihood if they don’t comply. As children they were never made aware that someone might try to abuse them and as a young adult the subject remained taboo. When I was younger, girls and boys were not taught their legal rights, how to respond to abuse or how to fight back. Thank goodness the these issues have come to the forefront. I do hope they will not be ignored in future generations.
Many children are sexually abused in childhood. Girls have a 1 in 4 chance and boys a 1 in 6 chance of being molested before the age of 18. Those with disabilities are 2.9 times more likely to be abused than children without a disability. Most children do not report their abuser. To combat this problem parents need to speak to their children so they will be willing to share situations that make them feel uncomfortable. My parents never talked to me and I was shocked and ill prepared to faced a “Me Too” event. And, though I taught my children about sex, respect and what makes a good relationship, it never crossed my mind to discuss abuse. The “Me Too” movement changed my thinking and I now suggest that abuse become a topic for family discussion.
Parents who routinely teach their children traffic safety rules need to add sex abuse discussions to the docket. They need to start when their children are young (4 year olds are often molested) and learn names of private parts (no cute names) the they are taught to say ears, nose and toes. They need to be able to communicate clearly to you, teachers, and a doctor if necessary. If they learn a pet name (like my kit cat) people may not know what they are talking about.
It is important for children to feel loved and to know that their parents want to keep them safe which is why they are being taught that their private parts are theirs to control. They need to learn that no one should touch them even if promised that it will make them feel good. Bathroom or stall doors should be closed, public restrooms locked, and nudity restricted to bedroom or bathroom. As soon as possible a chid should be taught how to clean their private parts themselves.
Parents should not force children to kiss or hug anyone they don’t want to and children need to understand that secrets are not kept from parents. No matter what the child says, he or she must be told they will be believed and the truth will never get in trouble. Explain that there are people who threaten children by saying something bad will happen to them or their parents if they say they tattle tale. Children who are abused feel vulnerable, powerless and conflicted. Talking calmly, answering questions and showing children that the subject is not taboo is a path for open communication.
As children enter high school alcohol, bullying, and date abuse can be added to the conversation. Many schools have sex ed classes though they often don’t discuss abuse. Even if they do, these conversations belong in the home as well. Topics should touch on verbal consent before sex and the importance of developing a caring relationship. Sex should not be seem as a route for popularity as it is for many teens.
Workplaces are also fraught with abuse and harassment. Many, but not all, companies have policies in place to deal with inappropriate behavior. Equal opportunity laws such as the Civil Rights Act, Americans with Disabilities Act and the Age Discrimination Act prohibit harassment, abuse and discrimination in the workplace are the basis for most policies. Even so, abuse occurs. Young adults will avoid pitfalls if their parents willingly discuss workplace abuse. The more a youth knows about the ways predators act, the less likely he or she will freeze and respond inappropriately.
It is impossible to be prepared for every scenario, nor do we want to raise fearful children. Most people are good, but some are not, and being naive does not help when faced with evil. I recommend that high school girls and boys take classes in self defense, karate or Judo. Students can learn to assess threats and sharpen reaction times.
I am glad that the subject of abuse is out in the open. The time to learn respect for one another is now.
Kim,S. (2014) 10 ways to Talk to Your Kids About Sexual Abuse. Every Day Feminism Magazine. retrieved from https://everydayfeminism.com/
9/29/2018 1:18:54 PM
The Gossips
Acrylic on Canvas/ 12” x 36” x 1.5 “ $285
What are they saying? Are they cursing, bullying, sharing sordid stories or tales of beauty?
Potty Mouths
When did it become OK to curse in public? As a child living in a lower middle-class neighborhood, I was exposed to dirty talk on the streets. At home, however, mother treated profanities ruthlessly by washing my mouth with soap if I uttered one of the "evil " words. She taught me effectively for I never curse, nor do my friends, family, business associates or social acquaintances. So—who utters obscenities besides stand-up comedians?
I was surprised when when my writers group suggested I have characters in a novel I’m writing swear when exhibiting strong emotions. Uttering fuck or shit does not come naturally to me, though I do realize that for many people those words are common place. Saying “Knucklehead” or “Damn” ia considered whining instead of cursing.
Why is contemporary society willing to accept crude a words as the norm? What happened to “good” manners and "polite " conversation?
Strong language has always been part of the voice of most cultures. People in every country use profanity when their emotions erupt and explode to upset another person. But anger isn’t the only reason people use crude words. James Harbek of the BBC speaks of five different ways people swear. For example one can say, “descriptively (Let’s fuck), idiomatically (It’s fucked up), abusively (Fuck you…!), emphatically (This is fucking amazing), and cathartically (Fuck!!!).” These are not necessarily meant to annoy.
Some words are taboo, but whether they are considered swearing varies from culture to culture. For instance, in some South African tribes, it is not OK for a woman to say her father-in-law’s name or any word that sounds like it, but if she accidentally does, it doesn’t turn it into a curse word.
Genitalia are commonly used in strong language, but again, not always. In one Philippine language buray ni nanya (mother’s vagina) is heard as regularly as I would say, “Nuts!” Calling someone a ‘whore’ is also an international term that is usually to refer to someone other than a wife. The most aggressive curse in most cultures is naming a sexual act against someone’s mother. “Motherfucker” comes to mind.
Among Christian cultures, devil, hell, and Satan were turned into evil words by missionaries. Contemporary American society considers “damn” and “hell” to be moderate--in the middle of the spectrum. Potty words get mixed attention depending on the country. In Sweden, for instance, you might say Skif (Shit) if annoyed, but it is not a very considered a powerful curse and can be said in front of your Grandmother without repercussion. Poor health bothers the Dutch. Calling someone a “cancer sufferer”is a bad phase to use in Holland. In Mandarin, guītóu, or turtles head, is a veiled reference to penis and a strong curse.
Contemporary society is embroiled in a culture face-off between moralists and modernists. Moralists see swearing as a collapse of civility and a sign that America's getting coarser. They trace rampant cursing back to civil rights and Vietnam demonstrators who shouted curses during rallies in the 60’s. Since then, Hollywood films, rock music and hip hop have helped make them commonplace. Moralists believe society has lost all sense of shame. They believe increased use of profanities escalates anger and supports bullying that is disruptive to civilized communication.
Complaining about unchecked profanity is not new. In the 1920s, society railed around ‘slummers’, well-bred young people who emulated course language heard at the docks. In the 40s, a profanity came sailing home from the wars in Europe and Asia, along with returning GIs. But, during those periods, cursing didn’t not overwhelm common language as it does today. According to NPR, curse language has increased exponentially in recent years. They report that since the 1970s, causal vulgarity became more commonplace when dress and entertainment became more informal.
Modernists consider “dirty” words to be so ordinary that they're no longer profane. They’re simply colorful, though most agree that kids should be taught not to use them at inappropriate times. I overheard someone say that, “potty mouths are like potholes, just another of life’s little inconveniences.”
To many, however, they are much worse than potholes. To them, curse words and gutter talk indicate a lack of having class. Most citizens want their leaders to refrain from cursing. No one is interested in hearing a political say “Twat”, “Bitch” ,“Cock” or “Wanked” on national TV.
Apparently, I am one a of dwindling few who find vulgarness troubling, and don’t enjoy hearing people swear in public. I don’t even find it funny when comedians spout curse words and see their use as a crutch and poor substitute for cleverness.
When it comes to raising children, however, three-quarters of the population say parents should teach them that cursing is never right. Strangely enough, 85% of the same population poled, say they curse from time to time.
Uttering profanities is a vivid demonstration that your emotions got the better of you. When I hear people swear in anger, I tend to judge them badly, for they are out of control even if they are justified to be upset. I don’t want to be around them until they calm down. Swearing does not explain the cause of their anger and it gets in the way of their ability to problem solve.
Modernists need moralists if their curses are to mean anything. Foul mouths will lose power if everyone casually accepts profanity, for without prudes like me who are shocked by vulgarness, curse words will become meaningless.
I would love to hear your take on the use of profanity in common parlance. please comment on my blog site.
References:
Harbeck, J. (2015) Mind your language! Swearing around the world. BBC Culture. retrieved from http://www.bbc.com/culture/story/20150306-how-to-swear-around-the-world
Nunberg,G.(2012) Swearing: A long and 3%@&$ History. NPR - Fresh Air Opinion. retrieved from https://www.npr.org/2012/07/24/156623763/swearing-a-long-and-history.
My art is aways for sale. Contact me at [email protected].
7/28/2018 1:52:41 PM
Walking on Air
Above they city they pass in search of life’s meaning and a way to cope in a rapidly changing technological stratified society.
Acrylic on canvas/ 26.5" x 49.5”/ wood frame/ $650.00
Xennials
The parenting focus in my last two newsletters discussed why couples with children born in the the United States score at the bottom of an international scale for happiness. Last week I shared these findings with young adults who visited my “Do You Need A Mother?” booth which my son set up for me at Shift-Festival, an Oregon techno-art-music extravaganza (similar to Burning Man). A great many attendees appeared relieved to have a chance to talk about problems they were facing. I learned of a myriad of concerns Xennials have when coping with social and economic issues.
Who are these Xennials? They previously were under the “Millennia” umbrella, but found that it covered such a broad spectrum of ages they did not fit in. So, Mellenial was subdivided into two groups—Xennials (born between 1977 and 1983) and Millennials (born 1984 to 2,000). Millennials are often labeled as narcissistic and spoiled by helicopter parents. They are blamed for much of what is wrong in society today. Baby Boomers say they are lazy and entitled. Xennials didn’t want to be associated with such negativity which is why they christened a new category. Now, in their 30s and 40s, they are able to affect the dynamics of our country.
Though not digital natives, Xennials are comfortable with technological advances. They still remember dial-up internet and heavy mobile phones. In their teens, they mixed music on cassette tapes, owned a walkman and remember when they first heard about Google and Facebook. Xennials were the first group to embrace social media but squeezed through high school and college before it overtook their lives. They are cynical, though not as pessimistic as early Gen Xers and remain somewhat optimistic, though not as much as Gen Yers.
Xennials got rid of paper bank statements, brought down bar soap, nixed nine-to five works days and ended the time when interactions started off-computer. They are the sandwich generation, caught between analog and digital computers, and were hit hardest by a recession that caused job loss and created excessive student debt. Highly influenced by the tragedy of 9/11, they lost much of their optimism. As Monica Hunter-Heart says, “they were first given a sweet taste of the good life, and then kicked in the face.”
Most of the people I met attending Shift-Festival belong to the Xennial generation. They embrace health and wellness trends and have slightly more disposable income than the Millennials who follow. Many have chosen not to have children, but if they do, they likely waited until in their thirties and have only one. Xennial’s believe in relaxation and science based solutions, spending time and income on taking several vacations per year. They want to “do good,” support feminist ideals and accept those of LGBTQ persuasion.
Since they are not in the top economic echelon, the middle class world they inhabit is more brutal than the one I experienced at the same age. Their coping mechanisms do not depend on family or small town community fabric. Rather than go it alone, however, they band together sharing residences and forming friendship groups based on common interests. Meetup and Maker events lead the way. Festivals like Burning Man and Shift have camps composed of friends who design art and science projects that are worked on throughout the year. Sculptures, circus acts and musical entertainment are then brought to summer events. These social groups are reminiscent of the krewes that sponsor floats and balls for Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
The people I met at Shift Festival are middle income Americans. For the most part, they are college educated computer scientists, engineers, teachers and psychologists or they received advanced training at a technical school. Though they applied themselves to their studies, upon graduation, they had a difficult time jobs they considered meaningful. Those who did, discovered that their salary was barely enough to cover living expenses and repay college debt.
Most began their careers enthusiastically and worked hard in hope of improving society, but when the market crashed, they became discouraged. Though previously earning a decent wage, a great many were suddenly deprived of employment and security. If married, the added stress contributed to depression and relationships that ended in divorce. They settled into a state of stress and worry and became hesitant to make long term commitments. Instead they started seeking gratification through rotating connections and continuous partying.
Many times over I heard people say they were engaged in a search for meaning. They were looking for something, but knew not what it was, and hoped to regain the passion they had felt when younger. They want a job that will help build community, provide a meaningful focus and contribute to their financial stability. Unfortunately, there are few job opening for those with a social conscience. They lucky few who don't find what they are looking for at work are able to discover a purpose through Maker friendship groups.
But others— instead of joining in community, attend festivals, parties and dance in night long marathons, often escaping in a haze of alcohol and drugs. Underneath their cheerful exterior and wishful words, I heard fear and uncertainty. They expressed concerned about what will happen without having children to care for them as they age.
Yet, despite their confusion, I am cautiously optimistic that they will find a path. It will be different than mine, but their search for meaning and community is already taking expression in numerous communal forms. Living in over populated cities, affected by crime and climate change, they experiment with new friendship forms that meet their desire for family. I can’t help but admire the compassion and creativity they bring to their work and play. I hope that they will be better able to create a just society than the hippies of the 60’s espousing peace and love.
As Sharon Jackson wrote in the Star Tribune, “Baby boomers are stereotyped as hippies and tree-hugging idealists. Gen Xers are considered jaded slackers. Millennials are disparaged as coddled narcissists. But for the newly coined Xennials, there’s no bad rap: Their story hasn’t been written.”
Addendum:
Marriage status for each generation at age 25-30
Boomers -1980 = 60%
Gen X - 1990-54%
Gen X -2000 -50%
Xennials 2010- 38%
Millenials-2015 33%
References:
Lord, E. (2017) 11 Sisgns That You’re a Xennial Not a Millennial. Notable Live. retrieved from https://notablelife.com/xennial-millennial-definition/
Haunter-Hart.M. (2017) What is an Xennial? What People Born Between ’77-’83 Need to Know. The Bleeding Edge (A Netflix Documentary) retrieved from
https://www.inverse.com
Wertz, Jia. (2018) Analog and Digital: Xennials present a Unique Opportunity for Marketers, Forbes, retrieved from https://www.forbes.com/sites/jiawertz/2018/04/19/analog-digital-xennials-present-unique-opportunity-for-marketers/#35da894266ba
Jackson, S. (2017) ‘Sandwiched’ between Gen X and Millennials, Xennials seek own identity. Star Tribune. retrieved from http://www.startribune.com/sandwiched-between-gen-x-and-millennials-xennials-seek-own-identity/461129323/
I look forward to hearing your comments.
Works or art are always for sale. Please contact me at [email protected].
7/14/2018 9:21:32 PM
ADRA
Does she want the responsibility of motherhood?
acrylic on canvas/ 24” by 20” / $ 450
Last week I wrote that 15 percent of American women do not have children, and that 1.8 was the average birthrate for those who did. In 2016, that number dipped to an all time low, and if it was not for immigrants, the population would be in decline. I also listed reasons couples chose not to have a family and shared the pleasure I had from raising my own brood of 5.
Though most people said they liked the article (it was upbeat) and found the statistics interesting, one response surprised me. A woman I greatly respect said that she didn’t enjoy the blog for it sounded like white privilege. What? I was shocked. Does she believe that only white people can find pleasure in raising children? Her comment filled my mind throughout the week. I had to investigate further.
The first thing I did was look at racial differences. In 2016, there were fifty-one per thousand births from White and Asian women. Native Hawaiian, American Indian and Alaska Natives had sixty per thousand, Hispanic women—fifty-eight and African- American fifty-four per thousand. During the past two years these birthrates declined among come ethnic groups. Non-Hispanic White women gave birth to three percent fewer children. There was a two percent decline among Hispanic and Asian women while the birthrate among Black, Native American and Hawaiian women remained the same.
White, Hispanic and Asian women are choosing to have fewer children. Why? Are they more likely to view children as a burden or is it something else? Choices made today are greatly influenced by wealth, age and education. Strangely, those who can least afford children have larger families.
A majority of educated 20 year-olds desire children but believe they should have them when they are economically secure. They plan to finish their schooling, establish a career, acquire a modicum of financial security and have access to good healthcare before starting a family. Education and financial security contribute to good health, a lower chance of contracting a chronic disease and a longer life span. They also open doors to good jobs, enabling houses to be purchased in safe neighborhoods. Higher incomes make health care, insurance and legal assistance affordable. Support of paid or elected positions of government officials who shape policies to their advantage is within the means of the middle and upper class.
Knowing these benefits, instead of following their heart’s desire for a household full of children, they work and wait. And, by the time they’re in their thirties, their minds change. The desire for a large family starts to wane. They enjoy their independence, are immersed in jobs and social activities and more reluctant to undertake the responsibility of parenthood. Their partners also work, making childcare a major concern. When they finally say yes to kids, they give birth at a later age and have fewer.
Minority, low-income and less educated people in their twenties also want children, but are less likely to wait for the golden bow to dip their way. They are not convinced it ever will. They live in marginal neighborhoods, have poor health care and limited income potential. Living in a constant state of economic insecurity, they have a high degree of stress. Though their needs are greater , they lack political representation to help them get out of poverty. Their familial support network is also weak due to divorce or having children out of wedlock. Relatives may live far away and frequent moves in search of employment end friendships.
How many people can afford paying $10-$15 an hour for a babysitter? From time to time every parent needs relief to maintain sanity. Without support it makes me wonder if parenthood is a happy time for anyone who undertakes it. Studies have been conducted measuring how happy parents are compared to those who elect not to have children.
The countries that report parents to be happier than non-parents are Portugal, Hungary, Spain, Norway, Sweden, Finland, France and Russia (just barely). Those that find them to be less happy than their childless friends include Ireland, Greece, Britain, New Zealand, Switzerland, Poland, Israel and four more, with the United States at the bottom. On average, American parents report being 12 percent unhappier than non-parents. This unfortunate situation is because our country provides little assistance to families with young children. Also raising children in America is outrageously expensive ($284,570).
In general, parenthood in the U. S. does not bring happiness, though it does provide a sense of purpose, gives meaning to life and stimulates ongoing social connections. The amount of pleasure a parent gets from raising children does seem to be influenced by privilege. Parenting may not be joyful unless you are a person with means.
The countries with happier parents offer paid parental leave, mandatory paid sick and vacation days, subsidized childcare and work-schedule flexibility, providing an environment conducive to childrearing. I understand why touting the pleasures of parenthood might sound like it is promoting white privilege. However, it was wrong to call it a white issue for it is not based on race, but rather on education and economics. Secondarily, however, race does enter the picture because both education and economic situations are biased in favor of those who are white.
In my younger years I was fortunate to have been privileged with enough resources to raise my children in comfort. They continue to provide me with a great deal of pleasure. I wish the same gift could be given to everyone. It can happen, but will take a citizenry that values parenthood and the life of each child.
Research:
Statista Portal (2016) Birthrate in the United States in 2016, by ethnic group of mother. Statista. Retrieved from https://www.statista.com/statistics/241514/birth-rate-by-ethnic-group-of-mother-in-the-us/
Swanson, A. (2016) Many parents will say kids made them happier. They’re probably lying. Washington Post. retrieved from https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/07/06/many-americans-will-tell-you-having-kids-made-them-happier-theyre-probably-lying/?utm_term=.1c878a9c565d
7/7/2018 3:20:56 PM
Julia
25” by 36”/ Acrylic on Canvas, framed / $ 425
Resting from a day job, housework and chauffeuring children, she considers the pile of requests and applications
to teachers, healthcare providers, camps and colleges that remain piled on her desk.
For the Love of Kids
Eight senior managers were employed to help me run OMSI. Though all were married, only one beside me had children. Four interacted with kids on a regular basis while the remaining mangers handled the business of running a large institution. All were committed and worked tirelessly to ensure the museum’s success.
It surprised me that adults interested in educating children did not want to become parents. Several mentioned concern about overpopulation, but most wanted freedom to immerse themselves in work, travel and other interests.
I realized they were happily engaged in what they were doing, but privately thought they were missing out on the most important part of life. As they near retirement, I wonder if they still believe they made the right choice. I worry about their a safety net for end of life needs.
Though they have adequate resources to enter comfortable retirement facilities, who will visit? Who will take the time time to hear their stories, shower them with love and mourn when they are no longer alive.
Before the nineteenth century, children were important to their parent’s welfare. They worked on the family’s farm, were sent into mines at the age of thirteen or took after-school jobs carrying groceries. In old age, their children took care of them.
The economic value of children decreased with transformation from an agrarian to urban society. Medical advances led to a decline in childhood mortality rates. Since fewer children were needed for economic reasons, birth rates declined.
At the same time, cost of raising their offspring increased. Schooling added to the family’s expenses for children have to be fed, clothed, enrolled in after-school activities and provided with an indoor place to study. Children, once treated as property, were given entitlements. Parents became more egalitarian, friendlier and less strict. Motherhood began to lose its value.
The government demanded an ever-larger share of earnings in the form of taxes. As usable income declined, both parents had to work to make ends meet. Children were a hardship to exhausted couples embroiled in debt. Divorce rates escalated, adding to the burden of single parents. According to 2017 consumer expenditure statistics, the average cost to raise a child through age 17 is $284,570. A recent New York Times article reports that economic insecurity is the main reason fewer babies are being born. Concerns range from childcare being too expensive, worries about the economy, to financial insecurity and not enough paid family leave. The average fertility rate in the United States has dipped to 1.8, below replacement level.
Approximately 67 percent of women decide as teenagers to have two children and, by and large, do so, even though motherhood is viewed as an overwhelming commitment. Those who never experience motherhood amount to 15 percent of the female population. Free from child-care responsibility, they peruse careers, travel and seek entertainment with like minded people. Once women had the freedom to work, men benefited by having freedom from work.
Those who do not choose parenthood are pressured by family and friends do do so. Over time, some become concerned about not forming a love-bond with a child. Though they may be successfully employed and have financial security, it is not unusual to become bored by chasing happiness. Children start to be viewed as the legacy they hope to leave behind, the minds they want to mold to their way of thinking. As a result, there is a 6 percent upswing of people over 40 becoming parents.
Childless couples also consider their legacy as they age, but rather than through parenthood, they pursue it through art, science, religion or career. Friendship and professional networks are developed as a substitute to having a young family. And, childless couples claim to be just as satisfied with their lives as parenting women (except for teen moms).
Yet, I still maintain that childless couples miss out on life’s greatest pleasure. Following are thoughts about what children mean to me.
1. Children keep alive my thirst for knowledge. I relearned math, history and literature as my children went through school. By the time they were adults, their opinions often challenged my beliefs and helped me adapt to change.
2. They make me happy. When they give me a kiss, tell me they love me or say positive things, everything seems right in the world.
3. When young, they kept me involved in healthy activities. Taking them to museums, zoos, water parks and on hikes took me far away from stress.
4. They kept me alert, for they acted in surprising ways that often involved problem solving. If they needed a science fair project their father or I became involved. I was both a booster and cheerleader enabling them to take risks, overcome difficiulties and act creatively.
5. They keep me laughing. Starting in infancy, their big smiles, giggles and oft-times crazy antics made me smile and laugh. Jumping on a trampoline, trying to free a frisbee caught in a tree and winning at scrabble were happy times. They continue sending emails that make me laugh.
6. My children taught me to see more clearly. I will never forget when my 9 month old son saw snow for the first time. The expression on his face wrapped me in the beauty and mystery of the moment as though I too was seeing it for the first time.
7. The occasionally provided me with an alibi for getting out of something I didn’t want to do. I shamelessly used their slightest sniffle as a reason for staying home.
9. Children gave our family tax savings which was important, for their costs were great.
10. Lastly, my children kept me sane, contrary to the belief that most will drive you crazy. The crazy part was momentarily while the sanity was long lasting. I had to rise to the occasion of being a dependable presence who loved them unconditionally and appreciated their accomplishments.
As a mother, I never asked about the purpose of life or whether what I was doing was worthwhile. I knew in my heart and soul that it was. Inspiring thoughtful, creative children who contribute to bettering society, was the most important thing I could do.
References
Perry, S. (2014) Children aren’t worth very much —that’s why we no longer make many. Family Values. retrieved from https://qz.com/231313/children-arent-worth-very-much-thats-why-we-no-longer-make-many/
Khazan, O. (2017) How People Decide Whether to Have Children. The Atlantic. retrieved from https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2017/05/how-people-decide-whether-to-have-children/527520/
Lino, M. (2017) The Cost of Raising a Child. Center for Nutrition Policy and Promotion report in Food and Nutrition. retrieved from https://www.usda.gov/media/blog/2017/01/13/cost-raising-child
(2012) Common myths about having a child later in life. CBS News. retrieved from https://www.cbsnews.com/media/common-myths-about-having-a-child-later-in-life/
Miller,C. (2018) A Baby Bust, Rooted in Economic Inecurity. New York Times, July 6th 2018.
6/9/2018 6:36:20 PM
The Studio
As devoted parents my husband and I enrolled our children in every type of enrichment program imaginable. Our goal was to train them to be independent creative people. Once they werepushed out of the nest, though, I missed them.
Acrylic on Canvas/$ 399
Do You Need a Mother?
Two weeks ago I bought a t-shirt that says, “O My Gosh, My mother really does know everything.” I bought it to wear to Shift Festival, an annual music fair my youngest son puts on in Central Oregon. He had asked me to set up a booth called, “Do You Need A Mother?” I said yes. Along with conversation and relaxation on old sofas and camping chairs, there will be a craft table so visitors can let out their inner child. Spiked ice tea will also be served with strong doses of motherly advice available.
But, as I began preparing for the event, I started to question whether adults still need their mothers. My adult children love me, but they certainly don’t need me. They are surrounded by spouses, friends and children who enrich their lives. What they appear to want from me is an occasional listening ear, a companion when it’s convenient, and someone to brag to when they or their children reach a milestone achievement. They want me to be a proud mother, which is easy. I have a Garrison Keiller type family “where the women are strong, the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.”
As a young mother, I read the latest child rearing books, became a Montessori parent and enrolled my children in every imaginable enrichment program I could find to stimulate their curiosity. They danced, learned karate, did gymnastics, played instruments, studied art, and became computer literate well before computers were routinely used in schools. I thought of myself as “supermom.” I was determined to insure that nothing hurt my children while on my watch. I was 100 percent happy driving them from activity to activity, baking cookies and washing up after them. It was just part of the deal of being Mom.
If they struggled reading—we read out-loud until they did so with ease. When a daughter was bullied—an older child was sent to accompany her to school. I coddled, pushed, pampered and protected them in every way I could. You might imagine my surprise when they became teens and started to push back. Seemingly overnight their friends became more important, and I was marginalized.
As the decades passed, my family was challenged by unexpected occurrences. Cancer, accidents, mental episodes, divorce and a handicapped child created worries beyond imagination. When I was involved in their difficulties, nothing else mattered. But as they aged and became more independent, I began to be relegated to the role of helpless bystander. Being on the edges I found to be difficult, for I’m a problem solver. My nature is that of a fixer who makes everything right.
So, in preparation for the festival, I asked a thirty-year-old attendee if she needs a mother? Her response was, “All I need are hugs.” Five other young-adults sitting nearby shook their heads in agreement. Then my son told me something that rang true. He said that the reason he was able to take risks was because he knew that his father and I would be there to pick him up if he failed. His trust that our love would never disappear enabled him to be an entrepreneur and to inspire a community of friends interested in art and technology.
Over the years, I’ve come to acknowledge the unpredictability of life. There are good parts and bad, ups and downs. I can’t protect my children from all harm and realize they deserve to try things on their own, even if it is dangerous. They have the right to make mistakes. So, I bought another t-shirt to wear at the festival, “JUST BE YOU.” I see now that the only gift I can give is that of love—unconditional, unshakable love.
However, I can also be a tree with many branches. Roots will hold me firm so that my children know where to find me. They will visit, hopefully often but I know they won't stay. They will swing free of my branches and fly off to test themselves and discover just who they are. They were trained to be survivors, independent of their parents. That is how it should be.
So now, if they develop problems that worry me—ones outside of my control, I know exactly what I will do. l will relax and wear my latest shirt, “HEAVILY MEDITATED.” That works.
Do comment below and share how you interact with your adult children and/or your parents. Do you need them? Do they need you?
Art is always for sale. contact me at [email protected].
5/19/2018 2:53:48 PM
In Transition
Into the John Day Fossil Beds
24” x 30” / Acrylic on deep canvas/ $ 599.
Dig It -Try Something New
Summer is a time to inspire youth and renew your craving for adventure. For mystery lovers, it does not get much better than going on a big dig! Paleontology and archaeology sites around the world provide unusual ways to satisfy curious minds. So put on that pith helmet and take off for the experience of a lifetime.
You are never too old. Last week I drove to Fossil, Oregon with my eldest son. We went behind the High School with shovels and pails and dug for treasures, finding 30 million year plant fossils. A nearby trail through the John Day National Monument pointed out environmental changes over a 50 million year period. The above painting was my way of documenting what we saw.
Imagine how exciting it would be to find a dinosaur bone sticking out of the earth in Texas, Montana or even China? You will immediately be transported back 65 million years to when these colossal creatures walked the earth. If you participate in the painstaking job of exposing these heavy fossilized bones, you will have plenty of time to wonder how huge creatures managed to forage for food and raise their young. You might question why they went extinct and which mammals, birds or amphibians today are distant relatives. Fossil digs take perseverance and careful adherence to strict research rules often in uncomfortable environments. But it is heartening to be part of a team which is why so many families sign up to go on volunteer expeditions.
Museums are great places to go for inspiration. The Fort Worth Museum of Science and History has an outdoor dino-pit so children can get the feel of a dig. The Science Museum of Minnesota and the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry, installed labs where visitors can watch scientists work uncovering and assembling fossils. There may even have a fossil for you to excavate. In front of the world famous Natural History Museum of Los Angeles County, the La Brea Tar Pits bubbles with animals trapped thousands of years ago. The museum has a display of many of their discoveries.
If you don’t have the time to go on a dig, you certainly can live vicariously through videos and movies. Dr. Stefano Piccini was inspired as a youngster and went on to study Geological and Paleontological Science from the University of Bologna. He now travels the world uncovering fossil and mineral deposits and employing the latest techniques to restore and display them. He shares his excitement with the public through television presentations, lectures and installations of geological and paleontological specimens in museums and private collections.
What gives a child the impetus to seek a career in geology or paleontology? It often starts with a gift by a relative. An dinosaur dig toy, a visit to a museum, a book or exposure to a fossilized tooth may be enough to ignite the spark to ignite curiosity. Small beginnings can lead to large discoveries. It worked for me. As a child I visited museums in Philadelphia with my parents. The Franklin Institute, with its hands-on approach to learning, and the Natural History Museum inspired me to pursue a career as a museum executive.
It is a good time to have a job as a paleontologist. New imaging devices and global warming have exposed an unprecedented number of fossils. According the Bureau of Labor Statistics, geoscientists, which include paleontologists, earn an average of $106,390 annually. Though universities and museums are experiencing difficulty getting funding for research projects, industry jobs are expanding. Infrastructure laws for highways, gas and oil drilling and pipelines, electric and phone lines have become more restrictive when it comes to collecting and preserving fossils. This has led to the expanding field of environmental consulting.
But industry is not the only place vertebrate paleontologists are found. It may surprise you to know that medical and dental universities use them because of their knowledge at the cellular level. Science journalism, artists and special effects workers are also in demand as are governmental jobs with the Bureau of Land Management, The National Park and Monuments, and the National Forest Service..
Whether seeking a career or a volunteer position it is key opening to take off blinders and open yourself to previously unimagined opportunities. The world is a intriguing planet to explore above and below the surface.
Art is always for sale. Contact me at [email protected].
5/12/2018 7:05:13 PM
Family in a Turkish Village
Acrylic on Canvas/ Black Frame24” x 48” / $690
The Kurds are an ethnic group that spans Turkey, Iran, Iraq and Syria. Historically and linguistically they are classified as belonging to the Iranian people. Since the end of the Ottoman Empire they have been separated by boundaries created by foreign interests. During the 20th century the Kurds regained their voice and began instigating a call for Kurdish nationalism. What is the right path for these people? Who is to decide their future? And who should take responsibility for upheaval and displacements caused by foreign powers?
Case for a History Sleuth
In the New Reformers (1844), Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “We are students of words: we are shut up in schools and colleges and recitation rooms for ten or fifteen years and come out at last with a bag of wind, a memory of words and we do not know a thing.”
Emerson’s sentiment rings true to me. I had a difficult time studying history and found the required readings had little relevance to my life. As a teen, anything that occurred before I was born, was unimportant. My focus was on booys and school activities and what I would do with the rest of my life.
This myopic view is not uncommon. What occurred hundreds of years ago doesn’t matter to most children. One of my grandsons is an exception. His interest in history was actually peaked by teachers who did not require him to memorize dates and battles but inspired him to learn through games and play acting. More likely, though, he likes history because he has been fortunate enough to travel abroad with his family and see remnants of the past for himself. Walking grounds where past civilizations tread or reading letters by eye witnesses can make the past come alive.
Yet, despite visiting ruins and reading about the ancient world, I doubt that teens understand how history influences what is going on in the world today. For most children, the past is represented through storybook tales that have nothing to do with computers, YouTube, cell phones or space exploration. They are enthralled by League of Legends, Minecraft, and Tetris.
A grasp of history is imperative for our leaders but also important for the rest of society. It is not the facts, but the values, mistakes, and influences on the direction human civilization that matters most. Past events provide avenues for contemplation that test our values and contribute to our sense of identity.
“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it,” said philosopher George Santayana. There is truth in his words. Wars in the United Staes and Europe have often served as breeding grounds for more wars. After WWII we carved countries into new entities without understanding the ties that previously stabilized the regions. Distrust and ongoing fights within these new borders continue to plague these politically created entities. Men like Napoleon, Stalin, and Mao Tse Tung used war as opportunity for regime change. Over time their initial good intentions led to dictatorships. When foreign powers intervene in the internal affairs of sovereign states, war becomes protracted. This pattern is repeated time and again throughout the ages.
How can history be made fascinating yet useful? Primitive people used to gather around the fireplace to teach through oral presentations that stimulated emotions. Stories of creation and historical events combined with moral lessons were often animated by dancers and masked actors. Until television, storytellers in were in great demand and commanded respect. Troubadours in the middle ages sang about historical and current events. Abraham Lincoln mastered the art of storytelling and spun tales that captured the imagination of his audiences in order to get his points across. He knew that information is digested more easily when facts are connected to emotions. Stories help people to remember what is said and provide a way for them to relate to one another.
Another way to teach history is to develop cases that challenge students with hidden messages. They are asked to become detectives and look for clues from bygone eras. Facts become illuminated as the past is unravelled and not because it was presented for memorization. Cases can be entertaining and offer opportunities to observe, interact, and understand human nature.
Just as forensic experts are scientists who use sleuth-like strategies to solve crimes, case system participants are similarly immersed in the scientific method. They form hypotheses, collect data, analyze it, and report results. The outcome may shed light on a current societal issue and inspire a new hypothesis to be tested that is relevant today. Using the scientific method as a system for solving problems can help illuminate conflicting and confusing data.
For example, the Supreme Court is often asked to clarify what the signers of the constitution meant when they wrote certain articles. Though it is difficult to put ourselves into a dead person’s mind there are many clues that can be used in an analysis. Were the signers religious? Well educated? Family men? What were their professions? Were they wealthy or poor? And a topic I find most interesting—what happened to the founders after they signe.? Did you know that that some were considered traitors? Several became bankrupt. A few had their homes ransacked?
By studying the American revolution, students learn to question gain insight into the cost of freedom. Change does not happen smoothly as can be seen by many the conflicts plaguing the world today.
As adults, it behooves us to help youth become history sleuths. We have an opportunity during vacations to look behind the surface when we take them on trips to parks and historical places. It is our job to teach the next generation how to think. I do believe we can do a better job showing them how the past relates to the conflicts of today.
References:
Clairmont, N. (2017) “Those Who Do Not Learn History are doomed to repeat it. Really? Big Think. http://bigthink.com/the-proverbial-skeptic/those-who-do-not-learn-history-doomed-to-repeat-it-really
11/18/2017 7:44:17 PM
Meet the Blockheads
Acrylic on Canvas with glossy polyurethane finish. 26” by 22” / $385/ framed
Those fortunate enough to be showered with love during their childhood are likely to become healthy, well adjusted adults.
Without Love, What?
The following passage is taken from the manuscript of Over the Sticker Bush Fence: Scaling Barriers for Homeless and Runaway Youth. In this section I discuss what happens to children who are raised in loveless surroundings. The book is presently under consideration for publication by a well known publisher. It is not too late to comment and I look forward to your insights.
In my naivety, I assumed that love was instinctual and that every newborn, no matter how poor, is a recipient of parental attention. Without some level of care a helpless infant could never survive. But I quickly learned that feelings of responsibility vary from person to person as does emotions elicited by love.
From the manuscript.
“The majority of us are fortunate for we are surrounded by loving parents and relatives. As infants, family members held and cherished us and as adults, we find partners and form bonds based on love and mutual respect. But what happens to children who are never caressed or told that they are special? What are the long-term effects of never having being touched and cuddled? What befalls those children who are physically abandoned, left on door steps or placed in cribs and not attended to when they cry or diapers need changing?”
“A cornerstone study about infant neglect was initiated in the 1980s when Dr. Nathan Fox and colleagues from Harvard Medical School, walked into an orphanage in Romania. Due to a recent ban on abortion, the number of orphan babies had soared. 170,000 children were placed in 700 overcrowded and impoverished facilities across the country, staffed with an insufficient number of caretakers. Though the facilities were clean, the infants were emotionally neglected. Left day and night in their cribs, the babies were changed periodically and fed without being held. The nurseries were eerily quiet places. Since crying infants were ignored, they stopped making sounds. No attention—no cries—only silence.”
“Dr. Fox followed these children for over fourteen years. During the early years of the study, autistic-like behaviors such as head-banging and rocking were common. As the children grew their head circumferences remained unusually small. They had difficulty paying attention and comprehending what was going on around them. Over time, 50 percent of the children suffered from mental illness. They displayed poor impulse control, were socially withdrawn, had problems coping and regulating emotions, and were shrouded in low self-esteem. They manifested pathological behaviors such as tics, tantrums, stealing and self-punishment. Poor intellectual functioning caused them to have low academic success.”
“Those children lucky enough to be put in a caring foster home before the age of two were able to rebound. Unfortunately, those who entered foster care at a later age were not so lucky, for they were permanently damaged.” . . . .
“Without repeated acts of love, a child’s brain doesn’t make the growth hormone needed for proper mental and physical development, leaving the child permanently scarred. Even small insults of shame and rejection can impact a youngster’s ability to develop in a healthy manner. Verbal abuse from adults who say such words as, “I can’t believe you would embarrass me like that,” or “You Idiot! Who do you think you are?” hurt and affect a child’s self-esteem. This type of verbal abuse can lead a child to be cruel to animals, set fires, take drug, and self-withdrawal.”
"Parental warmth and love are crucial for a child’s well-being. Writing for Psychology Today, Christopher Bergland concurs that “Toxic childhood stress alters neural responses linked to illness in adulthood.” He writes of a 2013 study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences where researchers examined the effects of abuse and lack of parental affection across the regulatory system. They discovered a biological link between negative experiences early in life and poor health in later years. The brains of unloved, neglected children are permanently affected. Their stress levels are high, setting the stage for elevated cholesterol levels, cardiovascular disease, metabolic syndromes, and other conditions that pose a serious health risks.”
“The study was able to document what most healthy families have always known, that children need to be showered with love and kindness and live in a welcoming environment. Love is what helps youth develop defense mechanisms that provide a buffer from abuse and trauma.”
“A good example of the importance of early love is found in Zach’s story. He was loved as a child even though neglected and at times abused by parents high on drugs and alcohol. That he was occasionally smacked and at times not fed, was not as important in the long-run as knowing he was wanted. He was fortunately part of an extended family that lived nearby, so when the situation became intolerable, he often found shelter with relatives. This early attention sustained him through difficult times and made him able to transition as a caring individual.
“Those growing up without the gift of love are not so fortunate. “Charlie” was left alone in his crib for hours on end. When he cried there was no-one there to pick him up and comfort him so eventually he became silent. His diaper was changed irregularly and rashes developed causing more discomfort. While being fed, a bottle was propped on a pillow by his mouth while he lay still in his crib. He rarely felt the warm arms of a loving adult. He remained listless and grew slowly, learning to sit and crawl months after what was developmentally appropriate for his age. By the age of two, he was more like a one-year-old. Over the years “Charlie” never caught up.”
* * *
Parents, there is no such thing as showering your children with too much love. However, I share a cautionary note. Love is not to be confused with spoiling. It does not equate with letting the child do anything he or she wants to do. Parents are responsible for teaching their children the social and cultural mores of society. There are times when “tough love” is called for in order to instill responsibility. But love may also mean, picking your child up over and over again each time he falls down.
References:
1. Nelson, C. & Fox, N. & Zeanah, C. (2014) Romania’s Abandoned Children, Deprivation, Brain Development, and the Struggle for Recovery, Harvard University Press.
2. Parks, G. (2,000) The High/Scope Perry Preschool Project. U.S. Department of Justice; Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention. retrieved from https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/ojjdp/181725.pdf alsoRand Published Study http://www.rand.org/pubs/research_briefs/RB9145.html
3. Bergland, C.( 2013) Parental Warmth is crucial for a Child’s Well-being. Psychology Today. retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-athletes-way/201310/parental-warmth-is-crucial-child-s-well-being
4. Smith, D. Effects: of The Lack of Attachment. Addictive Behavior Counseling School Student Lecture notes. retrieved 2017 from http://www.darvsmith.com/dox/lackofattachment.html
5/27/2017 9:32:12 PM
View from a Bridge
This summer, greet your young visitors with a museum in your home. It is enjoyable to organize and fun to observe smiling faces that move independently without creating chaos.
A Museum at Home
It is summer and children will need to find entertainment at home or on excursions while visiting friends and relatives. Most adults don’t plan for the onslaught of vacationing children and as much as they look forward to their company, they also dread it. With a bit of preplanning, however, much can be done to make time spent at home (or at a family gathering) special. It is possible to organize household space to permit creative activities to occur without worry about cherished possessions being destroyed.
Why not create a hands-on museum in your home. . .one that will go beyond computers and videos to stimulate curiosity and engage the attention of active children? It is a good way to occupy energetic pre-schoolers and elementary school youth. By thinking like a museum director, opportunities can be provided for housebound youngsters to enjoy creative, educational and thoughtful pursuits. For instance, it is common in hot weather for kids to spend hours outside splashing in water play in order to keep cool.
With a bit of cleaver planning by adults, during play children can learn simple principles of physics and hydraulics. They might choose to have fun by dressing in period costumes (studying culture and history), constructing forts and buildings (practicing engineering and architecture), putting together 3-D puzzles (fine tune spacial abilities and logic), coordinating puppet plays (developing imagination and writing abilities), making art (sharpening visual and small motor skills), and other activities involving physical movement and mental challenges. By providing educational opportunities during the summer, parents also have a chance to test their own ingenuity and creativity. The process will call on ingenuity while providing a great deal of enjoyment.
When my children were young I was a frequent visitor to children’s museums and noted that the way they were organized permitted kids to roam freely in safe environments packed full of learning materials designed for their age level. According to The American Association of Children’s Museums, “A children’s museum is defined as an institution committed to serving the needs and interests of children by providing exhibits and programs that stimulate curiosity and motivate learning.” They encourage parents to interact with their children while in the museum in order to make the experience more meaningful. That definition fits my family to a “T” so, when I moved to a community without a hands-on museum, I decided that I would turn my home into one.
Maria Montessori was a great influence. She was a 19th century physician turned educator who became involved in designing Casa dei Bambini, a school for low-income children. As she experimented with curriculum and classroom design, “she began to see independence as the aim of education and the role of the teacher as an observer and director of children’s innate psychological development.” When my children were preschoolers I enrolled them in Montessori schools which I quickly realized were simply classrooms set up as mini-museums. They were organized spaces that permitted students to access materials when they wanted to do so. Manipulative were designed for problem solving, mastery, and use in surprisingly creative ways.
Montessori believed that young children were sensitive to order, enjoyed doing activities repetitively and were happiest doing practical things. She even taught two year olds how to peel carrots. Her environment was kid-size with materials that could be easily reached and put away when completed. Over time very sophisticated components were developed for schools run by teachers specially trained in her methodology.
With Montessori’s approach in mind, I started my own in-home museum to be assembled on a shoe-string. Taking time to develop an organizational plan is part of the challenge that will eventually let children roam freely. I began by selecting a dedicated area for my grand experiment. It was a place devoid of objects that could be accidentally destroyed but could be filled with materials, supplies and educational toys to promote hands-on creativity and imaginative play. I wanted the children to be able to use all of their senses.
I added shelving and assigned different locations to hold games, art supplies, and science toys. There were construction areas, a place with math manipulatives, a reading area with pillows and a rug, a craft station, and a puppet stage. Shelves were dedicated to puzzles and a variety of educational toys with a dress-up bin and mirror nearby. I also built a music tree with clips to hold percussion instruments that the entire family enjoyed grabbing during musical gatherings.
Before entering the play area children were given instructions for its use. The toys are not jumbled one on top of another as they would be in a toy box and are within easy reach. Children were told they could take whatever toys or supplies wanted but had to return them to their original location before selecting a new item. Training them to put toys away is not difficult if the rules are explained and there is consistent follow-up. Keeping the area clear for future projects not only makes a parent’s job easier but it makes the child’s space more accessible.
When an item was new, I took the time to demonstrate its use, exiting the scene as soon as it was evident that the toy was mastered and they could continue with their own creations. When there were lots of little parts I put them on a tray that the child could take to a table or the floor. This made the clean-up cycle easier.
Part of the secret of a successful home museum is to introduce toys (activities) one at a time. Once my child knew how to use the toy in its intended way, she or he was free to create variations in the way they played with it. The goals were for my children to master the activity, become inventive when possible, and be independent of my interference. I wanted them to gain satisfaction from their successes, not worry about failures, and become motivated for the next challenge.
A home-museum environment does take careful planning, but once operational the task becomes more routine because the child selects his/her own activity, enjoys the challenge, and moves progressively from one skill level to the next. Older children will often help younger ones. Again, independence is the goal.
One last thought—a child of about two and a half years old is ready for your home-museum. At first it is best not to have too many toys available so the child will not be faced with choices of items he does not know how to operate. When the manipulative is successfully mastered then the next challenge can be introduced. if several children use the space, each needs to understand which items they have earned the right to use. This system provides motivation and works well for older children as well as preschoolers. It often encourages older children to teach younger ones.
When I became a grandparent, I did not have a playroom available but I still wanted my grandchildren to enjoy a degree of freedom when visiting and of course, I wanted them to be engaged in meaningful pursuits. I used a large buffet in my dining area for it contained shelving and doors. It was perfect for storage and when the doors were open, shelves held a neat, organized arrangement of fun filled opportunities. Toys and supplies were well positioned at child height with areas for books, puzzles, art supplies, construction materials, etc. A separate box holding legos served as a plant base when the children were not there. Between meals, the dining table was covered with a protective cloth to avoid paint and clay spills. a wood floor permitted buildings to be constructed and small wheeled vehicles to be assembled from parts. Even after my grandchildren graduated to more sophisticated electronic toys and computers, the cabinet was kept ready for visiting youngsters. I wanted to be prepared and not worried about them getting bored while I spent time talking to their parents.
Yes, children’s museums are fun because they are centered on the individual and permit freedom of movement. Exhibits are designed to allow learning to take place and are built to withstand use. Since a mob of children are not your concern, there are hundreds of toys on the market that will serve your purpose. If you do decide to set up a museum in your home, I would love to hear back from you to hear about your success. What toys did you select? What problems have you encountered?
Art is always for sale. Contact me at [email protected]. View from a Bridge
3-D image, Mixed-media, 32” by 22”, gold frame,$599. .________________________________________________________________________________
CELEBRATE! and learn about hands-on learning and the growth of art and science museums by naive but passionate directors from throughout the country. Laugh and cry with them as you read their stories of trying to navigate the quagmire of running a non-profit organization.
Upcoming Book Talks
Lake Oswego Library - June 20, 2017
High Desert Museum, Bend - October 5, 2017
Available for $19.95 Powells Books, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Broadway Books, U. of Oregon Book Store, MAC Emporium, Kindle
For signed copy contact the author.
12/3/2016 9:36:14 PM
Heaven and Beyond
The spinning universe brings a mixture of emotions to earth.
/ Acrylic on Canvas / 20” by 24 “/ $399
A Whirlwind Descends
Each December a whirlwind descends, causing a helter-skelter flurry of activity. Love it? or hate it? Holidays bring out many emotions. I happen to thrive during the holidays, looking forward to large family gatherings of children and grandchildren. Chaos, noise, and mounds of dishes never bother me though my back often aches by the end of the holiday visit. I spend weeks looking for the perfect gift for each person, happily wrapping them in my basement surrounded by ribbons and bows while listening to jazz.
My husband, on the other hand, dreads the holidays. The confusion and noise of my large family make him want to retreat to a man cave. He prefers visits from one family at a time and cringes when all 22 people descend on our home. The cat also hides. Thank goodness he is tolerant. Part of my job at holiday time is to arrange quite places and times for one-on-one conversations so he feels comfortable.
A common emotion at holiday time is sadness. Thank goodness, there is no time for that with our large family, but I do know many people who can not go home for the holiday to reconnect with friends and family. Holiday decorations and carols may remind them of a happier moment from their past, bringing back nostalgic memories that can never be duplicated.
As the winter solstice approaches and the nights become long, people throughout the ages have found reasons to celebrate. Religious as well as secular practices remind people that life has cycles, the seasons' change, the sun will return, there is hope for mankind and there are many fine reasons to celebrate. Festivities have always drawn people together, reinforcing a sense of community and shared values. It is also a time for remembrance of those who are sick, poor and lonely, those who need special attention. Giving swells hearts and people feel good thinking of others. It is why we see an increase in charitable donations, gift buying for the needy and invitations given to guests who are alone.
There isn’t really one way of approaching the holidays, but to embrace the season’s spirit it helps to take the feelings and needs of others into account. When purchasing a gift I ask myself if it really contributes to the growth and well-being of the recipient. Is it educational? Can it be shared? Is it green?
There are lots of opportunities to show love and affection so I enjoy activities that get everyone involved. The goal, of course, is to leave that warm feeling in the belly of everyone. One year each person in my extended family pulled a name out of a hat and was assigned the task of creating something special to honor that individual. One parent assembled photographs and published a book about her son, another wrote a short story. Several children contributed handcrafted items. One painted pottery and another made a potholder. My granddaughter wrote and sang a song while her younger sister played the harp. The youngest child made a picture for his Dad that looked something like a two legged dinosaur. Our family sat around oohing and ahhing as the gifts were unveiled.
Play reading was another activity we got involved in during several gatherings. Parts were distributed and everyone joined in with their best acting voices. Imagine reading a Shakespeare comedy in plainspoken English that even young children can understand.Try it, it really is a good read!
Putting a 3-D puzzle together was an annual ritual in our household. As soon as the first person arrived at our home, the card table got cleared, a white board set up and a complex puzzle that takes days to assemble gets put together with everyone’s help. It has was quite challenge working on the New York 3 D puzzle.
With a bit of planning, it is easy to get the entire family to feel a welcomed part of the festivities. These moments become the new memories built on a holiday spirit that everyone can embrace.
What are your holiday traditions? Do share them below.
Artwork is always for sale. Contact me at [email protected].
What a great gift! It's funny, informative and filled with behind the scenes gossip about museums.
Lives of Museum Junkies: The Story of America’s Hands-On Education Movement
Available Powells Books, Annie Blooms Books, Broadway Books, MAC Emporium, Amazon, Barnes and Noble
SAVE THE DATE: Annie Blooms Books, Multnomah Village, Portland, OR - Talk and signing for Lives of Museum Junkies. The event starts at 7 PM.
9/3/2016 1:59:20 PM
Building Blocks
Creating a science museum is like playing with building blocks. It takes imagination, perseverance, and innovation to build a monument to experiential learning. The following excerpt is from the first page of Lives of Museum Junkies. Unusual consequences often occur from obscure beginnings and it is a pleasure to share them with you.
Creating an Interactive Museum: Naïve Beginnings
“Stop running and making so much noise!” I shouted to five rambunctious children playing hide-and-seek in closets throughout the house. It was a cold day and my friend Dee Pumplin was visiting with her son. She and I were having a difficult time hearing each other as we chatted animatedly in the kitchen. It was during this conversation that my homemaker days started to end, when over coffee in my suburban house we brewed up the idea of a hands-on museum that emphasized science.
Children are not always polite, studious little creatures set on this planet to impress and please their parents. Instead, they are balls of energy who love to run, scream and create bedlam. In short, they can drive a parent crazy, especially on a rainy day. As Dee and I talked, her one and my four children shouted and squealed, ignoring the storm roaring outside. The increasing noise level was like a drum roll announcing a new idea. We started imagining what it would be like to take our kids to an indoor playground. “Wouldn’t it be magnificent to have a great big barn,” we fantasized, “and fill it floor to ceiling with ramps, poles, and climbing apparatus? What fun it would be for the children and their friends. They would get rid of their energy away from home and our houses would be preserved.” Dee and I started to wonder where we could find a barn and even took the next step of contacting a realtor.
As we learned more, the vision for an indoor play structure grew. The immense dimensions of a working barn inspired our ideas to expand to include interactive learning activities inserted into climbing areas. We imagined children swooping down a sliding board and finding a light table, colored filters, and projectors to use for experimentation. The colored light could be
projected on the next child speeding down the slide. We embraced the idea of physical play being integrated with academic challenges in a never-ending cycle of learning.
After months of talk and concept development, we finally located a barn, but it wasn’t long before we faced a dose of reality. The cost to acquire the property was more than we anticipated and building the inside play structure seemed monumental. The barn needed to be heated, insulated, electrified, bathroomed and water sprinkled and once it was upgraded, ongoing utilities would be astronomical. The permitting process was overwhelming to two inexperienced women who began to wonder if the city would even allow this type of play-barn to exist. Insurance was bound to be phenomenal, not only because we were dealing with a wooden structure but because we were planning to let children run throughout. We especially liked the idea of fire poles descending from one level to the next. Sound safe? Costs mounted, reaching an enormous number before we even considered the price of exhibits and staffing. . . . .
Artwork is always for sale: Building Blocks is a 24” by 28” acrylic painting on canvas in a gold frame. Cost is 4 450. Contact me at [email protected] for further information.
Lives of museum Junkies is available for purchase through Amazon, Barnes and Nobel, The-M-Emporium, Powells Books. Cost is $ 19.95; e-book cost is $ 8.95. For a signed copy you can purchase from me for $ 19.95 plus $ 4 shipping. Contact me at [email protected].
New Release: Former OMSI President Reveals the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly History Behind the Hands-On Education Movement
“...will help you see science museums in a new light.” – David Ucko, Museums+More llc
In this lively, behind-the-scenes look at the evolution of interactive science museums, discover:
> How the Brooklyn Museum of Art was saved from closure by Mayor Rudolph Guiliani for showing a painting by Chris Ofili of the Virgin Mary that contained elephant dung.
> Why an autistic child spoke for the first time on a science center visit.
> Who kept NOVA from being canceled when congress did not agree with their investigative reporting style that explored sensitive subjects like nuclear energy.
> What inspired a poor Appalachian orphan to go from rags to riches to become a museum president who later rented an entire cruise ship to see a global eclipse on the Amazon.
> Why executives at the top are subject to sexual abuse and find it nearly impossible to manage.
> The outcry caused by the Playboy Bunnies playing basketball with business executives to raise funds for a museum.
“recommended for those who care about museums, libraries, and society today.”
– Ginnie Cooper, Directed Washington D.C., Brooklyn, and Portland library systems .
