loving art, science and creative kids
11/17/2018 8:02:36 PM
Rock Creek Awakens (SOLD)
This garden is a place of serenity, beauty and happiness.
Shit happens
We like to think we’re in control of our lives, yet much of the time we’re not. Even when cautious, we move into the unknown, searching for opportunity. New challenges provide the spark that makes our existence interesting.
Uncertainty starts at birth, for we are born with risk. Modern medicine has made tremendous advances to protect the health of mother and newborn child, but complications still occur. According to the Centers for Disease Control, 15-20 percent of all U.S. pregnancies end in miscarriage, with 24,000 terminating in stillbirth. Roughly the same number of infants die in the first year of life. It doesn’t seem fair.
As school children, we skin knees on the playground, fall off of bicycles and scooters and suffer sports injuries. Yet, we are encouraged to get on the horse after being thrown to the ground. As adults we are not afraid to get in a car or ride in an airplane. We engage in activities we know can be dangerous and listen to tales of disaster that befall risk takers.
Twenty-four hour news outlets inundate us with natural and man made catastrophes causing people to lose homes, livelihood and families. Calamities have the potential to affect each and everyone of us, no matter our income or where we live in the country. I wonder how I would react in the face of disaster.
Some people are energized by emergencies and are moved to action while others bury their heads in fear and isolation. Some stoically hide their grief while others will tell anyone who listens how stressed and unhappy they are.
Traumatic experiences can lead to nightmares and the inability to carry on. Ramifications of PTSD are not easy to overcome. Sufferers say it changes them, yet most people are able eventually to return to a productive, happy life. Those who overcome catastrophes are resilient and manage to maintain a positive outlook for the future.
I explored genetic research into positivity and its opposites negativity and depression, eventually concluding that results are inconclusive. Many studies conclude there is an inherited predisposition for depression. However, that does not mean that a person with a genetic bias will become depressed. Much depends on the environment which has the ability to alter the genes that trigger genetic predisposing. Articles I read about depression and about positivity were speculative, with blurred conclusions. I would never choose a mate based on a genetic predisposition to depression or positivity.
I do, however, choose to be surrounded by those who share a positive outlook, the glass is half-full type of people. The negative ones can wear you down, which is especially hard for empathetic people who feel their pain. One of the reasons I chose not to stay involved with mentally ill patients is that I ingested their unhappiness and brought their sadness home to my family and friends. Instead, I chose to focus on people and activities that bring beauty and joy into my life.
Seth, our young wheelchair bound son, is an example of the power of positive thinking. When first diagnosed as a quadriplegic, he would not tolerate visitors who were negative. I overheard him ask a man to leave his hospital room until he could speak in a more positive way. He took control of his environment and willed himself to affirming what was good by smiling, joking and putting others at ease. As a result of his resiliency, friends and caregivers were happy to help him through his ordeal.
A great many people handle adversity well. I’ve seen seniors blossom after losing love ones they have lived with for fifty years and have observed unhappy divorced men and women reinvent themselves as independent, compassionate adults. The ability to move successfully past trauma, grief and despair appears in part to be a matter of choice. Victims chose to embark on healing journeys even when they don’t feel like doing so when they believe, that in the long run, all will be OK. Positivity propels them forward. Following are a few suggestions for those affected by trauma.
Overcoming trauma, grief, illness and death is by its nature a private trial. No one can really feel what you are feeling or know what you are thinking, but it generally helps to have someone hold your hand. Opening your heart to let others in and swallowing pride by admitting vulnerability is a step towards healing.
One of my mottos is, “never worry twice.” Once is enough. Turn off the “what if” button of negative thoughts until the worry is real. Don’t spend time imagining something horrible that may never come to pass. Meditation or mindfulness practices can help focus the brain and control unwanted thoughts and bad recurring images.
Surround yourself with positive, comfort giving people. None of us is an island standing alone. We are part of a community of care givers and care receivers. Each of us can be both. In time of need, take control by asking for help when you want it and requesting privacy when it's essential.
Visit your happy place, a location that gives great comfort. It may be in nature, at the beach, the woods, on the water or a garden retreat. Happy places are where you feel safe whether alone, with friends, a puppy, a kitten or even a horse. They are where you can shout your anger and grief to the winds. I have two happy places, one is my art studio and the other is in the rock cliffs of Central Oregon. They are where I feel relaxed and my mind doesn’t wander to anything except the beauty I see before me. It is the place that centers me.
Exercise regularly and eat a healthy diet. Don’t let your body atrophy and don’t give yourself an excuse to gain or lose excessive weight. Comfort food is not comforting in the long run. Being conscious of what you eat and how you move about can help you regain control of your life.
Speak to those who have experienced a similar tragedy. It is important to see that you are not alone in your loss and to hear how others cope. Friends and family often harbor timelines about how long it should take you to get over a tragedy. Recovery doesn’t work the way these well meaning friends believe it should. Grief doesn’t disappear overnight, though frequency and intensity do subside. Over time, feelings of agony become less piercing pains, allowing the victim to find comfort.
Yes, unforeseen disasters happen, but you don’t need to wallow in their aftermath. By putting one foot before the other and accepting that you will emerge transformed and a bit wiser, makes it possible to rediscover purpose and find happiness.
References.
Pearson, C. (2013) Miscarriage Causes, rates Widely Misunderstood.Huff Post. retrieved from https://www.huffpost.com/entry/miscarriage-cause_n_4116712
Stillbirth web page (2018) Facts about Stillbirth. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/stillbirth/facts.html
Eldridge, L. MD (2018) What it Means to Have a Genetic Predisposition to Cancer. Verywell. retrieved from https://www.verywellhealth.com/genetic-predisposition-2249105
I look forward to your comments below.
11/10/2018 8:25:47 PM
Last Night’s Dream
Fear can fill dreams with chaotic thoughts and worrisome images, producing lasting feelings of disquiet.
acrylic on canvas/ 32” x 26 “/ gold painted wood frame/ $498
Fear Itself
In his first inaugural address, President Roosevelt said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” This comment holds true today when the public is frightened by those using fear as a method of control. Their system is working. Last week I heard an elderly woman say she was afraid to leave her house because of mass shootings and immigrant terrorists. Churches, synagogues, mosques and schools are moved to develop active shooter plans.
The U.S. does have a staggeringly high number of active and mass shooter incidents compared to other developed nations. In 2017 there were 29 such events. And, the number of incidents has risen steadily since 2000 when there were four. Hopefully a record won’t be set for 2018. This week’s tragedy brings the horror of terrorism to the surface. Have you noticed that domestic attacks are primarily caused by white men who are U.S. citizens?
However, as terrible as these incidents are, they are nothing compared to the number of fatalities on our highways. And, though 37,133 people were killed in motor vehicle traffic crashes in 2017, driving does not elicit the same fear as imagining yourself as the next victim of a mass shooting.
Interesting statistics:
- You are 35,079 times more likely to die from heart disease than a terrorist attack.
- You are 4,706 times more likely to drink yourself to death than from terrorism.
- You are 2,059 times more likely to kill yourself than die at the hand of a terrorist.
- You are 452 times more likely to die from risky sexual behavior than terrorism.
We’re told that illegal immigrants commit more crimes than American born citizens. Yet, when Alex Nowrasteh with the Cato Institute analyzed Texas data to make a comparison he found that “The arrest rate for illegal immigrants was 40 percent below that of native-born Americans and the homicide arrest rate for native-born Americans was about 46 percent higher than the illegal immigrant homicide arrest rate.” National statistics are similar.
The examples continue on. So why the hype? Why the fear? It may be because when behind the wheel, you think you are in control even went drunk or sleepy, while in a mass shooting you know you are not. Emotions have little to do with statistical reality, but by paying attention to facts, you can learn to control fear. The truth might also make one wonder about the exorbitant amount of money spent on protecting ourselves from unlikely scenarios. If the same amount of money was given to patrolling highways and increasing grants for heart research, the death rate would decrease.
In 2016, Donald Trump said “People are scared.” He got that right, for they are. According the the Atlantic, Americans are afraid of crime, though rates are down, of a terrorist attacks and of frightened unarmed immigrants. Politicians are masters at invoking fear in abstract ways to improve their chances of winning.
The Atlantic goes on to say, that according to social scientists, “It (fear) makes people hold more tightly to what they have and regard the unfamiliar more warily. They crave protection. The fear reaction is a universal one to which everyone is susceptible. History shows it has the power to bring people to the polls to vote out of their usual way.” I see fearful people as people looking for “Daddy,” a strong individual who promises security though there is no threat. And, I see politicians as play actors protecting their flock from imaginary giants they created in the first place.
I witnessed this behavior pattern when president of OMSI. One year we brought an animated dinosaur exhibit to the museum that frighted some of our younger visitors. Many parents, rather acknowledge that their child was too young for the display, held them in their arms and forced them face the monsters saying,”Don’t worry, I’ll protect you. No need to be afraid.” Through their children were terrorized, parents thought their fear to be cute and funny. It gave them an opportunity to be protectors and save their youngsters from imaginary demons.
“The Politics of Fear” by Frank Fured begins, “Fear is the most powerful enemy of reason. Both fear and reason are essential to human survival, but the relationship between them is unbalanced. Reason may sometimes dissipate fear, but fear frequently shuts down reason.”
Fear is often employed for political gains.McCarthy incited fear over communism that caused thousands of innocent people to lose their jobs. In the 1990’s Clinton didn’t want to be called soft on crime so he spoke of “super-predator”criminals, stirring a fear fueled by sensational media which pushed mass incarcerations. After 9/11 fear was used to rally support for the illegal invasion of Iraq, and to sanction use of waterboarding.
Machiavelli said, “ It is better to be feared than loved.” This past year, his sentiment was elevated to epic proportions in order to scare people into submission. The latest one is about citizenship. The idea that children born in the United States to immigrant families will be denied citizenship is ludicrous. If we take that idea back far enough, the only remaining people left to populate our country will be Native Americans.
During the mid-term election, there were ads claiming opponents to be dealing in drugs, the cause of crime waves and the spread of gangs, such as MS-13. Lies were told about people of color, women, Muslims, gays and Jews. Democrats were told to fear Republicans and Republicans to fear Democrats. And, oh yes, we should all hate the media. We are told it is better to trust biased tweeters with questionable sources.
Unfortunately, fear is used so often and in such Machiavellian ways that it’s destroying the fabric of our country. I am surprised people don’t see through tactics that are blatant bids for power, ones to keep people trembling until they fall in line. Once fear takes over, they will let political leaders approve tax cuts for billionaires, deny global warming, allow bad air quality in their communities, permit production of unhealthy food products and ignore overfishing. They'll consider cuts in entitlement programs and health care for middle and low income citizens. They’ll look the other way when ammunitions are sold to our enemies, making millions for dealers.
Whatever happened to “Love thy neighbor as thyself?” When did we stop believing in the common good, the melting pot, an American dream for all? The time has come to ignore divisive rhetoric and return to rational thinking and behavior. When you hear fear-talk, ask yourself who benefits? Certainly take sensible precautions and be aware of your surroundings, but don’t go overboard.
Instead, heed Roosevelt’s words and stop fearing fear itself.
References:
University of Alabama (2016).Pubic Mass Shooters and Firearms: A Cross-National Study of 171 Countries. PubMed. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26822013.
Alertfind (2018) Active shooters in 2018: Key Stats and Facts. Disaster Recovery Journal. retrieved from https://www.drj.com/myblog/active-shooters-in-2018-key-stats-and-facts.html
Traffic Safety Facts (2018) 12017 Fatal Motor Vehicle Crashes: Overview. U.S. Department of Transportation. retrieved from https://crashstats.nhtsa.dot.gov/Api/Public/ViewPublication/812603
Farley, R. (2018) Is Legal Immigration Linked to More or Less Crime? FactCheck.org a project of the Annenberg Public Policy Center. retrieved from https://www.factcheck.org/2018/06/is-illegal-immigration-linked-to-more-or-less-crime/
McClatchy, (2011) The Terrorism Statistics Every American Needs to Hear. Center for Research on Globalization. retrieved from http://www.globalresearch.ca/the-terrorism-statistics-every-american-needs-to-hear/5382818
Ball, M. (20116) Donald Trump and the Politics of Fear. The Atlantic. retrieved from https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2016/09/donald-trump-and-the-politics-of-fear/498116/
Abramsky, S.(2018) Trump’s GOP is running harder than ever on the politics of fear. Los Angeles Times. retrieved from http://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-oe-abramsky-trump-politics-of-fear-midterms-20180923-story.html
Do comment below:
11/3/2018 2:00:23 PM
Bursting Forth
There is beauty all around when we open our eyes to see.
Acrylic on Canvas/ Wood Frame/ 37” x 31” / $ 599
“Oh, What a Beautiful Morning, Oh, what a Beautiful Day”
Words from the Oklahoma musical ring true when we open our hearts. Life is sweet and it is ours to relish every moment. This month, let's remember that there is good in the world. No matter how riled up we get because of politics, violence or economic uncertainty, there are moments of beauty and kindness to embrace and appreciate. No matter how serious the illness or the outcome of the election, no matter how great the loss, the sun will still rise tomorrow, the will earth turn on its axis and two rovers will send signals back from Mars. November is the month of Thanksgiving. Let’s cherish it and enjoy what is good.
The other day I watched a newborn child and thought how fortunate she was to be welcomed into the arms of loving parents. Warmth, security and encouragement will most likely be there to help this child prosper. Looking at the tiny body, I imagined the first real smile (not from gas) she will bestow on her caregivers and the bonds that are quickly forming. I wanted to reach out and feel the soft fuzz of her head, but contented myself with observing her at rest while her perky little mouth occasionally made sucking motions she slept.
Last week, women in my exercise facility opened their hearts and purses to help a locker room attendant. The aide was a courageous Ethiopian immigrant who, along with her Somalian husband, settled in the U.S. seven years ago. Due to an injured knee, this hard working attendant was unable to work for several months of work, adding to the family's financial burdens. The caring kindness exhibited by these generous donors reminds me of how people in small towns come together to help neighbors. Americans are very benevolent and compassionate people. Their good deeds should be mentioned by the media more often.
Struggling through misfortune is not easy, but if the day’s challenges are met with positiveness and zeal, it is possible to climb over and around obstacles. Not being ashamed or reluctant to ask for help and being available to aid friends and neighbors when called, creates community. It brings people closer together and enables them to get through the rough times and return to a state of balance.
I notice, however, that most people, don’t want to rest in quiet equilibrium. They are impatient and want new experiences. To avoid boredom, they put barriers in their path that shake up their lives. Having a child, signing up for college, accepting increased work responsibilities, improving athletic abilities, sailing in rough weather, making home a happy place to be, are burdens we choose to embrace. they stimulate our minds, develop meaning in our lives and add to our wealth. Self-inflicted problems within our control usually add to a sense of well being.
But what of difficulties not of our own creation. A baby crying for hours can create unbearable headaches. Illness, accidents, job loss, housing evictions and violence build huge fences of fear that have to be scaled. How does one face bullying or terrorism without being permanently scarred?
It’s certainly not easy . . . but it is doable. Each person has a choice. One can wallow in self-pity or seek help climbing out of the quicksand. Meditation, mindfulness, positive thinking and hard work are learned pursuits that lead back to balance. Counseling, sharing and believing in yourself can make dreams come true. Remaining active when depressed and accepting small challenges when life feels insurmountable leads to healing and bounce-back.
I watched my adopted boy, Seth, thrive despite experiencing a debilitating accident. He is a constant reminder of how resilient humans can be. His twenty-eight years have always been difficult. Born into an unstable family, living on the streets for four years, training to be a journeyman industrial painter, surviving a workplace accident and coping as a quadriplegic required him to invent and reinvent himself many times. Two weeks ago, out of 2,000 injured patients from throughout the country, Seth received a national award for transforming his life so well. He lives independently in a new city, drives a car with hand controls, enjoys go-Kart racing, is on a wheelchair rugby team and volunteers two days a week as a mentor to those worse off than he. Best of all, he has developed friendships. He surrounds himself with those with a positive outlook and stays away from complainers. His cup is always half full.
I invite you to join me in a month-long jump into beauty, joy and thanksgiving. Look around to find good and tap into it as soon as you can, Enjoy the sunset, feel the rain, study the birds feeding at feeders or flying south in formation and see —really see each snow flake when they start to fall. Remind yourself that there is beauty even in the midst of sadness, that there are births in the midst of deaths. This is November.
References:
NASA,(2018) Mars Exploration Rovers. Jet Propulsion Laboratory, California Institute of technology. retrieved from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory web site https://mars.nasa.gov/mer/overview/
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