loving art, science and creative kids

I just returned from a talk given by Tom Disrud about  being real. It made me consider who I really am and who I want to be. Recently I have been told that I need a different moniker for my art work. My surname changed twice because of marriage, but I stayed with Eichinger because that is how I was known for twenty years, and Marilynne because that is all I ever knew myself to be. Each pseudonym, however, initiated a time of changed responsibilities as housewife, mother, museum president and finally company owner. Last year I sold my business in order to write and paint, and I asked myself if it was time for a new handle. And so I started to explore the meaning of my name.

The word Marilynne, according to baby name lists, conjures up sexy images, bringing to mind Marilyn Monroe. It’s origin is a hodgepodge of English, Israeli, and Hebrew languages that blend Mary with Lynn. It is not a popular name today, as it was when I was born (there were three in my homeroom), but its popularity rank over the past two years has been rising again. The problem with this name is that I am now aging. Does sexy still describe me? In Zumba classes we put our hands above our heads pretending to be belly dancers one minute and hip-wiggling salsa dancers the next. A sidewards glance to the mirror had me in stitches when I tried to imitate the sexiest twenty-year old in the room.

My middle name is Hildegarde. Learning to write all of those letters was quite overwhelming when I young and had to sign my name as Marilynne Hildegarde. In Scandinavian mythology Hildegarde was a Valkyrie sent by Odin to escort battle heroes to Valhalla. In America the meaning is  Battle, the name is all about war.   My exercise program contains a smidgin of Tae Kwan Do and Tai Chi, so now I wonder if am I ready for battle?   In front of the mirror I tried making my face fierce, disguising the smile crinkles in the corner of my eyes. “Ayee!!” I shouted. I failed abysmally. 

Hildy, the name my grandfather gave me, according to Kabalarian Philosophy,  is a person who has a desire to be of service to others, but practicality and attention to detail restricts her spontaneity. I am supposedly  patient and will work hard to accomplish my endeavors.(true  ) I tend to build a solid foundation of fact and logic ( yes  ), but am not inclined to pursue inspirational or creative expression in music or the arts . . . (“uh oh!”) That statement stopped me immediately.) The article I read goes on to say that my ambitions are modest. (My friends would laugh at that one.) I do, however,  appreciate a settled home environment that lets me show love for friends and family. It this who I am? Should I sign my art work Hildy?

To consider who I really am, I had to divide myself into two parts, the physical being and the spiritual one. I started with the physical since it was easier to dissect. 

Since retiring I have made some changes that I do like. My weight has come down to match what it was when in college. But instead of the tiny waist that my father used to wrap his hands around, five children have brought about a permanent increase in spread. Not bad though I can live with the reality of a slightly larger waistline. Exercise has made a big difference and I am stronger than I was a year ago. I can now do squats, kick my leg up to at least ninety-degrees and engage in jumping jacks with ease. Posture is now my bugaboo.  

As a child dancer, I was taught to stand in first position, and for years walked with toes turned outwards. If you have watched ballerinas you will often see them resting on one leg, the other slightly forward with toes out, belly protruding. (look at Degas sculpture of the Little Dancer.) After carrying babies on my hip, that position became exaggerated and my back suffered. Changing my stance to walk with feet in a parallel position has not been easy, but my back is much better. I feel great! 

So why the shock when I looked into the mirror to find the real me? I suddenly noticed my bobbing computer head. “How did that get so bad,” I thought. Then I looked around the shopping mall and city streets to observe hundreds of heads dangling at the end of forward bent necks emanating from hunched shoulders. That description really fit me, and I did not like it. Was this just another part of the aging process, and was it something that could be corrected? With a computer head, I certainly could not keep my sexy Marilynne name or do battle as a Hildegarde. I still felt uncomfortable with a Hidly who was not involved in the arts.

I went online to discover something called computer neck. It is a common problem these days because children as well as adults sit at computers for hours at a time with poor posture. “Ouch!” This stance has made chiropractors wealthy. I learned that there are several things that can be done to get rid of computer neck. When sitting, with head in a neutral upright position, a line drawn straight out form your nose should intersect with the middle of the monitor. Forearms have to be positioned parallel with the floor with elbows close by each side. Feet should sit flat on the floor with thighs parallel to the floor as well while sitting slightly forward on a chair. To maintain the curve of my lumber spine, I decided to use a large chair-ball. Since it is slightly unstable it also forces me to use my core to maintain balance.

I am going to work on improving my stance and keep Marilynne as my name. I like the idea of staying a feisty, sexy woman. As to the spiritual side, well that is a whole other story.

References:

http://orthoinfo.aaos.org/topic.cfm?topic=a0026 - How to sit at a computer.

http://www.kabalarians.com/Female/hildy.htm  - meaning of hilly

www.sheknows.com/baby-names/name/marilyn - meaning of marilyn