loving art, science and creative kids

Floating Free in a Bed of Roses

Roses, a symbol of love float freely trusting that they will remain 

committed to their beatiful community.

29” by 23”, Acrylic on Canvas,  $425.

Floating Free in a Bed of Roses

29” by 23”, Acrylic on Canvas,  $425.

Love Has It All

I recently heard a cerebral talk about love. The speaker was passionate in his belief that practicing love can lead to peace and harmony. Though the content of the speech was hopeful and intellectually powerful, his words left me emotionless.  I found it difficult to move from my brain to my gut to absorb what he was saying, and did not leave the talk with the warm fuzzy you get from feeling love. I also wondered, how it would be possible to get everyone in a community to practice love?

It is to disconnect mind and emotions when trying to communicate an important message. I am often criticized for doing this in my writings.  The newsletters I send out weekly are vetted in a writers group I belong to and an oft heard complaint is that I am too academic.  The more I think about this problem the more challenged I become. Can I turn thoughts and words into something that tugs at the “heart?”

Years ago I had a friend from Ghana who asked me, “What is this thing called love?”  In his culture, marriage was arranged by adults who knew the two young people well. He believed that his parents were much more likely to find a good spouse from him than he would for himself.  Companionship, compatibility, and commitment were the basic ingredients for a love that would come after years of living together. He was a doctoral student at MIT and his parents sent him a woman to wed in his final year. They were married in the Washington Cathedral with a lively celebration afterwards in the Ghanian Embassy.

Arranged marriages were the norm for generations. In the movie, Fiddler on the Roof, Tevye sings to his wife after giving permission to his daughter to marry the man she loves. 

“Do you love me?”  he asks Golde?

His wife answers, 

“ Do I love you?

  For twenty-five years I've washed your clothes

  Cooked your meals, cleaned your house

  Given you children, milked your cow

  After twenty-five years, why talk about love right now? 

  Raising his children,  how can he ask such a question?” 

  She then talks to herself.

 “For twenty-five years I've lived with him

  Fought with him, starved with him

  Twenty-five years my bed is his

  If that's not love, what is?”

“ I suppose I do,”  says Goldie.

 and Tevye replies, “ And I suppose I love you too.”

The last verse they sing together is most telling, 

“ It doesn't change a thing

  But even so

  After twenty-five years

  It's nice to know.”

Who do you love and how do you know you love?  When did you first feel loved? When did you first give your love without condition? And lastly, has love changed you enough to be able to embrace a community? 

The examples I gave of arranged marriages carry with them the assumption of life long commitment.  Commitment is a powerful value that may need to be revisited by those who married for love. It is an important concept for building community as well.

Falling in love may be a basis for a healthy relationship but keeping it going is based on satisfactions and feeling good while being buttressed by commitment. 

I know that I love my family and a great many friends. I feel stirrings in my core when I think of them and when together I am happy and content. The little annoying things they do are also what makes make them special and unique. As I age, I even started appreciating their mistakes . . . they seem funny, youthful, and naive. Their mishaps are what makes them human and able to grow and learn.  When they are ill, I grieve and try to help them over their hurdle.  When it comes to those I love, I am a tigress protecting her lair.

My difficulty comes when I am told to love everyone else . . . community, country, and by extension, the world. Religious leaders ask us to love beggars, thieves, and  prostitutes.  Perhaps the Dalai Llama can do so, but I fail in this regard. Should I try to get over this hurdle? I am not sure.  

The several times I came close to loving a large group of acquaintances is when I was responsible for their well being. When president of OMSI I wanted to create an organization that was not only efficient but a place where people enjoyed coming to work.  The way to do that, I thought, was two pronged . . . insure that staff were committed to a cause greater than themselves and insure that they felt responsible to each other.  In general we became such an organization but I did not realize how successful we were until I did a terrible thing and lost the trust of those I had ostensibly embraced.  

After OMSI opened its new riverfront facility many young hires were brought in to meet increased demand.  Many got apartments together and shared rides to and from work. Over the inauguratory year I gave several speeches about how we were a loving, caring family working for the betterment of the community.  Staff were energized as they took my words to heart.  

 Unfortunately, most new museums see declining attendance after the public’s initial curiosity subsides.  Ours was no exception, so, in order to balance the budget we had to lay off some of these new employees.  When forced to downsize, the decision played havoc to the lives and dreams of these trusting, innocent youths.  Their co-housing arrangements were disrupted and belief in our loving community came to an abrupt end as was  demonstrated when their tears turned to anger expressed out side my office by turning over furniture and capsizing a bowl containing 1000 computer chips.

I was miserable, knowing there was not much I could do. The experience made me understand that love involves responsibility, commitment, and telling the truth. In this case, I knew early that we might need to downsize, but since I did not know when that would happen, I neglected to say that it was a possibility.

It is overwhelmingly disruptive to the well-being of the person you profess to love, when trust and caring are suddenly withdrawn, for whatever the reason. In many ways it is cruel. If there is honestly in the beginning of a relationship, when change is necessary it will not be a surprise.

Loving communities flourish by trusting that help will be there when needed and that joyful moments will be shared.  The love offered to one another can not be conditional, not based on everything going right, nor withdrawn willy-nilly. It is a gift that when given and received can foster a deep sense of well-being.   I can love, I do love, I send you my love. 

Art work is always for sale. Contact me at [email protected].  

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