loving art, science and creative kids

 Seeking Perfection

acrylic painting on canvas/ 20” by 24”/ $ 399.

I have decided that perfectionism can be a curse. (Please don’t let my doctor hear that.)  I imagine Olympians are not interested in this line of reasoning either. But as a parent and business woman I find that perfectionists create problems.

When I started my museum in Michigan I hired an exceptionally talented woman to direct our education programs. Janice held herself to extremely high standards and was upset when she did not meet them.  She worked long hours to develop classroom curriculums and dynamic demonstrations for our visitors. Janice was adept at setting  goals and implementing them. 

Her unhappiness escalated as she worked with a staff of people who had never run a science center before.    Many colleagues were unable to grasp issues or contribute creative solutions as quickly as she which led her to become exasperated.  In my office we had many long discussions about her perceptions of fellow workers.  I felt that she paid too much attention to the competency of other staff and gave little thought in how to make them more effective.  Janice was so certain that she could do their jobs better than they that she often took on their projects in addition to her own. She became exhausted by overwork, eventually experiencing burn out and quit.  

Janice taught me an important lesson.  A strong administrator maintains perspective by assessing progress periodically rather than daily.  People occasionally make mistakes and getting angry or being unforgiving is not a way to improve achievement or company moral.  Janice helped me understand that my job was to teach, prod and inspire others to improve.  At times I too was disappointed in the work of others. But when I let my own perfectionist goals and insecurities come to the forefront I undermined the group. 

Perfectionism is a personality trait that is characterized by a person’s striving for flawlessness.  Having excessively high performance standards produces a variety of  debilitating outcomes.  Looking back to my childhood I realize that my desire to be exceptional started in school.  I was a self-critical achiever who worked hard to get good grades. Most of all I wanted to impress my father and demonstrate that I could be as successful as any of the boys in the family.

Once I graduated from college, however, I shriveled under the weight of my ambition. My desire for success put me on a fast track to unhappiness. Instead of going out into the world to be challenged, I retreated and used my children as an excuse to stay in a shell. 

Fear of working started when I applied for and was offered a job at the Boston Children’s Museum. The work was perfect for a fledgling anthropologist for it involved developing cultural kids to be used in a school loan program.  The museum atmosphere would have been rewarding and challenging if only I had had the courage to accept the job. Instead of staying yes, my perfectionist fears got in the way and I said no. I wondered how I would ever be able to do an adequate job. I was so afraid of failing that I never even tried.  It took years before I had the courage to tackle a challenging task with the understanding that I was good enough. 

When I started Impression 5 Science Museum in Michigan a man once asked me if I was afraid of failing or succeeding.  Both are tied to perfectionism.  He made me understand that living your dream is fraught with risk. If I was not willing to fail then it would be impossible for me to even begin. On the other hand, If I worried too much about succeeding I might also find excuses not to start for success often means extra work with increased pressure to perform flawlessly.  Janice fell into this category and left her job. 

  In my situation, I was saved by passion.  The science museum became an overwhelming goal that made me stop thinking about myself. I wanted a hands-on museum for my children to enjoy and that desire overcame my handicap. I stopped worrying about whether I would succeed or not.  I just acted and could not stop myself from going ahead even though I made dozens of mistakes due to inexperience.

When passion comes into play a hole in the fabric opens allowing a new set of values to take over the old.  Curiosity and process become ends in themselves pushing thoughts of failure or success to the background.  

In 1937 a Bell Labs scientist named George Stibitz used relays in a demonstration adding machine. The same year a German engineer built his Z2 computer using telephone company relays. Building on these trials David Packard and Bill Hewlett played around in their garage, overcoming one failure after another before inventing the 200A Audio Oscillator, a piece of test equipment for engineers. In 1940 Walt Disney Pictures took a risk by ordering their 200B model to test recording equipment and speaker systems for newly equipped theaters in order to show “Fantasia.”  Each of these entrepreneurs spent hours plunged in uncertainty, often failing before developing societally useful applications. Even then, they did not make perfect products. What they did was create a link in a chain that still continues to grow. They provided shoulders for other men and women to stand on.

My life has been filled with failures but each one gave me something to treasure.  And though I keep wanting to help my children and grandchildren avoid my mistakes I have come to realize that they need to take risks on their own. I can only hope that they accept themselves as the loving imperfect intelligent people they are.  The best I can do is support them in their endeavors, overlook their failures and encourage them to use boldness in following their ambitions.  

http://www.computerhistory.org/timeline/computers/ - history of the computer

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For sale on Amazon by Marilynne Eichinger: The True Story of Streetwise, overcoming homelessness and beating the odds. Go to AMAZON .