loving art, science and creative kids
6/18/2026 2:41:45 PM
Filling the Void
The excruciating pain of something bouncing around your brain that you can’t control.
It’s a Pain!
Pain management is a medical specialty devoted to evaluating, diagnosing, and treating acute and chronic pain. It draws on a wide range of approaches, including medications, procedures, physical therapy, and psychological support, all aimed at restoring quality of life. I thought about pain management recently because so many people I know spend their days suffering. As a lay minister at First Unitarian in Portland, I am often overwhelmed by the pains congregants have and how they stoically deal with them
Pain is one of the few experiences shared by every human being. We enter the world crying and dependent on others, and most of us leave it the same way. In between, much of life involves managing one form of pain or another.
As children, we skin our knees, catch fevers, and endure broken bones. As adults, we face illnesses, injuries, and the gradual wear of aging. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, nearly one in four American adults lives with chronic pain. Many spend years searching for relief through medications, therapies, surgeries, and lifestyle changes. The makers of aspirin and ibuprofen have good reason to stay in business.
Yet pain is not limited to the body. Emotional suffering can be every bit as debilitating. Anxiety, depression, loneliness, grief, and despair affect millions of people. In recent decades, serious mental health challenges have increased, particularly among adolescents and young adults. Around me, I see discouraged people who have lost jobs, struggle to afford housing, or feel overwhelmed by the demands of raising a family. Some retreat into isolation. They spend their evenings scrolling social media, gambling online, or escaping into virtual worlds. Their laughter becomes less frequent. Their world grows smaller.
Pain, whether physical or emotional, has a way of isolating us. Family and friends often try to help, but they quickly discover the limits of their abilities. No matter how much they care, they cannot simply wish another person's suffering away. They can listen, encourage, and offer practical support, but they cannot step inside another person's body or mind and experience what that individual is feeling.
Most people can tolerate minor discomforts without much assistance. The challenge comes when pain exceeds their ability to cope. At that point, they may need to lean on family, friends, counselors, physicians, or other trained professionals. Surprisingly, many find this difficult. They are uncomfortable asking for help. Vulnerability feels like weakness. Pride convinces them that suffering alone is somehow noble.
I have never understood that way of thinking. If support is available, why refuse it? One of my childhood friends experienced a severe psychological collapse in her mid-thirties. She became profoundly depressed, nearly catatonic, and at times could barely communicate. Her pain was so overwhelming that she required years of professional treatment. Throughout that ordeal, her friends never abandoned her. They visited regularly, not because they could fix her, but because their presence reminded her that she remained connected to the world. Their visits were small acts of faith, gentle assurances that better days might eventually return.
Her husband suffered as well. Watching the person he loved descend into a private hell left him feeling helpless. Yet he accepted support from family and friends, allowing them to sustain him while he cared for his wife. For nearly two years, the couple existed in separate emotional worlds, unable to reach one another. Had they faced that struggle alone, their marriage might not have survived. Instead, a wider community carried them through the darkest period of their lives.
With time, skilled doctors, and counseling, my friend's curtain slowly lifted. She regained much of her former self, though she was never quite the vivacious woman she had once been. She and her husband had to rebuild their relationship, rekindling intimacy and redefining expectations. The process was neither quick nor easy, but they remained together for another twenty-five years, until her death from cancer.
Physical pain can be equally devastating. Years ago, I saw a training film about a woman who had lost the lower part of her arm. Despite the amputation, she experienced excruciating pain in the hand that no longer existed. This phenomenon, known as phantom limb pain, affects a majority of amputees at some point after surgery.
The woman described intense muscle contractions in fingers that were gone. During these episodes, she screamed in agony. Her treatment was. Her therapist brought out a box containing a mirror positioned between two openings. She placed her remaining arm on one side and the amputated limb on the other. When she looked down, the reflection created the illusion that both arms were intact.
The therapist asked her to slowly open and close her hand. As she watched the reflection, her brain interpreted the movement as occurring in both hands. Gradually, the sensation of the phantom contraction eased. By tricking the brain into believing the missing hand had relaxed, the therapy relieved her pain. To me, it seemed miraculous.
Experiences like these remind me that pain is far more complicated than we once believed. It is physical, emotional, neurological, and social. Sometimes relief comes through medicine. Sometimes it comes through therapy. Often it comes through the steady presence of people who refuse to abandon us.
No one lives a pain-free life. There are times when we need others, and times when others need us. Managing pain is rarely the work of a single person. More often, it requires family, friends, and professionals working together. While they cannot remove all suffering, they can help make it bearable—and sometimes that is enough to carry someone through.
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Has your pain ever been so bad that it seems overwhelming. Please share your experience in the comment section of this blog.
It is easy to purchase art through my website. Filling the void is a 12” by 12” acrylic on canvas painting. Go to https://www.eichingerfineart.com/workszoom/6372442/filling-the-void#/
For questions, contact me at marilynne2eichingerfineart.com
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The pain my friend endured inspired part of Jennifer Russo's journey in Antheia in the Thorns. After the death of her infant daughter, Jennifer retreats from the world, consumed by grief. Only through time, support, and a renewed sense of purpose does she find her way back. Her healing becomes the source of her courage, proving that those who have suffered deeply are sometimes the very people best equipped to stand up for others. For thrillers about social justice and the environment, turn to the Rightfully Mine series.
Eichinger books are available on AMAZON.
6/13/2026 12:19:29 PM
BURSTING SPRING:
A time of hope and renewal—a fresh start.
Helping One Another
“You may not be strong, but that’s okay—we’ll help one another.”The quote comes from British author Charlie Mackesy in The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse, a book beloved for its themes of friendship, vulnerability, and kindness. When the Mole says those words to the Boy, he reminds him that no one is meant to carry life's burdens alone. Yet asking for help is often one of the hardest things we do.
You may lose a job, suffer an illness, experience the end of a relationship, or find yourself overwhelmed by depression. You may desperately need someone to drive you to a doctor's appointment, listen to your fears, or bring you a bowl of chicken soup while you recover. Yet pride, embarrassment, or fear can keep you from reaching out.
For people who have always been independent, asking for help can feel like admitting defeat. They see need as weakness rather than a normal part of being human. Instead of accepting support, they retreat behind walls of pride and suffer alone.
Helping others, however, is not always easy either.
Caregiving is often described as stepping into an entirely new reality. It may begin with small tasks—running errands, making phone calls, or driving someone to appointments. Over time, those responsibilities can grow into something much larger. Caregivers often juggle their own jobs, families, and dreams while putting another person's needs first.
In my own life, helping a struggling immigrant family gradually became a commitment I never expected. What started as occasional assistance grew into helping with childcare, transportation, paperwork, fundraising, and countless unexpected challenges.
There have been difficult days. Understanding problems from a different cultural perspective requires patience, compassion, and flexibility. At times, the commitment has felt nearly around the clock. Whenever I look at the children, I am reminded why the effort matters.
Every child deserves stability. Every child deserves the chance to succeed in school, build friendships, and dream about the future without worrying whether the adults around them can keep the family afloat. Children thrive when they are surrounded by consistency, love, and security.
What has amazed me most is the number of people who have stepped forward to help.Friends, neighbors, family members, and even people I barely know have offered encouragement, donations, advice, and practical assistance. Their generosity has restored my faith in the goodness that still exists all around us. This is the side of America that rarely makes the headlines. It is quiet, compassionate, and deeply human.
Like many people, I sometimes watch the news and wonder whether kindness is disappearing from our society. Then I see someone make a donation, offer a ride, send an encouraging message, or ask how the family is doing. Those simple acts remind me that compassion is still alive and well. The truth is that none of us gets through life alone. At different times, each of us will be the person who needs help and the person who gives it. As you grow older you will need the help of family and friends. Unlike most other high-income nations, the United States has a weak social welfare system. We have to depend on each other for support.
If you have already contributed to this family, thank you. Your generosity is making a real difference in their lives. If you still consider helping, I invite you to do so now. Every contribution, no matter the size, helps provide stability and opportunity for a family working hard to build a better future.
As Charlie Mackesy reminds us, we help one another. Sometimes that simple act of kindness can change a life. Over the past two days, $1,200 was contributed through the Go-Fund-Me account, and $ 450 sent to me to distribute on their behalf. We still have a ways to go to insure the family is on solid financial footing after their father set fire to the family car and incurred thousands of dollars in unanticipated expenses, making it difficult to pay for housing, transportation, and food. With your help, they should have their lives under control again by fall. To contribute now, click GOFUNDME.
Have you ever needed a caregiver or had to change your way of life to become one? Do share your experience on my blog site.
Art is always for sale. Bursting spring is available on for purchase on my website at https://www.eichingerfineart.com/workszoom/6493159/bursting-spring#/
Questions? :Direct them to [email protected]
6/5/2026 9:08:32 PM
Elaine; we shared a playpen as toddlers, were best friends throughout our school years, were in each other’s wedding parties, moved away after college, occasionally communicated during our middle years, traveled together when retired, and now as seniors residing on east and west coasts, we meet monthly along with a dear childhood friend, via zoom.
Trusted Friends
One of the hardest lessons I learned came twice. The first time was when I sold my company. For years, I had worked alongside employees I considered friends. We shared victories, frustrations, and countless conversations over coffee. Yet after the sale, the new owner wanted to establish his own leadership style and discouraged staff from maintaining close contact with me. Within months, many of those relationships faded.
The second time came when I stepped down as president of a science museum. Once again, people I saw regularly disappeared from my life. It wasn't because they disliked me. A new leader had arrived, and everyone needed to move forward.
Those experiences taught me something important: many friendships are tied to circumstances, but a few survive change. Those are the friendships worth cherishing.
I have met people from every walk of life—individuals who lost jobs, struggled with addiction, experienced divorce, faced illness, or made serious mistakes. The difference between those who eventually rebuilt their lives and those who remained stuck was often not intelligence, talent, or luck. It was whether they had trustworthy friends standing beside them.
No one travels through life without setbacks. At some point, everyone needs someone to lean on.
Research supports what many of us know from experience. The famous Harvard Study of Adult Development, which followed participants for more than eighty years, found that strong relationships were one of the best predictors of health, happiness, and longevity. More recently, former U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy warned that chronic loneliness carries health risks comparable to smoking up to fifteen cigarettes a day. Human beings are social creatures. We are wired for connection.
What makes friendship especially important is that it is one of the few major influences in life we can choose. We cannot select our parents, our genetics, or the circumstances into which we are born. We can choose who we spend time with. The challenge is finding people who are trustworthy.
Trustworthy friends keep confidences. They tell us the truth even when it is uncomfortable. They celebrate our successes without jealousy and support us during difficult times. Most importantly, they accept us as imperfect human beings. That doesn't mean they never disappoint us. Every friendship encounters misunderstandings. A trusted friend may say the wrong thing, forget a commitment, or accidentally reveal something private. The question is not whether mistakes will happen. The question is whether the relationship contains enough trust, goodwill, and forgiveness to survive them.
Trust is rarely all or nothing. Instead, it develops gradually. We learn, over time, how much we can depend on each person in our lives. This becomes particularly important as we age. According to research published through the National Institutes of Health, friendships become increasingly important to happiness in later life. Interestingly, the quality of friendships often matters more than the quantity. A handful of trusted friends can contribute more to life satisfaction than a large network of casual acquaintances.
Unfortunately, adulthood often works against friendship. People move away, change careers, retire, marry, divorce, or become consumed by family responsibilities. Relationships that once seemed permanent can quietly disappear. Even clergy are often encouraged not to return to former congregations after retirement so that new leaders can establish their own relationships.
The result is that many older adults find themselves lonely, not because they failed socially, but because life changed around them. The solution is not to retreat. It is to begin again.
In retirement, I discovered that friendships do not simply appear; they must be cultivated. I joined a pottery class and met interesting people, though most of those relationships remained casual. Later, I joined a writers' group. After years of meeting weekly to critique one another's work, we realized we wanted to know one another beyond our manuscripts. We started gathering monthly for happy hour and later for Sunday brunch. Eight years later, we remain friends. We encourage one another, challenge one another, and exchange criticism without fear because we know it comes from caring hearts.
Writing environmental novels also led me to become involved with a local environmental committee. The work introduced me to new people, new ideas, and new friendships. Those connections continue to enrich my life.
Friendship does not happen by accident. It requires time, vulnerability, and effort. Yet the rewards are enormous. The people who stand beside us through life's changes become part of the story of who we are. If you are shy, take a small risk and introduce yourself. If you have become comfortable staying home, accept an invitation. If your social life exists mostly through screens, spend time with people face to face.
The real world is still full of potential friends. Some of them may become the trustworthy companions who help carry you through whatever challenges lie ahead.
REFERENCES:
Puff, R. (2021) The Importance of Friendship. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meditation-modern-life/202107/the-importance-friendship\
Carlson, R, (2017) If They Should Remain: When Pastors Leave but Stay. The Evangelical Covenant CHurch. Retrieved from https://covchurch.org/2017/10/04/if-they-should-remain-when-pastors-leave-but-stay/
Guma,J (2023) The relative importance of friendship to happiness increases with age. NIH National Library of Medicine. Retrieved from https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10343095/
Kennedy-MOooore, E (2025) How to tell if You Can trust a Friend. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/growing-friendships/202503/how-to-tell-if-you-can-trust-a-friend
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Do you have close friends? Are they recently acquired or lifelong? How have your friendship relationships changed over time? Do share your thoughts in the comment section below.
The painting of Elaine is not for sale, however, more than three hundred paintings are. If something on my website strikes your fancy, it is easy to purchase online.
Questions? contact me at [email protected]
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The most important friendship for most people is the one who becomes your romantic partner. When reading Antheia in the Thorns, you cans see how trusted relationships easily dissolve when partners stop sharing activities and hide the life they are living. Eichinger books are available on AMAZON. For thrillers about social justice and the environment, turn to the Rightfully Mine series.
