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8/28/2021 9:06:03 PM
Standing Tall
Who is the man who stands tall and disregards his neighbors?
Boundaries
Fifty years ago, a wealthy friend had the financial means to purchase the side of a small mountain in Colorado. After a few years, he offered acreage on his land for use under ninety-nine-year leases. The couples buying into his community built luxury houses overlooking some of the most magnificent views in the Aspen area. A stipulation in the agreement was that leaseholders had to get the approval of their neighbors before building. Houses, out-buildings and land use could not impinge on the view or rights of anyone in the complex. Loud music, fireworks, or flashing strobe lights, for instance, couldn’t be installed if they disturbed someone in their mountain retreat. Residents were expected to communicate with each other and get along.
I was reminded of this expectation as our country seeks ways to balance the rights of individuals with those in the community. I thought of what happens with poor social boundaries after I exploded at a stranger who is an anti-vaxer. I can count on one hand the times that I’ve raised my voice in anger. In fact, a counselor once asked me why I smiled when angry rather than shout. And though losing my cool is not my habit, here I was, unable to convince a window cleaner to trust the government and scientists about the need for vaccinations. So, I shouted that not getting jabbed was like pointing a loaded gun at me, that he made the country unsafe, and that people who believed as he, should be isolated and pay their way when sick. I said that he, a new-age spiritualist who wouldn’t harm a mosquito if it landed on him, put our community at risk.
How do we live together when our beliefs are at such odds? Unfortunately, too many people respond as inconsiderately as I did to issues in need of rational discourse. Women’s rights, industrial pollution, sleeping on public sidewalks, burning of fossil fuels are but a few subjects raising the ire of my friends. And, there are small annoyances, like high volume leaf-blowers, packing loaded guns, loud partying, and speeding through family neighborhoods. An increasing number of citizens have thrown away social conventions with the notion that freedom in America gives people the right to act as they please. This belief is reinforced by media pundits who hide the truth and express opinions mimicking what their audience wants to hear.
The result is to drift away from science and truth. It creates anger, chaos, and despair. Humankind is left to behave at its lowest common denominator rather than reach high toward perfection. I seems to me that we have lost our minds.
I suggest reinstating informal common-sense laws that include behavioral boundaries. In Oregon, it was recently decided that a broken auto light, a lapsed license plate, and throwing pop cans from windows are not worthy of jail of steep fines. In several states including Oregon, officers pulling over drivers for a vehicle equipment violation are handing our vouchers to help cover repair costs. Changing the ways rules are enforced can change behavior and keep streets safe. Many libraries, for example, changed their rules and stopped issuing late fees. By doing so, they discovered that more books were returned and more people came to use their computers, behaviors they wanted to encourage.
If people gather together in their neighborhoods to discuss problems, we would have a different country. On my street, obnoxious leaf-blowers can be heard until seven in the evening making it difficult to have a conversation outside on warm summer evenings. Since people are so afraid of offending neighbors by asking them to stop by the dinner hour, the practice continues. As in marriage, by saying nothing, resentment builds, blood pressure rises, and neighbors become angry with each other..
My friend in Colorado recognized that the moment people step outside or drive from their dwelling, boundaries are crossed. What they do and how they act will affect others. To live harmoniously, we give up the right to absolute freedom and bear responsibility to those whose paths we cross. We, not the government, need ways to open discussions so we can figure out how to deal with the small annoyances and large problems that face our communities and nation. The boundaries agree upon will never satisfy everyone, for they will involve compromise. But, the outcome may reduce t rising blood pressure leading to road rage, gun violence, and shouting at strangers. And that is good.
Do comment below. It is always wonderful to hear your ideas.
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Art is always for sale. Standing tall is part of a series of abstractions. It is a 12" by 12" acrylic painting, unframed on canvas. Available for $275. contact me at [email protected].
8/21/2021 8:26:10 PM
Origin of a Thought
"Developing inner values is much like physical exercise. The more we train our abilities, the stronger they become. The difference is that, unlike the body, when it comes to training the mind, there is no limit to how far we can go." the Dali Lama
Mini-grief
Over the summer, I, along with neighbors, planned to hold an afternoon and evening neighborhood art festival in September. We solicited 110 families to share the art, craft, music, and poetry they’ve been producing and practicing since the pandemic started. A grand feast and stories around a newly erected totem pole were to be the finale of an event meant to unite the neighborhood and provide relief from the barage of unpleasant news. Unfortunately, at the advice of medical doctors in the neighborhood, we canceled our gathering because of the Covid variant. Though it is a minor incident, I grieved. The hours spent planning were for naught as we continue to bear witness to a pandemic that gives us limited opportunities to socialize.
During the eighteen months, most of us experienced disappointment in one form or another. We’ve had to cancel trips abroad, visits to loved ones, and forgo ordinary pleasures like going to movies, theater performances, and out to eat. Wedding parties were put on hold and sporting events were half-full when they finally opened. Large numbers of people worked from home, isolated from peers. It didn’t bother them at first but after a while, many felt they were going house-crazy. Lives took a sharp turn when businesses faltered and they were laid off. To accentuate the misery, fires burned in the West, and floods ravaged the East. Many people lost their homes.
Such losses can be gut-wrenching, though not as bad as dealing with the finality of death, going bankrupt, or losing a home. In such extreme circumstances, friends acknowledge their neighbor’s pain, send cards of sympathy, and rally around as best they can. It is the small, everyday disappointments that tend to elude us with emotions that are difficult to comprehend. We grieve without being aware that we are doing so, and are quick to assign blame when we can’t cope. Small losses bring about disenfranchised grief, as psychologist Kenneth Doka calls it. It can result from the loss of a relationship, a pet, identity, job, or even by giving up an addiction. These losses lack acknowledgment and support from the community for they are not valued and seen as legitimate or worthy of sadness.
I spoke to a woman in California whose husband lost his job, causing the family to have move to a less expensive home. Part of her was excited, for where they are headed was closer to her relatives. At the same time, she is sad about losing her community and the lifestyle she knew and valued. When she moves, her neighbors will also feel empty and at a loss by her leaving. Mixed emotions like these happen when children leave for college, when a diet is changed for health reasons, and when your body becomes frail for whatever reason. A hollowness occurs that causes grief to express itself in numerous ways.
- Physically: People have headaches, loss of appetite, insomnia, pain, and other physical symptoms.
- Emotionally: There are feelings of sadness, depression, anxiety. or guilt.
- Cognitively: Obsessive thinking, inability to concentrate, or distressing dreams may escalate.
- Behaviorally: Crying is not uncommon, nor is avoiding others and withdrawing socially.
- Spiritually: When grieving, many people search for meaning and pursue changes in their spiritual practice.
Unrecognized, it increases the risk of losing the confidence needed to fashion a way forward. Finding a new job, place to live, and a new circle of friends takes effort and determination. Along with the loss of community, the dreams of the woman mentioned above may get shattered and her self-esteem damaged to the point that it needs rebuilding. I suffered through this experience in my twenties when I moved from Lexington, Mass. to Lansing, Michigan.
To overcome grief, something new has to be established, but before that can happen, the loneliness, lost opportunities, and uncomfortable feelings engendered by the change have to be recognized. Grief creates a chance to focus on the basis of your self-worth by looking for the essence of who you are, what you want to be, and how you want to live. It is a time of growth, a moment when the brain learns to deal with new situations that in the long run will make you stronger.
A loss that’s controllable, like giving up cigarettes, though difficult, can foster hope for a healthier future. It is the unanticipated losses, like losing a job or having a close friend move away, that is hard to overcome, for they affect deeply embedded feelings that undermine self-confidence.
Soren Kierkegaard said, “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” Letting go of mini-grief can be difficult and take time, and though most situations don’t require professional counseling, it is important to find a way to delve into past and present circumstances. The search calls for patience and a willingness to explore what keeps you in a state of pain.
As friends and neighbors, we can help each other by listening without judgment and we can do the same for ourselves. By looking inward to acknowledge our frailties and consider how to overcome them, we are exercising our brains and making ourselves stronger. What could be a greater gift?
References:
* Meyers, L. (2019) Grieving everyday losses. Counseling today. retrieved from https://ct.counseling.org/2019/04/grieving-everyday-losses/.
* Perina,K. (2020) Mourning the Little Things. Psychology today. retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-grief/202004/mourning-the-little-things
Do comment below. It is always wonderful hearing from you.
Art is always for sale. Origin of a Thought is an acrylic painting 11" by 14" in black metal frame. $ 175. Contact me at [email protected]
8/14/2021 6:57:28 PM
Gold Static
People with different agendas marching in protest create static instead of projecting a clear message.
Do Protests Work?
When you care, your care circulates to make us all better. But what is the best way to show compassion that initiates change? Millions take to the streets to protest social injustice and societal wrongs, but does it do any good?
In the midst of the pandemic and economic crisis, the United States witnessed the broadest, sustained wave of protests experienced in decades. Starting with the presidential election, there were demonstrations against George Floyd, police brutality, ICE, systemic racism, gun violence, mask-wearing, elected officials, eviction notices, voting rights, removal of monuments, and name changes. The Capitol itself was under siege.
But, do protests work? Zeynep Tufekci, writing for The Atlantic, says it takes decades to find out. In the short term, they let authorities know that people are unhappy and want change, but changes to the political system don't happen overnight. It took over ten years for the 1963 civil rights March on Washington to go from idea, to organization, to dedication, to overcoming obstacles, to change.
The Capitol protesters, with their goal of taking over the government, were not well organized, and thankfully didn't succeed, though they scared me and others wishing to preserve a country based on law. But, laws are not always fair, and when people don't like them, they take their frustrations out with marches and riots.
Some protests in our country's history have made a difference.
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- The Boston Tea Party on Dec. 16, 1773, sparked the First Continental Congress the following year, leading to the American revolution in 1775.
- After 60 years of fighting, the Women's Suffrage Parade, held in 1913 on the eve of President Woodrow Wilson's inauguration, revived attention for the movement. It took seven more years before the 19th amendment granted women the right to vote.
- The March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom of 1963, where Martin Luther King gave his "I Have a Dream" Speech, led to the Civil rights Act of 1964 and the Voting Rights Act of 1965.
- The Stonewall riots in 1969, where Gay and Lesbian communities resisted and protested harassment, led to decades of activism within the LGBTQ+ community. Starting in the '90s, the Supreme Court established several landmark rulings, including one on June 15th of this year, legalizing gay marriage and making it illegal to fire employees for sexual orientation.
- The 1969 Native American occupation of Alcatraz led President Nixon to abolish the Indian Termination Policy of the 1040s to forcibly assimilate Native people into American society.
- The March for Our Lives in 2018 starting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida after seventeen people were killed, was a turning point for calls for gun-control legislation. Florida, along with sixteen states and Washington, D.C. raised the minimum age for gun purchases from 18 to 21, enacted red-flag laws, and banned bump stocks to increase the firing power of semiautomatic weapons.
Whether more recent protests will lead to change has yet to be determined.
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- The People's Climate March in New York City in 2014 that drew nearly 400,000 participants protesting along with 2700 climate-related demonstrations in more than 150 countries brought attention to global warming. It wasn't long after that President Trump pulled us out of the Paris Accord and cut the EPA’s budget. Though the Biden administration and various individual companies are trying to address global warming, success continues to elude our country and the world as we suffer more climate related crises.
- The Women's March on Washington in 2017 drew between 3.2 and 5.2 million people and inspired marches in 400 U.S. cities and 600 worldwide including one in Antarctica. Those advocating for reproductive rights and women's rights remain concerned about future Supreme Court and state rulings.
- Protests against police killings of George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and others people of color were among the most intense in U.S. history. Starting peacefully, they quickly moved to violence, setting fires, breaking windows, spraying graffiti, and looting. As I mentioned last week, the Black Lives Matter movement has already created a generational shift, with 65 percent of those under thirty-five supporting the movement but what policies and laws will change remain uncertain.
- Most protests occur when government supports those at the top and disadvantages those at the bottom. They often start with a single event, igniting long-held grievances. However, if they are not well-organized, they are doomed to die.
What makes protests successful? According to Dr. Catherine Fiechie in a speech given at the Common Futures Conversations Community, dialogue has to be the protest's priority. Citizens' assemblies, referendums, and participation in policy-making opens channels for institutionalizing grievances. She also advises that,
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- Protests have to be well-planned, focused, and clear. They must state the problem and what changes are desired. The George Floyd protests were unclear and demands varied from city to city. Cries to charge the officers who killed George Floyd turned into shouts to defund the police, train officers better, administer anti-social personality tests, rid cities of specific elected officials, ban behaviors such as chokeholds, end for-profit policing, end the War on Drugs, make reparations to the Black community, change hiring practices, override police unions, wear body cameras, and remove the Confederate flag.
- Successful protests employ both digital means of communicating and professional media outreach. Social media plays a major role in facilitating participation. Flash mobs emerge as a result of Twitter, email, blogs, Facebook, and text messages. The #BlackLivesMatter movement gained worldwide visibility on Twitter and through traditional news sources, creating a sense of global unity. Onlookers provided videos of violence taking place that magnified their voices, but when messages put online were not honest and unbiased, they died. Human rights organizations have good techniques for maintaining the public's attention.
- All concerns need to be heard and everyone has to work together to find solutions. Protests work well when there is a broad coalition of support that amplifies the voices of the marginalized. The Occupy Wall Street protests against economic inequity, for example, failed because demands were unclear and protesters offered no solutions.
- Networking with activists across the country and the world adds support to a movement, expands leadership skills, and puts protesters in a position where authorities are forced to engage in talks with them and hopefully answer their demands. Organizers of the Women's March in 2017, received help from Planned Parenthood and over 100 other organizations to ensure its success.
- Learning how to take political action should begin in school civic classes. Youth should be brought into discussions and educated in the process. Participation is integral to democracy and essential for creating critical thinkers. I was surprised when my fourteen-year-old grandson asked for Presidential Elections: Strategies and Structures of American Politics, for his birthday. At his age, I wasn't interested in politics, but he and youth like Greta Thunberg, give hope for the future.
- Non-violent protests are effective for they convey that each person matters. Movements do well that incorporate methods that have worked in the past and are strategic in their tactics.
Many of us are interested in what we can do to bring about change. Some people feel insignificant and powerless. Waving placards in a mob definitely makes a statement, but it is not for all. Protests fizzle without behind-the-scenes commitment. I, for example, feel like I can be more effective in other ways. There are many opportunities to get involved and lend your voice without having to march. The important thing is to get out of your comfort zone and take a first step.
References
Dudenhoefer, N (2020) 7 Influential Protests in American History. University of Central Florida. retrieved from https://www.ucf.edu/news/7-influential-protests-in-american-history/
Garfield,L. & Ettinger,Z. (2020) 14 of the biggest marches and protests in American history. Business Insider. retrieved from https://www.businessinsider.com/largest-marches-us-history-2017-1
Blodget,H & Plotz, D. (2020) Wahl are the protests so much more intense. Busienss Insider. retrieved from https://www.businessinsider.com/why-are-the-george-floyd-protests-so-much-more-intense-2020-6.
Staff (2021) U.S. Civil Unrest. Center for Disaster Philanthropy. retrieved from https://disasterphilanthropy.org/disaster/u-s-civil-unrest/
Staff (2020) Protests. GlobalSecurity.org. retrieved from https://www.globalsecurity.org/military/world/usa/protests-2020.htm
Haan, L., Barrail, H.,Burdette, e.,Ciasnocha.M. and more. (2020) What Makes a Successful Protest. Chatham House.retrieved from https://www.chathamhouse.org/2020/12/what-makes-successful-protest
2017 Women’s March. Wikipedia. retrieved from MARCH.
Do comment below. It is wonderful hearing your ideas.
Art is always for sale. For information about Gold Static contact me at [email protected].
8/7/2021 7:12:18 PM
Blue Ladders
There are many ladders to climb and many problems to tackle.
Knowing Where to Look
Proof that people are good is all around if you know where to look. With so many troubles facing society, it is easy to forget there is much to celebrate.
Though trained in psychology, I didn't pursue a career in mental health. Counselors spend days with people who are sad, lonely, and confused. I empathized with them feeling their pain and wasn't able to divorce myself from their problems. Carrying their misery I forgot there was a happy side to life.
I left the profession to be surrounded by positive thinkers. I sought out those who had dreams and passions. They were doers who overcame hurdles with hard work and open-minded thinking. Many had gone to counselors, but they fought to overcome their difficulties. I became associated with compassionate people who lived productive, engaged lives. When I looked behind my own interests to find what inspired them, my world expanded tenfold, and I shared in their excitement.
At my catalog company, we gave PRIDE awards to employees who contributed above and beyond their job descriptions. Focusing attention on small acts of kindness and collaboration rather than on mistakes made the organization flourish.
Individual Deeds:
Look around and you will find an abundance of people engage in doing good. Recognizing their decency is a way to keep from being drawn into a quagmire of despair and hopelessness. Their actions are uplifting and an inspiration to others. Following are examples from my life and from those I read about recently on MSN, FOX NEWS, HuffPost, USA Today, Good News Network, and Sunny Skyz.
Last week a busy physician came cross-country to visit a friend recently diagnosed with Leukemia. Their weekend was spent in laughter and answering his medical questions. The man left his friend better able to face an uncertain future.
On August 3rd an Israeli woman donated her kidney to a 3-year-old Palestinian boy.
Instead of issuing tickets for broken headlights, the Denver police are handing out gift cards to get them fixed.
A man set up a camera inside a bird box and attracted 41 million fans worldwide. He was overwhelmed to discover how many bird enthusiasts there are in the world.
Two Boy Scouts rescued a drowning woman from Missouri Floodwaters, and in British Columbia, a woman trained as a lifeguard 20 years ago, kept a family of three from drowning by jumping in the lake to tow them closer to shore. Onlookers made a human chain and reached out by grabbing her arm and pulling her and the family close enough to get a foothold.
A woman with special needs wanted to be a cook, so Jordyn’s Deli in Falling Waters West Virginia made it happen. “When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade,” the owner said. “ And when one of your best employees comes to you and says that in spite of all obstacles, they want to be a cook. . . you find a way to make it happen.”
My granddaughter had the wedding of her dreams a year after it was postponed because of the pandemic. It was held outside for vaccinated guests and those testing negative for covid. Afterward, her mother looked like she could sleep for a week and hopefully did, but the pleasure she and her husband gave our family after being separated for 18 months was a gift we will always treasure.
Sam Schmidt, a race car driver paralyzed in 2000, stood and took his first steps due to new technology from Arrow Electronics. As a positive thinker, he discovered a high-tech vehicle that enabled him to compete in races again.
Group Deeds:
There are times when it takes a group to bring about a change that benefits society. Because of efforts by international governments, scientists, and health organizations, as of August 7th, at least 4.4 billion shots of the Covid vaccine have been administered worldwide (15.3% fully vaccinated) In the U.S.166 Million are fully vaccinated (50.5% of the population). We have more to go, but look how far we have come.
People put their lives at risk to do what they believe is right for society. The Black Lives Matter movement has already created a generational shift, with 65 percent of those under thirty-five supporting the movement. Protests in the United States are escalating to overturn state laws that limit voting rights laws and threaten the foundation of our democracy. Greenpeace organizes ongoing boat interventions in the Antarctic to protect the whales.
Over the past year, COVID-19 itself played a role in protecting ocean wildlife. Humpback whales became happy when tourism came to a near-halt and 13 million people visiting Alaska on cruise ships stayed away. Researchers at Glacier Bay National Park hear gurgling and bubbling water sounds that haven't been heard for years. The happy whales spread out across larger swathes of the bay, mothers leave their calves to play while they swim out to feed, and the songs they sing are more varied.
A group calling themselves the Cruise Control got organized in 2020 to gather signatures for a ballot measure to limit the times and sizes of visiting cruise ships when the pandemic subsides. The drive failed because the business community fought it, but it is not over. "Though tourism is good for the economy, it's not good if the whales feel too much pressure and leave,” Cruise Control says.
The power of group action was evident when the Supreme Court, with its conservative majority, voted in June to expand employment protections to gender identity and sexual orientation. Old ways of thinking had dissolved and the culture shifted to embrace the LBGTQ community.
Most people want to be fair and try to do what is right. Some innovations, like dams, seemed good at the time it electrified the country. Now we know they kill the fish, destroy cities and farmland, and divert water needed for crops and other living organisms. Dams are being taken down as we find other ways to electrify our towns.
With population increasing, it is time to reimagine the way energy, agriculture, trade, property, communication, and water are managed. Privacy laws, individual rights, and the limits of capitalism, socialism, and democracy ave to be reimagined. The troubles we have will only be solved by banding together and lobbying for solutions that benefit all.
Younger generations will have a great many problems to solve. There are interesting challenges that will be exciting for citizens with a good heart to tackle. Knowing where to look and taking action is the antidote to despair, making life worthwhile. And, for those of us who are elders, we are also being challenged to help youth find their way.
References:
Tufekci,Z ( 2020) Do Protests Work? The Atlantic. retrieved from https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2020/06/why-protests-work/613420/
Zurcher,A. (2021) Why whales in Alaska have been so happy, BBC News. retrieved from
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-58032702.
