loving art, science and creative kids
10/26/2019 6:53:56 PM
Girl With Pearls
Ready to Party?
Love it . . . or hate it? Holidays elicit many emotions.
A short time ago I participated in a discussion about winter festivities. A third in attendance said that they found the long dark days of winter and the season’s hoop-la depressing. Another third were saddened by remembrances of past celebrations. The remainder joyfully looked forward to the commotion and chaos of the season. This group embraced the long dark nights made cheerful by holiday decorations that brighten city streets. They agreed holidays were provided a reason to stay in touch with loved ones and friends so they relished the dinners and festivities of the season.
I happen to identify with the last group. Chaos, noise, and mounds of dirty dishes are never a bother, though, at times, my back tells me otherwise. I spend months looking for perfect gifts and enjoy wrapping them surrounded by a pile of paper, ribbons and bows while listening to jazz. I've always associated winter as a time to renew contacts with family and friends, and I love creating a welcoming home for their visits. And, I don't get depressed if they can't come. Instead, I invite lesser known acquaintances in an effort to know them better--usually a win-win experience.
Though my holiday activities are not as bustling as they once were, I make a point of not looking back. No longer do twenty plus children and grandchildren gather in my house to open Christmas gifts. I’m more easily satisfied with smaller gatherings, often traveling out of town to one of my children’s homes.
Locally, I make and effort to smile at people I pass on the sidewalk. For some reason, the faces I see seem kinder, gentler and return the smile more often than other times of year. I am reminded that I am the decider of my happiness quotient. I can choose to see my glass as half full rather than half empty. It’s up to me to make make plans so it will spill over with happiness.
Throughout the ages, the days leading to the winter solstice have been times for celebration. Both religious and secular practices developed to remind us that life has cycles—seasons of change— the sun sets and returns, there’s hope for mankind, goodness eventually overcomes evil. Festivities draw people together, reinforcing community and shared values.
The holidays also remind us of those who are sick, poor or lonely, and of those who need special attention due to circumstances beyond their control. My heart goes out to families running from violence and starvation waiting patiently on our border for a safe place to live and raise their families. The misfortunes of the downtrodden provide us with an opportunity to show our humanity. We can do good, can be good, and we discover that we are good. Caring for those in need brings out the best of our natures.
During the past year I’ve discussed many societal and personal issues. Today, I invite you to celebrate the humaneness of friends and families. It is time to forgive that which you thought was unforgivable—to mend your heart and tor reach out in love.
Thank you for the warmth and happiness you give me. Your comments are astute — a gift — adding to my personal growth. So… put on your pearls, jeans, jackets and finest attire. Open your door to trick or treaters and enjoy the months ahead.
Art is always for sale. I can be contacted at [email protected]
GIRL WITH PEARLS / acrylic painting on canvas / 24” by 18” / $325
10/18/2019 10:07:52 AM
Mystery by Marilynne Eichinger
Into the Unknown
In his first inaugural address, President Franklin D. Roosevelt made the oft quoted remark, “The only thing we have to fear is . . .fear itself.” He said it during the great recession when the economic situation of the country was dire. He called fear a ”nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed effort to convert retreat into advance. In every dark hour of our national life a leadership of frankness and of vigor has met with that understanding and support of the people themselves which is essential to victory.”
It was a masterful speech that went on to say the nation will endure as it has through all sorts of extreme challenges, that there is much to be thankful for despite hard times, and that we have to stand together to solve problems. I wonder how his speech would be received today? Does the constant barrage of TV and electronic news programs make our fears worse? It is important to remember that the media is strongly motivated to put us on edge in order to keep us consuming. The more often we return to their newscasts, the more ads they sell.
Those frozen by fear are said to have agoraphobia. They may be unable to leave their residence because they worry about having a panic attack. Psychologist Jay Winner says this type of fear is a secondary emotion. Primary emotions are the direct result of something that made you sad, such a loved one being hit by a car. If the incident makes you too afraid to leave home because you too might get struck by a moving vehicle and if you get angry at yourself for worrying unreasonably, the resulting emotions of fear and anger are secondary. Stress causes distress by imagining you should feel differently. It results in prolonged agony.
Adrian Vilaca discusses fear another way. She sees anxiety as keeping us back from taking leaps of faith. Adrian is a martial artist who fights in cages against opponents bent on beating her unconscious. She describes being gripped with fear as she walks toward the event coordinator in an arena filled with a screaming crowd and super loud music. As the MC raises his his hand and slowly folds finger after finger until none are left showing, her tension increases. When the music defining her act begins to play and her team huddles round to provide support, she realizes how alone she really is.
Adrian moves forward even though terrified of losing and letting people down. In that moment she forces a smile and gets into her fear. Once embraced, she finds it motivating, for fear represents what she values and wants to do. She cherishes the ability to feel a full range of emotions.
The journey through life propels us toward our individual cages.
If we walk gingerly, the trip into the unknown can be crippling—for you could fail. However, if you believe what you are creating is more important than being afraid, it will provide strength.
I used to be afraid, very afraid, afraid of my shadow, some people would say, until the day a counselor asked me if I was afraid to succeed. Afraid to succeed? How strange you might ask. How can that be?
The thought of success as well as failure also can freeze people to the status quo, for success is often accompanied by unanticipated demands. Unsure of what they might be, I did not want to face added responsibility. So, I stayed in the bubble of a comfortable routine I believed I could control. The counselor’s comment somehow enabled me to take a leap into the unknown. He helped me see that the potential rewards that might occur far outweighed the risks I had to take. And so, I started a science museum that is now over forty years old.
Today's political climate causes many people to retreat into the safety of the familiar. I've met individuals afraid to leave their homes. I have friends who won’t say what’s on their mind because they fear reprisal. Other acquaintances shake their heads in despair, spend their days in jitters, and can’t sleep at night. They are frozen by inaction—not a good way to embrace life.
We need people willing to scale self imposed barriers and engage in a search for truth and understanding of those who hold differing opinions. The political divide is artificial, brought about by partisan interests and fueled by a media that benefits by inciting fear and confusion in their audiences. Most ordinary Americans are not as divided as you might think. They want the same things—to be respected and loved, to feel secure, to live in health, and to participate in activities that make them happy. With that in mind, it becomes easy to close the door on fear and open it to engagement. Being part of the solution to make neighborhoods safe and clean, children better educated, and all citizens well cared we will heed FDR’s words once again.
“ Happiness lies not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the the joy of achievement, in the thrill of the creative effort . . .These dark days will be worth all they cost us if they teach us that our true destiny is not to be ministered unto but to minister to ourselves and to our fellow men.”
References:
Winner, J. (2008) Nothing to Fear, but Fear Itself ? Psychology Today. retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stress-remedy/200810/nothing-fear-fear-itself
Vilaca, A. (2016) Fear of the Walk - There is Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself.Wellness Motivation. retrieved from https://www.fearlessmotivation.com/2016/10/27/fear-of-the-walk-there-is-nothing-to-fear-but-fear-itself/
Art is always for sale. For more information contact [email protected].
Walk into the Unknown: Acrylic on Canvas / Ornate gold Frame / $ 599 / 23” x 19”
10/11/2019 4:58:11 PM
EVA
The Faces of Grief
As much as we wish it were so, life is not “a bed of roses.” The human cycle of birth and death marks seasons with uncertainty. Though not caterpillars who can transform into beautiful butterflies, we are similar. We open our eyes prone, then crawl, stand, walk, hop, skip, and run. As we age we return to walk, shuffle, sit, and laying prone before we stop breathing. We call this the cycle of life—the big one.
But there are mini-cycles that occur throughout our years that also end in death. We are constantly being altered by our experiences, knowledge, health and stature. We fall into and out of love, develop friendships and see them dissolve as we or they change. We spend hours at work and when retired reluctantly say adieu to colleagues and friends made on the way. Those we love move, become ill, grow old and die, allowing the next generation to take their place. When young, I felt like I would live forever, but as I age I feel life to be short.
Learning to deal with the idea of our temporary existence is the great challenge each of us face. The search for a way to accept the order of the universe is not easy, especially when moving through a mini-cycle on earth. Children leaving home, divorce, job loss, dementia in a loved one, becoming feeble, retiring, mental issues, and physical problems cause great anguish. A person going through change is in the throws of a death-like experience, for on waning end of the cycle, life will not be the same. It’s even more difficult when the process is truncated by a tragic occurrence beyond your control. Thankfully most deaths are less dramatic.
Imagine being a long term caregiver for a person you love. You may complain about the demands being made on you, but once your loved one dies you can feel great loss. No longer having a daily obligation that fills your time and gives your days purpose you find yourself with hours to fill. You may not know what you want to do next. So you become confused and melancholy and miss the routine you had settled into as caregiver. You are left with an emotional and physical vacuum to be filled and find that you are the only one who can do it. A new birthing cycle begins, and, just as in pregnancy, it will take time and will not be rushed.
I too have suffered at times through the years. In my twenties I lost my mother. When my children left for college I became lonely and felt empty. I wept through two divorces, though I knew them to be necessary. I watched my adopted son loose his ability to walk and was distraught. In my seventies I retired from a job I loved. I hated seeing friends move away. It took a while to finally realize that my mountain climbing days are over. Yet, I survive and continue on, facing mini-cycles that make life interesting. Friends and family surround me with love, but they do feel what I am feeling or can put me back together again. That is my prerogative.
But, knowing that the end of a cycle starts the next one rolling, and that I grow stronger with each turn of the wheel, helps me move on. I’ll never stop missing my mother, but I don’t think about her as often as I did, and when I do, I have fond memories. It took five years for the emptiness caused by her death to disappear and many more before I fully understood how her love and guidance affected me.
Friends and family may not know to treat mini-cycles as death-like experiences. Some endings may be good and bring instant happiness while others may be difficult and carry great sadness, yet all call for change. The person in flux needs time to transform.
Since acquaintances can not be expected to bear your burden for months on end, each person has to develop her or her own self-care plan. Participating in a grief group, signing up for counseling, practicing meditation, forcing yourself to socialize, and exercising regularly are helpful activities that clear mind and soul. Change your residence, learning in a new hobby, volunteering with an organization that has meaning for you, and going out of your way to meet people will create new memories that help you reengage and emerge from your cocoon. Completing the cycle usually brings a return to happiness, allowing the wheel to turn once again.
Works of art are always for sale. Contact me at [email protected].
EVA: acrylic on Canvas / 40” x 30” / $ 599
10/8/2019 2:15:21 PM
Heaven and Beyond
It is good to be reminded occasionally that we are part of a universe that is in a constant state of flux.
Reluctant to change?
Life is about change, but how do you cope when you live or work with someone with ubiquitous resistance? Their refusal to change can manifest itself in many ways, from foot-dragging and inertia to petty sabotage to outright rebellion. Children, spouses and business associates can become entrenched in their ways because of fear or stubbornness. You me be confronted with a wall of negativity that you can’t climb over. So, when you are convinced that change is necessary, what can you do about it?
The best way to start is to understand the sources of resistance that are most likely to occur and then strategize around them. Here are a few I’ve found to be most common.
- Loss of control. Change interferes with autonomy and can make people feel that they’ve lost control over their territory.
- Excess uncertainty. People often prefer to remain mired in misery than to head toward an unknown. They want to feel safe and are more comfortable with the status quo.
- Surprise! Decisions imposed suddenly, with no time to get used to the idea or to prepare for the consequences, are generally resisted.
- Immersed in habit. Change is meant to bring something different, but how different? We are creatures of habit. Routines become automatic, but change can jar us into consciousness in an uncomfortable way. At tunes the mind does not believe new goals are worth suffering to attain. This explains why so many people resist dieting.
- Loss of face. Change is a departure from the past. People associated with the last version — the one that didn’t work — are often defensive about it. They develop a mindset that predicts failure. Failure, though is not guaranteed. Thomas Edison failed 1000 times before inventing the light bulb. He considered his many failures a success because they led to his invention.
- Competency concerns. Can I do it? Change is resisted when it makes people feel stupid.
- More work. Change involves work. Acquiring a new skill, mindset or way of behaving is time consuming.
- Ripple effects. Change creates ripples, that disrupt family dynamics and alter relationships. It’s not unusual for family members or colleges to push back, rebelling against changes they had nothing to do with yet interfere with their own activities.
- Past resentments. The minute you need cooperation for something new or different, ghosts of the past spring into action. Old wounds reopen, historic resentments are remembered.
- The threat may be real. Actual pain can occur. Household roles may change, activities you once enjoyed may end, and friendships often fizzle away with a move. Whether you live more lavishly or fugally can alter depending on circumstances around a change of employment.
Change is likely to be good for you once you figure out what you want. Perhaps you want to manage your stress level, make more money, buy a new house, live in another state. Making a change requires identifying where you want to go with your life, doing research and analyzing the pros and cons of achieving your new goal. When your actions will affect others, then your leadership skills are necessary to use to bring them into your dream.
After diagnosing the source of resistance, consider the sacrifices and consequences that might impact others. Then invite those likely to be affected to express their concerns. If possible, work with them to find a solution and is mutually acceptable. They will be more supportive if they understand the dynamics behind the change and their feelings are acknowledged.
References:
Kanter, R (2012) Ten Reasons People Resist Change.Harvard Business Review. retrieved from https://hbr.org/2012/09/ten-reasons-people-resist-chang
Griggs, U. (2019) How to Overcome Your Resistance to Change to Live a Better Life. Lifehack. retrieved from https://www.lifehack.org/822909/resistance-to-change\
Art is always for sale. Contact me at [email protected]
Heaven and Beyond/ Black frame / acrylic on canvas, 20” by 24” / $ 399
