Trusted Friends
One of the hardest lessons I learned came twice. The first time was when I sold my company. For years, I had worked alongside employees I considered friends. We shared victories, frustrations, and countless conversations over coffee. Yet after the sale, the new owner wanted to establish his own leadership style and discouraged staff from maintaining close contact with me. Within months, many of those relationships faded.
The second time came when I stepped down as president of a science museum. Once again, people I saw regularly disappeared from my life. It wasn't because they disliked me. A new leader had arrived, and everyone needed to move forward.
Those experiences taught me something important: many friendships are tied to circumstances, but a few survive change. Those are the friendships worth cherishing.
I have met people from every walk of life--individuals who lost jobs, struggled with addiction, experienced divorce, faced illness, or made serious mistakes. The difference between those who eventually rebuilt their lives and those who remained stuck was not intelligence, talent, or luck. It was whether they had trustworthy friends standing beside them.
No one travels through life without setbacks. At some point, everyone needs someone to lean on.
Research supports what many of us know from experience. The famous Harvard Study of Adult Development, which followed participants for more than eighty years, found that strong relationships were one of the best predictors of health, happiness, and longevity. More recently, former U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy warned that chronic loneliness carries health risks comparable to smoking up to fifteen cigarettes a day. Human beings are social creatures. We are wired for connection.
What makes friendship especially important is that it is one of the few major influences in life we can choose. We cannot select our parents, our genetics, or the circumstances into which we are born. We can choose who we spend time with. The challenge is finding people who are trustworthy.
Trustworthy friends keep confidences. They tell us the truth even when it is uncomfortable. They celebrate our successes without jealousy and support us during difficult times. Most importantly, they accept us as imperfect human beings.
That doesn't mean they never disappoint us. Every friendship encounters misunderstandings. A trusted friend may say the wrong thing, forget a commitment, or accidentally reveal something private. The question is not whether mistakes will happen. The question is whether the relationship contains enough trust, goodwill, and forgiveness to survive them.
Trust is rarely all or nothing. Instead, it develops gradually. We learn, over time, how much we can depend on each person in our lives.
This becomes particularly important as we age. According to research published through the National Institutes of Health, friendships become increasingly important to happiness in later life. Interestingly, the quality of friendships often matters more than the quantity. A handful of trusted friends can contribute more to life satisfaction than a large network of casual acquaintances.
Unfortunately, adulthood can work against friendship. People move away, change careers, retire, marry, divorce, or become consumed by family responsibilities. Relationships that once seemed permanent can quietly disappear. Even clergy are encouraged not to return to former congregations after retirement so that new leaders can establish their own relationships.
The result is that many older adults find themselves lonely, not because they failed socially, but because life changed around them. The solution is not to retreat. It is to begin again.
In retirement, I discovered that friendships do not simply appear; they must be cultivated. I joined a pottery class and met interesting people, though most of those relationships remained casual. Later, I joined a writers' group. After years of meeting weekly to critique one another's work, we realized we wanted to know one another beyond our manuscripts. We started gathering monthly for happy hour and later for Sunday brunch. Twenve years later, we remain friends. We encourage one another, challenge one another, and exchange criticism without fear because we know it comes from caring hearts.
Writing environmental novels also led me to become involved with a local environmental committee. The work introduced me to new people, new ideas, and new friendships. Those connections continue to enrich my life.
Friendship does not happen by accident. It requires time, vulnerability, and effort. Yet the rewards are enormous. The people who stand beside us through life's changes become part of the story of who we are.
If you are shy, take a small risk and introduce yourself. If you have become comfortable staying home, accept an invitation. If your social life exists mostly through screens, spend time with people face to face.
The real world is still full of potential friends. Some of them may become the trustworthy companions who help carry you through whatever challenges lie ahead.
REFERENCES:
Puff, R. (2021) The Importance of Friendship. Psychology Today. Retrieved from FRIENDSHIP
Carlson, R, (2017) If They Should Remain: When Pastors Leave but Stay. The Evangelical Covenant CHurch. Retrieved from PASTORS
Guma,J (2023) The relative importance of friendship to happiness increases with age. NIH National Library of Medicine. Retrieved from NIH
Kennedy-Moore, E (2025) How to tell if You Can trust a Friend. Psychology Today. Retrieved from TRUST
_________________________________________________________
Do you have close friends? Are they recently acquired or lifelong? How have your friendship relationships changed over time? Do share your thoughts in the comment section. https://www.eichingerfineart.com/blog/206816/trusted-friends
The painting of Elaine is not for sale, however, more than three hundred paintings are. If something on my website strikes your fancy, it is easy to purchase online at www.eichingerfineart.com.
Questions? contact me at marilynne@eicingerfineart.com_
________________
The most important friendship for most people is the one who becomes your romantic partner. When reading Antheia in the Thorns, you cans see how trusted relationships easily dissolve when partners stop sharing activities and hide the life they are living. Eichinger books are available on AMAZON. For thrillers about social justice and the environment,, turn to the Rightfully Mine series.
