Meet the Blockheads
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Those fortunate enough to be showered with love during their childhood are likely to become healthy, well adjusted adults.
Without Love, What?
The following passage is taken from the manuscript of Over the Sticker Bush Fence: Scaling Barriers for Homeless and Runaway Youth. In this section I discuss what happens to children who are raised in loveless surroundings. The book is presently under consideration for publication by a well known publisher. It is not too late to comment and I look forward to your insights.
In my naivety, I assumed that love was instinctual and that every newborn, no matter how poor, is a recipient of parental attention. Without some level of care a helpless infant could never survive. But I quickly learned that feelings of responsibility vary from person to person as do emotions elicited by love.
From the manuscript.
"The majority of us are fortunate for we are surrounded by loving parents and relatives. As infants, family members held and cherished us and as adults, we find partners and form bonds based on love and mutual respect. But what happens to children who are never caressed or told that they are special? What are the long-term effects of never having being touched and cuddled? What befalls those children who are physically abandoned, left on door steps or placed in cribs and not attended to when they cry or diapers need changing?"
"A cornerstone study about infant neglect was initiated in the 1980s when Dr. Nathan Fox and colleagues from Harvard Medical School, walked into an orphanage in Romania. Due to a recent ban on abortion, the number of orphan babies had soared. 170,000 children were placed in 700 overcrowded and impoverished facilities across the country, staffed with an insufficient number of caretakers. Though the facilities were clean, the infants were emotionally neglected. Left day and night in their cribs, the babies were changed periodically and fed without being held. The nurseries were eerily quiet places. Since crying infants were ignored, they stopped making sounds. No attention-no cries-only silence."
"Dr. Fox followed these children for over fourteen years. During the early years of the study, autistic-like behaviors such as head-banging and rocking were common. As the children grew their head circumferences remained unusually small. They had difficulty paying attention and comprehending what was going on around them. Over time, 50 percent of the children suffered from mental illness. They displayed poor impulse control, were socially withdrawn, had problems coping and regulating emotions, and were shrouded in low self-esteem. They manifested pathological behaviors such as tics, tantrums, stealing and self-punishment. Poor intellectual functioning caused them to have low academic success."
"Those children lucky enough to be put in a caring foster home before the age of two were able to rebound. Unfortunately, those who entered foster care at a later age were not so lucky, for they were permanently damaged." . . . .
"Without repeated acts of love, a child's brain doesn't make the growth hormone needed for proper mental and physical development, leaving the child permanently scarred. Even small insults of shame and rejection can impact a youngster's ability to develop in a healthy manner. Verbal abuse from adults who say such words as, "I can't believe you would embarrass me like that," or "You Idiot! Who do you think you are?" hurt and affect a child's self-esteem. This type of verbal abuse can lead a child to be cruel to animals, set fires, take drug, and self-withdrawal."
Parental warmth and love are crucial for a child's well-being. Writing for Psychology Today, Christopher Bergland concurs that "Toxic childhood stress alters neural responses linked to illness in adulthood." He writes of a 2013 study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences where researchers examined the effects of abuse and lack of parental affection across the regulatory system. They discovered a biological link between negative experiences early in life and poor health in later years. The brains of unloved, neglected children are permanently affected. Their stress levels are high, setting the stage for elevated cholesterol levels, cardiovascular disease, metabolic syndromes, and other conditions that pose a serious health risks."
"The study was able to document what most healthy families have always known, that children need to be showered with love and kindness and live in a welcoming environment. Love is what helps youth develop defense mechanisms that provide a buffer from abuse and trauma."
"A good example of the importance of early love is found in Zach's story. He was loved as a child even though neglected and at times abused by parents high on drugs and alcohol. That he was occasionally smacked and at times not fed, was not as important in the long-run as knowing he was wanted. He was fortunately part of an extended family that lived nearby, so when the situation became intolerable, he often found shelter with relatives. This early attention sustained him through difficult times and made him able to transition as a caring individual.
"Those growing up without the gift of love are not so fortunate. "Charlie" was left alone in his crib for hours on end. When he cried there was no-one there to pick him up and comfort him so eventually he became silent. His diaper was changed irregularly and rashes developed causing more discomfort. While being fed, a bottle was propped on a pillow by his mouth while he lay still in his crib. He rarely felt the warm arms of a loving adult. He remained listless and grew slowly, learning to sit and crawl months after what was developmentally appropriate for his age. By the age of two, he was more like a one-year-old. Over the years "Charlie" never caught up."
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Parents, there is no such thing as showering your children with too much love. However, I share a cautionary note. Love is not to be confused with spoiling. It does not equate with letting the child do anything he or she wants to do. Parents are responsible for teaching their children the social and cultural mores of society. There are times when "tough love" is called for in order to instill responsibility. But love may also mean, picking your child up over and over again each time he falls down.
References:
1. Nelson, C. & Fox, N. & Zeanah, C. (2014) Romania's Abandoned Children, Deprivation, Brain Development, and the Struggle for Recovery, Harvard University Press.
2. Parks, G. (2,000) The High/Scope Perry Preschool Project. U.S. Department of Justice; Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention. retrieved from https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/ojjdp/181725.pdf alsoRand Published Study http://www.rand.org/pubs/research_briefs/RB9145.html
3. Bergland, C.( 2013) Parental Warmth is crucial for a Child's Well-being. Psychology Today. retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-athletes-way/201310/parental-warmth-is-crucial-child-s-well-being
4. Smith, D. Effects: of The Lack of Attachment. Addictive Behavior Counseling School Student Lecture notes. from http://www.darvsmith.com/dox/lackofattachment.html
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