Trusted Friends
Elaine; we shared a playpen as toddlers, were best friends throughout
our school years, got in trouble for talking during class time, were in
each other's wedding parties, moved away after college, occasionally
communicated during our middle years, traveled together when retired,
and now as seniors residing on east and west coasts, we meet monthly
along with another dear childhood friend via zoom.
Elaine; we shared a playpen as toddlers, were best friends throughout
our school years, and got in trouble for talking during class. We were
in each other's wedding parties, moved away after college, communicated
occasionally during our middle years, traveled together after retiring,
and now, as seniors residing on east and west coasts, we meet monthly
with another dear childhood friend via zoom.
Trusted Friends
One of the hardest lessons I learned came twice. The first time was
when I sold my company. For years, I had worked alongside employees I
considered friends. We shared victories, frustrations, and countless
conversations over coffee. Yet after the sale, the new owner wanted to
establish his own leadership style and discouraged staff from
maintaining close contact with me. Within months, many of those
relationships faded.
The second time came when I stepped down as president of a science
museum. Once again, people I saw regularly disappeared from my life. It
wasn't because they disliked me. A new leader had arrived, and everyone
needed to move forward.
Those experiences taught me something important: many friendships are
tied to circumstances, but a few survive change. Those are the
friendships worth cherishing.
I have met people from every walk of life--individuals who lost jobs,
struggled with addiction, experienced divorce, faced illness, or made
serious mistakes. The difference between those who eventually rebuilt
their lives and those who remained stuck was not intelligence, talent,
or luck. It was whether they had trustworthy friends standing beside
them.
No one travels through life without setbacks. At some point, everyone
needs someone to lean on.
Research supports what many of us know from experience. The famous
Harvard Study of Adult Development, which followed participants for
more than eighty years, found that strong relationships were one of the
best predictors of health, happiness, and longevity. More recently,
former U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy warned that chronic loneliness
carries health risks comparable to smoking up to fifteen cigarettes a
day. Human beings are social creatures. We are wired for connection.
What makes friendship especially important is that it is one of the few
major influences in life we can choose. We cannot select our parents,
our genetics, or the circumstances into which we are born. We can
choose who we spend time with. The challenge is finding people who are
trustworthy.
Trustworthy friends keep confidences. They tell us the truth even when
it is uncomfortable. They celebrate our successes without jealousy and
support us during difficult times. Most importantly, they accept us as
imperfect human beings.
That doesn't mean they never disappoint us. Every friendship encounters
misunderstandings. A trusted friend may say the wrong thing, forget a
commitment, or accidentally reveal something private. The question is
not whether mistakes will happen. The question is whether the
relationship contains enough trust, goodwill, and forgiveness to
survive them.
Trust is rarely all or nothing. Instead, it develops gradually. We
learn, over time, how much we can depend on each person in our lives.
This becomes particularly important as we age. According to research
published through the National Institutes of Health, friendships become
increasingly important to happiness in later life. Interestingly, the
quality of friendships often matters more than the quantity. A handful
of trusted friends can contribute more to life satisfaction than a
large network of casual acquaintances.
Unfortunately, adulthood can work against friendship. People move away,
change careers, retire, marry, divorce, or become consumed by family
responsibilities. Relationships that once seemed permanent can quietly
disappear. Even clergy are encouraged not to return to former
congregations after retirement so that new leaders can establish their
own relationships.
The result is that many older adults find themselves lonely, not
because they failed socially, but because life changed around them. The
solution is not to retreat. It is to begin again.
In retirement, I discovered that friendships do not simply appear; they
must be cultivated. I joined a pottery class and met interesting
people, though most of those relationships remained casual. Later, I
joined a writers' group. After years of meeting weekly to critique one
another's work, we realized we wanted to know one another beyond our
manuscripts. We started gathering monthly for happy hour and later for
Sunday brunch. Twenve years later, we remain friends. We encourage one
another, challenge one another, and exchange criticism without fear
because we know it comes from caring hearts.
Writing environmental novels also led me to become involved with a
local environmental committee. The work introduced me to new people,
new ideas, and new friendships. Those connections continue to enrich my
life.
Friendship does not happen by accident. It requires time,
vulnerability, and effort. Yet the rewards are enormous. The people who
stand beside us through life's changes become part of the story of who
we are.
If you are shy, take a small risk and introduce yourself. If you have
become comfortable staying home, accept an invitation. If your social
life exists mostly through screens, spend time with people face to face.
The real world is still full of potential friends. Some of them may
become the trustworthy companions who help carry you through whatever
challenges lie ahead.
REFERENCES:
Puff, R. (2021) The Importance of Friendship. Psychology Today.
Retrieved from FRIENDSHIP
Carlson, R, (2017) If They Should Remain: When Pastors Leave but Stay.
The Evangelical Covenant CHurch. Retrieved from PASTORS
Guma,J (2023) The relative importance of friendship to happiness
increases with age. NIH National Library of Medicine. Retrieved from
NIH
Kennedy-Moore, E (2025) How to tell if You Can trust a Friend.
Psychology Today. Retrieved from TRUST
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Do you have close friends? Are they recently acquired or lifelong? How
have your friendship relationships changed over time? Do share your
thoughts in the comment section.
https://www.eichingerfineart.com/blog/206816/trusted-friends
The painting of Elaine is not for sale, however, more than three
hundred paintings are. If something on my website strikes your fancy,
it is easy to purchase online at www.eichingerfineart.com.
Questions? contact me at marilynne@eicingerfineart.com
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The most important friendship for most people is the one who becomes
your romantic partner. When reading Antheia in the Thorns, you cans see
how trusted relationships easily dissolve when partners stop sharing
activities and hide the life they are living. Eichinger books are
available on AMAZON
. For thrillers about social justice and the
environment,, turn to the Rightfully Mine series.
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