Without Love, What?
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Those fortunate enough to be showered with love during their childhood
are likely to become healthy, well adjusted adults.
Without Love, What?
The following passage is taken from the manuscript of Over the Sticker
Bush Fence: Scaling Barriers for Homeless and Runaway Youth. In this
section I discuss what happens to children who are raised in loveless
surroundings. The book is presently under consideration for publication
by a well known publisher. It is not too late to comment and I look
forward to your insights.
In my naivety, I assumed that love was instinctual and that every
newborn, no matter how poor, is a recipient of parental attention.
Without some level of care a helpless infant could never survive. But I
quickly learned that feelings of responsibility vary from person to
person as do emotions elicited by love.
From the manuscript.
"The majority of us are fortunate for we are surrounded by loving
parents and relatives. As infants, family members held and cherished us
and as adults, we find partners and form bonds based on love and mutual
respect. But what happens to children who are never caressed or told
that they are special? What are the long-term effects of never having
being touched and cuddled? What befalls those children who are
physically abandoned, left on door steps or placed in cribs and not
attended to when they cry or diapers need changing?"
"A cornerstone study about infant neglect was initiated in the 1980s
when Dr. Nathan Fox and colleagues from Harvard Medical School, walked
into an orphanage in Romania. Due to a recent ban on abortion, the
number of orphan babies had soared. 170,000 children were placed in 700
overcrowded and impoverished facilities across the country, staffed
with an insufficient number of caretakers. Though the facilities were
clean, the infants were emotionally neglected. Left day and night in
their cribs, the babies were changed periodically and fed without being
held. The nurseries were eerily quiet places. Since crying infants were
ignored, they stopped making sounds. No attention-no cries-only
silence."
"Dr. Fox followed these children for over fourteen years. During the
early years of the study, autistic-like behaviors such as head-banging
and rocking were common. As the children grew their head circumferences
remained unusually small. They had difficulty paying attention and
comprehending what was going on around them. Over time, 50 percent of
the children suffered from mental illness. They displayed poor impulse
control, were socially withdrawn, had problems coping and regulating
emotions, and were shrouded in low self-esteem. They manifested
pathological behaviors such as tics, tantrums, stealing and
self-punishment. Poor intellectual functioning caused them to have low
academic success."
"Those children lucky enough to be put in a caring foster home before
the age of two were able to rebound. Unfortunately, those who entered
foster care at a later age were not so lucky, for they were permanently
damaged." . . . .
"Without repeated acts of love, a child's brain doesn't make the growth
hormone needed for proper mental and physical development, leaving the
child permanently scarred. Even small insults of shame and rejection
can impact a youngster's ability to develop in a healthy manner. Verbal
abuse from adults who say such words as, "I can't believe you would
embarrass me like that," or "You Idiot! Who do you think you are?" hurt
and affect a child's self-esteem. This type of verbal abuse can lead a
child to be cruel to animals, set fires, take drug, and
self-withdrawal."
Parental warmth and love are crucial for a child's well-being. Writing
for Psychology Today, Christopher Bergland concurs that "Toxic
childhood stress alters neural responses linked to illness in
adulthood." He writes of a 2013 study published in the Proceedings of
the National Academy of Sciences where researchers examined the effects
of abuse and lack of parental affection across the regulatory system.
They discovered a biological link between negative experiences early in
life and poor health in later years. The brains of unloved, neglected
children are permanently affected. Their stress levels are high,
setting the stage for elevated cholesterol levels, cardiovascular
disease, metabolic syndromes, and other conditions that pose a serious
health risks."
"The study was able to document what most healthy families have always
known, that children need to be showered with love and kindness and
live in a welcoming environment. Love is what helps youth develop
defense mechanisms that provide a buffer from abuse and trauma."
"A good example of the importance of early love is found in Zach's
story. He was loved as a child even though neglected and at times
abused by parents high on drugs and alcohol. That he was occasionally
smacked and at times not fed, was not as important in the long-run as
knowing he was wanted. He was fortunately part of an extended family
that lived nearby, so when the situation became intolerable, he often
found shelter with relatives. This early attention sustained him
through difficult times and made him able to transition as a caring
individual.
"Those growing up without the gift of love are not so fortunate.
"Charlie" was left alone in his crib for hours on end. When he cried
there was no-one there to pick him up and comfort him so eventually he
became silent. His diaper was changed irregularly and rashes developed
causing more discomfort. While being fed, a bottle was propped on a
pillow by his mouth while he lay still in his crib. He rarely felt the
warm arms of a loving adult. He remained listless and grew slowly,
learning to sit and crawl months after what was developmentally
appropriate for his age. By the age of two, he was more like a
one-year-old. Over the years "Charlie" never caught up."
* * *
Parents, there is no such thing as showering your children with too
much love. However, I share a cautionary note. Love is not to be
confused with spoiling. It does not equate with letting the child do
anything he or she wants to do. Parents are responsible for teaching
their children the social and cultural mores of society. There are
times when "tough love" is called for in order to instill
responsibility. But love may also mean, picking your child up over and
over again each time he falls down.
References:
1. Nelson, C. & Fox, N. & Zeanah, C. (2014) Romania's Abandoned
Children, Deprivation, Brain Development, and the Struggle for
Recovery, Harvard University Press.
2. Parks, G. (2,000) The High/Scope Perry Preschool Project. U.S.
Department of Justice; Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency
Prevention. retrieved from
https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/ojjdp/181725.pdf alsoRand Published
Study http://www.rand.org/pubs/research_briefs/RB9145.html
3. Bergland, C.( 2013) Parental Warmth is crucial for a Child's
Well-being. Psychology Today. retrieved from
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-athletes-way/201310/parental-wa
rmth-is-crucial-child-s-well-being
4. Smith, D. Effects: of The Lack of Attachment. Addictive Behavior
Counseling School Student Lecture notes. from
http://www.darvsmith.com/dox/lackofattachment.html
Art is always for sale. Contact me at Marilynne@Eichingerfineart.com.
I look forward to your comments on my blog site.
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