loving art, science and creative kids
5/25/2019 3:16:08 PM
Family in a Turkish VIllage
Creating community involves give and take. Though scales may be skewed by wealth and poverty, health and illness, that doesn’t mean anyone is excused from responsibility. To insure that society remains viable, all must contribute to receive in return. Neither aristocrat nor hobo has an inalienable right to sit back and do nothing. Most parents teach their children to take responsibility for the betterment of society. The offspring of those who don’t, may need to be taught is value, so our world doesn't descend further into chaos.
To Give and Receive
In “Over the Peanut Fence,” I share a story told by Rene Zingarelli. She mentions an interview she had with a boy applying to an alternative college program for high school dropouts.
“The first kid that I interviewed for our Tri-City Alternative Program started the conversation by calling me ‘sweetheart.’ I put a stop to that immediately and stated in no uncertain terms that I was not his sweetheart and would not be spoken to that way. It turned out that the youth had been bounced out of school for placing a bomb in the bathroom in order to scare a fellow student. It exploded but thankfully no one was hurt. He currently was on probation. When I asked him why he wanted to get into the program, the teen responded, ‘because according to the terms of my probation I have to be in school.’ That was not good enough for me, so I retorted, ‘that may be so, but according to the terms of our program, no one will be admitted who doesn’t want to be here.’ I sent him home to think about it and amazingly enough, he later returned to become a committed student. He eventually passed his GED and found a job.”
Rene realized immediately that the youth needed more than pity and compassion. He needed a firm but open-door response to help him succeed. Some call this tough love. There are interesting questions around how far the concept should go. Tough love is abusive when a care giver makes unreasonable demands in return for affection. A balance of civility and reward is called for when teaching children to express their individuality within the confines of community.
Last week, I was told of a failed experiment to construct low income housing. Portland homeowners with large yards were asked if they would permit the city to build a unit on their property in exchange for letting a homeless family reside there for five years. At the end of that time, the dwelling would become the property of the owners to use as they wished. Though 1,000 people volunteered, the housing department decided to test the idea with three units. The experiment was a disaster. The homeowners, were not pleased with the families assigned to their back yard units. Having come from the streets taking care of an apartment. They were dirty and noisy and had unsavory friends hanging out at all hours. Guidelines for expected behavior were not set by the program administrators who believed that mature adults should have the freedom to live as they wished. It is easy to see why this hands-off approach did not work.
As masses of people move to cities, it is imperative that neighbors learn how to get along. No one can act like he or she is living alone on a huge track of farmland. Being in community does require giving up a level of individuality.
Children who are not raised to consider the greater society are handicapped. Those not taught to clean their bodies and homes, to refrain from smoking in public, to not litter, and to modulate music and sounds that disturb neighbors, become outcasts. Self-centered people are not the type most of us want living next door.
I once asked Zach, the homeless youth we adopted, why some street youth succeed and other’s don’t. His answer was, “because you have to be ready to change and work on your own behalf. If you’re not there yet, the shelter, clothes and food you receive are in a game of fools bluff. Kids just look for ways to trick the system. It’s a waste of time and money to help them if they’re not ready to turn their lives around.”
For six years I was on the board of “The Giving Tree,” a group that aids homeless people adapt to indoor living. We ran social and educational programs to better their lives. One of the apartment buildings we were involved with became overrun with insects. Our tenants came to us directly from the streets where they were not used to cleanliness. The landlord wanted to kick everyone out and send them back to fend for themselves. The Giving Tree intervened and found a church group to help scrub the apartments from top to bottom. They followed up with classes on hygiene and cleanliness. The landlord set rules for tenant behavior. Occupants had to permit their apartments to be inspected from time to time. Tough? yes. Necessary? No doubt about it. A public health crisis was avoided and everyone stayed housed.
Compassionate care of children does not mean doling out freedom to do anything they want. It does mean recognizing and strengthening their inner abilities within the boundaries of community. To shine, the youth has to be willing to learn not only a skill but how to be a good citizen.
From Zach’s story in, “Over the Peanut Fence.” At the time, Zach was in a Job Corps program learning to be an industrial painter.
“Dewey is a tough, cursing, imposing black man who knew all the tricks kids could devise. When they misbehaved he would sentence them to pushups or long runs up and down hillsides. One time when he was angry at Zach for not following instructions he threw an open bucket of paint at Zach. Zach was shocked when he caught the flying container as it sailed towards his chest. He laughs now when sharing that incident, telling how he spent the next few hours cleaning up the mess. Known to be a no-nonsense man, Dewey’s sense of humor went a long way toward making him a popular teacher. His caring nature came through to those in need of parenting. Dewey holds the record for having the largest number of students graduate from any of the center’s programs.” Dewey’s methods worked.
In the 1800s, American bars used to offer a “free lunch” to entice drinking customers. By the 1930’s the custom stopped and was replaced by, “There is no such thing as a free lunch.” That saying is flawed, for many people do receive free meals without being required to do anything in return. Yet, someone still has to pay for the lunches. They are the Good Samaritans, the everyday people who care about those who are less fortunate than they.
I believe we have a responsibility to assist those who are vulnerable, but in order not to create perpetual demands on the good will of donors, we need to provide compassionate care that moves recipients into jobs and affordable housing and teaches them how to give back to society in return.
Works of art are always for sale. Contact [email protected]
Turkish Village ( shown above) Acrylic / 24” x 48”/ $690
Over the Peanut Fence and Lives of Museum Junkies are available on-line and in bookstores in ebook and paperback formats. If you are in Portland, save the date and join me for a reading at Another Read Through Bookstore.
5/17/2019 10:06:30 PM
Seeking Perfection
The colors caress each other, snuggling close, feeding off of neighbors in their search for warmth, love, and fulfillment.
Loveahug?
Hugging - a sensitive expression of caring in a culture consumed with fear of being abused. It would be nice not to worry about hugs being taken the wrong way. Unfortunately, they often are.
This morning I watched a smiley three-year-old boy stand at the end of a walkway waiting for his giggling little brother to run into his outstretched arms.The brothers were having a wonderful time playing, and I felt fortunate to observe such unbounded expressions of love and happiness. They reminded me of my childhood.
My parents and grandparents were loving people who easily embraced their children. They kissed tears away when we fell down and planted kisses on our cheeks before we went to bed. Their willingness to touch, however, was reserved for family members, not acquaintances. Visitors were greeted with an outstretched hand and a hearty shake. I followed their lead and stuck my hand forward when welcoming guests until I got married. It was during my hippy years in Cambridge that customs changed. The normal way to greet acquaintances became a hug and occasional kiss on the cheek.
I had a difficult time adapting to the new norm, for I was not used to being touched by those outside of my immediate circle. Since I did not want to appear to be a“cold fish,” I forced myself to go with the flow. After a while, I enjoyed hugging with the best of my friends. It was the expected way to act.
When traveling abroad, I observed different types of salutations being used. Europeans often met each other by planting a kiss on each cheek, moving from right to left. In Morocco I saw men hug their friends and kiss them on both cheeks. Similar contact between the sexes was forbidden and considered obscene. The handshakes between men were weak and didn’t last long. Russians, however, shook hands regular and with gusto. Close male friends and women commonly kissed each other, again on each cheek.I t is to learn these customs before spending an extended period of time in a foreign country.
Psychologists say that hugs are good for you. They help build trust and provide a sense of safety for the recipient. Hugs boost oxytocin levels which heal feelings of being alone. They strengthen the immune system and improve self-esteem by demonstrating that you are lovable. During a hug, muscles relax and your, nervous system responds with changes in skin moisture, temperature and heart rate. Caresses teach us to let go, to enjoy the moment, and to give and receive. They becomea visible investment in a relationship.
Despite the good that comes from being held, I am more nervous about hugging than I used to be. No longer is it the ‘60s with the love generation in full rage. The MeToo movement makes me cautious. I read that Vice President Pence is afraid to have a meal with a woman if his wife is not present. I assume he’s afraid that his intentions will be misunderstood. And I heard accounts of Joe Biden touching Lucy Flores’ shoulders and kissing her hair while she was preparing for a stump speech in Nevada. Many voters chastised him immediately. His actions, considered unwanted today, was typical of the behavior I expected (before a speech and in public) when I was a young adult. It signaled friendliness and encouragement for the task I was about to undertake.
Because of today’s queasiness with being touched, I’ve had to learn to think before I hug. I try to be more careful before wrapping someone in my arms. I still make mistakes, though. I can feel when a friend stiffens and pulls back. I went so far as to look to the exports. Following are suggestions found in Psychology Today that serve as my guide.
- People who hug without thinking need to pause a minute to assess the other person’s body language before lunging. If the individual stands straight and doesn’t lean toward you, it is best to stretch out your hand instead of offer a hug.
- Stop to consider if your acquaintance might think a hug offensive. A 2014 study found that women not in a heterosexual relationship were reluctant to be hugged by men. Age also played a factor in their willingness to be held.
- European researchers determined that older adults rate touch more positively than younger ones. They tend to be more welcoming, especial if the caress is slow and gentle—but not always, so sensitivity to the individual is important. It’s definitely smart to be more cautious when hugging a younger person.
- Hugging a colleague at work is a no-no due to the growing concern about sexual harassment. Leave hugs for special occasions, such as when someone leaves the company or retires.
- Observe how other people treat the situation you are in. For instance, a graduation or birthday hug is usually acceptable when everyone else is doing so. A hug at a funeral or other emotionally charged event may be seen as a sign of caring. A longer caress can given safely to a person who is grieving or emotionally hurting if you know the individual fairly well.
- Though you may not be a huggy type, there are times when others may consider you standoffish for being unwilling to receive their affection. That was the case with me before I learned to hug. However, if you are bothered by touch, germs, or body odor, turn to the side and extend your hand or stiffen and and pull back to avoid contact. If it happens often, explain to the individual that you are not much of a hugger but do enjoy their company. Honesty is often the best way to explain that you are not love to be hugged.
Society’s norms never remain constant, though it would be easier if they did. Since change is inevitable it is important to pay attention to the sensibilities of the object of your affection.
References
Felicetti,M ( 10 Reasons Why We Need at Least 8 Hugs a Day. mbgrelationships. retrieved from https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-5756/10-Reasons-Why-We-Need-at-Least-8-Hugs-a-Day.html
Whitbourne, Ph.D.(2016) Seven Basic Rules of Hugging. Psychology Today. retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201603/7-basic-rules-hugging
McGann,(2019) Lucy Flores isn’t alone. Joe Biden has a long history of touching women inappropriately. VOX. retrieved from BIDEN
By a Relocation Expert (2-11)Greeting Customs Around the World, DIversity Resources. retrieved from https://www.diversityresources.com/greeting-customs-around-the-world/
Works of art are always for sale. Contact me at [email protected].
Seeking Perfection/ Acrylic on Canvas/ 20” x 24” / $ 399
5/10/2019 12:12:13 PM
It is Mother’s Day weekend and most of us are fortunate to have been born into love. Unfortunately, that is not the case for all children. The following segment is taken from my latest book, “Over the Peanut Fence.” I am sharing it, because of the move to outlaw abortions without fully understanding the consequences. We can look to Romania, between 1965 and 1989, when abortions were strictly forbidden. Thousands of unwanted infants were sent to overcrowded, sterile orphanages. Communist leadership wanted to increase the fertility rate but instead nearly 10,000 women died due to complications arising from illegal abortions. Thousands of unwanted infants were sent to overcrowded orphanages where their brain development was thwarted. Women who had abortions were sent to prison, and those suffering from complications from an illegal abortion, were turned away from healthcare.
EVA - Why does she cry? She has to face a decision that has no right answer. It is not easy?
From chapter on Lovelessness: “Over the Peanut Fence”
“The majority of us are fortunate for we are surrounded by affectionate parents and relatives. As infants, we were held and cherished us and as adults, we find partners and form bonds based on fondness and mutual respect. But what happens to children who are never caressed or told they are special? What are the long-term effects of never having been touched or cuddled? What befalls those who are abandoned, left on door steps or placed in cribs and not attended to when they cry, or when their diapers need to be changed?
A cornerstone study about infant neglect was initiated in the 1980s when Dr. Nathan Fox and colleagues from Harvard Medical School, walked into an orphanage in Romania. Due to a recent ban on abortion, the number of orphan babies had soared. 170,000 children were placed in 700 overcrowded and impoverished facilities across the country, staffed with an insufficient number of caretakers. Though the facilities were clean, the infants were emotionally neglected. Left day and night in their cribs, the babies were changed periodically and fed without being held. The nurseries were eerily quiet places. Since crying infants were ignored, they stopped making sounds. No attention—no cries—only silence.
Dr. Fox followed the children for over fourteen years. During the early years, autistic-like behaviors such as head-banging and rocking were common. As the children aged, their head circumferences remained unusually small. They had difficulty paying attention and comprehending what was going on around them. Over time, 50 percent of the children suffered from mental illness. They displayed poor impulse control, were socially withdrawn, had problems coping and regulating emotions, and handicapped by low self-esteem. They manifested pathological behaviors such as tics, tantrums, stealing and self-punishment. Poor intellectual functioning caused them to have low academic success.
Those youngsters fortunate enough to be put in a caring foster home before the age of two were able to rebound. Those who entered foster care at a later age were not so lucky and many became permanently damaged.”
We know for sure that warmth and love are crucial for a child’s well-being. Dr. Fox’s study continued for thirteen years teaching us much about infant brain development, the need babies have to be touched and responded to when they cry, and the unforeseen effects of imposing a political will on the right of a woman to choose. Abortion is currently legal in abortion.
In 1965 Romania’s population was 19.4 million. The population of the United states is currently 327.9 million, approximately 16.9 times larger. These laws could cause 169,000 deaths due to illegal abortions. If we use Romania’s statistics and multiply them by 16.9, the U.S. will find itself with 2,873,000 unwanted infants over a ten year period. Most will not get adopted. Many of will become brain damaged due to lack of love and attention for we are not set up to care for them. We will have to care for them the rest of their lives. The average cost of raising a child to seventeen is $233,610. Total amount needed for ten years of unwanted infants will be more than $671,161,530,000. Who will pay for these children’s care? Why would anyone allow an unwanted child to be born who, if uncared for, is likely to be mentally disabled throughout life? It seems like the ultimate cruelty.
References:
- Nelson, C. & Fox, N. & Zeanah, C. (2014) Romania’s Abandoned Children, Deprivation, Brain Development, and the Struggle for Recovery, Harvard University Press.
- (2010) Decree 770: Abortion Outlawed in Communist Romania, CARAOBRIEN,retrive from https://caraobrien.tumblr.com/post/352715826/decree-770-abortion-outlawed-in-communist-romania
- Furedi,A ( 2013) On aabortion, we should study Romanian history. The Guardian. retrieved from https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/jan/15/abortion-romanian-history
- Population of the United States. (2019) Population of the World. retrieved from https://www.livepopulation.com/country/united-states.html
- Ganjanan, M (2017) The Cost of Tasing a Child Jumps to $ 233,61. Money. retrieved from https://search.yahoo.com/yhs/search?hspart=pty&hsimp=yhs-pty_email¶m2=5f96e1b7-3733-4d
Art Work is always for sale. Contact [email protected].
EVA/ Acrylic on Canvas / 40” by 30”/ $599.
Available in paperback and as an ebook from booksellers nationally.
5/3/2019 9:42:21 PM
South Slough at Coos Bay, Oregon
The South Slough Reserve, where fresh water mixes with ocean water, includes 4,771 acres of protected land and waterways. Visitors travel through temperate rainforests freshwater swamps, salt marshes, eel grasses and mud flats. Its abundant wildlife includes crabs, herons, bald eagles fish, river otters, elk, beavers and oysters and more. With so much talk about global warming, I started wondering what will happen to the reserve as oceans rise and bring more salt inland, as deep water dredging builds channels for ships that cause oil slicks, as coal trains increasing in number sprinkle toxic dust as they travel, as businesses like Georgia-Pacific continue polluting even when fined, and as housing is built on adjacent lands?
It’s Complicated
I recently mentioned to a friend that I rarely hear people talk about overpopulation as they did in the 60s. His answer was, "Oh boy, that's complicated." Of course it is, but that doesn't mean that the subject should be ignored. It seems obvious to me that population growth is a major cause of environmental degradation and global warming.
The young people I know seem more willing to tackle difficult topics. Thirty-year-olds say they don't want to get married or have children because of society's inability to deal with critical issues. They express concern for global warming, lack of health care, pollution, the high cost of housing, and an education system that leaves them in debt. Many tell me they work two jobs to make ends meet. I've also heard some say that don't feel safe. They worry about armed shooters when attending concerts and shopping at malls. And, they express concern about school and church shootings.
Do you ever wonder if there are too many people for the earth to support? I know some people say, with modern technology we can feed and house everyone. If so, why aren't we? Global warming is slowly changing how people are distributed around the globe. Those who live in coastal areas or in arid, hot climates are starting to seek shelter elsewhere. Unfortunately for them, environmental migrants are not welcome newcomers in most countries. High density cities become overburdened and unable to cope with demands for services, housing, and jobs. Cultural differences cause conflicts.
Understanding what is happening is not complicated. There is a wealth of factual information at our fingertips. Last month was the second warmest March (+2.23 degrees F) since records started to be kept 140 years ago. And, though we hear little about population growth, the world's population as of last Sunday was 7,644,919,317. It is projected to reach 9.8 billion in 2050 and 11.2 billion in 2100 according to the United Nations Department of Economic and Social Affairs.
Population growth is not evenly distributed around the globe. Half the gain will occur in a small number of countries- India, Nigeria, the Democratic Republic of the Congo, Pakistan, Ethiopia, the United Republic of Tanzania, Uganda, Indonesia and surprisingly the United States. Countries in Europe and Japan with lower fertility rates are faced with problems caused by an aging population. 25% of the people alive today are over 60 with that number expected to reach 35% by 2050. Though the US birthrate is now 1.7, immigrants and better healthcare are the main reasons our population continues to grow.
Over one billion people around the globe go to bed hungry every day. Many live in such arid countries that they can't raise crops. Water scarcity forces them to go elsewhere. Rising sea levels (over 8 in. since 1880, 3 in. since 1993) are forcing residents of islands in the South Pacific to relocate. More than 40 percent of the world's population lives in high density coastal areas where infrastructure, oil and gas wells, power plants and water supplies are threatened. Eventually, thousands of coastal residents will be forced to move inland.
There's no doubt that population growth accelerates global warming. More people mean greater demand for electricity, automobiles, heat and food that send Co2 and methane into the atmosphere. Food production that uses fertilizers and hormone fed animals adds health problems to overburdened systems.
I suggest that it is time to talk about the two subjects-population and climate-in the same breath. We need to have more honest discussions around around birth control and abortion. We need to consider where we will house people who have to move. Think about where people will go when Manhattan is under water. What will happen to the Hawaiian Islands? the Everglades? Lawmakers in Hawaii, Florida, and Louisiana are currently seeking millions of dollars for coastline protection from rising sea levels. What will the country do when South-westerners don't get enough water or have electricity for air conditioning?
The United States isn't ready to deal with millions of relocating Americans. Once habitable cities could easily become disaster zones. Portland and Seattle are already seeing climate induced migrants and it is not a pretty. Congestion and homelessness abound.
Let's start using the scientific information we have on hand and involve social scientists, politicians, and city planners to discuss how we're going to handle the future. Too many seniors I know say, "The next generation is in trouble, but I can't worry about. I'll be dead." Nonsense. It is our responsibility to leave the world a better place. Our cities and society will require restructuring. Let's get going. Understanding the facts is not complicated. Knowing what to do about them, is. We need to talk.
References
United Nations Department of Economic and social Affairs, retrieved from web site
https://www.un.org/development/desa/en/news/population/world-population-prospects-2017.html
Population Institute, Why Population Matters, Retrieved fromhttps://www.populationinstitute.org/resources/whypopulationmatters/
Nunez, C (2019) Sea level rise, explained. National Geographic. retrieved from https://www.nationalgeographic.com/environment/global-warming/sea-level-rise/
Lindsey,R (2018) Climate Change: global Sea Level. Climate.gov. retrieved from https://www.climate.gov/news-features/understanding-climate/climate-change-global-sea-level
Jones, C. (2019) Hawaii lawmakers seek millions for coastline protection from rising sea levels. The Washington Times. retrieved from https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2019/apr/21/waikiki-beach-flooding-prompts-hawaii-seek-coastli/
Schultz,c. (2014) Climate Change Is already Causing Mass Human Migration. Smithsonian. retrieved from https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/climate-change-already-causing-mass-human-migration-180949530/
Holdeman,E (2018) Global Warming and USA Migration. Government Technology. retrieved from https://www.govtech.com/em/emergency-blogs/disaster-zone/global-warming-and-usa-migration.html
South Slough National Estuarine research Reserve. Retrieved from website at https://www.oregon.gov/dsl/SS/Documents/South%20Slough%20508C%20Handout.pdf
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