loving art, science and creative kids
11/22/2019 5:11:45 PM
Family and Friends
There are a number of ways to seed conversations and avoid having impeachment hearings, football scores or Aunt Matilda’s sciatica take center stage during your holiday meal. To generate topics that appeal to everyone and to insure lively discussions ask guests to jot down on a piece of paper a question they would like discussed other than health, politics or sports. Put suggestions in a bowl or hat and circulate during dinner. Take turns choosing a paper from the container and reading what it says aloud. Go around the table asking everyone to comment on the subject. Some of the suggested topics that made the rounds at my dinner party were, “What’s the most enjoyable trip you’ve ever taken? When was the first time you were kissed? Do you believe in ESP? When did your family immigrate to the U.S.? What’s the worst (or best) thing you ever did in elementary school?” I never had anyone get sleepy-eyed after dinner or heard them complain about participating. It’s a wonderful way to get to know your friends and family better.
When you feel like stretching rather than stay seated, try a more physically active parlor game. They can also stimulate conversation and create good feelings.
Human Sculpting (Four or more participants) This is a nonverbal activity. The host or hostess selects one or two people to stand aside. One is designated the pointer and the second the observer. A piece of tape, paper or object is put in the middle of the floor to indicate the center of the sculpture. The remaining people stand or sit in a circle a distance from the center until called.
The pointer selects a person to go to the center and strike a pose. The pointer then selects the next person, continuing on until all are have added their bodies to the sculpture. The choice of whether to touch another person or not is up to them. When complete, he observer (with assistance from the pointer) gives the sculpture a title and the describe the relationships they see between players. (Who is posed next to whom? Are they intertwined or distant? Do they look comfortable, trusting, ridged or clownish? that sort of thing.) -- Take a photo. It will be good for laughs for years to come.
The activity can be repeated with variations, such as having people make a noise as they approach the sculpture to join it (helps to be more spontaneous about positioning). As a person adds his or her body to the sculpture invite them to say who or what they are. "I’m a butterfly landing gently on your big toe." or " I'm the wind and will blow your butterfly away." These statements help create a shared story.
"What Are You Doing? (Five or more participants) Everyone stands in a circle; one person starts by miming an activity (e.g., brushing their teeth), the person standing next to them asks “ Jennifer (Name of person)) what are you doing"? Jennifer responds by saying she is doing something completely different from what she is acting out (e.g., fishing). This next person now begins acting out fishing, and the person next to them asks them what are they doing. This process continues around the circle several times; it often takes at least one go-around for everyone to get on board as to how it all works.
If you're concerned about people suggesting inappropriate activities, establish rules (or set them up in advance )— like no bathroom or sex talk. This game can lead to a discussion of how people's actions don't always match their word. When the game ends share true occurrences from your lives. My father told me of the time he put on a record of a violinist so his mother would think he was practicing his violin. Instead he crawled out his bedroom window to play baseball. Of course he was caught since records didn't play for very long in those days. When I was twelve I got into a towel fight with my brother while washing dishes. My acting must have been stellar, for I pretended being hurt and got out of going to Hebrew school that evening. What are you Doing, is a great game to play for getting at the truth with laughs and bonding.
Whatever you do, no matter where you are, smile and be thankful. Have a happy, tasteful Thanksgiving.
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Art is always for sale, Contact me at [email protected]
Friends and Family is 20” x 12” deep canvas Acrylic painting . $ 299
We need to cherish and care for those people who are close to us. There will come a time when they need our help or we need theirs.
Do add your suggestions below.
11/15/2019 8:21:15 PM
Trees fascinate me, but this one in particular caught my imagination. It is full of life and reminds me of my journey through life with its many curved pathways and diversions. I keep its picture on my desktop to marvel at how it appears simultaneously wild and serene. It’s unorthodox. Nothing about it is understandable, but everything about it flows into a cohesive whole that provides summer shade, perches for birds, a structure for children to test their climbing skills, and a place for lovers to read poetry while marveling at nature’s beauty.
This tree is old and gnarled having had to twist and turn to accommodate itself to unsuspecting ups and downs. If you look closely you will see ir has endured many wounds, yet they healed over time and allowed the tree to continue to grow strong. It reaches out for light yet hovers near the ground within reach of all who chose to learn from its wisdom. I imagine its roots growing deep, allowing it to communicate to the other organic organisms living nearby.
The Santiam Pass painting to the left depicts one of many devastating burns occurring all too often throughout the planet. It is what the landscape resembles in the Jefferson National Forest, Oregon after fire burned 40,418 acres. It took 2,300 fire personnel and $38 million to contain the damage. Unfortunately this scenario a common one throughout the globe.
The painting to the right is of the Pearl District in Portland, and is representative of cities that have eliminated forests to make way for paved streets and high rise apartments. Dwellers unwittingly replaced fresh clean air with dirt and pollution that blackens their lungs.
Malheur Sunset depicts eastern Oregon where trees provide places for song birds to rest from their daily search for food and water. Unfortunately, this wildlife reserve suffers from drought and the number of migrating birds stopping to water along their way north have diminished.
The Tree, to the right is a 3 D rendition of a rich Pennsylvania landscape. It demonstrates what can be when farmers take care of their land rather than strip it dry. The tree and surrounding farmland supported generations of Amish families who farm organically. Trees create oxygen for them to breathe deeply without fear of being poisoned and carry away carbon dioxide and other toxins that might ruin their lungs.
Each of us is responsible for nurturing the earth. By caring for one little seedling we can overcome centuries of destruction caused by generations of people who have put the earth in crisis mode. Let’s take care of the land and protect a green earth.
11/9/2019 10:19:33 AM
First Fight
I study this picture often. Though I painted it several years ago, it reminds me that disagreements are natural and it takes courage to end arguments without leaving bitter feelings behind.
How do you talk to people you vehemently disagree with? It s not easy, especially during holidays when you are forced to sit next to relatives and friends who bring political opinions to the dinner table. It could be fun, and make for a lively conversation, yet such conversations are often stressful and don’t end well.
Most of us want to be accepted, not antagonized. We like being heard and understood for who we are and what we value. But at social functions we hold back, not saying what’s on our minds for fear the event may dissolve into a fight. What’s wrong with this picture? Why can’t we talk to one another about difficult topics?
As a child, I was taught that democracy was strong enough to allow for freedom of expression. I learned that the United States is a melting pot of cultures that comprise “one nation, indivisible with liberty and justice for all (under God was added in 1954). The American experiment requires us to learn from one another rather than being dismissive of contrary opinions. Our teachers told us to listen with open ears and an open heart. Todays political climate makes this especially difficult, but not impossible.
At my exercise club, I occasionally cycle next to a man whose political leanings are at odds with mine, yet we get a kick out of telling each other how we would rule if we held positions of power. Like many voters, we pretend to know how to run the country better than our elected politicians. Both of us are well read, though our information comes from different sources. We are both economically secure, though he is a great deal wealthier. Our religious belief in predestination and notions of the hereafter differ as well. No matter - we respect each other’s opinions and truly like each other.
How we arrive at our utopian solutions is at the crux of our arguments. We discuss trickle down and bottom up solutions in minutia. We don’t lecture, get angry, raise our voices or try to overpower the other person. Discussions are reasoned and backed up with what we most recently read, which isn’t always accurate. It is not unusual to call a statement misinformed and fact check for the truth.
We communicate well because of the many values we do share. We both believe in family, in education, in peace over war, in working hard, and in economic prosperity for all. We realize that the world has changed and that young people have a different set of problems to over come than we did. And, we know there will always be those who need support.
Political discussions are possible if you set ground rules. A few suggestions to guide your conversation:
- Be respectful and don’t interrupt.
- Don’t hog the conversation.
- State your opinion and why you came to that conclusion.
- Don’t denigrate another person’s opinion ( no comments like, “I can’t believe you said that” or " Who do you think you are").
- Don’t label people you disagree with as stupid, uneducated, naive, racist, liberal, reactionary, out of touch, etc.
- Stay calm. Find ways to defuse tension. Don’t let emotions be your guide.
- Acknowledge positives when you hear them.
- Support arguments with factual information (you can fact check) rather than gossip.
- No predicting the future. The facts aren’t in and no one knows the outcome of the next election. The goal is not to convince but to listen. Remember that everyone sees the world from his or her own center. Though the person sitting opposite you at table may be your sister, her experiences were never the same as yours. The best you can do is try to understand. And, though you may disagree with Uncle Rudy’s politics, he is still worthy of a your love and the gift of a smile.
References.
Leahy,R. (2018) Talking Politics During the Holidays. Psychology Today. retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anxiety-files/201812/talking-politics-during-the-holidays
Waters,L (2018) Being with politics during the holidays. Daily Record. retrieved from https://www.dailyrecordnews.com/scrapbook/being-with-politics-during-the-holidays/article_a7ac3a60-62d5-5cfc-95f5-c84426a8dbfa.html
Art is always for sale. contact me at [email protected].
First Fight - 26” x 36” / acrylic on Canvas / framed / $326
11/1/2019 4:16:25 PM
Elaine - Always in my heart
Forever Friends
A friend once told me, “It takes twenty years to make a friend.” It’s the experiences and intimacies shared over time that build trust. Though he has a point, I believe the process can occur more quickly.
Zach, our adopted homeless youth, considered everyone he met on the street to be his friend. It didn’t make a bit of difference if he had known the person for an hour, a week or ten years. Bound by lack of shelter and abusive childhoods, street kids form instant attachments. He and his acquaintances need a family to help them survive. "Instant" friends stand up for one another, at times foolishly, but always without hesitation. Following is a story he shared. It is included in Over the Peanut Fence.
“About midnight, some kid would shout, ’you can spend the night at my place.’ Fifteen of us couch drifters might follow the invite. We would get there and party. When we got tired, we would find a place to sleep on the floor. If we got lucky, we got a piece of a bed or the sofa. Lots of times other people in the building would knock on the door or walls complaining of the noise.”
One evening, Jenny, a friend of Zach’s, had an apartment that became such a place. Jenny and two girlfriends shared the cost of rent, but when ten kids arrived for the evening, her roommates were not at all happy. As a party got underway and became increasingly raucous, they became angry and told them to leave. No one paid attention. Drugs and alcohol were passed around making the roommates even more upset. Finally, they called the police.
“Me and a friend were outside smoking at the time enjoying fresh air when we seen a police car approaching. We ran inside to clean up.”
When asked why he went back and didn’t run he said, “You never leave your friends hangin.’ It’s the first law of the streets.” Zach continued with what happened after the police arrived.
“All of a sudden I realized,” Zach said with a crooked grin, “that we had cleaned the apartment but forgot about what we was carrying on our bodies. I had a wad of pot in my pocket ready to be used in my soda-pop pipe. The bulge was so obvious that the cops cuffed us immediately. That’s when they found that my friend was carrying heroin and I got really scared. The police grabbed us roughly, ready to take us to the station and charge us for possession of illegal drugs.”
“I went crazy and screamed that I never used heroin. Luckily, I was backed by Jenny. The only thing the policemen had on me was possession of a small amount of marijuana so I was let go, but they were angry because I was belligerent. I was given a $1,200 ticket while my buddy was pushed out the door and taken to jail.” Zach had not met the boy before that evening and never spoke to him again once he was taken away. His interpretation of friendship was culturally different than mine.
Russian blogger Aliya Sagandykova writes, “When I asked my Spanish friend if it is better to have $100 in the wallet or 100 friends in life, he without a second of hesitation, chose $100. In post-Soviet countries this dilemma is not a dilemma at all. There is an old saying in Russian: ‘Instead of having 100 rubles, better have 100 friends.’” Russian literature abounds with proverbs and stories about the importance of being a loyal, affectionate, mutually trusting and faithful friend.
For years, Sagadykova resided in Spain, observing that though friends socialize and share drinks and time together they have a barrier that keeps them from getting involved in problematic situations. People are on their own to find solutions and friends have no responsibility to come to their aid.
Though the United States also has proverbs glorifying friendship, Sagadykova sees American as having activity specific friendships. For instance, they may have a golf, music, or book club friend but not see the individual outside that relationship. She believes we make friends easily but forget them just as fast.
Katja Kaila says that in Finland, friends are exclusive and you are careful with those you bring into your life. Friendship is a commitment that takes serious thought before it is allowed to occur. Leah Lochart of France believes America friends allow people to escape from norms and do unsociable things like getting drunk or taking undo risks, while French friends keep each other within norms by stopping unacceptable behavior.
Cultural differences around friendship shape minds and direct behaviors. Sociological studies often divide friendships into two categories based on individualism vs. collectivism. For instance, Zach was attracted to the collective, a group of homeless and runaway youth that gathered in city parks. The group had rules that were followed rigorously. Gangs, fraternity and sorority members, and church congregants act similarly. Members are bound by mutual obligation to rules of the collective.
Please understand that these divisions are overly simplistic. Variations within regions are also influenced by religion, history, education, and socio-economic strata. However, the majority of Asian, African, South American and Pacific Islands cultures are highly collectivist while American, Europe, and Australia cultures are more individualist, emphasizing personal identity, wishes, desires, autonomy, and values over that of the group. Individualist societies tend to focus on self-fulfillment and prioritize personal rather than in-group goals. Individualists choose to enhance self-esteem and self-worth through association with selected groups. Sociologists say that those participating in collectivist cultures tend to have fewer though closer friends than people who live in individualist societies.
I’m reminded of a song I learned in elementary school that still influences me today.
Make new friends but don’t forget the old,
One is silver and the other is gold.
I cherish friends, old and new, and as with family, feel connected to them whatever their circumstances, wherever they live. I trust them and never viewed our friendships as burdensome obligations. The love and compassion of my close friends, provides security that enables me to act foolishly at times. I know they will continue to care for me despite my missteps. They support me when I take risks and spur me to love on with fervor.
References:
Sagandykova, A. (2014)The Importance of Friendship in Different Cultures. top Universities. retrieved from https://www.topuniversities.com/blog/importance-friendship-different-cultures
Kaila,K. (2017) How does the notion of friendship differ across cultures? Quora.retrieved from https://www.quora.com/How-does-the-notion-of-friendship-differ-across-cultures
Alex Bae, Y (20103) Differences in Friendship qualities of Korean and American College Students. Illinois Wesleyan University Honors Project. retrieved from http://digitalcommons.iwu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1000&context=psych_honproj
Art Is Always for Sale. Elaine is an acrylic on canvas painting, 48” by 36 “ / $699
Contact me at [email protected]
