loving art, science and creative kids
2/23/2018 10:02:50 PM
Delilah
Acrylic on Canvas/ 30” by 24”/ gold Frame/ $ 750
What are her thoughts? What does she live for? When she looks in the mirror does she find her youth or only wrinkles?
Honored Citizen Pride
Shortly after my company sold, I spoke to a doctor about retirement. I mentioned that I was worried that I would shrivel up and die within the year. His response was a belly laugh and then, after wiping his eyes, he said that I wasn’t the type--I had too many interests outside of work. “But,” he continued, “some people do whither away. Since they never had hobbies and spent little time developing friendships, they become couch potatoes, age quickly and poof—they’re gone.”
When still employed , I kept a to-do list on my desk that kept me organized. That habit did not stop with retirement. Once the big decision was finalized, I put together an exciting plan to carry me through the next several years. I wanted to learn to write well and to improve my artistic abilities in order to share thoughts, ideas, and yes—wisdom. In order to become more accomplished, I knew it would mean hard work, for I had few years remaining to live.
I’ve had a hell of a life—ran two non- profit museums, founded a for-profit catalog company, raised five children, loved eight grandkids, adopted a street youth, and traveled extensively. Why not share my good fortune with the next generation? Perhaps I can keep a few young souls from making the same mistakes I made. I thought that if I passed on everything I learned during my life-journey then they would have a head start to improving society. I fear that in many ways, my peers and I failed.
Armed with this purpose, I vowed to become a better listener, act compassionately, speak judiciously, and spend more time with family and friends. Then one day, several unhappy thoughts popped into my head. Does anyone want to listen to an aging lady? Is my advice welcome or seen as interference?
The young people I meet today are busily immersed in their own challenges, and don’t seem to mind making mistakes. They want independence and to be allowed to fail, though they do relish encouragement to try again. They see the world through a slightly different lens than I do. Yet, they act similarly to the way my son did when, at 15 months, he learned to climb stairs. Each time I put him at the bottom of our carpeted steps, he took the climb as a challenge and went at it with a vengeance. There was no stopping him. He was determined and single mindend as he climbed to the top over and over again, never fearful of falling. When I went to take him to another place he cried so hard that we stayed put for almost an hour. I turned him bottom first so he could climb down as well as up. My hands were always in place, ready to catch him.
Perhaps the real test of wisdom, is not sharing what you know but rather creating possibilities for others to discover on their own. It means stepping back into the shadows, yet remaining as an available safety net in case of a fall. The same son, now and adult, recently told me that the reason he was able to take risks at work, was that he knew that neither his father nor I would let him starve or go homeless. We were a security blanket folded in the back of his mind that allowed him to soar. Interestingly, our role was simply to witness and applaud his successes and commisurate with him about his failures.
Now adults, my children do not need me. They are independent, well launched, travel their own roads, and do so with gusto. Most have families to care for and don’t live nearby. I am at the edge of their thoughts, and when we get togethers it is as companion and friend, not parent or teacher.
Since I don’t have to work, raise children, babysit grandkids, or even decorate the house, what keeps me ticking? I like learning. I don’t want to be a dinosaur stuck in the mud to be covered and fossilized. Reading, thinking, traveling, analyzing, embracing change—and yes sharing ideas, especially when I get a response, give me energy. Secondly, I like helping the young people I come in contact with achieve their own dreams. What fascinating challenges they have as they move through a technological, social media connected world and what wonderful enjoyment I derive from watching them! It is hard to keep up with their comings and goings. Lucky me. I plod on, a little wiser—maybe, a bit more silent, always older and seeking the truth in all things.
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Do share your thoughts about aging? There are many times when we are called on to rethink our purpose in life. What is yours?Do comment below.
Art is always for sale. Contact me at [email protected].
2/17/2018 11:41:59 PM
Go Cart Racing with hand controls
Six months ago I wrote about a workplace accident that turned our 26 year old adopted son into a quadrapaligic. Since so many of you ask how he is doing, I will share an article the rehabilitation center recently wrote about Seth. In April he will be leaving Quality Living Institute where he has been since September. Seth plans to move into his own apartment in Omaha, Nebraska, is in the process of purchasing a car (with hand controls) and expects to manage independently. He is a a great young man with a stong will to make the best of his situation. He remains full of smiles and stays surrounded by those with a positive outlook on life.
The article :
"It looks less like a wheelchair and more like the imagining of some brutal end-of-world steampunk fiction, all crisscrossing metal and scuffed aluminum. The wheels splay away from the seat of the chair at a 30-degree angle. The flat panels covering the wheel spokes display a history of combat, a history transcribed in scars and gouges and black streaks. From the footrest near the floor protrudes an ominous cage that looks indestructible despite its own signs of wear. This is special kind of wheelchair. Though engineered for rugby, the true intent of its design keeps a laser focus on one, and only one, objective: survival.
"Its occupant, Seth Wannamaker, is cut from the same veritable cloth. He’s a survivor. A workhorse. Someone who makes the most of every opportunity. On this day, during a frozen and snow-blanketed January, he arrived fifteen minutes early to put in extra reps and reap the benefits of extra practice.
"Seth expertly maneuvers the rugby chair to the threshold where the hard flooring of QLI’s physical rehabilitation center meets carpet—the entrance of a long hallway. He rocks back and forth in his seat, poised to throw the wheels forward with the maximum possible force. 20 yards down the hall, his trainer—QLI adaptive sports coordinator Jack Mahaffey—waits with a stopwatch app open on a phone. In his off-hand he holds a folded page torn from a legal pad. On it, a list of sprint times recorded by Seth during past training sessions. All but one of those times, the very fastest, has been scratched out.
"Before arriving at QLI, doctors gave Seth Wannamaker a percentage. Ten percent. “That was the chance I had to get anything, any movement, back.”
26 years old at the time of his injury, Seth clawed his way out from homelessness in his early twenties to earn union employment as an industrial painter in the Pacific Northwest. He made his living operating on large scale private and municipal projects, often spending upwards of twelve hours each day on suspended rigging to coat and refinish city bridges and massive cargo barges. During work on an industrial site, Seth fell approximately ten feet from the top of a ladder. The fall shattered his C6 vertebra, knocking him unconscious and leaving him with no feeling below the neck. Waking to the news of the injury and the grim projection for his future only kickstarted his defiance.
“I just kept thinking, ‘That can’t be right,’” Seth says. “I refused to let that be right.” Four hours after receiving the news, he was moving his fingers on his own. (on his left hand)
"That burning determination powered him through six weeks of rehabilitation at an Oregon medical center. But when the time came to return home, Seth—still collared by a neck brace, still without much use of his arms or core muscles—sought out additional resources.
“I didn’t care what anyone said—I wasn’t ready to stop intensive therapy. I wanted to keep getting back what I could, and I knew that wasn’t going to happen by working one or two hours a day.” In August, the pursuit of intensive rehabilitation brought him to QLI. (After exploring several rehabilitation options, I suggested Seth go to QLI in Omaha. Accompanying him on a long, painfilled plane trip was not easy but on arrival, it became obvious that our choice was the right one.)
"It didn’t take long for Seth’s team at QLI to recognize his overwhelmingly competitive spirit, something cultivated in his youth as the fourth-youngest of nine children. Even in down periods between clinical appointments, Seth challenged his therapists to board games and word games with the same tenacity he used to best his siblings growing up.
Seth’s competitive drive became the cornerstone of his rehabilitation program, appearing predominantly in the form of a wide arsenal of adaptive sports. Here, he could establish short, meaningful, concrete goals to chase in more traditional therapies. (We discussed trying everthing QLI had to offer rather than be tied to past likes and dislikes. Archery was new fand quite difficult at first.)
"During early sessions with QLI’s archery group, for instance, Seth struggled to keep his trunk upright and required significant hands-on assistance to nock an arrow and steady the bow. “See, that’s a good thing,” Seth says in retrospect. “Because, you know, I’ve got two or three guys helping me shoot this arrow. I can say right there, okay, what steps do I need to take to do this alone?” (He can now release the trigger by himself. Since he plans to continue practicing the sport, he bought his own bow.)
"Wheelchair rugby training forced him to apply his upper body strength in exhausting 20-yard sprints and snaking obstacle courses. And QLI’s partnership with local business Joe’s Karting gave Seth the chance to get back to one of his favorite pre-injury passions despite his compromised physical abilities. In fact, new challenges on the race track offered uniquely powerful opportunities to regain his lost arm and grip strength.
"He returned to therapists with a battery of goals. QLI’s clinical team responded with a dynamic rehabilitation curriculum that targeted the muscles and coordination he needed to exceed those goals. From core-strengthening routines to exercises that boosted the use of his hand, Seth’s program had set him on the path to reclaim his independence.
"To this day, Seth carries with him sheets of paper, sometimes even a notebook, always to keep a record of his progress. He scribbles the times of his rugby sprints in a list, or keeps the printout of his fastest go-karting lap nearby. He considers these measurements the way a statistician would hard data. Evidence that what he’s doing in therapy creates tangible benefit. And if he goes a day without eclipsing his personal best—truly, a rare occurrence on his quest toward recovery—he doubles his effort.
"Months ago, lifting his arms in front of his body would have toppled him over. Physically, he wouldn’t have been able to right himself from such a position, essentially folded stomach-first onto his knees, without help. Today, he holds steady and can keep himself from falling forward. It isn’t easy, but he can do it.
“That’s the thing about loss,” he says. “Even in loss, there’s gain. Everyone hates to lose. But there’s always a way to come back. The idea is to prove everyone’s doubts—even your own—wrong.” (Suring a conference with Seth's psychiatrist, Ray and I were told that by the end of a year he is likely to be as happy as he was before the accident. We did not believe the therapist but it looks like we were wrong. Keeping busy is the key to his success. )
"Jack Mahaffey, stopwatch app in hand, shouts down to Seth from the far end of the hall. “Three, two, one. Go!”
Seth heaves forward, throwing all his weight into these crucial first pushes. The chair moves at first with the lethargy of an animal waking from slumber. Stationary inertia fighting against Seth’s willpower.
"Within moments, a span of time perhaps smaller than a full second, Seth’s posture changes. He sits upright. The movement of his hands grows finer, more calculated. No longer is he reaching down to the front of the wheel in an effort to generate force. As the chair gains forward momentum, subtle flicks of his hands at the top of the wheel add speed.
"Seth’s sprints earlier in the training session were wild and swerving. He’d lost time fighting the chair in an effort to travel in a straight line. But this run—this run is true. There’s no combat. The chair offers no resistance. Seth is in full control. He careens past Jack—who, leaning against the wall, marks the invisible finish line for the 20-yard dash. Jack gives out a loud shout and Seth, after coming to a full stop, is all smiles.
"The time on the stopwatch? 5.64 seconds. Seth’s new personal best. Good enough to scratch the previous record from the list. After a fistbump and some celebration, it’s even good enough to end the day on. Seth looks at the list and the trail of records he’s set and promptly broken. They’re stepping stones to a larger purpose. With a grin he says: “Let’s find a way to beat five-point-six.”
One of the most important gifts QLI staff gives patients is tan awareness that they remain in control of their own life. At first Seth was dependent on nursing staff and family to take care of his every need. This was not easy for an independent minded 26 year old. He compensated by aggressivley and, at times inappropriatly, tried to control his cvare takers. Eventually, he learned to relax and ask for help when needed. Knowing he was a risk taker, staff helped him find safe challenges that would provide him with an adreniline rush. Go Carting was a favorite passtime before the accident and he is excited that he can still compete in the sport today.
2/9/2018 6:55:27 AM
CC
In Ecuador, babies are carried in shawls on mother's backs. In Rotterdam, buildings swerve and jut looking like Escher configurations that can't possibly stand. In Scotland villages are small and streets walkable. In New Orleans balconies hold diners above parading revelers. In Eastern Oregon, the land is vast. In Pueblos, Natives walk on roofs to visit neighbors.
Strange Customs of the “Others”
An acquaintance shared his experience of being the first white person to own a home in a black Portland neighborhood. He was welcomed into a friendly community of people who relaxed on their front porches and chatted amicably with those wandering by. He knew and counted as friends most everyone living on his block. Twenty years later, he speaks longingly of that time. When gentrification came and Black-Americans were pushed out of the neighborhood, the new owners kept to themselves. Today he knows no-one on his block. It is a different community with a different culture—one he does not like as well.
The first time I was fully aware of the subtleties of cultural differences was in Lansing, Michigan. To support the Urban League, my husband and I attended a fundraising dinner, arriving on time to an empty hall. When the meal was served, one token man of color joined our table set for 8. I felt sorry for the director because attendance was so disappointing.
But—not so quickly—I misjudged. By eleven that evening, the place was packed with elegantly dressed men and women enjoying themselves on a crowded dance floor. Party goers arrived after dinner and stayed into the wee hours of the morning.
A few weeks later I sat next to a professor of back studies at George Washington University while flying to D.C. When I mentioned the Urban League event he laughed and told me that the custom to arrive late originated in Africa where people walked miles, sometimes days, to attend a wedding or funeral. It was impossible to predict what time guests would arrive.
Once aware of this custom, I was not surprised to receive an invitation to Magic Johnson's birthday party with instructions saying, “Doors open at 6 and close at 7. No one will be admitted after the hour.” The party planners did not want an Urban League type response accommodating late arrivals.
There are many cultural differences that are learned during childhood when we ingest social mores, biases and misconceptions from our community (tribe). Composed of family and friends, our tribes are influenced by location, religion, race, and sexual orientation. We became locked into these early indoctrinations.
To overcome these biases it is helpful to think like anthropologists who meet newcomers as a subjects of interest. They explore customs and values, and learn how people function in their particular culture.
So many of us are uncomfortable and afraid to make a blunder that we prefer to judge “others” as inferior rather than have to accept their differences. By taking this path, however, we make mistakes and at times develop enemies.
Ignorant missionaries who burned Native American totem poles in the 19th century is a case in point. These evangelists thought the poles were religious objects replete with animalistic gods. They didn't understand that they were either lineage poles serving as a family crests or story telling poles featuring animals from tales similar to Aesop's fables. Their ignorance turned into a rampage that destroyed well crafted art and denied a peace loving people their cultural heritage.
Who is the potentate to decide who and what is superior?
In my twenties, I ran a summer Montessori program in a low income neighborhood. During a teacher conference one mother refused to face me. I was uncomfortable for I was trained to always look a person in the eyes while communicating. When the woman responded to my questions, she glanced sideways, answering in monosyllables. I interpreted her actions as lack interest in her child. It was years before I understood that she was trained to never look a white person in the face. She was being respectful and I was being—well not sure, but at the time I extrapolated to the larger race and harbored negative feelings about poor black women not caring about their children.
Childhood indoctrinations create subtle social tensions. It was not until I lived in Great Britain that I felt like an American. Why? Because in the United States I was identified by others as being Jewish first. This conviction was reinforced often, such as when my husband and I stepped into a Massachusetts real estate office and asked an agent to help us find an apartment near Boston College. The woman replied, “you don't want to live in this neighborhood. You'll be much happier if you move to Brookline, where there are more of your kind of people.” I naively thought she didn't hear me correctly for I knew where I wanted to live. But my husband got her message immediately, and pulled me out the door.
It hurts to be regarded as a commodity. It is not fun to be put in a box and have differences labeled as bad. The Bill of Rights was written to fight against discrimination, yet cultural differences continue to be misunderstood and prejudicial judgments made. White and black, gay and straight, Christian Jew, and Muslim are engaged in the blame game. It takes time and openness to know thy neighbor and treat him or her as you would like to be treated.
One last thought. I watched Bill Maher's TV program when Republican, Anthony Scaramucci was his guest. Anthony tried to explain the emotions and anger held by white men who feel threatened because their way of life, jobs, and social positions are being eroded. IHis presentation was cut short because Bill and other panel members rudely interrupted him. “Look what Republicans have done to us? Trump's base does not count.” was their message which immediately negated concerns held by a good portion of the country.
It is scary to lose your job. It is frightening to have the values you were raised with challenged. It is uncomfortable to hear most people speaking a foreign language in your local grocery store. And, it is difficult to adapt without understanding and trust. If we are to transition to a more equitable society, then the fears and concerns of every sub-culture, every tribal member within our borders need to be taken into account.
Sharing spaceship earth, means recognizing our own prejudices and engaging the “others” in conversation. New technologies push us to shift gears faster than we had to generations ago. It doesn't do any good to just dig in and say the old ways were better. I've lived long enough to see that fanatics who won't change can lead us to war. Why not work instead towards a new world order with solutions that are greater than any one of the parts?
Art is always for sale. Contact me at [email protected] for information.
Please share your thoughts below.
2/3/2018 8:54:55 PM
Janna
Acrylic on canvas/ carved gold frame/ 23” by 27”/ $ 599
When shots were fired in her direction while eattending a rock concert in Las Vegas, Janna learned instantly that the world is not always safe. Fortunately she managed to escape without physical damage but mental scars remain. Survivors of the tragedy have to contend with with fear, nightmares, and depression. She is fortunate to have a loving family and a precious new kitten by her side.
Following is a section about trauma from my soon to be published book, Over the Sticker Bush Fence. Trauma is one of many reasons youth take to the streets. Though I write about homelessness in America, the situation is similar for immigrants escaping from war and famine. The adults are very thankful to countries that take them in. Surprisingly, some of their offspring become radicalized. Immigrant children are traumatized but have the added burden of having to move to an unfriendly land with a strange culture. Their experiences are compounded by lack of acceptance in school and poor job opportunities upon graduation.
Please do not copy without permission.
Childhood Trauma
Abuse, violence, and naturally occurring disasters such as war or accidents are trauma producing events as are painful medical procedures and the loss of a loved one. Neglect, verbal put-downs, being treated like a slave, and starvation can lead to a chain of trauma induced reactions. These situations are debilitating, often leading to dysfunctional behavior patterns that affect the youth’s ability to grow into a balanced thoughtful adult.
Sara was in a horrendous boat accident when she was eleven. On a sunny summer day a waterspout developed that suddenly hit the family’s boat from behind. The small craft was capsized and her mother lost a part of a finger as she floated out to sea. Her father’s leg was partially severed while he held on to his daughter by a poorly secured life jacket. The family was fortunately rescued by a passing stranger and taken to a local hospital. After the accident, the girl’s friends started calling her a jinx. Since she was physically fine, her parents did not realize that she needed psychological counseling to get over the incident. The emotional damage of the event stayed hidden and was one of several traumatic instances that led to a mental breakdown at the age of eighteen.
Negligent caretakers, even if naive as in the above case, keep children from developing into strong, healthy adults. Instead of developing confidence, their children grow up feeling that the world is unsafe. They may lose trust in older people and have problems regulating emotions. As they age, they draw into themselves and find it difficult to connect with other people. their own age. As teens they are likely to have conflicts with authority and create unnecessary problems in school, at work or with law enforcement. Romantic relationships and friendships tend to be sparse and unhealthy.
The stress from growing up in an abusive environment contributes to impaired brain development, chronic or recurrent physical problems such as headaches, stomach aches, rapid breathing, and heart-pounding. It is not unusual for a traumatized child to self-medicate with drugs, alcohol, and overeating. Some children become hypersensitive and act out inappropriately while others are just the opposite and become disassociated from their senses. Constant anxiety and fear, more often than not, lead to severe depression.
In school, a traumatized child tends to space-out by daydreaming and not paying attention to assignments. Childhood trauma and neglect can affect the child’s ability to learn to read. It is hard to pay attention when your home problems are of more immediate concern than schoolwork. Their wandering minds lose track of time and, in many cases, impulsive behavior replaces rational thought, making the youth unpredictable, volatile, and extreme. Believing they are powerless in the face of adversity, traumatized youth compensate by becoming defensive and acting aggressively when feeling blamed or attacked. A great many move towards high-risk behaviors like self-mutilation, unsafe sex, and high-speed auto races.
Since abused children have difficulty thinking and reasoning clearly, they are unable to plan ahead and anticipate their future. Their fight and flight reactions take precedence over rational thought and problem-solving. Without hope or purpose life has little meaning and is without value. Without the ability to influence their lives, they operate in survival mode.
Though it may take years to turn around negative feelings of self-worth, with the right intervention, it can be done. My friend Caroline shared her up-bringing with me. As a child, she was raised in poverty in a small Appalachian community. Though loved, her young life was traumatized by poverty and illness. As the oldest of five children, she was called on to care for the younger ones and assist her mother in household chores. Daily activities were especially cumbersome, for her mentally unstable mother was hospitalized frequently. When Caroline was in fifth grade, her father developed Tuberculosis (TB) and was hospitalized at the same time her mother was committed to a distant mental hospital. In those days there were limited ways to treat TB and most patients spent years in a sanatorium. The family was without a bread winner facing starvation. At eleven years, Caroline was in charge of her younger brothers and sister.
When the state finally learned of the situation a social worker found Caroline foraging by herself in the woods. She and her siblings were separated by the state, with two boys sent to one orphanage and the two girls to another. Caroline wondered if she would ever see her young brothers again. Describing her feelings of that time she said, “I believed that my family was no good trash. After all, we were poor with no chance of improvement. I thought that since things were so horrible, we must be bad people who got what we deserved. I was sure that I too would come down with TB and suffer from mental illness as I got older. I assumed that all of our misfortunes were inherited.”
Fortunately, Caroline was taken in by a loving couple, both doctors, who dedicated themselves to caring for the homeless children of Appalachia. The two adults were inspirational role models for the young girl. With scarce finances to operate their orphanage but with a big I-can-do infectious attitude, they impacted the lives of thousands of children. Their perseverance and positive outlook attracted help from others in the nearby city of Charlotte. At one point the doctors decided to build a clinic. Without the necessary money to do so, they relied on old fashioned community help by organizing the children and mountain neighbors to help dig river rocks for the building’s foundation. To earn additional revenue, they collected used clothing from wealthy in-town donors and started a thrift shop that is now over fifty years old. Their actions and positive attitude were role models for young Caroline.
Most importantly, they showered her with attention and love. They convinced Caroline that tuberculosis and her mother’s mental state had nothing to do with her. As an adolescent she gained in self-esteem and began to believe that the tragedies she had experienced could be surmounted. Upon graduation from high school, Caroline was awarded a scholarship to college where she studied nursing. She fell in love and married a physician who provided a comfortable home where she became a social force in the community as she raised five children. As they aged she went on to direct a prestigious science center.
Caroline is still attached to the mountains of Appalachia and continues to support the orphanage that helped her become a successful businesswoman. The sister who had accompanied her to the orphanage also flourished under the tutelage of the two doctors. Unfortunately, her brothers did not fare as well in their group home and struggled throughout their lives.
Not only does trauma burden children but it causes economic and political repercussions that carry a high price. Medical, law enforcement, and legal expenses are paid for by the rest of society.
Parents who leave their children alone for long hours, whether due to illness, drugs, or excessive work schedules, are often faced with unexpected consequences. In poor neighborhoods, many children play outside to a combative, primeval atmosphere similar to that described by William Golding in Lord of the Flies. They move about in city jungles without adult guidance, join gangs and exist in a survival mode. They become unruly and unwilling to play by the rule of law, with little regard for the consequences of their actions.
These youngsters add to the load on our courts, foster care, and juvenile detention systems, burdening the country with $8-21 billion in long term costs.
Art work is always for sale. Contact me at [email protected]
Do comment on my blog post below. Have you or your family experienced trauma?
References:
Larson, S. (1997) Teenage Rebellion. Culture and Youth Studies. retrieved 2017 from http://cultureandyouth.org/troubled-youth/articles-troubled-youth/teenage-rebellion
Justice Policy Institute. 2014. Calculating the Full Price Tag for Youth Incarceration. retrieved 2017 from http://www.justicepolicy.org/uploads/justicepolicy/documents/sticker_shock_final_v2.pdf
