loving art, science and creative kids
2/24/2017 3:26:01 PM
Elaine
Acrylic on Canvas 48" by 36" / $699
Best Friends
In elementary school we sang a round with lyrics that told us to—
Make new friends but don’t forget the old,
One is silver and the other is gold.
Those words still lurk in the back of my mind and I think about them often. Who are my friends ? Am I as close to my new friends as I was to to the old?
Elaine was my best childhood friend. We were raised together. We were only two weeks apart in age, I being the older. Our mothers were sisters and we lived four streets apart, went to the same schools, and visited Grandma every weekend. I used to taunt her by saying, “You have to listen to me. I’m older than you.” Her quick response was, “ Yea, but you’re going to die first!” That usually put an end to the argument. Now Elaine lives on the opposite coast and it is an effort to stay connected. Occasional phone calls and vacations are not quite the same as being neighbors.
In sixth grade, a cute boy stood attentively by my side when I was on duty as a school crossing guard. I was flattered as we chatted nonstop. Eventually I agreed to participate in a mock wedding and invited our friends to celebrate with us. Once the ceremony was over, we sat on the floor and played spin the bottle though he was more interested in having the bottle point to another girl than me. A crushing moment! Fifty years later the boy, turned professor, got in touch with me. We resumed our communication through email. He had had an interesting academic career and also became an accomplished photographer. We easily shared secrets. But, life moves on, and eventually we lost touch once more. I think of him fondly as a intellectual friend, though not one I would call in an emergency.
When dating, I lived during the era when those of the opposite sex were met through mutual friends. We went to parties, attended school events, and participated in dances put on by religious organizations. In sixth and seventh grade we donned white gloves and attended Saturday dance classes where we were groomed for participation in adult social activities.
Eventually, I met my husband and he soon became my very best friend. But after 25 years we divorced and I lost him as a friend. The shared memories and friendships we had developed as a couple were never spoken of again. I began a new chapter, moved away and developed new friendships.
My first husband and I have since reestablished communication and I find it a pleasure to be in contact with someone who knew my family when I was fourteen. Remembrances pepper life with richness and provide dimensionality. As long as we do not get stuck in the past, there is much to be learned from remembering it.
When my children were young, we partied with couples who had children the same age as ours. I attended a women’s group each month where we sat in a circle sharing inner most thoughts about the month’s topic. There were weekend dinners at each other’s homes and our children visited on playdates. We worked side by side on school committees, baked cookies, participated in auctions, and drove our cars on school outings. It was lots of fun, but today, I am not in touch with even one of these women. What happened to my old friends? Did their lives turn out as they had hoped?
Then Internet came along, and with it Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter. Cell phones arrived along with the ability to text. Instead of attending parties when I wanted to meet a new man I went to match.com and eHarmony. Boy did I have fun for a year meeting fascinating people! I even met a man who asked me to help him license an arithmetic toy he developed. We became business friends and I made it happen. The two of us have not communicated since.
Have these technologies really changed the nature of friendships? I have hundreds of so called friends following my blogs on various sites. Do social media sites develop and keep friendships ? Perhaps the younger generation is more in tuned with this type of friend making.
According to a 2015 Pew Research report, 76% of all teens use social media. They claim it connects them to their friends’ feelings and lives, though they think that they often over do it too and share too much information. 68% report that they have received support from friends during tough times. That sounds wonderful to me though I also understand that there is a class bias. The statistic is more aligned with those living in families earning less than $50,000 than those from more affluent households.
On the flip side, social media can hurt, especially when a girl (boys are more thick skinned) discovers that they had not been invited to an event or activity that had occurred. They are devastated when reading a derogatory remark that has been written about them. Half of those surveyed have had someone post a comment about them that they cannot change or control. Again, this is more prevalent in educated, higher income households which also carries with it a higher amount of what they call drama (conflict, bullying). Unfortunately, the carry over to school can be devastating where fights may occur because of something written online. When friendships end, teens unfriend, block or delete the person. In general, they think that people online are less authentic, less real. The more educated ones spend a lot of time making sure they look good and that they take the time to post only positive content. Teens want to be judged as smart, thoughtful, fun loving hipsters.
Are teen friends true friends? One of my old acquaintances used to say, “it takes 20 years to make a friend.” Aristotle said, “ a friend is a single soul dwelling in two bodies.” A researcher in Birkbeck College in London claims that most of us lose friends as our lives become more technologically connected. The joys of human contact are replaced by electronic stimuli and shallow friendships. Social connections rather than true Aristotelian friendships are the new norm.
According to the American Sociological Review, most people only have two close friends and 25% of Americans have none. Facebook is not usually a place to develop close friendships. Internet contact does not compare with the quality of relationships that are built are face-to face.
Friendships take time and effort. Relationships deepen when you are willing to be authentic, share intimate feelings, and sensitive vulnerabilities.
Over the course of my career, managing science museums and a catalog company, I met staff, board members and community activists I considered to be my friends. It was a shock to discover that each time I stepped away from my position I was asked to not communicate with those who remained working for the organization. CEOs of businesses are expected to sever ties when they leave, allowing the new president to develop his or her own loyalties. I know of a minister who left her church and had to sign a document saying that she would not attend services or have contact with congregants for two years.
The experience was isolating when that happened to me in Portland. While running OMSI, I was surrounded by people who befriended me because they wanted to be part of an inner elite circle. The day after resigning from the museum, their attention rightly turned to the new director and I was forgotten. That did not bother me too much at first because I had a new business to attend to that took all my time. However, when my catalog company sold after eighteen years of operation, I was confronted by the fact that I had lost so many friends. Surprisingly it was a for-profit business and still the new owner did not want me to have contact with staff for fear they would want to keep old ways of doing things.
Since leaving, I have developed new, wonderful relationships and plan to keep them close to me. And, though I happily have new friendships, I will never forget the old.
- Lenhart, A, 2015, Pew Research Report about Friendships and Social Media.http://www.pewinternet.org/2015/08/06/chapter-4-social-media-and-friendships/
- Pattakos, A, The Meaning of Friendship in a Social Networked World, Am.Society for Pub. Admin., 2016 http://patimes.org/the-meaning-of-friendship-in-a-social-networked-world/
2/17/2017 12:43:21 PM
Feeding Crow
Acrylic on Canvas/ gold frame/ 40” by 30” / $ 599
Each of us is called on to defend our country, whether at war or at peace. The rights granted to us under the Constitution and the Bill of Rights are worth defending. It is not something for others to do. We will never agree with our neighbors about every issue but our homeland asks us to accept the tenants of democracy.
Call Me Patriot
Call Me Patriot
Call me Patriot. No one can take that name away from me, neither the right nor the left. In today’s political climate, the word has become loaded with meaning. I love our country and the people I come in contact with daily, even when I do not agree with their political views. Most are good and generous individuals who are ready to help their neighbors in time of need. And, though I am very upset by many things that our politicians do, I see it as my duty to be involved to make things better for the next generation. It upsets me to hear of acquaintances who want to give up their citizenship and go elsewhere. If we want to live on a kinder more compassionate canvas, then it is ours to paint.
A patriot is defined by Webster as a person attached to his or her homeland. Sadly, at times it is difficult to feel connected to ours, especially when congressional delegates act as children and make it hard to believe they have the best interest of the electorate at heart. Wrapped in their own desire to get reelected, they forget they are part of a family unit that gains strength by working together.
Growing up, each of my children had opinions of their own which did not always correspond with mine. Yet I loved them, tried to consider their point of view, and embraced their goodness despite our differences. We always came to some accommodation that permitted us to live in harmony. I would lay down my life for my children no matter how much we disagree.
When it comes to politics, however, I notice that some, who call themselves patriots, take self-centered positions based on identity with such things as social class, race, religion or gender. They may decide that only those who share their culture, ethnic background, language, nationality of origin, profession or sexual orientation are patriots. The dictionary labels them chauvinist patriots for they carry an excess of patriotism. Laying claim to their political position as the valid one, they speak as if only they have the right to the word. Not so!
I fear they do not understand the intent of the Constitution, Bill of Rights and laws that underpin our national identity. Their love of homeland is based on their own mythology. For instance, section 8 in the Constitution says that Congress shall have power, “To regulate Commerce with foreign Nations, and among the several States, and with the Indian Tribes.” This was written, in part, to insure that treaties with Native Americans are respected. Instead, over the years, when money is involved, self-interest has ignored the clause. It seems to me, that since Native-Americans are identified as nations, our government does not have the right to invade tribal lands. If you were an Native-American, wouldn’t you consider a forced pipeline being put through your territory as an act of war? Wouldn’t a Patriot expect the government to honor our agreements?
The Bill of Rights protects free speech, religious freedom, and the freedom of assembly. It does not give permission to isolate those of any one faith, to make inflammatory remarks, or treat them differently. Internet, though, has ushered in shady behavior, for it allows individuals to overstep the bounds of free speech by inciting malicious behavior. A true patriot would not make disparaging comments because of differences in race, gender, or religion.
And, what about voting? All citizens over 18 have the right to vote. A patriot, in my opinion, would not be gerrymandering electoral districts for their own benefit. They would not put obstacles in the way of minority voters, or treat a corporation as an individual. They certainly would not hack emails or spread false information. Unfortunately, that is not how it is, for power brokers who consider themselves patriots, have found ways to go around the laws of our land. Greed controls actions that are difficult to combat.
Many interpretations of the Constitution and its amendments are based on what we imagine the framers meant. It is impossible to get into their heads but common sense says that their intent was always for the good of the people, most people, we the people. The overall goal has always been fairness.
There never will be complete agreement, which is fine. It makes life interesting. We just need to hear each other and respect minority views as having value. Since we are neighbors and often need each other, why not listen compassionately and act with kindness? All human beings are faced with personal difficulties. Why add hate and anger as burdens? Both minority and majority views can be patriotic if the intent is to improve the homeland and actions are done in accordance with the nation’s laws.
That is not what is happening, however. Even those on dating sites such as Match or Zoosk are adding comments to their profiles like, “not interested in a Trump supporter” or “will only date a Republican.” I never would have been born under those circumstances since my parents supported different political parties. They loved each other and their views never seemed to be a burden as they shared their values with their children. I think I was fortunate to be able to evaluate two opposing points of view and take the best ideas from each side of the isle.
Recently, I have been looking at the faces of some of my friends and they are frozen with fear. They are scarred to look at the news and feel helpless. Since the cold war days, I have not been privy to such raw emotion. They thought that this was their country and now they feel like they are being marginalized. Being fearful is no way to live in America. My America is the land of the free, and it is my patriotic duty to keep it so.
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2/10/2017 4:12:25 PM
Over the Fence: From Rags to Riches
It is not easy to climb over a fence built of barriers to achieving security and wealth.
Acrylic on Canvas/ 21” x 25” / gold frame / $499.
In Lives of Museum Junkies I touch on a story that is treated more fully in Over the Sticker Bush Fence, the book I am presently preparing for publication. I believe it is import to see how one individual can impact the life of a child raised in traumatic circumstances. As I complete my manuscript about homeless and runaway youth, I plan to share certain sections with you. Please give me your honest feedback as I proceed. I hope to inspire others to volunteer to support a child in need.
The Tale of Young Scholar
Jeff Gottfried, a former director of education at the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry (OMSI), initiated and received National Science Foundation (NSF) funding to conduct an innovative Young Scholars program. High school students were selected from a national applicant pool of those interested in working alongside research scientists during their summer vacation. There was no difficulty in finding applicants with a 4.0-grade average who wanted to take advantage of this opportunity. Most of the teens came from caring middle and upper-class families who encourage their children to exceed. But Jeff was interested in looking beyond the obvious to discover children with talent but who, for reasons of poverty or family dysfunction, were not high achievers. He asked teachers to make suggestions of students who might fit into this category of unrecognized youth.
Sure enough, one of the local high school teachers mentioned a boy whose family had moved each of the past five years because of poverty. The young man’s father was a Vietnam vet who, if entering treatment today, would have been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder-PTSD. His mother suffered a variety of mental and physical illnesses and was also incapacitated. He was a neglected child, and if the police had not picked him up while roaming on the beach he never would have started school. The family moved from house to house as they faced consecutive evictions. There were numerous instances when the boy spent his nights sleeping in the family’s car.
Teachers, recognizing the boy’s intelligence, encouraged him to apply for the summer research position at OMSI. Though his appearance and manner of speaking appeared to be mismatched to his knowledge, they were able to see through the superficial to a spark of genius. His grades were low Bs, and his command of English was marginal. The youth’s dress was shabby, like that of a street kid, yet his application essay was compelling as he spoke of his life and challenges, so the OMSI program decided to take a risk on this young man. Jeff’s intuition was good. I named him “Young Scholar” and throughout the summer he became more energized and hopeful.
The research he participated in was an environmental study of water quality of rivers in eastern Oregon. On one of Jeff’s visits to the site, he noticed that Young Scholar was not there during the dinner hour. In inquiring about his whereabouts, he was told that the boy was so wrapped up in the research that he did not want to stop what he was doing until it became darker. Later that evening, Jeff overheard Young Scholar asking another youth if there was a possibility of living with the boy’s family the following school year since his parents were planning to move once again. Jeff immediately discussed the Young Scholar’s situation with his wife and decided to take the boy into their own home during the following academic year.
Jeff accompanied Young Scholar to his apartment, loaded his few belongings into his car, and brought him into an atmosphere with caring creative people who applauded learning. The following school year, Young Scholar never missed a day, receiving a 4.0-grade point average by year-end and winning a Bausch and Lomb Science Award upon graduation. This prestigious award was accompanied by a four-year full scholarship to Rochester University. It was quite an accomplishment and shows what can happen when a caring adult recognizes potential.
Young Scholar accepted the scholarship and went off to study science , working all the while cleaning dorms to augment his stipend. Young Scholar continued to return to Jeff’s house for vacations, and the family grew to accept and love him as a son. Upon graduation, he accepted a job as a teacher in private school in New Orleans and eventually returned to Oregon to obtain a master’s degree in environmental science, in sedimentology. With diploma in hand, he returned to New Orleans to enter a doctorate program at Tulane University.
Young Scholar lived through Katrina, almost losing his entire Ph.D. dissertation in the disaster. This man, who understood the difficulty of overcoming adversity, managed to rescue his thesis from floodwater when the campus was closed. Presenting and defending his thesis was extremely difficult because his thesis committee had scattered to various locations throughout the United States. Young Scholar had to undertake the arduous task of reassembling his dissertation committee before he could graduate. Today he is a married man with two children and supports himself as a college professor. Because of astute teachers who recognized his brilliance, the inspiration gained by participating in museum sponsored research, and a dedicated museum professional willing to go the extra mile, this Young Scholar has become a contributing member of society.
2/3/2017 4:27:36 PM
Engaged in Adventure
Acrylic on Canvas/ 42” by 54”/ $ 790 or best offer
It is time for adventure—test the water, see the world, try new things, develop new friendships.
Over the past two years, I have been engaged in research about homeless and runaway youth. I studied the causes and interventions used to help these children who come from traumatic backgrounds. I am nearing completion, writing a summary and conclusion section that includes suggestions. One idea is to establish a government-sponsored public service program that all youth participate in one year after graduation. Please read the following section and share your thoughts. Do you think this is a good and doable idea?
Public Service for All
Is it time to consider a public service option for al graduates? We appear not to have enough jobs to gainfully employ exiting high school (even college) youth, so rather than doing menial activities or nothing at all, why not engage them in useful pursuits that develop job skills? What might a one-year obligation be like if all high school graduates were required to enter a civil defense, military or Vista Corps-type program?
Putting teens from diverse backgrounds together could stem political divisions that plague our country and serve as a way to integrate the population. Race and gender concerns fall away when people grow to depend on each other. Wealth and poverty issues are aided by understanding. Public service could give youth an opportunity to interact across class lines and be an aid in overcoming bigotry.
Service jobs offer on-the-job training that teaches recruits to engage in teamwork. This style of learning is especially useful for those who have a difficult time sitting in classrooms engaged in academic studies. Youth, in service positions, learn to follow directions and, as they progress, are awarded leadership opportunities. Service expands a participant’s worldview and is exciting when new challenges are presented and met. Activities could include disaster relief, fighting forest fires, agriculture, working with distressed children, assisting national park rangers, building habitat for humanity houses, and cooking in food shelters. In each case, youth will gain skills that are transferable to future jobs.
For those planning to continue studying for an advanced degree, a year of service could help solidify what direction to pursue. Knowing that you are contributing to a better society is empowering, with life-long benefits that make for a more compassionate society.
Artwork is always for sale. Contact me at [email protected]
I look forward to hearing from you about this issue. Please respond below.
