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12/30/2017 6:59:41 PM
Best of Times, Worst of Times
Summer Night's Dream
Acrylic on Canvas/ 26” by 32”/ $ 498
Is it the best or worst of times? Surely we are living through confusing times.
On December 27th, President Obama was interviewed by England’s Prince Henry and asked what he sees for the future. He responded by saying, ” If you had to choose a moment in history in which you’d choose to be born, you’d choose today because the fact is that the world is healthier, wealthier, better educated and more tolerant, more sophisticated and less violent.” His comment made me wonder if his words ring true so I thought that a bit of fact checking was appropriate at the start of this New Year. After hours of research, a have come to realize that fact checking gives complex results. I will share what I discovered in the next two newsletters. Part I follows.
Part I
Last on Obama’s list is violence which I thought was a good starting place given the events of 2017. News accounts about gangs, drug cartels, Middle Eastern wars, and gun violence make me believe that we live in more, not less violent times. However, some studies say otherwise. According to evolutionary psychologist Nigel Barber, the world is a lot less violent than at any other time in history. It is the constant diet of media reporting that turns killers into instant celebrities, and readers into empathetic dispensers of sympathy for victims, that stirs a sense of danger that is out of proportion to threat. This is one man’s view based on an evolutionary time line.
When exploring a shorter time period, I came across a Forbes magazine article reporting of the latest Global Peace index published by the Institute of Economics and Peace in June, 2017. Besides full-blooded conflicts, the index takes into account everything from the level of government weapons purchased to homicide rates, incarceration rates, perceptions of criminality, political repression and suppression of free speech. Over the past year, 93 countries were identified as being more peaceful, while 68 were considered to be less so.
A disproportionate amount violence is found in Syria, Afghanistan, Iraq, South Sudan and Yemen. Over the past four years, a major reason peacefulness declined in certain countries is due to fractionalized politics. Terrorist atrocities in France and Belgium, wealth inequality, rising perceptions of corruption, and a decline in freedom of the press have incited unease leading. Internal divisiveness gave rise to the election of Donald Trump and the Brexit vote. The United States fell to the 114th spot on the peacefulness scale, below Rhonda, Algeria and Belarus. Yet, despite these declines, internationally, there has been improvements which occurred in those countries where state sponsored terrorism declined or because of a reduction of US forces, as in Afghanistan. The most peaceful country is Iceland with New Zealand, Portugal, Austria and Denmark not far behind. Europe is still the most peaceful part of the world claiming 8 of the top ten countries.
What about health? The World Health Organization (WHO) collects statistics for 194 countries. In 2017 it compiled information around 100 indicators such as child care, sanitation, traffic injuries, infant mortality, communicable diseases and life expectancy. It is difficult to make a statement that the world’s health has improved since it depends on which continent is being evaluated and which indicators are being studied. Adult mortality rates declined in most wealthy parts of the world. Life expectancy at age 15 increased 2 to 3 years over the last 20 years with the exception of Africa where it decreased by nearly 7 years. Over the past two years, life expectancy in the United States declined 2 years due to opioids.
The major causes of deaths among adults is due to noncommunicable diseases, injuries among males, and violence due to war, again, varying significantly by region. About half the world lacks access to health services and over 100 million people are put into extreme poverty due to health expenses. WHO President Dr. Jim Yong Kim advises that that if we are serious about improving health we must end poverty and urgently provide universal health coverage.
Obama believes that people are more tolerant. Max Fisher, professor of ethnicity, compiled a map of world tolerance that shows Anglo and Latin countries to be the most tolerant while India and Jordan are the least. Wide variations exist across Europe where immigration and national identity are major challenges. The large numbers of economic migrants that work in countries like Egypt and Saudi Arabia are at risk, though a slight improvement was registered. Racial tolerance is low in many Asian Countries and especially so in South Korea. Pakistan is surprisingly tolerant despite areas of sectarian violence. The United Nation reports discrimination, marginalization, injustice and violence to be the most common indicators of intolerance. Better education is needed to fight against intolerances which are recipes for conflict disaster and war. Tolerance is a “treasure that enriches us all.”
In the United States, according to a 2016 report by the FBI, hate crimes have increased significantly. The report indicates that rising Islamophobia and anti-Semitism are on the rise, not only in the U.S., but in many European countries. A Huffpost article concurs that “there are strong signs that the modern West is, indeed, becoming less tolerant.” But in analyzing tolerance we have to be cautious and ask, compared to what? Do we look at Spain during the Inquisition, ISIS and their many beheadings or do we compare ourselves to 50 years ago?
If we focus on our own country, since the Civil Rights movement Americans have become more racially tolerant. People are careful about what they say publicly about Black and Asian Americans and no longer poke fun at Polish or Irish immigrants. A 2015 study published in the journal of Social Forces also confirms that we are increasingly tolerant towards those with differing lifestyles and views. Americans are more willing to accept of couples who divorce, unwed mothers, and the LGBTQ community. Youth have played a significant role by spurring the upward trend to accept opinions and lifestyles that differ from their own.
Americans are also more tolerant of religious groups than just a few years ago, according to a recent Pew Research study. Even with negativity around the election, there is greater acceptance of all religious groups, especially towards Jews and Catholics. Muslims and atheists received neutral ratings. The concept of “other” now focuses on Latino immigrants and Muslims. Hopefully that designation will not last forever for intolerance is not an option for a democratic society.
Do join me next week for Part II, a look at wealth and education
References:
1.Wintour, P. 2017. Obama tells Prince Harry: Leaders Must Stop Corroding Civil Discourse. The Guardian. retrieved from https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/dec/27/barack-obama-tells-prince-harry-leaders-must-stop-corroding-civil-discourse
2.Barber, N. 2016. Is the Modern World More Violent. Psychology Today. retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-human-beast/201506/is-the-modern-world-more-violent
3. Dudley.D/ 2017. Most of the World is Becoming More Peaceful but the US and the Middle
East are Bucking that Trend. retrieved from https://www.forbes.com/sites/dominicdudley/2017/06/01/most-of-the-world-is-becoming-more-peaceful-but-the-u-s-and-the-middle-east-are-bucking-that-trend/#3d8c3fda22e1
4. World Health Organization Web Site. 2017. retrieved from http://www.who.int/gho/en/
5. Marglin,J.2016. Are we Getting More or Less Tolerant, And Does it Matter? Huffpost. retrieved from https://www.huffingtonpost.com/jessica-marglin/are-we-getting-more-or-le_b_8833514.html
6. Perry.S, 201. Americans have become more tolerant with each generation. Minnesota. retrieved from https://www.minnpost.com/second-opinion/2015/03/americans-have-become-more-tolerant-each-generation-study-finds
7. Williams, W. 2017. Americans are becoming more tolerant of many religious groups, survey finds. The Christian Science Monitor. retrieved from
https://www.csmonitor.com/USA/Society/2017/0215/Americans-are-becoming-more-tolerant-of-many-religious-groups-survey-finds
8. Fisher, M. 2013. 5 insights on the racial tolerance and ethnicity maps, from an ethnic conflict professor. The Washington Post. retrieved from https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/worldviews/wp/2013/05/17/5-insights-on-the-racial-tolerance-and-ethnicity-maps-from-an-ethnic-conflict-professor/?utm_term=.8a7df968ab1c
9. United Nations Educational and Scientific Cultural Organization. 2017. Learning to Live Together. Social and Human Science. retrieved from http://www.unesco.org/new/en/social-and-human-sciences/themes/fight-against-discrimination/promoting-tolerance/
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12/23/2017 6:50:00 PM
On Top Of It All
20” by 19”, Mixed media, $399.
Questioning how to give meaning and purpose to life is an ongoing process. Answers evolve and change with age and circumstance.
Life’s Meaning
Winter holidays usher in a joyful bustle of activities with family and friends but since it is the end of one year and start of another, they are also a time to pause for reflection.
When I was sixteen, my boyfriend asked, “which is better a life of love or a life devoted to a quest of knowledge and its application to living?” Without hesitation we both chose love, but as years passed, there were times when the quest for knowledge and career ambitions made us rethink our answer. Today I would respond by saying both.
My memory was stirred by an article I read this week on BBC’s news website. Several educated Indian women were forced by their families and their university professors to give up doctoral ambitions in health care in order to be full time mothers taking care of their families. Married women “are not expected to want the privilege of thinking and doing research,” said one of the homemakers interviewed. Yet, in India, woman are starting to speak up and not give in to custom. They are finding ways to continue their research through online virtual laboratories and by participating in conferences conducted through Skype. Instead of being confined solely to housework, these highly educated women have options never before imagined.
Many other questions were raised during my college years. What is the meaning of life and what is one well lived? Is there a God? What ethical ideals should I embrace? How will my hobbies and choice of profession contribute to society? These inquiries were buried when raising five children and starting a career. But every once in a while, a decision had to be made that gave me pause to think. Should I choose advancement, money and accompanying stress over family harmony? Do I go on a business trip rather than stay home with a sick child? Is what I do more important than my husband or children’s ambitions?
From time to time these basic considerations suddenly popped up, demand ing an answer. As a more mature woman I am reflecting again on life’s meaning. When I hear friends saying, “I’ve done enough for others. Now it is time to complete my bucket list,” I ask myself if this Is the best way to conclude my years? But, somehow this remark doesn’t make sense to me. What difference does travel to exotic places, sky diving, or snow shoeing in the mountains make? Though they may be exciting these activities do not provide me with a purpose to live. Instead they are a way to pleasantly pass idle time while waiting to die. Why spend the money? Why change the habits and sensibilities I have accumulated over the years? Then again, why not?
Deciding how to live is not only a quest of the young but is a multi-year process that twists and turns with experience and circumstance. My responses have been challenged many times as I developed a deeper understanding of the environment, politics, and the earth’s far flung inhabitants.
Today when I ask what type of person I want to be and what makes life meaningful, I continue to look to the future—not of mine, but of those who will follow me. I still hope that the world will be a better place for my children and grandchildren and want to share my mistakes and achievements so they can move on from where I leave off. My ongoing quest for knowledge remains pleasurable and gives me much do, but I am less focused on the need to achieve and more interested than ever in educating. Helping the "me generation” overcome the stigma that has been assigned to them, seems like a fulfilling mission. With the energy of youth they have a chance of doing what my eco-friendly, peace generation started by did not complete. Inspiring them to love and care for humanity is a gift I would like to leave behind.
Do have a wonderful holiday with family and friends and best wishes as you reinvent yourself in the New Year.
Reference:
Anderson,T.2017.We Should own our own livelihood and our own dream. BBC News. retrieved from http://www.bbc.com/news/business-42188808
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Please share below your thoughts about those things that give your life meaning.
12/16/2017 7:06:01 PM
Scotland through my camera's lens
Scotland in my Mind's Eye
Clear Visioning
Bright lights decorating our streets this holiday season bring me great cheer. Even the gaudy houses I passed on my way to Port Townsend last weekend made me smile in thanks that it was they and not I who would have to disassemble the displays. A whirlpool of colors blazed from reindeers to santa to cartoon children singing carols as we drove through the early evening. Seeing them reminded me of an event that took place forty years ago when brilliant shades of blue, green and red were first imprinted in my mind.
Confession: It was during a July vacation that I tried LSD for the first time, and its experience lasted a lifetime, effecting how I view my surroundings. In the 70s, I was curious to know what Timothy Leary meant when he spoke of the psychological benefits of acid. In those days it was used in research and was not considered an illegal substance. And though it was used for pleasure, on the east coast most of my friends sought spiritual enlightenment rather than psychedelic highs.
One acquaintance advised that LSD can help understand the workings of the brain. “A trip,” she said, “should be taken to provide insight into possibilities. Afterwards meditation must be practiced to sharpen the ability to trigger similar sensations at will.” She instructed me to learn how to control my mind before trying the drug again.
When I eventually got around to trying it I gained several insights that were life altering. The drug heightened sensory awareness and particularly sharpened my vision. The surrounding woods not only brightened but each object became super sharp. I noticed jagged edges, colors, and contours of each individual leaf I passed while walking in through wooded areas in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula. I studied plump, perfectly round dew drops resting on waxy green surfaces magnifying and distorting images. Twigs, tree bark and tiny red buds shined brilliantly against a lush background, promoting their importance with a chorus that shouted, “See me. Notice how special I am.”
Unfortunately, mosquitoes also were blown to gigantic sizes appearing as prehistoric creatures ten times larger than they actually were. My hands were busy slapping them while they continued fearlessly as an onrushing army attacking its prey. My friends had to talk me down by telling me not to pay attention to them, that their numbers and size were magnified by the drug.
Odors drifted towards me when passing an indentation that had recently been made by a startled moose that plunged forward from its resting place. The animal rose fearlessly while I jumped back in panic. The creature’s musky/muddy smell was overwhelming and to this day I can conjure up the animal’s strong perfume. It was difficult to make the odor go away even after an hour had passed and we were a mile from the site.
Of all of the sensory tricks played on me that day, the one that looms the largest in my mind was the play of colors. Brilliant rainbow hues washed over every plant, bird, and animal that I saw. Moving from the trees to the edge of Lake Superior, we climbed rock cliffs that hung over clear, sparkling blue waters. Shelves of brown, grey and black slabs speckled with silver flecks formed our hand holds while we traversed long sections above sandy beaches. Red, yellow, green pebbles and shoots popped up suddenly, seemingly coming from nowhere. Even a tourist boat that passed off shore, seemed like a floating jewel. Their guests yelled and shouted greetings as we continued our naked climb. Acting as native people might have, we did not care what the sightseers thought.
In sharing this story I also need to say that I am not a proponent of using drugs unless under medical supervision. During a later stint as a mental health counselor I did see patients who had become stuck in their hallucinatory experiences. LSD can be dangerous and should be a controlled substance, but it also has beneficial uses when in the right hands.
Realizing that the brain has unexplored depths that have yet to be explored was an awakening moment. Our minds can be trained to do what we westerners might think of as impossible. Groundbreaking research has been conducted with Tibetan Buddhist monks who are able to create new neural connections that change the very structure of their brains to affect their perceptions.
Through years of practice I have only inched a bit forward in mind control, but some of the effects I experienced while on acid I am able to pour into creative endeavors. I still remind myself to look closely at drops of water, to study the edges of flowers, to listen to the buzz of bees, and to put my nose close to each rose I pass.
To see, to smell to feel, to taste, to hear — these sensations are ones that I want to continue to enjoy to their fullest. Though it takes willpower, time, and dedication to do so, there are helpers in my environment that remind me to become engaged. Lighting Hanukah candles, basking in holiday colors, and listening carefully to joyful songs are intensified pleasures when I pay attention.
This holiday season I wish you best wishes as you enjoy a cacophony of sounds and kaleidoscope of colors.
References:
- Thames,E. 2014, First LSD Sudy in 40 Years who's Medical Uses. Huffpost. retrieved from: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/06/lsd-anxiety-study-psychotherapy-_n_4906596.html
2. Gregoire,C. 2017. How You Can Train Your Mind TO Do The Impossible. Huffpost.
retrieved from: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/05/how-you-can-train-your-mi_n_3688660.html
12/9/2017 8:10:19 PM
FACES
mixed media on canvas / 24 x 29” x 2” / $ 450
Good relationships must be nurtured. They survive because of mutual respect and caring. There is no place for violence, rape or harassment.
Changing Sexual Mores
The outcry over sexual abuse and harassment rings clear throughout the country. “Let it not let it happen again,” is its mantra. And, so, old wounds are now willingly dragged through the media to be relived in the hope of putting sexual aggression to bed. Hopefully the actions of brave victims will have a lasting effect, though I must admit to having a few doubts around power politics. Because of political agendas, some predators manage to hold on to their positions despite their despicable behaviors while others, having acknowledged their wrong doings and changed, are forced to step down. Time of change also herald in confusion for issues are complex and we do not know how they will get resolved.
I wonder if we are serving democracy well by blaming men in the court of public approval rather than the judicial system? I realize that harassment claims can not be ignored, and that most may be justified . . . but not all. Should those who acted in accord with the mores of their adolescent years and since reformed receive equal punishment with those who continue doing wrong? Did women, who dressed in tight fitting, low cut garb have any responsibility for the sexual response they received?
A friend shared a story that occurred in his work place in the eighties. Pleased to be able to hire a qualified woman in a mostly masculine office the manager was shocked when the new employee arrived on her first day dressed in something that resembled lingerie. The men stared and ogled yet were pleased when she was asked to leave.
Do we treat men who patted a fanny, groped a breast, or kissed an unwilling face as we do one who drugged, molested children, or raped? Not long ago our men lived in a society that ignored these types of behaviors. . As children they were taught that chauvinism was a manly way to tease those they desired. Sexual harassment and the way people acted towards Black Americans were treated similarly in that they were ignored.
Last week, I found a get well card buried in a box of letters mailed to me in the late 1950s. The card had an image of a picaninny (young black slave girl) speaking in a way that would horrify anyone today. However, during that pre-civil rights era, such pictures were socially acceptable. Should my friend who sent this card be judged by today’s standards and lose his job? Should I, as receiver, have been insulted? I do not believe that either of us terrible people, for once understanding how insulting such images are, we became sensitized and changed as did the rest of society.
So too, in matters of sexual harassment, it is my hope that a mind shift can occur. In 1953 Playboy Magazine featured Marilyn Monroe in its first issue. Hugh Hefner and his clubs were popular places for both men and women to go for a drink and entertainment. Hefner was considered a visionary editor accepted by much of society. The 60’s was a period of profound societal changes in a growing sexual revolution. With the spread of birth control pills and penicillin to fight diseases like syphilis, attitudes towards sex became increasingly permissive, even weakening marriage boundaries.
Though the era also heralded in the women’s movement, both sexes were confused about their roles. The revolution had negative as well as positive features for, though it promised sexual freedom and liberation, there was also confusion about domestic responsibilities, child care, and sexual differences. Feeling emasculated, some men tried to assert their claim as the strong, superior bread winner to whom the weaker sex owed allegiance. Having lived through these times, I can attest to the fact that days were exciting yet confusing, flirtatious yet risky. Wearing short dresses with plunging necklines to work was not uncommon. It is not surprising that many women became victims. Even so, there is no excuse for touching another person without his or her permission.
As we take steps on behalf of traumatized victims, let us proceed wisely. Rape, drugs, violence, pedophilia can never be tolerated. But there are gray areas that impel us to move cautiously in order not wreck havoc on a good person who has transformed his or her ways. There should be some room for forgiveness.
It behooves us to teach youth about predatory ways, so they are not naive and can firmly, politely and swiftly put an end unwanted approaches. They also need to realize that their own sexual behavior can not be confusing to others. Conversations about flirtation and how to set behavioral boundaries are important so that one person’s will will not be forced on another.
Consequences from abuse make victims feel vulnerable and insecure, two emotions that can last a lifetime. I know this well, for I too was raped by a powerful executive. Fortunately, the current turmoil is a chance to grow and learn better ways of behaving. Rather than turn sexual abuse into a political travesty that backfires let’s use the furor to move forward by changing minds.
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12/2/2017 2:00:04 PM
Last week thru December 10th - 30% off of all art at eichingerfineart.com.
Contact me for purchase and shipping details.
[email protected]
The Santiam Burn - Acrylic on Canvas- 22” by 18” - $ 275
Fire can lavash the earth but, overtime, with the nurturing of sun and rain it will start to heal. New shoots will emerge to grow strong and tall.
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From my manuscript — Over the Sticker Bush Fence: Scaling Barriers for Homeless and Runaway Youth. Pre-publication sample.
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Jimmy James - A Spiritual light
Jimmy’s story is fascinating because it demonstrates how a spiritual connection can overcome despair. Surviving an abusive childhood and bereft of stable role models, Jimmy was able to move from childhood trauma to become a productive adult, giving back to the community that helped him survive. Youth homelessness is identified as a governmentally recognized problem for those between 14 and 25 years.
Unfortunately, mental anguish does not come to an end on the 26th birthday when funding ends. It may continue for years into adulthood. Jimmy is an insightful man who portrayed with clarity the agony of his long journey. In sharing his tale I altered names and places.
The 1966 book by Richard Farina, “Been down so long it looks like up to me,” parallels Jimmy’s life in that he hit rock bottom, crawling in the muck before he could stand to see the truth of his traumatized childhood and consider possibilities for the future. He gives hope to all who are down and out and demonstrates what it takes to overcome years of abuse. Jimmy’s story demonstrate how moments of success are all too often followed by setbacks. There is no such thing as a straight path to successful healing. Lastly, his words tell of the power gained from belonging and identifying with a group that is willing to help you change.
Climbing over or going around the Sticker Bush Fence is a prickly affair that counselors alone cannot accomplish, no matter how competent they are. Mending and moving on takes internal will and stamina.
Jimmy’s Tale
“The blows kept coming. The enraged gorilla that was charged me had no intention of stopping to listen to reason. Certain I was going to die, I defended myself as best I could, but though an athlete, I had neither the strength nor will to hit back. It was when his boot came crashing down on my head that my mother finally sprang to action and for the first time rushed to my defense, throwing herself between our bodies. Two brothers and my sister watched in wide-eyed horror as my father’s anger turned towards Mom. He grabbed and threw her across the room, but as soon as he realized what he had done, his rage quickly dissipated. He looked around, turned and walked out of the room without another word. Fortunately, the younger kids had been spared from his wrath.
“I knew then, at the age of 15, that I had to leave home. My father was a full-blown alcoholic and drug abuser turned psychopath, and my survival depended on escaping his erratic behavior. I had had enough.
"What caused his angry outburst? Money had gone missing from the top of his dresser and he immediately assumed one of us kids was the culprit. He lined us up for questioning, but when no one admitted to the crime, out came the hardwood paddle he always grabbed when preparing to do damage. As the oldest, I was first to be told to pull down my pants. Knowing of my innocence, I refused, thus generating my father’s furious reaction. He did not tolerate no for an answer. It is ironic that several days later the missing cash was discovered behind his bedroom bureau where it had accidentally fallen from its resting place. There was no apology. There never was.
“My childhood was not easy. I came from a long line of abusive, unstable adults raised on discipline derived from military upbringings. My parents grew up on bases surrounded by soldiering killers who gave their lives to the services. Their fathers were both bird colonels in the army which meant that their families lived with privileges. They had servants to ease the way as they traveled from one part of the country to another. Though the men were often absent from home, their strict upbringing infused my parents with authoritarian values. Kids in military families did as told and never talked back.
“My parents first met in Boston and fortuitously, a second time at college in L.A. where they fell in love. Mom arrived one day to model for Dad’s drawing class and he was instantly smitten. She was an attractive fashion design student who shared his creative interests. It wasn’t long before she became pregnant which in those days meant immediate marriage. Dad eventually graduated as a draftsman, but after a few years he became more interested in design engineering. And, though self-taught, he became capable and was respected for his many accomplishments. In those early days before his total inebriation, Dad was a good provider which enabled Mom to stay home. She kept herself busy as a mother of four, caring for a large Victorian house.
“When I was 12, Dad decided that it was time to move and try a different lifestyle. He took our family to a small cottage in the wings of a redneck town in Oregon. It was quite a change from our large house and the big city amenities we were used to in L.A. At the end of the year, though, we did move into better quarters and bought another large Victorian house near the center of town.
“Life for us kids was filled with fear, for we were often slapped around and never knew when the next outrage would occur. Being subjected to both psychological and physical abuse made us insecure and belligerent. Though both parents enjoyed the bottle, Dad took it one step further by taking and selling drugs. He started associating with gangsters and developed an executive clientele that enabled him to support our family well.
“Thankfully, my parents divorced while in their thirties, though upon leaving, Dad left Mom with few resources for our care. But once gone, the danger from his uncontrolled anger was no longer a daily threat. Mom was now the one we had to watch out for, but at least she was not physically abusive.
“No matter how horrendous parents are, there is a conflict between what we think is love and the desire to be loved. Terror and fear are always laced with wishful thinking. Dad was a psychopath unable to feel remorse, yet, he could justify his cruel actions in his own mind. I did not know until years later that he had been sexually abused by his mother when a child. It obviously scarred him for life. Eventually, he too became a predator involved in sexual acts against children. Though my sister once pressed charges against him for molestation, nothing came of it. It wasn’t until his late thirties that he was caught and sent to prison for life.
“I was a mess as a teen, mentally unstable even then. My first drugs were given to me by well meaning doctors. In those days,Valium was the preferred way of handling out of control kids and I certainly was one of them. It was about the same time, at the age of 13, that I also started drinking. With role models like my parents, it was the natural thing to do.
“Dad was out of the house, but my worries were not over. As a good Catholic, I attended parochial schools, became an altar boy and was surrounded by priests, nuns, and seminarians who were often invited to the house. Though not a good student, my abilities were great, with intelligence tests showing that I was well above average.
“The first sick encounter I had with a priest was when I was only eight. We were in his car when the man started fondling me. I was too afraid to say anything. A number of years later it was a college-bound seminarian who pinned me down on the ground and dry-humped me. That time I did complain but was told by his superiors that I must have been mistaken and just didn’t understand what was happening. They were convinced I was a troubled child—which I was but . . . “I understood, all right, that nothing was going to happen to the man. Where was God? Boy, was I happy when years later the Catholic Church was raked over the coals for concealing sexual abuses! I did not put in a legal claim, but my soul went out to the hapless victims. Yet, despite being abused, in general, I liked the theologians. Many of the nuns and priests were stellar people who unfortunately were mixed in with those with troubled backgrounds. “After confirmation, I went on n enraged rampage. I lit every candle in the church, robbed the poor boxes, and grabbed a bottle of wine before sitting down to have a conversation with God where I called on the devil. I shouted that the world was fucked up, that it’s not a good place to be and it was his responsibility to show me something. “Are you real or not?” I screamed. “Show me what you got,” I demanded.
“In my push to leave home, I enlisted in the marines at 16, though I had to wait a year before I was eligible to go. If it was not for the military keeping me occupied for a few years, I would have been on the streets. However, after serving for only 18 months, childhood and service traumas came tumbling down around me. With this first mental collapse I was medically discharged. Leaving the military with benefits enabled me to register for college under the the GI bill. A period of on and off again stints as a student, involvement with drugs, and living on the streets was interspersed with an occasional mental collapse.”On the positive side, the Community College I attended reframed my idea of education. I took wonderful classes in the arts, athletics, social sciences, and writing. Since I loved sports and exercise my goal was to become a health education instructor. At the same time I used my skill on the guitar to joined a band that got gigs before wild college audiences. We were pretty good—even had occasional standing ovations.
“Nevertheless, each time I moved ahead I was held back by my addictions. I dropped out of college and went to work for a company that made garage doors. With speed as an aid, I proved to be a dedicated employee and was promoted to a full-time metal worker. It was while working in that position that I foolishly took a short cut moving between two dangerous machines and I lost my hand above the wrist. I was lucky that it was a warm time of year that called for short sleeve shirts or I could have been pulled further into the machine.
“Until that moment, despite being emotionally broken, I had always felt bullet proof. I was still young and believed I could not get hurt from any of my reckless escapades. All of that bravado changed in my mid-twenties, with the loss of my hand. My mind snapped. I could do nothing but become a homeless youth prowling the streets.
“Workers comp, counseling, and therapy were not enough to deal with the sickness that took over my soul. The following years I lived on and off the streets, couch surfing at times with acquaintances and in other instances living with women who propped me up through a series of rotating relationships. I was still a good looking guy and found it easy to attract women.Though life on the pavement was social and at times fun, at the same time it also could be brutal. You might think that there was no place further to slide but there was until I finally hit bottom.
“I lived in a culture revolving around drugs and alcohol that was similar to the one my father engaged in before he was put away. As my addictions continued to worsen, I had find a way to pay for drugs and feed myself, which meant I had to do something. Selling drugs was the logical and only way I knew to survive. In the end, I was busted for growing pot in the basement of a house I was sharing. In my early thirties and facing my first felony I luckily had a good lawyer who knew the judge and convinced him that I was an OK guy. My four-year sentence was knocked down to two, and even though I showed up at court drunk, it was further reduced. I was given a six-month penalty in a work release program. After one month in county jail and four months working, I was let go for good behavior.
“That experience was a turning point for after meeting quite a few desperate characters in jail, I realized that I didn’t want incarceration to be my life. For the first time in ages, I was clean and did not have to look over my shoulder in fear of being caught. I was given alcohol and drug counseling, attended AA and welding school, and for a while even got into real estate training. I didn’t finish anything I started, but as I matured, I began to realize there is some goodness in everyone and accepted that there was a “little Jimmy” inside me that wanted to be good too.
“During that period of renewal, a Native American counselor invited me to a sweat lodge. The experience was overwhelmingly positive, changing my outlook on life by giving me a sense of belonging. At about the the same time my sister got interested in our family’s genealogy and discovered that we had a small amount of native lineage in the Matis, a Canadian tribe. Our ancestors had been buffalo hunters and tradespeople in the mid-west at one time. I became curious and wanted to know more about them. For the first time in ages I became hopeful.
“Native culture is spiritual, communal and puts emphasis on care of the environment and the world. It talked to me and so I became involved in the Sundance Family of the Lakotas, participating fully and as a dancer.
“Finally settling into a respectable and honest career, I worked for a local taxi company and loved it enough to stay seventeen years. Driving a taxi took energy, for I had to learn nuances of the road. I also was a bit of a psychologist and tuned into the needs of my customers. I enjoyed meeting people so much that a reporter picked up on my gift and wrote a three-page article about me for the local newspaper.
My guiding principle today is to view the world respectfully and gratefully. The mission statement I live by is, “In service, we find purpose, community, and healing. In joy we find ourselves.” It is printed on my web site.
“Since leaving my job with the taxi company I’ve been involved in a great many community projects. For years I raised money for a non-profit that helps women discharged from prison. I became the manager and executive director for a Native American music group, scheduling gigs in bars and at festivals. They performed all over the Northwest, including prisons, at powwows, and blues festivals.
“I also became active with the Native American Youth Agency (NAYA) by helping them with such things as their annual gala.” The organization is located some distance from town but I respect their desire for privacy, for many First People just want to be left alone. They want the white culture to stop trying to turn them into something they are not. Troubled Native American youth fear and avoid the city-center scene, preferring to be with their own kind.””Jimmy concluded, “I am a result of generations of dysfunctional relatives. American society made my grandparents and parents sick. Thankfully, I overcame that part of my background and have found my way to joy. Getting involved with spiritual ` was my way forward. I continue to be an activist, though my path now includes writing, filming documentaries, and promoting music to build foundations for improving lives.”
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