loving art, science and creative kids
7/31/2015 9:23:26 PM
First Fight
acrylic painting: 26” x 25” $ 425
Parents occasionally fight, but when violence, exacerbated by drugs and alcohol, is the norm, children are bound to suffer.
An Adrenalin Rush
Ray and I have been mentoring a youth who between the age of 16 and 19 had lived on the streets. Though his journey was wrought with a great many highs and lows, over the past four years he transformed himself into an industrial painter with a career that promises a good life. His experiences made me curious about why some homeless youth metamorphose while most do not. To learn more I read a great many studies and interviewed numerous adults engaged with this population. I am now drawing conclusions that I would like to share with the hope that you will provide me with your experiences and thoughts.
Youth leave their homes for a myriad of ugly reasons, most often involving poverty. Their living quarters might be violent, unsafe places with parents addicted to drugs, alcohol or illegal ventures. Or… they may have been kicked out due to their sexual orientation or their own involvement with prostitution, drugs robbery, gangs or truancy. Over forty percent have severe mental problems. Whatever the cause, once they leave school they are on a downward slope that continues to snowball in hopelessness. Each year, Portland agencies provide intervention to1000 children. Nationally according to Safe Horizons there are over 1.7 million on the streets.
My biggest surprise was discovering that life on the streets can be a lot of fun. Homelessness is often a relief from stressful situations and presents interesting experiences. I am reminded of ancient Indian rites of passage that sent youth into the wilderness on a vision quest, to hunt and discover that they can subsist on their own.
Modern day wanderers learn very quickly how easy it is to survive. They discover where to get three meals a day and how to find shelter for the night. They couch-surf or visit crisis centers in bad weather. There are known hang-out parks where 40-50 youth gather to smoke, play a brutal form of dodge-ball, competitive chess and to skate board. In the wee hours of the morning, one of the older kids might shout to the others, “You can crash at my place for the night.” Ten to fifteen teens might follow, listening to music and partaking in drugs before drifting to sleep on chairs, sofas and floor. Unfocused on consequences, the apartment dweller will often get evicted due to complaints.
To live on the streets takes constant vigilance and awareness of danger. Yet it is intriguing to watch illicit money change hands and to figure out how to avoid becoming the target of violence. Street life certainly beats going to boring school lectures while sitting still for hours at a time. And no homework . . . ah, the taste of freedom is addictive. There is no one to tell you to clean your room, when to be home and with whom to hang.
Gang Leader for a Day, is a book about the HUD housing projects of Chicago. The author, Sudhir Venkatesh, described how men joined gangs when young, rising in rank to become wealthy drug lords. Many of these bosses had the resources to move their mothers out of their decrepit buildings and into suburbia only to find that their moms preferred living in their old apartments. The women felt isolated in their new homes and missed the friendships that were formed with others who shared similar adversity. Families helped each other with food and babysitting, providing shelter when needed along with a listening ear. They bartered, threatened, bribed, hid drugs, paid protection money, strong armed and prostituted officials in order to survive. When there was a shooting, gang families in each housing unit formed a closely knit cocoon to fight their enemy. There was never a dull moment. Adrenaline ran high.
Homeless youth often become part of street families that protect their members from threats. From them they learn how to steal, beg and acquire drugs. Young girls are lured by pimps with the promise of love and become controlled through drug addiction. Attractive women can earn over $1000 a day being paired with well heeled businessmen or politicians. Why would these girls want to return to school or minimum wage jobs?
Street kids rarely understand that actions have consequences. Their role models were parents who lived from one pay or SSI check to the next with no thought of the future. Their families avoided banking, preferring to hide cash under mattresses or in holes dug in walls. On July 4th, in one of the poorest parts of Kelso, Washington I watched residents explode thousands of dollars in fireworks.
Middle class youth are monitored and continuously coached by caring adults. They are offered adventures through hiking and camping excursions, and given opportunities for thrills by rock climbing, horseback riding, snow boarding, water skiing and taking dune buggy rides.
Runaways seek similar excitement and quickly become addicted to street life. They too crave adrenaline producing ventures that test their survival skills. Though they are dropouts without a safety valve, they still want to participate in dramatic exploits. To entice them back into the classroom, educators need to provide adrenaline producing, hands-on training programs. These experiences need to be administered with a tough love approach that gives frequent rewards (food treats, housing, clothing, electronics) for progress and non-violent punishments (pushups, jogging, cleaning) for mishaps.
Why do some kids graduate from this addictive lifestyle to become contributing tax payers? The more intelligent youth get bored with standing in lines to eat and sleep. The minute they recognize that their life is floundering is the moment that intervention has a chance to work. Job Corps, Outside In, New Avenues for Youth and Janus Youth Services have programs in Portland that reach out to kids before they are indoctrinated in street behavior. These agencies place them in transitional housing and work to get them back in school. Unfortunately, funding is limited for the long term counseling required for indoctrination into a middle class values.
These children need to learn basic lessons in self-care. They must to be taught how to purchase food, set a table, clean an apartment, study for exams, manage their money, and get along with others. They have to learn about bank accounts, personal hygiene, who to trust, how to complete applications, what job opportunities are possible and where to get training. They need to be taught to drive a car, how to dress for work, and what type of body piercings and tattoos are inappropriate. These, skills routinely taught by middle class parents are alien to those who have not had parental guidance.
The child Ray and I befriended is successful in part because we recognized that he was not afraid of heights. He was fearless when asked to help clean the roof. A career as an industrial painter was the perfect solution for him. High bridges and water towers keep his adrenaline flowing. No longer is life boring, nor is there a need to escape with drugs.
I believe that children who experienced parental love when young have a better chance of surviving a crisis during their teens. Even if they experienced violence or addiction they still feel valued by their parents. An insight came from a friend of mine who at one time lived next door to a dysfunctional household. My friend had a large garden and invited his neighbor-children to help plant and weed in the spring and harvest vegetables to take home in the fall. . . . Fast forward eleven years when of the girls was heard talking to her brother. “Do you remember when Dad had that garden and we all worked in it together?” Her sibling laughed in response by reminding her that their father was an alcoholic. “Don’t you remember that it was the neighbor’s garden?” he asked. The girl had wanted so much to believe that her father was a loving family man that she transferred her neighbor’s actions to her own parent. Children cling to good childhood memories and creatively make up new ones when needed, expanding them to fill voids. According to Kevin Donegan from Janus Youth Services, “Every youth wants to believe that he or she is desired. During holidays they all wish they could go home.”
The topic of youth homelessness is huge and I have only skirted a few issues. Drugs, alcohol, transgender and mental difficulties present their own challenges that need to be dealt with in individualized ways. Government statistics skim the surface and do not tell how to treat the problem. I am writing a book on the subject which is why I look forward to your comments.
Please post comment below.
Art Work is always for sale. Contact me at [email protected].
References:
http://www.safehorizon.org/page/homeless-youth-statistics--facts-69.html - Homeless Youth Statistics.
Gang Leader for a Day by Sudhir Venkatesh : About the Chicago housing projects and gang life.
Information gained from my own experiences as well as interviews with Keven Donegon, from Janus Youth Services, Kathy Oliver from Outside Inn, and Dewey Taylor a Job Corps trainer.
7/25/2015 9:50:50 PM
Five Men in a Tub
A team out to master the seas
acrylic painting 42” by 54” $ 750.
Mastery Part II - The Team
Last week I discussed what makes individuals willing struggle to achieve mastery. There is a second type of mastery, however, one that goes beyond individual skills and relies on team effort. An orchestra, for instance, will sound chaotic if the players do not work together to achieve one coordinated aim. Successful businesses bring people with a variety of skills together in order to form a team. Individualists do not exist in a vacuum. Even geniuses like Einstein do not work alone.
As a young woman living in Michigan, I used to hang out in a place called Synergy. The founder, Bob, believed that communicating with others in a relaxed environment would create synergistic results more profound than the sum of the individual contributions. Japanese businesses act similarly when they conclude their day in bars, giving workers freedom to express their opinions and ideas. Managers not only hear a rich variety of work related grievances and suggestions, but increase staff bonding, a prerequisite for strong teamwork.
Numerous studies conducted in medical and mental health fields show advantages to participating in group rather than private practice. Not only is a joint practice convenient, but it provides economies of scale in dealing with management, marketing, negotiating, and shared risk-taking. And since access to peer consultation is convenient, the client also benefits.
What makes a team flourish, and why would anyone be willing to give up control for the benefit of a group? Those joining a dance company or orchestra do so realizing the advantages of following a choreographer or conductor. Actors submit themselves to a director anticipating that the team will excel as a creative unit. Surgery is conducted by a group of surgeons and nurses assembled for their individual skills. In each of these cases we are talking about professionals who have achieved mastery in their respective fields and have acknowledged the need for being part of a team.
But what happens to those working for minimum wage? Can a manager orchestrate an uneducated, apathetic staff to want to achieve mastery? When asking these questions I think about a fast food restaurant I visited on a recent trip to Seattle. I noticed that it was particularly clean. Customers were treated with smiles and efficient service demonstrating good management. Pleasant treatment by their service providers made me feel welcome and ready to return the next time I traveled north.
How do managers bring about this state of excellence? Disney Institute has become masterful at nurturing such a culture. Though stressing service, they also promote happiness and fun. At McDonalds’ Hamburger University, trainees focus on management skills and ways of promoting employee recognition. They stress that minimum wage jobs are the first step to career advancement so that no one feels to be in a dead end situation.
Paired with operational acumen these facilities indoctrinate trainees in the values of the organization. Their goal is to inspire employees to work for a higher cause than just a paycheck. Building a “family” mentality is part of the cultivation. Since most people are communal and enjoy the company of others, jokes and laughter go a long way towards reducing workplace stress and building camaraderie. Joy and pride are infectious and create an atmosphere that encourages relaxed attention paid to work related tasks. The most effective boards I served on were those where the trustees liked each other and gathered socially and for business dealings. These men and women enjoyed working for the institution because they were among friends.
Jobs at any level change from drudgery to enjoyment when worker needs are are taken into account. The good leader engages in designing a growth path with each staff member. A manager who understands worker motivations can assist the employee find meaning in their job. Scholarship opportunities, management training programs, letters of reference, recognition, acknowledgment of value by listening, picnics, after-work sport teams are additional methods used to build team loyalty. Companies like Nike and Google go to the extreme to create campuses that promote “ family” values. Exercise areas, child care, restaurants, tasteful art and a variety of down-time locations make work an enjoyable place to build friendships. Staying long hours at work is not so bad when you think of it as a social/job commitment.
Women engaged in quilting circles know that busy hands and friendly conversation help pass the day. The Amish men and women who participate in barn raisings and other communal activities benefit greatly from work party camaraderie. Building relationships of trust and friendship rather than fear is the first step needed to establish a close team.
This message was brought home by accident one year when Chinese businessmen, visited my home to discuss plans for a joint venture. While we were sharing a cup of tea I happened to point to an orchid I had been given me as a gift. I mentioned that it was an amazing plant because it had never stopped blooming over the year. One of my guests immediately started to grin and told me that I had been caring for an artificial plant. “Hadn’t I felt the petals?” he asked. I said that I had not because I was afraid of getting brown spots on the leaves. At this response everyone had a good laugh over the incident. From that moment on, every time I visited them in Hong Kong, the first question I was teased with was, “How is you orchid doing?” My naïvety was fortuitous, because it showed my vulnerability, indicated that I was willing to acknowledge my mistake and could take a ribbing as well. I instantly became more than just a business acquaintance and was on my way to establishing a bond that led to years of lucrative contracts.
Team building as an art is done well by those who enjoy the quirkiness of human nature. A successful manager involves employees in establishing the standards of performance they are expected to abide by. At my catalog company our mission and values statements was discussed several times a year. It was not unusual for the document to be amended and re-signed by all present. By including new staff in the conversation they understood that their presence made a difference. Each addition to our team changed the group’s dynamic and adjustments often needed to be made.
There were times I worked with people who were not team players yet were valuable to our organization. When this occurred, special accommodations had to be made. At times staff became jealous of the privileges given to these mavericks. It took skill to help them accept idiosyncratic behavior much as they would for a disabled person. In one situation the employee had a public persona that brought prestige to our organization. In another case, an anti-social individual happened to be highly creative when working by himself. Every person initiates a unique challenge.
Team builders are dreamers who are flexible course-correctors, and they are problem solvers who understand when and how to push. At Job Corps I watched an instructor propel children with tough love. He skillfully defined the roles and responsibilities for each student, then provided praise when warranted and dealt out push-ups and loss of privileges for misbehavior. He was a good communicator and active in providing honest feedback with two-way opportunities for exchange. Students were encouraged to work as a team and were expected to help one another. His methods worked well, for he had more youth graduating from his classes than any other instructor at the center.
Lastly and most important, success has to be celebrated. It is common to think that just doing a job and getting paid for it is enough. It is not. Instead, step back periodically and reflect on why things went well. In my catalog company we had annual wrap-up sessions to discuss the state of affairs, and then honored our successes with group outings to celebrate a year of hard work.
Just as with your own family, share the happy times, the birthdays and anniversaries, and don’t just be there for the funerals. Whether in a work environment or at home it is good to remember that we only have so many years to live, so why not make them pleasant?
Art Work is always for sale: contact me at [email protected] art for more information.
It is wonderful hearing from my readers. Please comment below.
References:
http://www.apapracticecentral.org/business/management/group-advantage.aspx - Group vs. individual practice.
http://mitsloanexperts.mit.edu/changing-a-companys-dna-to-inspire-teamwork/ about how to inspire people to work together.
http://www.forbes.com/sites/glennllopis/2012/10/01/6-ways-successful-teams-are-built-to-last/ - creating a successful team.
7/17/2015 10:29:05 PM
Curious Cat Emerging
24” x 28” acrylic painting - NFS
Curiosity motivates one to achieve mastery
When I was in my early thirties I had a dancing partner who could lift me into a wide variety of positions. I would run across the room and leap in his muscular arms to be spun over head and then placed gently on the floor. My body was flexible and strong due to years of practice. The experience was exhilarating because I was able to complete physical moves directed from my imagination. It was the first time that I truly understood the concept of personal mastery. Though I would never be a professional performer, my body was as fine-tuned as it would ever get. Unfortunately, this feeling of physical capability slowly dissolved as I aged and became busy taking care of children while getting a masters degree at Michigan State University.
In the same vein, a friend of mine shared a story that has stayed with me over the years. He taught music in a wealthy suburban high school where many students were excellent musicians. Deciding to start a jazz band with the very best of them, he assumed that with such talent all he had to do is circulate the score and they would play magnificently. Instead of music, however, what he got was discordant sounds that had no semblance of professional orchestration. He told me that he had to take the students back to basics, making sure they all joined in the same rhythm and played in-key before he could permit one or another band member to have freedom of self-expression. His students needed a conductor to closely monitor their movements. Though, each individual had a degree of mastery over his or her instrument, when it came to a collaborative effort, a different type of organization was needed. With his tale I discovered that some mastery results from a team effort.
I started to think about what it takes to be accomplished and why some people attain proficiency but so many more do not. On my honeymoon I traveled across the Atlantic on a Holland American Line ship. The waiters were European and extremely well trained, insuring that every plate was properly placed and orders prepared with style. The server and his apprentice had excellent deportment and gave their complete attention to the diners they served. To me they appeared to be in a zen state, for they acted as one with what they were doing. These men took pleasure in their work and it was satisfying to give them a gratuity at the end of the voyage. Though I have been on a great many ships since that crossing I have never experienced similar service. I realized then that taking pride in what you are doing is an essential part of virtuosity.
More recently I have been become aware of the skills needed to be an industrial painter, noticing the satisfaction shown by graduates who complete four years of apprenticeship training. Because painting requires frequent inspection, their work is well reviewed. Those who are accomplished are recognized and rewarded by boss and colleagues. It is understandable that these skilled workers want to be treated with dignity and compensated for the mastery they bring to their work.
And so it goes . . .surgeons, dentists, computer programers and housecleaners all have an opportunity to master their professions and take pride in their work, but not all do.
Painting company managers complain that they have a difficult time getting enough trained employees willing to put in the effort to maintain excellence. They have to deal with those who are late to the job, leave unfinished spots (called holidays) and work for a pay check rather than out of joy.
I know of a dentist who acted similarly. He would arrive at his office, speak to a few of his most prestigious patients, then turn the work over to a subordinate so he could manage his investments. He made a lot of money and might have been quite competent when younger, but in his forties he lost his passion for his profession. To maintain mastery there needs to be an element of joy in what you are doing.
On June 7th, NPR had a program discussing the thousands of patients who die in small community hospitals from operations done by surgeons who do not have a great deal of experience with a particular type of surgery. Rates of success are much higher in large cities where doctors have opportunities to practice procedures under the watchful eye of an accomplished supervisor. Practice, practice, practice is a necessity for even motivated individuals. And, along with practice comes the need for focus. Mastery often involves putting blinders on to other activities. The old adage, “you can’t do it all,” comes into play.
So, why are some, but not all young people motivated to work for self-improvement rather than grades or monetary compensation? And, how did they obtain a desire for engagement that encompasses a willingness to overcome failures. Where did they acquire their thirst for knowledge?
According to Stanford psychologist Paul O’Keefe school and home environments play a major role in creating motivation. A culture that stresses learning for the sake of learning will more likely produce a person who wants to master an activity rather than simply perform it, and those who are curious are more likely to strive for mastery than those who are detached. If the focus becomes one of outperforming fellow students, rather than getting enjoyment from the activity, then the stress of competition is likely to produce anxiety. Environments that encourage intellectual risk-taking and reduce competition help students gain a desire for proficiency. The student who sets self-learning goals becomes willing to practice.
But, once competent, can everyone go from good to great? This question has been raised by researchers according to author Christopher Bergland, writing for a May 21, 2013 Psychology Today article. Studies show that there are quite a few factors involved in reaching elite status; the age you begin to learn the skill, innate ability, intelligence, amount of sleep you get and your working memory all come into play. Of course, study and practice are also important, but to be really great you have to love what you are doing. As Zach Hambrick of Michigan State University says, “you need to find the sweet spot between boredom and anxiety where your skill level perfectly matches the level of challenge.” With this balance a person obtains what he calls superfluidity, which leads to mastery.
The important lesson is that when people get an accurate assessment of their abilities and interests then they are more likely to choose fields to study where they can achieve their goals. The advice of Hambrick’s research is that you should “love what you do and pour yourself into it.” Without that passion, no amount of practice will make you an expert.
Since no one is good at everything, my advice for students of any age is to keep searching until a special activity is found to be enthralling. It could be a job or hobby, but once discovered, joy will follow from the process of learning and improving. Each successful step will increase motivation, develop confidence, promote happiness, and engender a sense of self-fulfillment.
With these thoughts about individual mastery I will leave the question of group mastery or team work for next week.
Please share your thoughts below.
To review art work for sale go to eichingerfineart.com
References:
http://news.stanford.edu/news/2012/may/shape-achievement-goals-051012.html - The environment had help shape achievement goals.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-athletes-way/201305/can-practice-alone-create-mastery Secret to mastering a skill.
7/10/2015 3:07:34 PM
Apples from Eden
a study in Good vs. Evil
40” x 30” acrylic painting, $490
Thank Goodness
Those of us who pay attention to the news can easily come to the conclusion that there is little hope for humanity. Articles abound with tales of cruelty and dysfunction, reminding us constantly of the negative aspects of human behavior. Road rage, gang warfare, bigotry theft and child abuse are crammed into our brains as though they are the norm rather than the exception.
In support of these negative revelations, I had a fearful experience last month when just past midnight two men tried to break into our home. Due to extensive damage from a February storm, contractors had place scaffolding and trash containers on our property. At night, with lights turned off, it was not surprising that enterprising thieves thought the place had been abandoned during construction. That certainly was not the case. Awakened by the sound of door handles being jiggled we instantly became alert. Ray immediately recognized what was happening and quietly crept out of bed to dress and locate a flashlight. He then tiptoed to a darkened room near the creaks, peered out the window and shined his flashlight in the surprised eyes of the intruders. Two startled hooded men wasted no time in bolting away. In the meantime, I stayed frozen in my bed, huddled under blankets, wondering whether to call the police. Afterwards Ray and I us discussed the despicable state of society and returned to sleep, never imagining that the men might return. Two hours later soft sounds were again heard, this time on the scaffolding at the other side of the house, and the chase repeated itself. The incident left us very cautions about leaving doors unlocked, bringing great sadness, since we both grew up in neighborhoods where no-one ever locked their doors.
Basically I am a glass is half full type of person and do not dwell on negativity, so it was not long before the incident receded into my sub-conscious. Then a month later, a most upsetting event occurred that made me once more reevaluate my understanding of good vs. evil.
On the way to a pottery class, I had removed my engagement ring in order to protect it from being imbedded with clay. It was very carefully placed along with my car keys in a deep pants pocket. The hours ticked by pleasantly I until returned home and went to put on the ring, only to discover that it was gone. The wash of panic that spread through me was instant. Had I left it in the clay studio? Did it fall out in the parking lot of the art center? I remembered that I had also gone to a supermarket and thought it could have been lost there. The ring probably got caught in my keys and fell to the ground when they were pulled from my pocket.
This ring is very special. Not only was it expensive, but it was given to me with love at an extremely vulnerable time. Ray and I had been looking at diamonds for about a year, exploring Portland jewelry stores as well as merchants as far away as Hong Kong. Unbeknownst to me, he kept returning to visit a local jeweler to inspect an estate ring with a European cut diamond. Instead of using laser tools as they do today, old world craftsmen used to shape diamonds by hand, making each stone unique and special. Since the this particular ring was expensive, it continued to sit at the jewelers for many months while my life went on without it.
Then, eight years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and had to have a double mastectomy. Knowing that I was sad at having to lose a prideful part of my body, Ray acted unexpectedly. He purchased the antique ring and presented it to me, demonstrating his love as well a compassion. My broken body was not going to keep him away. We were engaged to each other.
You might now understand why I was so very upset when the jewelry was lost. Though I did have insurance, this particular item was irreplaceable as a symbol of our commitment to each other. My heart and mind started to race as I sped back to the supermarket to crawl on burning pavement to search under cars. I was sure that by the time of my search someone had already found the ring and kept it to sell. There seemed little chance for it to meet the hands of an honest person, especially at that particular market, but I did give the customer service attendant my information before rushing on to the clay studio which seemed to be the more logical place for the loss.
During these auto trips I thought about what Ray’s reaction would be, imagining the worst. Would he shout and scream about my carelessness and tell me how unthinking and clumsy I am? I wondered if he would leave me over the incident, giving super-credence to the ring as the commitment, rather than one made by two individuals. I cried and started to pray, negotiating for a belief in God if the jewelry was found, knowing that such a conversion would be difficult. The idea of putting up posters and announcing a finders bonus for whomever found the ring entered my head. I considered if it would be better to hide the truth and not tell anyone, at least until the insurance company was contacted or the posters had a chance to work. As thoughts tumbled, my mind raced, heart pounded, and I kept telling myself to drive carefully.
The trip to the clay studio produced equally unsuccessful results even though several staff assisted me in a search. There was nothing left to do but return home and accept the loss.
Upon entering the house I noticed the telephone message light blinking, suspecting it was my sister calling. You might imagine my surprise when I discovered that it was a customer service person saying that someone had found an engagement ring in the supermarket parking lot, and please phone back to describe the one I lost. Not waiting to make the call, I started my third dash to the store, hoping that the diamond was mine and not someone else’s sad loss. Running to the counter I learned that the man who had called my home was on break and no-one there knew whereabouts of a ring. The next half hour was very difficult as I paced back an forth through the isles waiting for the employee to return to his post. The story does end well, thankfully, for the ring was mine, though the gold setting was damaged. A car must have run over it.
I was elated, not only by the thought of someone being able to see a small sparkle amongst parked cars, but that the individual turned it in. A feeling of warmth and happiness spread throughout my body, and I mentally sent out thanks to the good samaritan who had reconfirmed my belief that people are basically good and caring.
Steve Taylor, PhD. in the Aug. 26th issue of Psychology Today in 2013 wrote that, “It's a dangerous over-simplification to believe that some people are innately ‘good’ while others are innately ‘evil’ or ‘bad.’” He claims that it is misleading to think that bad people are the ones who commit crimes and should be locked up because they are evil. He continues to say that this concept is the fuel for many wars because people start believing that it is just to fight an evil enemy. Good and evil behavior, rather than being intrinsic, he says, is a complex part of human nature. Most people have both good and bad qualities within that are influenced by environmental and family factors.
Recently, European justice systems, unlike our own, started recognizing these complexities. Cases are now prosecuted with the idea of providing restorative justice. Offenders are given the chance to meet their victims and learn about the effects of their crime. What has been discovered is that so called evil people can be affected by these interactions and influenced to change their demeanor. A newly acquired sense of empathy is the first step to their rehabilitation. Though not every criminal is successfully changed, enough are, so that the approach is considered worthwhile.
According to Taylor righteousness emerges when people are connected. I concur with him when he says that “goodness is fundamental to human nature.” Even those who have joined gangs have learned to be loyal and supportive of other members. Evil, in all of its psychopathic forms, is most likely to emerge when when there is social disconnection.
With these lessons in mind, I choose to think that people have more goodness within than not, and that society has the ability to increase humaneness by the way it operates to heal discord.
Please share your thoughts at eichingerfineart.com/blog. It would be fun to get a discussion going.
Artwork is always for sale. Contact me at [email protected] or go to my web site eichingerfineart.com to learn more.
Reference:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/out-the-darkness/201308/the-real-meaning-good-and-evil - Good Vs Evil
7/4/2015 10:04:22 AM
Meet the Blockheads
acrylic painting - 22” x 18” $ 385
Training a child to become independent is an awesome job.
Whose Freedom Is It?
When my granddaughter was 16, she wanted to be free from her parents’ control. As a typical teenager she took her cues from her friends which often led to major disagreements at home. To my children’s credit my granddaughter did not always get her way, but her parents were good at adapting to age related situations in order to give her increased independence. Beach parties were big events in their coastal community and one year my granddaughter wanted to have one for her birthday, without parental supervision. Hummm,. . . .sounds good, but alcohol, drugs, and “what not” were often a part of teen beach events.
What would you do? Say no, or allow the festivities to take place? Her parents took a creative approach that let the party proceed. My son-in-law set up his own solitary party away from the revelers, but located within site lines of his daughter and her friends. The weather was perfect and during the evening he became engrossed in a book in front of his own fire while nibbling on snacks brought from home. He let the kids have fun for as long and they wanted, staying out of the way, but because everyone knew that there was an adult paying attention to their antics, the party proceeded without incident.
All children are going to become old enough to make their own decisions, but a difficult part of parenting is preparing them for this eventuality. Many years ago I read that offspring of parents who are very controlling while their children are in high school are often the wildest ones during freshman year at college. I am reminded of an incident that occurred when I was in 9th grade. While riding a public bus on the way home from school, my friends and I observed girls from a local private school who were made adhere to a strict dress code. As soon as these teens boarded the bus, out came their compact powders, lipsticks and combs. The girls refashioned their hair and added earrings and other jewelry to their attire. In order to soften the look of their uniforms, shirt tails would be pulled out of skirt bands and left casually hanging. Much to the discomfort of other the passengers, the students became loud and boisterous, acting as though they were riding a private vehicle. My friends and I felt sorry for them because they seemed out of control, and we gossiped about them behind their backs.
This incident raises the question of what is free choice, and how much of it should a parent give to their offspring? Freedom tied to responsibility is the goal, but how does one get reach that point? If a child does not clean the dishes or throws his or her clothes on the bedroom floor, is that freedom of choice? Perhaps it is, but those actions also can impinge on the parent’s freedom. If the adult does not agree to let the child use or abuse his own bedroom then the parent becomes a monitor, bringing feelings of anger because of increased household work and paying for clothing that is not valued.
So who and what is free? Teaching responsibility to accompany free choice starts at an early age. It involves discussions and actions that have consequences aimed at exploring the “what if?” question from several points of view. It also involves being present, without anger, when a child makes an honest mistake and stumbles. Being there to sooth raw emotions, and inviting verbal analysis of the event, with the goal of finding a path to avoid future pitfalls, presents an opportunity parents should cherish as long their children remain under their roof. When teens leave for a job or distant college campus, it is too late to teach the analytical skills needed for decision making.
When my children were young, we used the dinner hour as the main time to discuss and dissect daily issues. We would bring problems to the table and try to look at them from several viewpoints. Occasionally and just for the fun of it, I would introduce a complex situation from work, so all could contribute to a “How would you handle it?” discussion. We had lots of discourse, not always agreeing, but constantly thinking and gaining perspective from the various sides of the problem. There were many times when we became frustrated, such as when one child teased another, because we could not find a solution that stopped the behavior. In those occasions we did have to step in with a firm resolution from parental authority. The ensuing discussion about teasing and repercussions did eventually grab hold and helped to alleviate the situation.
My suggestion to parents is to start having philosophical conversations at an early age and bring children into a discussion of outcomes and fair consequences. Even a 5 year old can consider ethical and social issues. For instance, you might ask a youngster a question like, “ What should you do if you find a dollar in the driveway of your neighbor’s house? Do you keep it or return it?”
When the child in a bit older the subject of bullying might be introduced by inquiring, “What roll should a bystander take who observes a friend being bullied?” The conversations will most likely lead to talk of how the bullied person might feel and what would lead a person to becoming a bully. When my youngest child was being heckled because of his short stature, he and my husband spent hours thinking up and practicing quick retorts. By demonstrating that he was not embarrassed or put off by the bully, my son eventually put an end to the unwanted situation. The exercise also taught him to accept himself as a short person and not let it affect his life.
Young women love to talk about around body and facial adornment. It can be fun to debate cultural applications of makeup and tattoos applied in tribal communities, by prostitutes or actors, and by various socio-economic groups in local neighborhoods. Fashion certainly can produce a lively exchange of ideas. Because the discussion becomes a sociological lesson rather than a confrontation, the subject becomes mind expanding. Youngsters learn that a choice of lipstick color is often determined by the pressure of friends, a marketing expert or tribal custom, rather than one of free choice.
There are numerous conversations that might evolve from auto-speak. An adult who is knowledgeable about automobiles could discuss cars and how the selection of one model over another says something about the buyer. The economy, ecology, status symbol, safety, driver’s responsibilities, alternative transportation, even the topic of fuel efficiency at various driving speeds can be debated. It is through these types of conversations that children develop value systems.
So . . . parents and grandparents why not have frequent conversations with your children around the subject of freedom. By considering several points of view your child can refine his or her analytical skills. Then as your child ages, permit your youngster to test conclusions, allowing him or her to experience the lows of failure and the highs of success. Parents who are available to insure safety can reassure their child that mistakes are normal. This will go a long way in building their offspring’s self-confidence. It is by examining failures and being encouraged to try again that people grow. In this way parents, grandparents and teachers can help children understand the implications of so called “free choice.”
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