loving art, science and creative kids
6/26/2020 7:06:27 PM
Grazing
A painting of wild horses in eastern Oregon.
Happiness in the Time of COVID
Now that I’m a better writer, I’m reediting my first book “Lives of Museum Junkies.” This week I read the section titled, “The Happiness Business: Playful Learning is Good.” The following two paragraphs are from the chapter.
“What is the secret of life? This question is an easy one for me to answer, happiness, of course. I am not talking about the giddy-happy feeling you might get by winning the lottery but rather a calm-happy, having a general sense of well-being. The Greeks described happiness as the joy we feel moving towards our potential. They saw it as a process and not an end in itself.
“Museum professionals are in the happiness business, parents are in the happiness business, and managing life puts you in the happiness business. In an article in the Huffington Post, Carolyn Gregoire reported on a seventy-five-year-old Harvard study that looked at the secrets to having a fulfilling life. The characteristic people identified as most important to their well-being was love, with happiness a close second. From joy we get a sense of satisfaction that comes from connections and challenges. Without supportive, loving relationships people aren’t, happy. And though they may seem important at the moment, acquiring more money and power doesn’t correlate to greater happiness in the long run either. In terms of achievement, the only thing that matters is that you be content at your work. The more ways you can make connections, the better off you will be. What the study said may seem obvious, but as the article said, ‘It doesn’t make it less true.’
After reading what I wrote, I decided, in was time to practice what I preach and get happy in the time of COVID. I needed to stay connected with nature so out I went and got in my Subaru. Heading west to back country roads I traveled without a destination in mind. It wasn’t long before I passed tilled fields with plants sprouting like soldiers in manicured rows. My spirits rose and I felt my heart quicken.
I came to an abrupt halt before a particularly lush farm planted with nut trees on one side of their driveway and grape vines on the other. Deciding to turn in, a workman stopped his tractor to tell me to say I was at Scholls Valley Lodge, a part of the Vail Family Farm that couples book for weddings. Unfortunately, I was told that five June bookings were canceled because of the virus and the reservations remainder of the summer were bleak. He invited me to tour the grounds that looks out over rolling green hills. I’ll keep the place in mind for the next celebratory occasion.
Across the way was an alpaca farm. I pulled into their parking lot and got out to study about fifty animals in a fenced in meadow. Quite a few were newly born alpacas feeding alongside their moms. They walked on spindly legs and stared at me curiously with their big dark eyes.
A mile away was a horse farm that specialized in breeding mini-horses original brought to the Americas from England. People purchase these gentle animals for pets and for show. The horses are quite strong for their size and can pull a small cart four times their weight, but as with many miniature species, they have health issues caused by selective breeding.
They certainly were different from the wild Mustangs I saw when traveling through the Steen’s Mountain several summers ago. There were no fences to corral the herd as it roamed through vast wilderness tracts set aside for their use. Scientists believe that the ancestors of today's horses evolved in North America 3.5 million years ago. You can see their skeletal remains in the Thomas Condon Paleontology and Visitor Center in the John Day area in Central Oregon. They became extinct at least 11,000 years ago, and it wasn’t until the early sixteenth century that Spanish explorers and missionaries reintroduced horses into the American West. Within a hundred years, wild horses again populated the plains. Modern breeds eventually diluted or replaced most of the Spanish strains. Today BLM manages 17 areas with an estimated 4,682 wild horses and 49 wild burrows roaming near the Steens. They are a site to see.
Oregonians have a beautiful state worthy of exploring. City folk are fortunate to be able to leave their homes and in a half-hour be on open country roads. An afternoon is all that it takes to return home with a light step and a twinkle in your eyes.
What makes you happy? Do share some of the things you are doing during the age of COVID to keep a smile on your face. Add it to my BLOG SITE so others can read what you have to say.
References:
Gregoire,C.(2013) The 75-Year Study that Found the Secrets To a Fulfilling Life. Huffington Post.retrieved from https://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-this-harvard-psycholo_n_3727229
Wild Horses in Oregon. The Oregon Encyclopedia. Project of the Oregon Historical Society. retrieved from https://oregonencyclopedia.org/articles/wild_horses_in_oregon/
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Art is always for sale: contact me at [email protected] to discuss shipping.
Grazing / acrylic on cavas / 52” x 60” / $1300
6/24/2020 3:37:41 PM
Today's walk took me past many doors, no two alike, making me curious about those inside, what they think and how they are doing in a pandemic exacerbated by racial discord. My musings reminded me of Anatole France's saying, "Even a little dog is the center of his own universe." Inside each doorway I imagined a separate universe.
I knocked on the door of an elderly neighbor who came out to say she balanced on an emotional see-saw. She missed seeing her family and berated herself for naively believing that the world was getting better. She thought the United Nations would bring about world peace and that global problems would be solved through dialogue rather than war. I heard the pain in her voice and listened to her choked cry as I stood six feet away behind my mask.
A mother of young children was leaning against her door as I sauntered past. Speaking to her she complained of the difficulty of working from home, juggling childcare and housework while trying to remain\ sane. She’s challenged to keep her rowdy kids occupied when on the computer engaged in research and writing reports. She shouts more often than usual and pushes them away when on calls to important customers? Her five and seven-year-olds don’t understand why she doesn’t want to stop working when they’re ready give a puppet show they put together five minutes earlier.
Behind another door is a furloughed father who is worried about not being able to buy food for his family and of their being evicted from the home they rented. Not used to staying in the house with nothing to do, he watches hours of newscasts and sleeps twelve hours each day, leaving his kids to fend for themselves. His depression is severe but he talks to no one and would not consider contacting a
mental health worker.
For an afternoon’s diversion I rang the bell on the door of my adopted African-American family. They have two children, a five and an eight-year-old. We stayed outside in the sun attempting to maintain social distance while drawing pictures, playing with clay, running on the lawn, and reading books. Staying six feet apart is not easy to do with young ones. The parents are loving immigrants who came to the United States to escape violence and find themselves thrust into it again. Their television is tuned to the protest videos of George Floyd and other racially motivated killings. The eight-year-old is afraid her parents will be injured because of the color of their skin. She does not feel comfortable talk to them about her concerns so she buries her fears inside.
I walked past the door of a couple who married two weeks before the city was sequestered and wondered how they were managing without breaks from each other or being able to visit old friends. Sex is a great diversion, but if your communications skills are not on solid footing sex play can turn sour. I've read that being sequestered has put a wedge between many couples, dissolving relationships before they've matured. It takes courage and fortitude to live with a partner day in and out. There has to be open and honest discussions along with flexibility and the willingness to compromise. Hopefully these newlyweds will work things out. That neither has taken to drinking or drugs is a hopeful sign. Whether there will be a baby nine months from now is another matter.
It is even more difficult for those who live alone. We are social animals who can talk to the walls for just so long. Spending hours on Zoom or connecting on Facebook is not the same as being held in someone's arms or receiving a hug. High rise apartment dwellers find it especially difficult, for though there are people in the same building they often don't know one another. To distance themselves they have to wait a long time for an empty elevator. City dwellers out for a walk are less likely to pass someone they know than those who live in neighborhoods where they regularly greet one another while dog walking, weeding the garden or taking morning hikes.
Down from my home is a door I pass regularly. It opens to the living quarters of an emergency room doctor whose hours were reduced because of Covid-19. He wasn't home long before music and strange sounds started coming from his garage making neighbors curious as to what was going on. Finally a day came when the door flew open and astonished those who thought they new him well. Instead of cars, his garage was filled with tools and welding supplies that in his hands produced a wildly inventive sculpture. Roadrunner now stands in flower boxes guarding his house.
Roadrunner by Rahul Rastogi
My door opens to the same universe I lived in before the pandemic. I exercise daily, write, read, paint and counsel people on the phone and through Zoom. Ray and I still talk, fight, make up and are more grateful than ever that we have each other. I miss going to the gym but will stay away until I feel it is safe. I believe it's more important to be diligent now than before. I'm delighted at the peaceful protests and at seeing young people work for change in a country that dumps misery on the poor. In this energized atmosphere I feel hope, for our youth see solutions with fresh eyes. Through their effort I believe that the world can indeed be changed for the better.
WELCOME HOME
6/13/2020 10:56:52 AM
Offering Hope
The man helps the woman stay dry from rainclouds shedding tears. Their child follows with flowers of hope for justice and sun filled days. She offers the future.
Celebrate Hope
Time never stops. Our lives continue on despite a pandemic, protests, riots, hurricanes, and election politics. We are an inventive people who, under difficult circumstances have found ways to maintain and reenergize old relationships while learning to use our hours productively to fight adversity and injustice. We share, laugh, and cry in harmony with one another.
Being sequestered lets us think about our commonalities. Most of us want to live in a community free of financial worries and concerns about health care. Being isolated made us find ways to connect, mark holidays and celebrate life passages. It also made us aware of economic inequities, health care and racial issues, police brutality and individual rights, to name a few. There are many decision we are going to have to make to set things right. Yet, despite being sad, burdened, and worried much of the time, happiness abounds as we look to the future. We envision a time of change for the better. We celebrate that which is good.
A few days ago, hundreds of children in cars festooned with balloons blowing in the wind and horns beeping wildly crept through winding neighborhood streets to mark the end of the of the school year. Signs were placed in doorways and on lawns to proudly announce that a 2020 graduate lived there. TV tributes, online ceremonies and internet parties are occurring all over the country to honor the accomplishment of thousands of high school and college students. Educated citizens are our hope for the future. ( According to U.S. Census Bureau: Ninety percent of the U.S. population age 25 and older has completed high school. Thirty-four percent of the population has a four year college degree.)
I was invited to a driveway party that occurred over two days to insure social distancing. Guests were lured there with pastries and the opportunity to extend wishes to a birthday boy (late 70s) to let him know he was not forgotten. On walks I watched other celebrants serenaded from decorated cars and witnessed people singing happy birthday outside of apartment building windows. A train of cars stopped by a ninety year old man’s house with honking horns and shouts of well-wishes. Filled with emotion he cried tears of joy. Compassion is the way of the future.
Banners and balloons adorned a yard up the street for a child’s ninth birthday. Friends came on bicycles to pass gifts over her fence. Her mother baked cupcakes and lit candles while distant family members watched on ZOOM as she blew them out. They made sure the youngster knew she was important and recognized by a caring family. Her party was different than the one she expected, though not likely to be forgotten. Over the past months she had to get used to school on a computer, being bored, and not having playdates with friends. The world as she knew it changed rapidly making her grow up more quickly. Holding children close will be a challenge of the future.
Alex, the medical student who lives downstairs will marry this weekend. Her father flew into town to witness the couple’s nuptials along with a handful of friends. The bride’s face glowed all week and she will look lovely in her white wedding dress. Since the party is small, the gift from her family is a month long road trip in a rented RV they will embark on later this summer. What a wonderful way to start their future together.
Through Passover, Easter, Ramadam, Mother’s Day, and recent graduations, celebrations never stopped. Online services reached out to thousands of worshippers. Celebrants, families and friends stayed connected through media outlets that let them sing, tell jokes, share stories and eat ritual foods together. Unable to touch physically, they touched each other’s souls and reminded them that much that is in the future remains with the past.
Saturday was graduation day for Sanna, my fourth granddaughter. Her university conducted a virtual ceremony and the family brought paper, pencils and drinks to a happy hour Zoom celebration to mark the end of four years of study. I thought about what to say as she begins her career, but was at a loss for words. I'm worried. Where will she find a job? How will she support herself through the economic downturn facing a country that’s become rancid and divisive. She is perky, energetic and full of optimism, yet compassionate and feels deeply for those treated unjustly. She and her classmates will face numerous challenges if they wish to combat climate change and create a just and equitable future for all. Yet, what a fascinating time to be alive!
And though we are adapting to today’s reality, being sequestered makes us yearn for physical contact with friends and family. It makes us better able to understand the cruelty of isolation in prisons. Human beings like many in the animal kingdom are not meant to live alone. There’s a reason geese find mates and stay paired for life. Being coupled or residing in a household with other caring individuals provides support through the emotional ups and downs of the time. Of course, when forced to live with an abuser, the outcome can be disastrous and a reason to seek other arrangements.
As Marge Piercy wrote in her poem “The Low Road,”
“Two people can keep each other sane
can give support, conviction,
love, massage, hope, sex.
Three people are a delegation
a cell, a wedge.
With four you can play games
and start a collective.
With six you can rent a whole house
have pie for dinner with no seconds
and make you own music.”
Yes, time never stops and life rolls on. Let us live in a society that shares warmth and good wishes. Give our children bright flowers of hope to carry forward.
6/6/2020 11:18:22 AM
FIRST FIGHT
The couple above are not happy. That was me and my partner twenty-five years ago after our first fight. At the time, I was an inexperienced painter, but the emotion of the moment comes through loud and clear. Somehow, we managed to stay together over twenty-five years, which gives me hope for the nation. Expressing anger is an important part of getting along. It is unreasonable to expect people to share the same house, community or country without disagreements. Couples unwilling to argue, likely have a hidden part bubbling dangerously underneath their exterior show of harmony. The inability to express feelings or beliefs may indicate fear — fear of reprisal, of being harmed or belittled or of not being taken seriously. It may explode in shouting, violence, or as in the current national situation, protests and riots.
As in boxing matches, fighting to communicate is a learned art form. It starts at the family level with members developing non-violent ways to express themselves honestly. A public protest is a sensible way to express opinions affecting people who believe they are not being heard through traditional communication channels. Protests attract the media and reach those who have never considered their viewpoint to engage in meaningful debate.
Fringe elements often join the fray violently to further their political agendas. Their aim is to push legitimate messages aside and get police to respond forcefully. By escalating emotions they cause ordinary citizens to retreat into preconceived notions fanned reinforced through social media. Photos and video clips move the public from from listening to social issues to responding to violence. Extremists divide the nation to further civil unrest, showing power as might equals right. They do not want an equitable society.
Unfortunately, protests also attract a true criminal element, those who destroy property, loot and steal. That group is lawless and should be subject to intervention, but we need to look long and hard at ways to stop generational crime.
Our country is an experiment, founded a belief that all men (and women) are created equal and a hope that we will respect each other. As a child, I pointed the the Statue of Liberty with pride and quoted its sign welcoming “the tired and poor, those yearning to be free.” I also believed in the ten commandments, still do, and take them seriously. All who reside in the U.S., including native people, immigrated to the “new world” and placed on a rich playground with a plethora of multicultural ideals. It brought misunderstanding and conflict but also the dream that a melting pot of races and cultures would make a better society. And, despite conflicts and ugliness plastered in headlines, I still think that way.
Living in harmony requires each of us to want the American experiment to succeed. Rather than knock-outs, it means finding ways to leave parties standing. Allowing for freedom of thought, religion, and expression is not an easy undertaking. It calls for fairness and justice and acting morally in the face of conflict. It provides room to err and to recover and grow from adversity. We can not keep attacking people (or politicians) for mistakes they made twenty to thirty years ago without recognizing that they may have changed.
Fighting fairly starts with being open-minded and not ruled by artificial biases before the contest begins. It requires focusing on the topic under discussion and not on past grievances. For example, at a national level, unrelated items tacked on to bills to garner congressional votes do the country a disservice. They hold the majority hostage, by allowing legislation to pass without discussion and agreement. Cooperation, the goal of winning the fight together rather than winning by competing, is the only way to go. There are ground rules for dealing with emotionally charged issues.
1. Observe without judging. Notice and express information without evaluating in terms of right or wrong. Notice that there is no evaluation, just factual observation, no time for taking cheep shots.
2. Express feelings. Hidden emotions are usually at the heart of failed communication. They often disturb and sabotage communication from within and cannot be addressed and solved because they are not known to your communication partner. Express your emotions in a considerate way, without judgment.
3. Express and clarify needs. Communication requires understanding the needs of the parties. The need to feel safe and not belittled. The need to have the other party give you their undivided attention.
4. Express specific requests based on your feelings and needs. After clarifying your emotions and needs, finish by making a clear request (what specifically does the other person have to do so that you can feel your needs have been met? You would say all of this in an open, honest and fair tone – without any mockery or aggression.
Since George Floyd’s murder, we’ve witness peaceful protests by a large majority of our population, violent actions by a minority holding political extremist beliefs, and seen those who are looters. Peaceful protesters make it easy to understand their pain, absorb their feelings, to hear requests to eliminate choke holds, to demilitarize the police, eliminate racial profiling, and to improve the economic situation for those at the bottom of the pyramid.
When issues like these come to the forefront, after fair analysis, in a democracy, we vote our way forward. Though the outcome may not be what an individual wants, it will benefit the majority based on the information at hand. Allowing everyone to vote and express his or herself, makes for a thriving people able to live in harmony, even among those with whom we disagree.
References:
Sepi, A, (2014) The 4 Steps of Nonviolent Communication. Intercultural Communication Solution. retrieved from NONVIOLENT
Brenner MD, G. (2018) The 4 Keys to Fighting Fair. Psychology Today. retrieved from FAIRFIGHT
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Art is always for sale. Contact me at [email protected] ro discuss shipping.
First Fight - 35” x 25” / Acrylic on Canvas framed / $325
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